Friday, June 07, 2013

Let's Catch Drew Up To Speed...

SUPERSTAR
Hey, everybody, Drewser is back! His one week exile from the commenting community is now over and he can officially go back to being Prime’s bitch. He’ll probably also get knocked up by DeMarcus Cousins. Anyway, since he has not been able to address us this week (and good for you for not commenting under an alias…I would have TOTES cheated), I figured that we could do some follow-ups on previously written posts as I have new opinions on things. Yes, it is time for one of this site’s finest and most beloved staples: BULLET POINTS OF DOOM COVERING NUMEROUS TOPICS!!!

*First of all… - We have 4 of the 5 posts submitted for an upcoming guest post week. Guess who we’re waiting on? I’ll give you a hint: it rhymes with “faggot”. If you said “BradyCakes” then you win!

*Gordon Says Goodnight – OK, so we all know that my harsh criticism from Monday was the final straw for Ohio before they fired Gordon Gee. We know what happened. We’re not going to get into that again unless you want to keep congratulating me for taking out the trash. I knew that the fallout would be incredibly sappy and short-sighted on social media but it still angered up the blood anyway. Look, turd suckers, an old man retired and gets all of his benefits and pension and pretty much is going to do the EXACT SAME SHIT that he had been doing for the university. He isn’t dead. Stop acting like he died for all of Ohio’s sins. His life isn’t going to change one damn bit because he can still do everything that he loved doing now without worrying about being censored. All that is gone is the title. And there is nothing wrong with him having been removed from his position. The PC police didn’t “win” as many idiots suggest. This was a culmination of many stupid remarks that are indefensible for someone in that position. He’s going to be fine and so will you (I’m looking at Strut and Victor). Get over it. DEAL WITH IT.

*Spurs, bitch – This has been the popular comment end for all of Ape’s contributions over the past few weeks. Hopefully this is a good series (and an entertaining game 1). I don’t think that San Antonio will win but I’ll still be pulling for them hard since, you know, fuck Whine or Wheelchair. What pisses me off is that these games are starting after 9pm. Bro, fuck the West Coast. Start these fucking games earlier already. Grumpy and I need to get to bed (not with each other—I can’t stress that enough).

*Donovan McNabb still sucks – Pukey McGee came out of the closet last week claiming that RG3 was too overextended off of the field and that it was a detriment to him and his career. Ironically, Mr. Ace worried if this would be an issue after Bobby G was drafted last year. What is the point of this? These two people are imbeciles and are definitely fucking each other’s crusty anuses. Chunky Soup is used as lube. I stopped caring about McNabb’s opinion when the coaching staff couldn’t trust his lard ass to run a 2 minute drill and benched him in favor of The Sex Cannon. It’s kind of like how I fired Ape and replaced him with Iceman AKA The Butt Sex BB Gun.

*Goodbye 90’s Nostalgia – Rumor has it that the Toronto Raptors are considering a new nickname as Raptors is stupid unless you still can’t get enough of Newman being eaten off the toilet. I’m all for this. While they’re at it, they can also wipe Vince Carter and Chris Bosh out of their record books. Remember when Hakeem Olajuwon ended his career in Toronto? So sad. He deserved better than that. If you want my replacement name for “Raptors” and since Toronto is susceptible to what is hot in Hollywood, I think that the only acceptable name is The Toronto Unsullied. Yes, all players would have to be castrated.

*RIP Hill & Schlereth – Damn! Mike Hill has been let go by ESPN. Now who will “yo yo yo” with Stink for three hours every night? Thus ends the brief run of possibly the worst sports talk radio show in the history of the world.

*Does this make A-Rod more likeable? – This Biogenesis story is dumb and way overblown because it is just wishful thinking by C. Montgomery Selig in his petty attempt to nail Braun and Rodriguez. Now there is word leaking that the main reason why this Bosch guy (not Brennan, I’m told) went to MLB is because A-Rod refused to pay him hush money. Look, Drew is going to try to say differently but I don’t give a shit about A-Rod anymore. I used to but the team clearly doesn’t need him and if they can somehow get out of his contract (which I keep hearing that they can’t) then I would be all for it. But good for fucking him for not taking the bait and paying off this scumbag in return for silence. We do not negotiate with terrorists. But then again, he shouldn’t be associating with these kinds of people anyway. He’s a very dumb person. Just as a reminder, MLB wants to suspend some of these guys for 100 games based on the testimony and “evidence” provided by a guy who is shitty at the art of the blackmail. Good luck with that, Bud.

