Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Day 1 of OVERRATED "Week": Basketball

O. M. G.  I must have it.  I must have it all.
After yesterday’s lively and well-received discussion on childhood toys, I figured that we could spend the week further in great topics. For the remainder of the week, the word of the day will be OVERRATED. I can’t believe that I haven’t done this yet actually. For the next three days, we will dive deep into the realm of clown frauds and debate the least praise deserving athletes in their respective sports. Since game 6 was last night (please be a SPURS, BITCHES day so we can be done with the “Not Sixes, Not Sevens” for a while until that roster is hilariously blown up in a few weeks), we will start with the ten most OVERRATED basketball players in the NBA.

What’s that? You don’t like lists? Well, you should take the rest of the week off then and probably stop going onto the internet because we’re going LIST BANANAS over the next 72 hours. In reverse order as a means to build drama, of course!

10. Evan Turner – Granted, Uncle Tom is still young and has room to grow and I get that but so far he hasn’t really warranted being the #2 pick in the Draft. He’s simply OK and there are rumors that he is available. That can only mean that an organization about to embark on a serious rebuild has seen enough.

9. Carlos Boozer – He would normally be higher but I think that most people realize that this guy isn’t worth half of what he’s being paid. I will always loathe this caveman brow for stabbing a blind man in the back. People often like to play the “What If” game when it comes to LeBron’s years in Cleveland but there is really only one true question: What if Boozer had not shit all over Gordon Gund and stayed? I don’t know if things would have been different but I do know that I wouldn’t have had to stomach years of Drew Gooden.

8. Al Horford – His numbers are very good. His ears are huge. He’s got pretty good skills. But, as I’ve mentioned before, every time I see the Hawks on TV, I just don’t see it. He never looks like the best player on the floor and I rarely see him dominate a game.

7. Danny Granger – He’s been out of the loop for most of the last two years which is a shame because he is all sorts of objectionable. All he does is fire up terrible three pointers and has the on-court demeanor of Way of Wade. I would call Granger an asshole if he wasn’t such a whiny tampon. He is a bitch. There is a reason why the Pacers are willing to dump him for almost nothing this summer…because they know that they don’t need him (even if his skill set would have been perfect to upset the Heat).

6. Andre Iguodala – Iceman hates this guy because he is not a fan of people with incredibly STREMPHy jaws. I don’t necessarily believe everything that Ice says about Iggy. He’s a good player that does a lot of little things for average teams. But some team is going to do this summer what the Sixers did in the past and that is shell out 8 figures per year for a role player. DUMB. I hope that it’s the Pistons. You know what, it is going to be the Pistons, isn’t it? That sort of signing has JOE DUMARS written all over it.

5. Jameer Nelson – He is probably the worst PG in the league and the #1 reason why Orlando should take Trey Burke Sucks at #2 in a few weeks. I’m not sure how many people still think that Nelson can play but he is an absolute shell of what he used to be 5 years ago.

4. Brandon Jennings – This guy defines “chucker”. All he does is take horrible shots and turn the ball over. I’m pretty sure that the third year point guard has never had a multiple assist game. I was going to include Monta Ellis in here as well as somehow these two ball hogs play on the same team but I think that Ellis is better and will end up being a rich man’s Nate Robinson for the next five years or so. Oh and Jennings plays worse defense than the 2013 Cavs and that says a lot.

3. Dwight Howard – He doesn’t make anyone better. He is immature. He is not a team player at all. He is a coach killer. He is a 7 foot tall infant. In other words, he would be the perfect Clipper.

2. Chris Bosh – There is going to come a point when Bosh is portrayed so often as being OVERRATED that he becomes underrated…but that will not be today. It amazes me how soft this guy is. As much as I would love to see Miami amnesty him in a few weeks (like I said earlier, Pat Riley is going to have some tough ass decisions to make in the offseason), I feel like all of those great Miami Heat fans deserve Bosh.

1. Joe Johnson – I seemingly end up with this guy on my fantasy year as I always feel like he gives me great value in the 8th-9th round. I never do well in that league. Joe Johnson sucks. He does nothing well. He never has. He owns the league’s worst contract and will until it runs out. He doesn’t shoot well. He doesn’t pass. He doesn’t rebound or play defense. The Nets lost a first round series to the Bulls in which they had homecourt and the Bulls had NO ONE outside of Noah. That falls on Johnson for being a shitty superstar.

And this ends today’s topic on OVERRATED athletes. Stay tuned for tomorrow’s journey into the realm of the NFL. Guess whose names will not be appearing: ELITE and Flacco! One more thing about the NBA, I am sick of those stupid fucking Chris and Cliff Paul commercials. I’m all for black people just leaving a baby behind at the hospital as if they forgot that the mom had twins but they aren’t cute or funny. Cliff Paul sucks. Also, we are going full bore with NEXT WEEK BEING GUEST POST WEEK. For realz this time!


GMoney said...

