Friday, May 31, 2013

This Has Been A Clinic On Flopping

The NBA and NHL really know what they’re doing when it comes to scheduling their playoffs. Not only are we stuck in a time of the year where nothing happens but there is also NOTHING on TV that any sane person would watch. For God’s sake, Ape was bragging about watching some documentary on mermaids yesterday. Since we talked about the hilarious end to the Red Wings’ season already, why don’t we shift our focus to the NBA Eastern Conference Finals today (since game 5 happened last night and we will assume that the Heat won because they are going to win this series anyway).

If you are one of those spunk junkies who thinks that the refs should not be fouling out the superstars like LeBron and Wade then take today off and go listen to your boy, Colin T. I am actually going to defend the indefensible today. Joey Crawford may be the absolute biggest shit-brick in officiating, but how can you blame him really? Every time that he or any other ref blows their whistle, they get bitched at or glared at or mean-mugged into submission (often times by minorities!). Everybody is ALWAYS whining over everything. Now we have the best players in the world flopping at one end of the court and then getting all pissy when it happens to them at the other. Basically, these assholes want their BradyCake and eat it, too. So what are the officials to do to combat this? Call everything and be an asshole about it or call nothing and look incompetent. The WAY OF WADES of the world have left them no choice. Go ahead and watch that GIF a few more times and figure out how you would handle these fully grown babies.

People talk a lot of shit about MANsbrough and how he is just a big oaf who leads the team in up-downs (even though the coach didn’t tell them to do any because they play basketball after all) but you will never accuse him of flopping. That same thing could be said about Hibbert, Udonis Haslem, and The Birdman (who is still a proud member of my Lockout Arrest fantasy team). Those men are to be respected. It is those pussies on the wings that deserve all of the scorn. In case last night’s game was a turd worth no discussion, I figured that today I would just rank the top 5 worst floppers from the Eastern Conference Finals.

5. David West – I only include this because he should be raked through the coals for his part in the LeBron Double Flop from game 4. West has a good old school game though so I assume that he is just fighting fire with fire.

4. Lance Stephenson – I have no idea where this guy’s head is and I find him to be fascinating. It’s almost as if that forearm shiver that Wade threw at him in game 2 (no foul called of course despite it being intentional) turned him into some sort of Ron Artest incarnate. If you come anywhere near the former underachieving Bearcat then he will somehow end up planted in the upper deck. It’s almost amusing to see him pick his spots to flop and then not get any calls.

3. WAY OF WADE – I hate you. You complain about everything. It brings great joy to me to see you play all sorts of bad out there.

2. LeBron – Seriously, he’s better than this. You don’t have to scream as if you’ve been shot every single time that you drive to the lane. In fact, let’s go to the tape!
“I don't need to flop,” LeBron said back during the Bulls series. “I play an aggressive game. I don't flop. I've never been one of those guys.”
Who the fuck are you trying to fool? You want to be compared to Michael? That’s cool, then stop acting like Reggie Miller (who takes pride in being the best flopper in NBA history).

1. Shane Battier – I don’t know how anyone could like or respect this guy. He went to Duke for Christ sake! There isn’t a dirtier player in the league who also doubles as the biggest flopper as well. That is some lofty shit right there. The same guy who has no problem kneeing big dudes in the sack also takes a dive if the towel boy gets too close to him.

Iceman mentioned this the other day, too, but it bears repeating: Fuck Mario Chalmers. I saw somewhere the other day where he named his daughter (likely out of wedlock) “Queen Elizabeth”. That should make you hate him even more. I hope that the game was good last night so that we have something to talk about today. Well, we can always talk about how much Drew sucks. It’s not like he can respond! He’s probably a flopper, too.

40 comments:

Grumpy said...

I watched a compilation of LeBron flops somewhere last night; it's not like he just started flopping in the last two weeks. He's been doing it for a long time.

FREE DREW!

GMoney said...

He's not in jail. This is a self-inflicted time out!

Listening to all of those people (including LeBron) talk about how the Heat are pretty much the old Cavs right now was sad but anything that compares WOW to someone awful like Sasha Pavlovic is OK by me.

Who wouldn't watch a Birdman/Psycho T fight to the death???

Grumpy said...

How 'bout them Mets?

GMoney said...

From what I've seen this week, the Mets are ELITE! Teix and Youk are back tonight though so maybe we can score some runs for once.

Here is something that I've been thinking about this morning as a reply to anyone who ever wants to compare LeBron to Jordan (which is pointless by the way). Do you ever remember rolling your eyes at something that MJ did on the court? I don't. You do that at least once a game with something that Bron does (usually flop-related).

Ace said...

How the hell did Psycho T get a T for that scuffle with Birdman? And why are the whites fighting each other? Don't they know they are the minorities out there? Or maybe this is like fighting ring where Bron sends out his toughest whitey and George sends out his toughest whitey and they fight to the death. The NBA would be so much more fun if it were just a huge human cock fighting ring.

That mermaid Mockumentary was gold.

I didn't watch the game last night, but apparently Bron won the MVP in the 3rd quarter. That's a very Bron thing to do.

Drew loves penis.

Spurs, bitches

Prime99 said...

I tried watching a little of the game last night, but overall it's pretty unwatchable. Both teams are being bitches and both are teams I hate. The flops are the icing on the shit, nut, and corn BradyCake.