That is going to do it for this week. We’ve got the big DRAGONS FINALE on Sunday night to look forward to which will be feverishly recapped by Ide on Monday. I wouldn’t get your hopes up though since GoT’s penultimate episode of the season is always better than the actual finale. By the way, I received an email last week from someone interested in advertising here for a website that sells “designer men’s underwear”. They know us all very well. I hope that they agree to do business with me because I’ve been looking to improve the quality of my skid marks. I’m going to end on that joke. That one was a keeper.

47 comments:

Anonymous said...

Goooooooooooooooooooooood Morning Money Shotters!!!!!!

I am back bitches! LOLZ! LOLZ!

Where to begin? So much catching up to do...

First off....LOLZ @ Iceman for trying to call me a bitch for not getting on twitter with him and Prime after Game 7. Do you realize that game finished at 11:30? The last fucking thing on my agenda was to go on twitter and discuss the game at that time with you two...especially one that lives in the Pacific time zone. I work at 7 and I was agitated....time to try to sleep you dumb shit. That type of idiotic reasoning made me think you might even be slower than Slow Seal.....speaking of which....

Did Slow Seal even post over the last week? I wasn't paying hte best attention, but I don't remember his opinion on anything. What a terrible poster. On the subject of people that should post less to keep from sounding so Slow...

J-Saul....oh my goodness you are an idiot. I LOLZ all over your posts. I think it was Day 2 of my loss of posting privileges and you basically said I was an idiot for not breaking the bet because nobody could stop me from doing it. LOL WUT? Do you know how losing bets works? Do you have no honor? If anybody didn't already know....it is OBVZ that you will never get paid if you win a bet against JSaul. The last person that Jsaul probably paid a bet debt to was cheap ass Ape. There is no way Ape is letting someone off the hook for a bet. Those Tuesday night fake beef dollar sliders don't pay for themselves. Shitty beef sliders reminds me of....


The shitty #Windians. Terrible baseball team for terrible fans. Cakes and Damman...did you know the Indians have the worst attendance in all of baseball? Worse than Miami. I can't even put in words what that makes your nightly Tweeting Twinkies game talk sessions. There are probably two die-hard Maryland Lady Terps fans that tweet each other during each game that shake their heads at you two. While we're talking about terrible topics...

Boy, did I miss out on commenting on such subjects as flopping, Fantasy tight ends and game shows.....LOLZ! Thanks G$!

Another subject...how did anyone not piece together the TRUF of the Iceman situation? It's OBVZ that he volunteered to coach little cunt softball because he wants to fuck Teri just like the coach that he oh so not coincidentally despises. Don't cheat on WHEELZ ya dumb fuck. Coaching little cunt softball to get pussy is pathetic. The opposite of a 12 year old girl is a 90 year old man...

Grumpy...you knew from the beginning what a loss of my posting strength was to this blog and you made it clear you were not happy. Kudos to you sir...you are a smart smart man.

Guess Who's Back? Back Again? The LOLZ are Back...tell a friend!

Iceman....I'm gonna be up your way this weekend for my brother's wedding in Perrysburg. Come smell my dick.

Mr. Ace said...

Drew is the worst, but he is our worst.

Spurs, bitches.

Grumpy said...

Can't top that. Won't even try.

The Iceman said...

A Fuckeye fan lecturing someone about honor. That's about the most hilariously ironic thing ever written.

The best part about Drew whining about having to be up so early is that if the Red Wings would have won that fucker would have been tweeting until 2AM. But because Drew's a bitch he shut it down at 10 and refused to take his lumps like a man.

GMoney said...

That was a strong take. WAR Perrysburg wedding and dick smelling. RACK HIM!

Great basketball game last night. The entire existence of Chris Bosh is absolutely hilarious. The guy has pretty much decided to become Vladimir Radmanovich. BIG THREE! Shame on any of you that didn't get up and yell OH SHIT or some other expletive when Parker made that runner to ICE THE GAME BRAH. I kind of like rooting for the Spurs. They're a fun team and a funny team when you watch Matt Boner try to play.

