Thursday, June 20, 2013

Day 2 of OVERRATED "Week": Football

Nothing says comfort like cuffed jorts.
I made mention yesterday that next week will be Guest Post Week that most of you worked really hard on while someone else let ALL OF US down. He will remain as nameless as he is dickless. That wasn’t entirely true. Monday through Wednesday will be all commenter submissions. Thursday will be Iceman and G$’s second annual rotating mock NBA draft that we stole from Simmons and Chad Ford. Friday will feature draft fallout where hopefully I will be in a better mood than last year and can chuckle when someone calls Tristan Thompson “low grade farm equipment”. I wouldn’t count on that. These Alex Len rumors have my boxers constantly on “shit pants” alert.

Now that that is out of the way, we shift today’s OVERRATED focus to the football field. You can’t talk about this without mentioning the Dongslinger himself, Brett Lorenzo Favre! Is anyone else enjoying his tear-filled Packers remorse and regret tour as much as I am? Because I truly am as he apologizes for being a shithead to the only people who ever cared about him. His desperation to be loved again is major LOLZ. Favre sucks. His penis is not ELITE. He is no Visanthe Shiancoe in that department but, then again, who is? Unrelated but LOL Aaron Hernandez. Let’s get to today’s list:

10. London Fletcher – Don’t accuse me of being a homer! Look, I love this guy. He is everything that you could ask for as a leader…but he’s old and slow and more of a figurehead these days. He can’t cover any tight ends and he’s starting to only pile up tackles five yards down the field AKA The Ray Lewis. The great part is that he is durable. That is also the worst part. Shame on all of those assbag Browns fans for trying to kill his family members.

9. AJ Hawk – The media loves to OVERRATE the scrappy white LB who is short on important things like speed, tackling skills, and coverage but long on GRIT. This spot would have gone to Brian Urlacher (who would have been #1 on this list) but he’s gone so I had to replace him with some other garbage white MLB. An Ohio Buckeye fit the bill quite well.

8. Hakeem Nicks – Two years ago, I remember vividly that the fantasy ranking sheet I use every year had Nicks as the #2 receiver in the league. I nearly choked on my Bud Lime-a-rita when I saw that. What the hell has this guy shown that warrants that kind of love? I don’t give a shit that he has the world’s largest hands. His STUD QB does not trust him even when he isn’t missing games with various bitch injuries.

7. Eric Weddle – See my blurb on Hawk and replace linebacker with safety. Oh man, analysts love themselves a white defensive back. This guy blows.

6. Russell Wilson – This should spark some tasty debate today! I will be in the vast minority here but I’m not buying it. At least not yet. Rusty Dubs had a rookie season for the ages last year but I have a strong feeling that it was a fluke. The fact that everyone with a camera in front of their face or a website just can’t seem to get enough of this kid is all the more reason why we should be rooting for him to fail. I don’t like nice guys, dammit. Plus, anyone associated with Pete Carroll should fail miserably. Try arguing against that logic. I dare you.

5. Santonio Holmes – He has no need for a 401K. We already know that. This guy has been deemed by many as a #1 receiver in this league when he’s pretty much only played one great game in his entire career (may not be true but true enough for this site). Granted, that was an awesome performance on the grandest stage of all but we are seeing the true Santonio since he became a Jet: a malcontent who has no problem throwing his teammates under the bus if he thinks that it will make him look better.

4. Marques Colston – Our 3rd receiver! I say this all the time in my Fantasy Football Friday posts (coming soon!). You’ve heard it before. This guy isn’t nearly as good as Drew Brees makes him. If he got traded to Cleveland tomorrow he would have a 40 catch season in 2013. The Browns are terrible.

3. Peyton Manning – You’re probably shocked that I didn’t put Outlaw Country at #1. My point still remains the same: Peyton was put on this Earth to win Super Bowls; NOT to put up gigantic regular season numbers. He has always had more than enough talent surrounding him to do that. I would never say that he is an underachiever but he most definitely is OVERRATED.

2. Greg Jennings – A product of the Packers system. Get ready to see him become a reincarnation of Alvin Harper when he signed with the Redskins. Remember Harper on the Skins? Of course you don’t because he was a Frosty Boy helmet sundae filled with pig shit instead of ice cream. It was a Detroit Tigers helmet.

