Friday, June 21, 2013

Day 3 of OVERRATED "Week": Baseball

The definition of "art"
Well, bros, we have reached the end of OVERRATED Week here. And what a week it has been! Nothing brings me greater joy than my dumbest commenters questioning my opinions while failing to understand what being OVERRATED means. For the record, it does not mean that one blows or sucks, just that they aren’t as good as they are perceived to be. I feel as though we should all know that by now. Since we are concluding the week on the diamond, hopefully it will prevent our handicapped audience from assuming that I am trolling the Ohio Buckeyes. I am not. I never was. You’re an idiot.

I think that this is my best one yet as I am most proud of these rankings than the other two (which were very ELITE anyway). But before we get into today’s top ten, I just want to LOL at myself for a second. Before the season, I picked the Dodgers and Angels to make the World Series. This might be the worst thing written here since GSaul told everyone to watch out for Danario Alexander in his college football preview even though Alexander was already playing in the NFL. He was probably thinking about Derec Alexander (always a welcomed reference here; if you don’t know what this means feel free to google it!). Players from those two teams will definitely be included today. I might as well have picked a Nippon Ham Fighters/Cubs World Series. That is just as likely to happen. Here are my 10 most OVERRATED players in MLB:

10. Mike Moustakas/Eric Hosmer – Does everyone remember how the Royals farm system was stocked with uber-ELITE talent and how they were going to be some sort of dominant force with all of their homegrown prospects? Yeah, they suck. It’s why, as a fan, you should never get attached to minor leaguers because even the most heralded don’t pan out. If you can flip them for anyone but Ubaldo Jiminez, you should almost always do it. LOL Indians.

9. Joe Mauer – The Twins were stuck when his contract was about to run out. They couldn’t let him walk because it would have destroyed their chances of selling seats at their new stadium. The price tag was gargantuan for a gap hitter and a catcher (and thus someone who won’t be able to play every day). And he is a hometown hero. Now he’s making 20 million a year until 2155, sitting out months at a time for bilateral leg weakness, and is roping singles like they’re going out of style. He should probably be ranked in the top three actually.

8. Jacoby Ellsbury – This is probably just sour grapes on my part since he is underachieving for me this year but WHAT DOES HE DO!!! His Navajo heritage is probably trying to get my football team to change its name so fuck him.

7. Ryan Howard/Chase Utley/Jimmy Rollins – These guys are all broken down shells of what they used to be which is odd because they aren’t that old. One of these guys is always on the DL it seems. I couldn’t differentiate between the three because they’re all wildly “meh” these days so I lumped them together into one cup of pig jizz. And I will always hate Utley until he has that catch with Mac.

6. Josh Hamilton – He should probably be higher on the list as well but I don’t need a crack addict being mad at me. I’ll chalk his horrendous 2013 season up to trying to do too much to justify his contract. It happens with a lot of guys. He’ll figure it out…at least I think that he will. And if you drafted him this year, you’re an idiot because you should have seen this coming.

5. Ryan Zimmerman – Have you seen some of the throws that this guy launches around the infield recently? They are LOL. He’s like a modern day version of Chuck Knoblauch. When you combine crappy defense with below average batting and run-producing (from what everyone expects a corner infielder and hot prospect), that is a nice recipe for OVERRATED.

4. Matt Holliday – I’ve never liked this guy. I never will. He swings the bat weird. The stats don’t really back up where he is ranked but I don’t care about that. Holliday is ass. I would like to say that Yadier Molina is ridiculously underrated even though everyone can’t stop saying how underrated he is. What he does with that staff while still hitting well over .300 is fucking amazing. He also started a massive brawl with Brandon Phillips that was very funny.

3. Everyone on the Dodgers not named Kershaw or Puig – Besides those two ELITE players, the rest of them suck. I’m including Matt KEMPH, too. Way to capitalize on that great 2012 season by having a 2013 season of Brad Hawpe-like production.

2. Cole Hamels – Much like Holliday, I’ve never bought into the Hamels hype. He’s had one really good season, a few average ones, and a few other terrible seasons (like this year). I have no idea why the Phillies gave him 100+ million this past winter. I would have let him walk and watch him go 2-10 on someone else’s team. He would have been a perfect Blue Jay or Dodger.

1a. Tom Hamilton - The worst in the business and the #1 reason why people don't care about the game anymore.

1. Mark Teixeira – Hey! Look at me, not being a homer again! In my personal opinion, this is the worst contract in all of professional sports. Yes, even worse than A-Rods. Outside of “good defense at a position in which you don’t really need it”, Teix does nothing well. He is an average at best power hitter with below average actual hitting skills. He is slow. He is a dork. He never gets a hit with guys on base. I can’t wait to be done with this horrible contract. Say what you want to about A-Rod, but he was the main reason why I was able to celebrate in 2009. Teix hit about .175 in that postseason which might have been a career playoff high for him. Teix sux. He is the most overpaid player in the history of baseball not named Pavano.