Go Blackhawks! ONE MORE! Great night of sports watching for this stallion of the internet.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure Grumpy knows what Drew's dick smells like.

Seal

The Iceman said...

Drew in Toledo this weekend? I've never been more happy to have out of town plans. I'm sure Drew ruins a city in the same manner in which he ruins a blog.

I can see why a lot of people dislike Bosh. He's a real penis out there most times. It's pretty pathetic when a 6'8" guy triples your rebounding output when you're 6'11". And why do announcers keep insisting Bosh can hit that shot when he cranks up ill advised 3's? I would guess he's no better than a 35% 3 point shooter. Which is awful.

GMoney said...

It's good to have the family back together, isn't it? Designer underwear for everyone!

GMoney said...

Ice, the best part is when every single announcer says something like "Bosh can make that shot but (opposing coach) has no problem with him taking it". In other words, he's making the other team's job easier because he's afraid to bang in the paint. DUDE SUX.

Anonymous said...

Drew, I am well aware of the Tribe's attendance issues but I choose not to brag about them because, you know, it's fucking embarrassing. We just need to have more dollar dog nights! We can pack 30,000 in there on those nights. Clevelanders love their hot dogs!

The losing will stop this weekend in Detroit! I just hope we get to face that bum Verlander. That will help our chances tremendously.

-Damman

Prime99 said...

Blackhawks, son!

Days later, Robert Flores of ESPN created #ReggieBushPredictions which I'm certain he copied #predictionsdrewmade. Both are pretty much the same, involve Detroit, and are damn funny- though ours was first.

GMoney said...

Damman, you will see him tonight as America gets Jut/Ubaldo Part 3. A matchup that we have been dying to see over and over again!

How sad is it that the Tigers are 3-6 in their last 9 and have gained ground on the Losedians (4-12 in their last 16). AL Central baseball: it is the worst!

The Iceman said...

Ever since Indians fans let their guard down and started believing in a shit team that's clearly going nowhere, the Losedians have been turds. It's always awesome when Indians fans Jamm themselves.

Anonymous said...

Welcome back Drew, go fuck yourself.

Tremendous basketball game last night. That frog can play. The twitter exchange between Eva Longoria and Dick Vitale last night was just terrific.

Small complaint. Play Game 2 on fucking Saturday. G$ touched on it, but a 9pm game is way too late. I'm up by 6am prompt, and could barely open my eyes from staying up late and watching it. Now I have to watch game 2 on Sunday night starting by the second half, because Thrones will be better, regardless.

Ide

Jeff said...

Welcome back DREWSER! Spitting fire per usual. Wouldn't have it any other way.

AL central baseball is the WORST.

Bosh is LOLS. If he is outside the 3 point arc at any point in game 2 Spols needs to be gone and Riles should coach when they goto SA.

Gottleib and Schlereth. Bringing you the white man's perspective. Now that would be a can't miss radio show.

Anonymous said...

AL central the worst? False. Obvz they're the best since they won the American League last year after sweeping the class of the AL East.

Drew came back strong today. That was a commenter of the year-like post.

I'm offended that I wasn't invited to the guest post week. Are my 3 posts a month not good enough anymore!?

Verlander PWNED the #windians last start, so I'm not sure why they're begging for more. I don't see why he wouldn't do it again. Windians will probably be nervous tonight playing in front of actual fans. It's kind of like teeing off the first whole when there's an audience. It never ends well (for most).

Dut

Anonymous said...

I have payed every money bet I have ever made. Because money matters, internet blogging pride doth not.

GREAT commentary on the buckeye obituary on facebook and the like. What a bunch of morons. They created a gay pride like symbol to say thank you with a little bow tie placed in ever so cutely. What a bunch of fucking idiots. He's the president of a money hungry university that sends you mail telling you that its your moral obligation to donate back to your school (Will it blow Drews mind to know that I went to OSU and am a HUGE Michigan fan?). OSU fans have so little to care about in their lives that they take a great deal of pride in their university's president.

Skidmark is a very underatted slam. Much better than the more used "Shit stain".

- J Saul

Jeff said...