Ugh...last night was so lame. Great game but so lame. We were so close to watching those assfucks fail. SO CLOSE. And now we know how this will can cross "Not Two" off the list.

It's Ape's fault. He was too homo to win the title.

Jeff said...

Not in Bosh's house!

Anonymous said...

Yeah Bosh might have dropped in those rankings. It is appalling how bad Ginobili is. Just awful. And we were thisclose to seeing LeBron piss it away TWICE. That airflop was LOLZ.

Icemans facebook bronbron blowing was as funny. I believe it was clearly along the lines of James > Jordan. Iceman has been on quite the streak of asinine statements following that great post.


GMoney said...

He quickly destroyed all of that goodwill, didn't he?

Think about it this way: the Heat won by 3 points which you could attribute to the Shane Battier banked in three or the Shoeless Mike Miller trey. That makes it hurt even more.

Bosh is not dropping ever on these official rankings. When you get paid 16 million per season, your best game of a series can't be a 10/11. He is fucking garbage.

The Iceman said...

If LeBron hadn't obliterated his Cleveland bridges all you Cavs slaps would be agreeing with me and my Lebron defense. That's what's hilarious and why you guys will always be the worst fans in all of sports outside of the Fuckeye fan.

This list is not complete because Andrew Bynum appears nowhere. And you added the wrong Hawk. Remove Horford and add Josh SMIFF. Any guy who shoots 28% from 3 range and continues to believe he has the green light from anywhere needs to be on this list.

If there's a way to put money on Iggy being a Piston, run...don't walk to lay your life savings on that. This move is saturated in Dumars.

Anonymous said...

Iggy will be a Piston fo sho.

Strong list. Derrick Roses vagina should be on it. John Wall too.


The Iceman said...

I think Pau Gasol needs to be on this list as well. If you're killing Bosh for being soft then you should be going after Gasol twice as hard. He defines what it is to be a 7 foot pussy. Who would have guessed the fat Gasol brother would end up being the better one??

I will forever argue that Carmelo Anthony is a must add on all OVERRATED lists. He will never win a title because he is the most selfish player to ever pick up a basketball. You say DUH-wight doesn't make anyone around him better...that goes x100 for Melo.

Anonymous said...

Amare Stoudemire and Bynum need to be on this list.


Anonymous said...

Except for that NCAA title, right?

Jaws becoming a Piston would make for good folly. I hope that they over pay him too. I bet they will.

I don't like the Cavs and never really have, even when Lebron was on that team. But, you are completely wrong on that assessment that Lebron is better than Michael. Your arguments are completely weak.

Winning multiple championships with Bill Cartwright deserves ALL the respect.


GMoney said...

Bro, I think that John Wall is highly underrated. I would never do a list like that at a place like this though.

Same with Gasol. I think that he's way better than people give him credit for. I had actually planned to include a few guys in this post that I were underrated but nixed it. Wall and Pau were on that list. Anyway, he's a Euro and thus is supposed to be soft.

Most people don't care Smiff's skill set while those same people seem to think that Horford is a rock solid superstar. I do not.

AGAIN, Ice, this isn't the place to try and troll Cavs fans as the intelligent ones congregate here to have sex with each other. If you want to fellate the crunch time turnover machine, do it somewhere else.

Heat fans are the worst in all of sports. Worse than the Fuckeyes. Not one of them could tell you who Harold Miner is/was.

Carmelo was an oversight but he is really good at what he can do AKA shoot a lot.

I stand by Joe Johnson not only being the most OVERRATED player in the league but also possibly the worst contract in all of sports.

4 years/40 million for Iggy to Detroit where he can replace (LOL) Kyle Singler as the starting SF. DONE DEAL.

GMoney said...

I don't know anyone who still thinks that Amare and Bynum are great players anymore so I excluded them from contention today.

By the way, a big "you are a fucking idiot" to those geniuses who see what Danny Green has done in the Finals and then say "typical Cavs". Dude-Bros, he was SHIT when he was here. He would have never made it in the league had he stayed here the last three years. The year that he got cut, he was not only outplayed by Manny Harris but he was DOMINATED. Give him credit for getting his shit together but don't blame the Cavs for cutting a guy who got owned by a black toothpick.

Ace said...

FUCKING BRUTAL!!! Pop really fucked that one away...I think. I find it hard to question him. You HAVE to call timeout instead of just sending Ginobili flailing into the paint. You HAVE to have Duncan in on defense at the end. You HAVE to make sure that Splitter never sees the floor ever. I understand why he rested Parker and Duncan at the start of the 4th, because Parker was fucking gassed at the end even with that rest. But none of that shit in Game 7. And Danny Green went ice fucking cold. Fuck Ray Allen.

Be ready to add Paul George to that overrated list in the next couple years.

Do people still think Nelson is good? Those people are dumb.

The Iceman said...

I thought NBA title was implied since you know...this is an NBA OVERRATED post. Guess I should get more specific for the slow kids.

GMoney said...