It takes balls to include 36 guys in a top ten list, SON!  I didn’t even include a Tiger or an Indian today. That might be the biggest upset ever since Jut Verlander is fucking shit. That will do it for OVERRATED Week here. As usual, discuss whatever you want in the comments. Hopefully, the Spurs shocked the world last night. God, that would be great. But I doubt it. As a reminder, we’ve got guest posts lined up for the first three days next week (I’ll hold off on one of Drew’s until a later date—probably the Monday after July 4th). We’ll start with Ide’s since he turned it in about six minutes after I asked if he wanted to write one. He is the anti-Cakes. And, as always, this site remains underrated.


Mr. Ace said...

Spurs, bitches....I don't want to talk about it.

GMoney said...

Line of the night from reader Ward:

"Hey Heat fans, when does Cowboys training camp start?"

That. Is. Terrific.

Manu Ginobili is a rotten basketball player. Good game, not great. Kawhi is a stud. Danny Green is a dud. Mario Chalmers banked in a three and Shane Battier made 6 of them. Terrible.

Anonymous said...

I felt bad for the Spurs, and Duncan. However, anyone who continues to play Ginobili at the pace that he was played gets what they deserve.

That Cowboys training camp line is just phenomenal and I can GUARANSHEED that I steal it.

None of those players start for my amazing fantasy baseball team, so I'll assume you're right on that.

Is Nick Swisher OVERRATED? He is definitely an asshole, but I haven't seen Baseball Tonight in over 5 years, so I don't know what they're saying about him.


Anonymous said...


Where G$ has failed miserably, one of my friends has succeeded. Nick Uhas from Hilliard, Ohio will be on Big Brother next season. His brother was my brothers best friend and we picked on this little shit endlessly. I might actually watch this show for once.


GMoney said...

Nice! A local brah! Big Bro 15 starts next Wednesday as a nice pregame snack for the NBA Draft.

Swish is overpaid but not OVERRATED. He's been around long enough that we all know what he does and who he is. Except for Tito who continues to force him into the lineup and on the field where he doesn't belong.

You have Ryan Howard. I traded him to you. There is one of these guys on your team and that is a FACT.

Anonymous said...

Small world, Ide - my roommate freshman year at Kentucky was Adam Uhas, who is related to Nick going on BB. I havent figured out how they are related yet (I havent talked to Adam yet) but he keeps posting stuff on facebook about him, so they obviously are brothers or cousins or something.


Anonymous said...

You know what's overrated.... This LBJ - MJ comparison. Also congrats to Larry on coming up with the line of the year so far.


Anonymous said...

Adam is Nick's older brother. Adam was my brothers best friends growing up, and hung out at our house every fucking day. I saw Adam not too long ago, actually. Holy fuck, the stories I could tell...

Small world indeed.

Ryan Howard doesn't start for my team, and probably never will. I've made all of 4 acquisitions, with another one pending. I draft championship caliber teams with zero knowledge of what I'm doing. I am a God.


Anonymous said...

Yeah, Adam is fucking nuts. Dude has the biggest problem pissing in randcom places when he was black out drunk. For example, his laundry basket full of clothes, dorm stairwell, on our RA's door, in a drawer on his computer desk...

As you can see I have some incredible stories involving him as well.

Im pretty sure the only reason he passed any classes at UK was becuase of a girl he was banging that we called 4B's. Big Bush Bad Breath. She pretty much did all his work for him and let him cheat off of her on tests.

So if Nick is anything like Adam, he should make the show fun to watch this season.


The Iceman said...

Reason #5,932 you should be on Twitter, G$. From Jack Kogod last night:

Miami fans don't really care. That's the cocaine cheering.

Twitter is littered with these gems, man.

The way Leyland is handling this Valverde situation is absolutely tremendous. I've never seen an organization give so much wiggle room to someone who is probably one of the top 5 worst closers in the history of baseball (accurate?). Even with Benoit closing he STILL refuses to say he's given up on Valverde closing. So good.

Ginobili looked like he was throwing that game in the last 1:30 last night. That game ruled for a couple different reasons. I will list them here for StanGina since he loves lists so much:

We can go back to not caring about Danny Green. Just because a guy shoots 60% from the field for a series doesn't mean we should ignore his entire body of work while blowing him. He was not good for most of the season and has been below terrible his entire career.