Dut,

Hole as in Glory Hole. Not whole as in whole penis in your ass not just the tip.

Anonymous said...

http://espn.go.com/mlb/story/_/id/9352009/chris-perez-cleveland-indians-charged-pot-possession

Chris Perez busted for pot possession.

-Lil' Strut

Brady said...

Counting out the Windians after two bad weeks is just as bad as jumping on the bandwagon after a good month. The season is SIX MONTHS LONG! We have played awful and are still only 2 games out. The windians will be back.

The AL Central is the worst and I don't give a fuck. Backing in to the playoffs still counts as getting into the playoffs. Just got to get there, SON!

My guest post is in the mail, G$. Just kidding. I haven't even started it. I'm a horrible human being. You will have it by the end of the weekend. If you want to scold me in person, I will be in Columbus Saturday night.

Anonymous said...

I blame autocorrect. I ain't that stoopid.

Jsaul- Gordon gee is a university issue.. Not an athletics one. Stop the hate. I'm sure you're wearing one of your 10 OSU shirts as we speak.

Dut

GMoney said...

The Royals, White Sox, Twins, and Indians are all terrible thus the Central is the worst. But who am I to belittle a boy who takes pride in his baseball division. He probably roots for Michigan to represent the conference well. How do I know that the Indians are terrible despite what I see with my eyes? Their closer would rather deal drugs than save games. The FBI (or whoever) took time out of their busy schedule of shutting down Napoleon area Mexican restaurants to nail this hubcap thief. Good work, America!

JSaul, don't use "payed" any more. The FACT that you used that told everyone where you went to school.

I hope that Thrones crushes Game 2 in the ratings even though it won't. The best part is that Wade can't play any better (and won't) and it still wasn't enough. Fuck that guy.

GMoney said...

Gordon gee is a university issue.. Not an athletics one.--DUMBEST THING EVER WRITTEN HERE.

Cakes, I will be in Grumpy's neck of the woods Saturday for a little ten year college reunion at my buddy's house. I will not be contacting the old man. I will be listening to mass quantities of Big Tymers tracks.

Anonymous said...

Yeah that comment didnt make much sense. I probably should have provided more context. My point was that Jsaul is attempting to distance himself from Gordon gee/osu alums because he is a Michigan fan. As much as he doesn't want to say it, he is still a BUCKEYE.

Dut

Anonymous said...

How does it effect athletics, precisely? We won a championship under Darth Holbrook, and our athletics didn't miss a beat when Gee took over. We already have the nicest equipment/facilities/amenities in the nation when it comes to providing for athletes, so I fail to see what a new president will do to hinder our athletics program.

Granted, Holbrook taking away 12-0 ROW being shut down was fucking stupid and a YUGE slap in the face to fans/students/alcoholics, but our recruiting certainly wasn't affected. Unless the new president comes in with promises of slashing the budget of our billion dollar cash cow and forcing Urban into a pay cut, I'm willing to bet OSU athletics will continue on.

I think it was Prime who said that the only president of a university he knew was Gee. If it were such a big deal for athletics, I'd bet more people would know who the presidents were.

All he did was piss off other schools (and testy Catholics). I'm sure whatever SEC team we see in a bowl will use Gee's comments as the primary fuel for the fire....

LOL at his comments on the Polish. I didn't even know he made those, but making fun of Polocks is NEVER out of style.

Ide

GMoney said...

When you're firing off unwarranted attacks about other school's athletic departments constantly then that sort of is entirely an athletics issue.

Let's put it this way...the Marks May and Charles's Barkley of the world aren't going to all of a sudden start respecting the teams because of this. The trolling is going to get way worse which will only piss you off more which will obviously lead to more defense mechanisms which will get us back to the beginning with everyone always laughing at you and taking pride in your failures. The cycle just got worse.

Anonymous said...

Verlander in his last start vs Indians:

5 IP
5 runs
10 hits
1 weasled win

Straight dominance right there. Are you trying to be this stupid, Dut?

-Damman

Anonymous said...

It is 2013, do you not have a dvr?

GMoney said...

^^^Now THAT is the dumbest comment of the day. Who DVRs live games and watches them the morning after? Idiotic anonymous commenters, THAT'S WHO!

Anonymous said...