1. Troy Polamalu – Let’s get this out of the way: He is a first ballot hall of famer without question. The problem is that he is only his old self for the first 2 or 3 games and then, when he isn’t hurt, is a MASSIVE liability in the backfield. He doesn’t cover well. He doesn’t blitz or tackle all that well. He misses every other game it seems. Look, Grumpy, he’s only sitting at #1 because he set the bar so high for what I expect from him. Actually, we can probably plug Ed Reed onto this list as well but he is at least still an ELITE ball-hawker. From what he was to what he is now, yes, #43 in the black and gold is the most OVERRATED player in the league.

I look forward to bantering back and forth today. Most of you probably think that I forgot about Suh but he’s been hammered on so much that I think the OVERRATED label is off of him now. I still have fond memories of him trying to decapitate Catler on Monday Night Football. Tomorrow, we end this little series by heading out to the diamond(‘s Cabaret). CAN’T WAIT! Actually, now that I think about it, slide Bart Scott on here somewhere, too. He sucks.

40 comments:

Anonymous said...

So, did Aaron Hernandez murder someone? If so, the banner is going to need an update.

Game 7 Predictions?

Spurs 97
Heat 89

--Drew

Grumpy said...

I believe Wilson is the real deal. Time will tell, but nothing about his rookie year justifies calling him overrated.

Flacco must be on this list to have any credibility.

No argument on Troy, it's why they drafted Thomas.

GMoney said...

Wow. A Steelers honk agreeing with a hater about how one of their cornerstone players is OVERRATED...I was not expecting this.

Aaron Hernandez is responsible for all the unsolved murders along the East Coast. FACT. He IS the banner.

Heat 105, Spurs 89...I just don't see how anyone can regroup from that game 6 loss.

Jeff said...

I also agree with you about Troy. He's been a mere shell of himself the past few years (when he does play).

In SHAMARKO we trust!!

G$, Way to boast about your gambling prowess and blow your load last night! LOLZ

The Iceman said...

Like G$ said, I'm not sure how you recover from literally being 20 seconds away from popping that champagne and having it ripped away by a series of impossible shots and questionable calls. But I do know if there is ANY team in the league that has the capability of recovering from that disaster it is the Spurs. I hate saying nice things about them. Having said that I think Miami pulls it out at home but by a small margin. 91-88 Miami in a VERY physical game.

Run DMP should be on this list. The "P" is for pussy in case you guys weren't able to piece that together. All the talent in the world...body made of wet farts.

I think you're wrong on Wilson. He did have some bad games last year but that is always to be expected of a rookie. The difference is he had more games where you completely forgot that he actually was a rookie. Not to get all Chowturd on people but dude looks to be for realz.

I'm sure there will be some Tony Romo hate today. I don't think Romo is as OVERRATED as most think. A lot of those games lost and playoff failures can't all be put on him when you have an ass defense like Dallas does.

I think Clay Matthews could be on here too. If that guy doesn't get 3 sacks a game he does almost nothing.

DeSean Jackson belongs on as well. He thinks he's Jerry Rice but in reality he's a slightly faster version of Freddie Mitchell with a bigger mouf. Which is impressive since all Mitchell did was flap his cunt in Philly.

The Iceman said...

Nothing has come out yet but Hernandez TOTES had something to do with that dead guy. Book it.

GMoney said...

Fuck you, Jeff, Corey Crawford appeared to be legally blind in his left eye last night with the way that he was whiffing on everything shot at his glove. He is terrible. I was disappointed though. I had a nice winning streak going.

Rusty Dubs will be an interesting character for the next several years. I just buy into the hype less because I strongly hate the Seahawks and have never been one to shy away from bias.

I didn't include McFadden because no one thinks highly of a Raider ever. I didn't include Romo because everyone knows what he is. How can you be OVERRATED when everyone already knows that you're OVERRATED? Matthews and DeSean were both considered heavily. Their names were kicked around the office quite often.

"Aaron, you just killed my sister's boyfriend!"
"Whatever, esse, just throw him in that abandoned lot at the end of the street. No one will connect the dots. This is THE PATRIOT WAY! Tacos."

Jake Ballard keeps moving up that DEPF chart!

Prime99 said...

Police say, "Aaron Hernandez has been uncooperative." Not usually a great sign of innocence.

How about an 11 goal Game 4?! Go 'Hawks! I'm glad you lost money on that game, G$.

I really don't have any complaints on the list but Timmy Tens is OVERRATED because ESPN goes off the deep end with coverage when he ties his shoelace.

FredEX was awful. True. But that press conference where he thanks his hands for being "so great" still cracks me up.

Anonymous said...

You put Wilson on the list because you're jealous that he is stealing your injured quarterback's air time. It's obvious. You're jelly bro.