I'm using this as retribution for the title the Spurs stole from the Pistons back in '05. Fuckin Gay Shot Bob...

Mike Breen sounded like he was about to explode in his shorts last night. I've never heard an announcer ejaculate more than Breen did in that 4th quarter.

Ginobili doesn't flop his way into another title. Seriously...he has to be one of the most hated players in the league. Only Spurs fans would love this guy and even that is a stretch.

Most importantly...Tracy McGrady remains title-less. This situation warms my heart like nothing else. McGrady has to be one of my most hated affletes in ANY sport. He probably thought there was no way he wouldn't win a ring while hopping on to that Spurs team last minute. AND throughout all this he's forced to watch Juwan Howard collect his 2nd ring. Outstanding. Go kill yourself.

The Iceman said...

"4B's. Big Bush Bad Breath."

I want to high five you so bad right now.

GMoney said...

Any friend of Ide and Seal's is enemy of America.

Mark Teixeira still blows.

GMoney said...

Tracy McGrady lost again but at what cost? Now Rashard Lewis (previous owner of the worst contract ever...way worse than Joe Johnson's) piggybacked a garbage ring.

Anonymous said...

Enemy of America? Probably, but he has been to jail/court so many times, I feel that the system has broken even.

My fondest memory of Adam that didn't involve a laundry list of narcotics and law breaking is when we were at a pet store and these insanely hot girls come in. We, of course, had no shot, but nevertheless, Adam looks over at us and says, "play it cool guys". As he is turning his head to say that, he walks straight into the parakeet cage causing a the biggest scene that place has ever witnessed.

Also the time my brother and their mutual buddy (they were the three drugged out musketeers) were trusted with his parents ATM card to go get beer money while they were out of town. They took out $500 and gave him 40.

He is by all standards the black sheep of the family. Nick is the shining star who went to states in wrestling, got full rides to any school and had dashing good looks. And is now on tv. If memory serves, Adam's parents neglected to wish him happy birthday multiple times.

He also knocked up the girl we all took turns banging. Our response: haha. They are currently embroiled in a heated court battle. Young love, amirite?


Anonymous said...

I remember G$ making mocking me for picking up Puig in fantasy. It's not so funny now.

Ide's luck in fantasy baseball is truly amazing.

One of the new twists in Big Bro is 3 nominees for eviction every week. Should be interesting. That guy from Hilliard has big shoes to fill when it comes to guys from Columbus. Rye Bread was an ELITE competitor.

Couldn't agree more on Cole Hammels. He fucking sucks. Never understood the love for him.


Ace said...

I didn't like seeing Ginobili out there that much last night....but who the fuck else were we going to run out there at that point? It's him, Green, or Neal...or Patty Mills. Diaw, Leonard, Duncan, Parker, Ginobili should have been our lineup the majority of the night. Everytime momentum swung in our favor we gave it right back with a terrible possession. FUCK THAT. And fuck Ray Allen one more time.

LBJ was FUCKING TRANSCENDENT though. That anti-clutch shit is dead.

Anybody that runs in the Ide/Seal circle is obvs a degenerate...and probably someone who should be invited to the next Money Shot event.

Anonymous said...

This guy couldnt be far enough OUTSIDE my circle - I like to have a good time and all, but partying to this guy is a fucking line of coke every 15 minutes. No thanks.

LOLZ at Bosh - 0 points.

Leonard is a fucking stud, I want that guy on the Cavs.


The Iceman said...

Rashard Lewis winning a ring is way less devastating than McTitties winning one.

One positive that came out of this series, Ace. It appears Leonard is on his way to becoming a legit superstar in the NBA. Dude is goooooood.

Mr. Ace said...

I like Leonard, and all the potential is there. But it's all about attitude for him. He has to get some Kobe in him and become a killer. He was way too passive on O most of this series. Kind of reminds me of GR3 for Michigan. Gets a lot of points of second chances when he has the ability to create on his own. All the tools are there.Spurs raped the Pacers with that trade.

GMoney said...

Yes, I was incorrect about Puig when you nabbed him off the wire. But on the same day you also picked up some scrub pitcher for the Pirates who immediately went on the DL so I feel vindicated.

Triple threat matches on Big Bro this summer? Man, Psycho Sid's son picked the wrong season.

I would love for Pop (who was surprisingly cordial and gregarious when congratulating the Heat last night) to explain why Parker was on the bench on that TRANSCENDENT Ginobili god awful turnover. Why are you running your offense through a guy who has been horrendous for 90% of the series???

You're right and all the haters need to check themselves: LeBron can not be stopped. You should hate the Heat. You should not say dumb stuff like LeBron is OVERRATED or whatever. He is incredible and VISCERAL.