Dut has now passed Drew for biggest idiot poster on this site.

Seal

Brady said...

I think Gordon Gee is hilarious but his "retirement" is barely a blip on the radar. I fail to see any negative effects this will have on the athletic department.

Can't wait to see the Indians knock the shit out of Verlander again. At this point, I would much rather see him than Scherzer.

GMoney said...

REST IN PEACE, CHARLIE COLES! So sad. One of the most entertaining guys of all time. Tomorrow's 10 year reunion get together will now be me drowning my sorrows.

Anonymous said...

The most important part of verlander's stats that you posted is that he got the WIN. PWNED! Hope you enjoy playing at dad's tonight and this weekend.

Dut

Anonymous said...

You can watch the game in less than 90 minutes & still be in bed before 11:30. I live in the western time zone, dvring sporting events is a must on certain occasions

Buke

GMoney said...

I live in constant fear of spoilers. My stupid wife always yells at for staying up so late watching Mad Men or whatever but I have no other choice. One, shut the fuck up, wife, I've been dealing with sleep patterns for 32 years. Two, if I don't watch it that night someone will ruin it the next day.

Your DVR solution to Ide doesn't solve any of his problems. The problem is when it ends. Even fast forwarding through all the garbage will keep you up until midnight. You have a West Coast DVR bias!!!

Anonymous said...

Well, I fully intend on doing what I plan on doing. Watching Game of Thrones, possibly Veep, then changing over to watch the end of the game. I don't need to DVR a game that I have marginal interest in.

DVR'ing sports is the worst. I'd rather watch it live from the point I catch it, then see the highlights later.

Typically after an exciting game, such as last night, it is hard to go to bed immediately. I need at least a good 30-45 minutes to get the excitement/disappointment out of my system.

Ide

Ace said...

Agreed on the late start. I am dragging ass today. I did manage to take a brief nap in the filing room, though. #workethic

Brady said...

Sleeping at work is amazing. I've only done it a few times but it's always a great refresher!

DVR'ing sports is impossible for me. Twitter ALWAYS ruins it. Even during Browns games, I can't even be ten minutes behind. Some troll will always be "WEEDEN JUST GOT FUMBLE-SACKED LULZ". It really ruins that 3 and out that I'm trying to watch.

GMoney said...

Also, I won't even flip one of these Finals games on until halftime at the earliest. There is no reason for me to watch the first half of a game featuring Mike Miller's face.

Grumpy said...

G$, you can't be that dumb. DVR GOT and watch the game live.

You're going to be in town and not contact me? I'll remember that.

GMoney said...

I don't think that Loveland is near you (then again, I'm saying this having absolutely NO IDEA where you live in the tri-state area).

Again, that is stupid. Sunday's game starts at 8. It will end a little before 11. Then I will need to watch GoT, Veep, and Mad Men before going to bed in order to not have to avoid the internet the next day. I am not going to bed at 2 am. Basketball is getting the shaft unless it is close in the fourth quarter. I'm not sure if that is your argument anyway, but I always DVR them like a good boy.

The point that Ide and I are trying to make here is that there is NOTHING on TV Saturday night while Sundays are the only good nights left at this time of the year. And I will not sacrifice that for Mike Miller's hillbilly face.

Anonymous said...

DVR the season finale of Game of Thrones? What an absurd idea. That is the dumbest thing said here all day. I have been chomping at the bit to see them do what needs to be done with 'tidying up' the Red Wedding. Not watch heavily tattooed child rapists and black people saunter up and down a hard wood floor without chains.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Ide-Of course the thrones will be better than the finals, but you said now I HAVE to start watching in the 2nd half. I was simply giving you an alternative if you were interested in watching the whole game. Hoyt this.

Buke

Anonymous said...

Glad everyone seemed to enjoy me laying down my boom stick today.

Is Toledo in some weird time zone? I have no idea how Game 7 ended at 10 for Iceman? He is so dumb....fo real. LOLZ!

Charlie Coles was hung like Lexington Steele.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

People actually watch the first 3 quarters of an NBA game?

Seal

Anonymous said...

I just realized that Iceman used a Jeremy Jamm reference. Credit is due.

Ide

GMoney said...

DELAYED JAMM ON IDE!