You put two former buckeyes on the list to troll comments. Who has ever overrated santonio Holmes? Nobody.

This list sucks.

Dut

Jeff said...

Quoted for Deadspin article about Crawford: "He looks like me in college intramurals pressed into goaltending duties—shirking away from the puck, eyes shut, jabbing out the glove and hoping for the best. Or, you know, Steve Mason."

That is an ELITE analogy.

Jeff said...

*Quoted from

Anonymous said...

Colin Kaeparnick. His one job was to be better than Alex Smiff. Not hard. He's not good.

Matt Forte. Though, only Bears fans and fantasy football idiots like Ape like this twat.

Manu Ginobili. His overratedness transcends sports. Fuck him, seriously.

Ide

GMoney said...

No Ohio Buckeye fan has ever defended Santonio and AJ Hawk does suck. No trolling at all there. The Rusty and Peyton stuff was where I was hoping to make my money/comment quota.

I put Wilson on this list because everyone should hate him. He married a white woman! That and he walked into an ELITE defense with an awesome RB and the best home crowd of all time. It shouldn't be that easy. Griff will always be more popular anyway and popularity is all that counts.

Kaep is definitely one to watch out for when it comes to being OVERRATED but I have a feeling that Jimmy BRAH constantly puts him down so that his ego is always in check.

I also want to add that the stuff by PFT Commenter on KSK is just tremendous reading material. "If the number on your jersey corresponds with the age of girls that you sleep with, you might be a diva receiva." That is GOLD. And LarryFitz bangs 11 year olds apparently.

Dut is the Steve Mason of our comment section. His fantasy baseball team is in the midst of its second murking by The Gr8 One.

Anonymous said...

I may be in trouble this week if my bats dont turn it around. My historical winning streak could come to a close, so lets hope that doesnt happen. I would hate to lose to some asshole named Jeff (pick one) twice in a row.

My robot word is baduche that. I like it.
Ide

The Iceman said...

"That and he walked into an ELITE defense with an awesome RB and the best home crowd of all time. It shouldn't be that easy."

You know that minus the rape and gray dick you just described Ben Roethlisberger, right? So if Rusty Dubs is overrated then so is Raper. I knew you would eventually see it my way.

This is the only thing Dut has ever been right about...Pothead Holmes on this list is puzzling.

The Iceman said...

Ide nailed it with Kaepernick. He's awesome at getting adopted but it stops there. He's gonna be a bum.

Brady said...

I'm really hoping that Hernandez had something to do with it. It's looking more and more likely that he did. From early reports, it doesn't sound like he was the trigger man but there is definitely something weird going on. I'll get my popcorn ready! SEC! SEC!

Wilson is an overrated douchebag. If he couldn't beat a 6-7 Buckeye team, I have doubts he can repeat his rookie season. Plus, Pete Carroll.

SHOCKING to see multiple Buckeyes on this list!

I apologize again for bailing on commenter week. Nobody wants to hear me drone on and on about the Tribe. If that changes, let me know!

Jeff said...

Brady, you moron. Your SEC! SEC! chants are softballs to any OSU hater. Hernandez was an Urb recruit, dolt.

Grumpy said...

Can't have a football post without Iceman hating on Ben. He talks about him so much I think he fantasizes about Ben raping him.

You married a white woman.

GMoney said...

Well, there are many differences between Dubs and Ben. Ben went 15-1 and to the AFC title game with a fanbase full of Skoal stock owners while Dubs did not. Please do not compare end of career Bettis with Mack truck Marshawn either.

If Dubs has the career that Ben has had then I will apologize for incorrectly calling him OVERRATED because Ben has had a great career so far. But he won't so I won't.

I once considered Santonio a top ten receiver in the league. That was a huge mistake and the reason for his inclusion today. Plus he gets paid ELITE receiver money which he is not.

Again, am I wrong about Hawk and Santonio? You losers are too sensitive.

Brady said...

What?! Urban coached in the SEC? I guess you learn something new every day.

When the next Buckeye comes up on murder charges, let me know.

G$, you aren't wrong. Hawk has been pretty overrated and Santonio is a head case. That being said, I don't think anyone has considered Holmes a top receiver in years. I think I saw him drafted in the 6-10 round range last season in fantasy. You have to be considered a top WR to be overrated right? Just admit you wanted to include multiple Buckeyes and we'll all move along with our day.

Prime99 said...

"When the next Buckeye comes up on murder charges, let me know."