Chris Bosh scored 0 points to go along with 5 fouls in a game 7. He made over 15 million dollars this year.

GMoney said...

Kawhi may not become a superstar but he is definitely a star. You're right about him being more aggressive which is the only thing holding him back. 21 years old and dropping 19/16 on the road in a game 7. That is BANANAS.

By the way, that draft 2 years ago that was rumored to be the worst ever produced a pretty damn solid starting 5 of: Kyrie, Klay Thompson, Kawhi, Kenny Faried, and either Tristan/Jonas/Anus Kanter. That's a solid team right meow.

Anonymous said...

"This guy couldnt be far enough OUTSIDE my circle - I like to have a good time and all, but partying to this guy is a fucking line of coke every 15 minutes. No thanks."

Then I can reveal this great information.

So he badgers me to hang out with him a couple years back, and after a couple weeks of blowing him off I agree. He promptly gets blacked out at happy hour and proceeds to have me pay for the rest of his drinks. At the time, he is a pharmacist for some private company making ELITE money (so he says). And he has a pretty sweet place right on Goodale Park. All is well.

Four months later, he is evicted on the grounds of stalking his hot neighbor. He got fired from his job for getting into a fist fight with an Arab. He was arrested for fighting his babies mommas new boyfriend who is a Time Warner repairman, and his parents won't help him out. He later wound up in jail, I found out.

He gets out, and calls me the day before Thanksgiving in 2011 at 6:30 in the morning with the aforementioned friend asking if they could come to my house to do blow.

He was pretty fun in HS when you could convince him that drinking steam cleaner would get girls to be attracted to him, or that eating kitty litter would be a great idea. I believe I told the story about hazing where we forced someone to pass out only to strip him naked and throw his clothes to the womens basketball team. This was that guy.

I truly believe his parents still hate him.


Brady said...

Today is one of the best days of the year. You can't get and further away from the next NBA season than we are right now.

Swish has definitely been a bust so far. He certainly hasn't been worth that contract so far. Hopefully he picks it up in the playoffs.

Tom Hamilton? That's not a shot at the best radio man in the business/future hall of famer right?

I like the rest of this list. Josh Hamilton has been the biggest free agent bust in the last decade so far. I'm sure he will pick it up but seeing the Angels 11 games out of first is LOL.

GMoney said...

11 games out to the goddamn A's!

You know who wasn't a bust? "Sir Swish" from Baseketball.

One guy that I was TOTES wrong about was Chris Davis. I've always believed that he was terrible but dude is raking this year. The days of him going 0 for 5 with 5 horrible-looking strikeouts are probably over. He SICK.

DAMMIT! Matt Wieters should have been on this list. That guy is a HUGE flop. Top prospect, my ass. He can't even hit his weight.

Brady said...

Apparently I like the term "so far" today.

By the way, TOTES agree with Iceman. Get yo ass on Twitter, G$. Facebook is for baby pictures and motivational quotes. Twitter is the wild west of the internet.

The Iceman said...

"Swish has definitely been a bust so far. He certainly hasn't been worth that contract so far. Hopefully he picks it up in the playoffs"

This was a typo, right? Indians? Playoffs?? LOLOLOLOLOLOL!

I agree Leonard needs to be more aggressive and I don't think he'll have a problem doing that in the future. You could already see him in game 7 start to take command when the game was slipping away. He made quite a few YOUGE shots down the stretch that kept San Antonio close.

Remember how Cakes still thinks the Indians are a playoff team? So Cakes...

GMoney said...

By the way, Ide's post is all fired up and ready to be unleashed on Monday. I read is everything that you would expect from Ide. He did get to see Kate Upton and Jamie Lannister apparently today so he earned it.

GMoney said...

Sounds like Damman is trying to put together a little gathering with the Clippers tomorrow night. Enquire within...or just text him if you're interested. I'm in.

The Iceman said...

Man. This Hernandez story just keeps getting better. Dude is fucked.

GMoney said...

No Prime today? Or Drewser? Fuck those two more than they are probably fucking each other right now.

GMoney said...

“I am devastated. I have never ever, in all my career, been so torn apart, so sickened and saddened, and ultimately dumbfounded by what I had to endure in back-to-back fourth quarters by my San Antonio Spurs. Back-to-back disasters. Yes, I was wrong about the Spurs in 7. But I wasn’t that wrong.”

Who said this today? Was it Pop? Duncan? Manu? Ace? The mayor of San Antonio? Tito Santana? Nope.

It was Skip Bayless. Have a good weekend.

Prime99 said...

G$! My bad, I had a show last night, slept through my alarm, was late to work, and I've been playing catch up all day.

Starlin Castro is OVERRATED. No homer.