My logic for including Jameer Nelson is that most mocks have Orlando taking McLemore or Porter when they have a massive glaring hole at point. These mocks seem to indicate that Orlando is set at PG which they are definitely not. That is why he's on the list.

That was tough. When you're up 5 with 20 seconds left, you should have the champagne popped. What is it with teams sitting their best big on the final Heat offensive possession? This doesn't work! Why are you worried about Chris Bosh shooting a three pointer! Isn't that what you want!

I bet on Miami just to win last night as I didn't like the 6.5 line at all. I bet an amount that I found acceptable to pay to watch them lose. In other words, it was sort of a win/win. But I wish that I lost that money now because I'm definitely rolling with Miami tomorrow.

I am currently on a 6 game win streak betting the NBA and NHL! Take Boston tonight.

Brady said...

I actually watched most of the game last night. Was there ever any doubt that the Heat would somehow force a game 7? WE WERE SO CLOSE TO THE END!


G$, I have started and stopped THREE posts for commenter week and all have been awful. I'm not sure I have the right stuff when it comes to blogging anymore (ever?). Just put me out of my misery and give the slot to somebody else.

The Iceman said...

Cakes bails!

Ace said...

Cakes, that is the lowest of low right there. BAN HIM UNTIL BASEBALL IS OVER!!!

Also, G$, which site do you bet on? My bank no longer agrees with Bovada so I need a new one.

Prime99 said...

I have a crick in my neck today. I blame Iceman's poor grammar.

Joe Johnson is number one because he is comment ratings gold.

Cakes taking his quill and going home?! Jacking off to Doppler reports is not as riveting of a story as we would all think, I guess.

Fuckin Ray Allen. Ruining shit for everyone.

GMoney said...

BetUS. The Costa Ricans treat me alright. Plus, when I signed up with them, Andrew Dice Clay was their radio pitchman!

Cakes, you have got to be the biggest pussy of all time. We should probably start calling you "Shortcakes" because you are like the bitch cartoon and you always ride the short bus. YOU'RE FIRED! It amazes me that a man that we know very little about has no funny stories from drinking/hanging out with Iceman. How do you not have any embarrassing Iceman stories??? Eat shit, Shortcakes.

GMoney said...

Unlikable Power Rankings for the NBA Finals:

1. Way of Wade
2. Mario Chalmers
3. Shane Battier
4. Manu
5. Chris Bosh
6. Mike Miller
7. LeBron
8. Tracy McGrady
9. Ray Allen (underrated whiner)
10. Tony Parker

The Iceman said...

"I have a crick in my neck today. I blame Iceman's poor grammar."

Brady said...

Shortcakes, babycakes, ladycakes, nicky sabecakes... I can handle all of these. Whatever. If you want daily recaps of Tribe games, I'm all in for that.

Iceman stories all end up the same way. He does too many shots of some disgusting liquor and pukes up the cheap hot dogs he ate earlier in the night. That's hardly blog worthy.

The Iceman said...

NBA finals unlikeable power rankings! I like it.

1. Mario Chalmers
2. Mario Chamlers
3. The Danny Green story
4. Tracy McGrady (because do you really want to live in a world where McGrady can call himself an NBA champion??)
5. Mario Chalmers
6. Manu Ginobili
7. Shane Battier
8. Tim Duncan's bug eyes
9. Tony Parker
10. Norris Cole (sleeper pick!)

The Iceman said...

LadyCakes doesn't have many good stories about me because he usually vanishes in the night by 11PM so he can make it home in time for drunken dance party with the dogs.

Anonymous said...

NBA Finals Power Rankings!

1. The Narrative
2. LBJ
3. Manu
4. Wade
5. Mario Chalmers
6. Tracy McGrady
7. Bosh
8. Birdman
9. Miller
10. Spoelstra (he is NOT a good coach)

Likable Power Rankings

1. Third quarter Pop interview
2. First quarter Pop interview


GMoney said...

Iceman, you forgot Way of Wade. When he stubbed his toe or whatever in the first quarter, I muttered to my dog "uh oh, here comes the wheelchair". He gave me two paws up for that gem.

Brady said...

If anything awesome happens over at the Iceman's place this weekend (WHEELZ is in Vegas!), I will report immediately on Monday.

GMoney said...

Don't bother. You made your crib now lie in it. You have disappointed me for the last time, Shortcakes. You are only good at producing drunken dancing Iceman videos. That's a noble profession.

The Iceman said...

Wheelz' sister's 18 year old female friend will be at my place Friday and Saturday. Watching all my late 20 and early 30 something drunk single friends desperately chuck their crotch at this girl for 2 days will be worth the price of admission.

Anonymous said...

I bet one of his failed entries was a live blog of rewatching Twister for the 185th time.


Anonymous said...

Valverde getting ROCKED today. LOL Tigers fans.


GMoney said...

He's on Team Dut and somehow starts for him weekly. That helps neutralize another god awful start from Verlander last night.