Slow your role. That's bound to happen at some point. TP plays in Oak-Town for Brutus' sake!

Ya know, if Big Ben has a gray dick, we all have gray dicks. He's our age, yes?

GMoney said...

I only admit that I wanted to include players from John Carroll and Hofstra to troll everyone!!! Stop being such pussies. For once, I wasn't even trying to poke the retarded bear. You poked yourself.

Anonymous said...

I'm confused, is Hawk OVERRATED? I really hear next to nothing about him, and the few games of the Packers that I do watch, I maybe have seen him brought up like once per game. I think in 2011 I actually had to look him up to see if he was still playing. I wouldn't consider him OVERRATED because to be that, people would have to at least give him some attention, which I feel he doesn't get.

That said, he's not great but certainly a serviceable LB to have on a team. I do get the trolling aspect though.

Santonio maybe used to be OVERRATED, now he is just a fucking idiot with a large johnson.

Beanie was RIPE for the picking too. I thought he was the obvious Buckeye to pick on. The media still fellates him for some reason. Mike Adams is also pretty overrated, but a lot of that has to do with being high and stabbed.

Ide

Brady said...

Yikes! Forgot about Pryor in Oakland. Murder charges are definitely in the future. Oakland has like 100 murders a day right? It's just a numbers game at this point.

GMoney said...

The media fellates Beanie Wells? Identify them at once so I can light dogshit on fire on their front porch.

AJ Hawk is the new Brian Urlacher. White MLB who isn't all that great but people give the benefit of the doubt to because he has GRIT. Does anyone actually read what I write here?

By the way, Little Animal is vastly underrated because he is a stud. Do you see? I am unbiased. GET FUCKED ALL OF YOU TURD SUCKERS.

Prime99 said...

For a Packer, Hawk is UNDERRATED in the sense that he plows Brady Quinn's sister. OVERRATED as a football player.

Ace said...

If any Packers LB is overrated it is Clay Matthews. He is going to start to tank and it will be hilarious.

I would add Mike Vick to this. People still seem to think the Vick Experience is coming. It's not. I think he can be good in Kelly's system, but not expecting lights out play.

I really like Nicks if he can stay healthy. Ryan Matthews is a million times more deserving.

I can't stop thinking about Game 6. That shit should have been done so many different times. If the Spurs lose I don't think it will have anything to do with Game 6. Spurs will be up for this game, I just don't know if they will have any gas in the tank at the end...kind of like Game 6. If Parker settles for jumpers in the 4th then we don't have a chance. Danny Green better come out firing because we need 3's to win this game. Splitter shouldn't get more than 12 minutes, but he will. HOW THE FUCK CAN BLAIR NOT GET ANY PT? I don't get it. I think Wade is hurting pretty bad right now. I hope that is the difference. The odds are definitely in the Heats favor, but the Spurs haven't lost a Finals yet.

The Iceman said...

URBZ recruits murderers. That's what's important to get out of this story. And we all should have seen this coming. Hernandez is Mexican so it was only a matter of time before he was pinched for murder or drugs. He probably started shooting guns in the air while wearing a sombrero and one got away from him. At least that's how I see that happening.

In order to be considered OVERRATED you have to put up better stats than a second string RB in a time share, Ide. Fun Chris Wells stat: 24 career TDs and 10 career fumbles. That has to be the worst TD to fumble ratio in the history of the NFL.

GMoney said...

Matt Bonner is gonna drop 30 tonight. While I OBVZ hate the Heat and everything that they stand for, the fact that this series is eating Ape alive is the bee's knees.

No one thinks that Ryan Mathews is any good. You can't be OVERRATED then.

The Iceman said...

Mathews' collarbones are OVERRATED.

Anonymous said...

cat's ass > bee's knees

Is CJ2YPC OVERRATED? Because he should be.

How about coaches? Steve Fisher anyone? It nust be hard winning with the Trail of Tears chucking up picks and creepy eyes, but he hasnt won shit since his hilariously sgort SB loss.

Ide

GMoney said...

Steve Fisher looks like a corpse. Jeff Fisher is probably who you mean. No one out OVERRATEDS Andy Reid.

Anonymous said...

him too

The Iceman said...

What about Bobby Fisher?

GMoney said...

Chess references? Really? I'm cutting your salary in half.

Prime99 said...

Bobby Fisher was a bitch compared to Peter Breschnev!

Anonymous said...

Big Blue or GTFO.

Ide

The Iceman said...

Half of zero equals go fuck yourself.

GMoney said...

I'm no chinaman but that math adds up to me.