The Cubs are terrible but their pitchers hit jacks about once a week. Travis Wood with a grand slam? Whatever gets it done (aka increases value on the impending trade bonanza.)

The Jordan/LBJ comparisons are still pointless and absurd for the moment. It's like the media decided, "Well, Kobe's pretty much done and he didn't make it to better than Jordan- onto the next one!"

GMoney said...

I agree. Even though MANsbrough and Birdman represent white people poorly, it is a damn shame to see them fight each other when there is a perfectly good Shane Battier over there that they should be beating on together. He's the worst kind of black...the one who tries to be white. He probably plays lacrosse.

Hmmmmm that's a real thinker though: who is the toughest white guy in the NBA (non-foreigner)? I wouldn't want to fight Hansbrough simply because he's like The Terminator and would just keep getting up. The least tough white guy is easy: JJ Redick.

Anonymous said...

The NBA is a joke.

When is coincides with the NHL playoffs, it makes it that much more obvious what a fucking joke it is. 280lbs world class athletes FLOPPING. Such a soccer move. If those officials operated under NHL law, you'd have the best sport in the world (Street ball always been more entertaining than FLOP ball amirite?).

Fuck Drew - that little pussy doesn't even have the balls to break his retarded bet and comment here (no one would really care if you didn't hold up your end). Must be too much recruiting hotlinks to catch up on this week and black teenage penis pics to inventory.

Or maybe he's out with the rest of the OSU homers bragging about being proud of their faggot President's "sense of humor". Don't mistake his arrogance for a sense of humor.

- J Saul

The Iceman said...

I'm torn on the ref aspect. I get that they eat a lot of shit from players nightly but they also let the power go to to their heads. Even though I loved every second of Duncan getting tossed by Crawford a couple years back simply because Crawford hates blacks, it was such a dick move and a great example of how these guys let their egos dictate the outcome of games at times. Since all basketball players have pretty much been raised to question officiating, I'm not sure we'll ever have a happy medium.

Fuck Mario Chalmers forever. Dude is ass and always will be. He's the dude at a pickup game that over values how good he really is.

Toughest whitey: David Lee
Weakest whitey: Luke Walton

Anonymous said...

I think MANSbrough reps the whites greatly. Anytime a guy nicknamed Psycho goes out and plays gorilla ball with the coloreds, and beats them at their own game, gets props from me.

Flopping is the worst. You would NEVER see any of the greats, save Miller get fined for that today. LeBron is such a whiney bitch. Why? Disparage him and watch him whine to the media. Jordan didn't say two words about any criticism, he just hung 45+ on them the next day, while taking forearm shivers from that prison team from Detroit (over generalization, but still).

Ide

GMoney said...

Leave the Gee comments to yourself. That could be Monday's post if nothing happens over the weekend. Again, DON'T DISCUSS THAT PLZ. Plus, it would drive Drew chin-nuts not to be able to comment about it.

David Lee would get his ass beat by everybody.

Weakest whitey = Andrew Bogut because of who he looks like

JSaul, good point about Drew. There is nothing really preventing him from commenting other than his honor and integrity. You know where he went to college so OBVZ he has none of that. I could see him maybe commenting as a famous person just because he will be going through withdrawal at some point.

GMoney said...

The Jordan comparisons aren't even necessary. When was the last time that you saw Kobe The Rapist flop??? Never. Great players don't flop because they don't have to and they have pride.

Ace said...

G$, I don't think you had to qualify your toughest white guy needing to be a non-euro. That is pretty obvs. If we did include the Euro's and go back into history a bit, Gheorghe Muresan would PWN all.

Every sport has "flopping". D linemen do it to try to sell a hold, WR do it to try to sell a PI, and hitters do it to try to sell that they have been HBP. It will never change. Although I do agree that the true greats never stoop to that level.

Grumpy said...

I'll bet Iceman was a flopper. There has to be video somewhere.

Jeff said...

They're going to start reviewing possible flops during games. If you tack on an extra T for a flop maybe things would change? Maybe suspend for the following quarter? If they don't make a rule change nothing will change. I don't follow the NBA rules closely so maybe something this is in the works. Fines have always been a joke. A $5000 fine is hilarious. That's equivalent to something like a $12.50 fine to us commoners.

Jeff said...

Hockey has diving or embellishment.

If you flop in the NBA the other team should get a 5 on 4 possession until a score or the defenders get the ball.

Jeff said...

Oh and since I know everyone is so excited:

The ROAD TO OMAHA starts today!

Anonymous said...

JeffSpam really blemished my Friday, even after G$ insinuated something like 'black pride'.

Speaking of Road to Omaha, how about my fantasy baseball team. Now that Ape is firmly located in the basement, right below Dut, yes homo, we can focus on how great my team is. My waiver pickups have been SICK.

Ide

GMoney said...

Good question about Iceman flopping. I'm not sure since I never saw him play any defense or even fake defense.

After a sketchy couple of weeks, my team is back on track with Ellsbury Navajo-ing five steals last night. My goal is to shutout JeffJess this week and it is entirely possible.

Brady said...

I watched the Mermaid mocumentary a few months ago. It was ELITE indeed. The best part was looking at Facebook afterwards and seeing all the people that thought it was real.

Listened to WKNR talk about the Lebron $5000 flopping fine yesterday. It's equivalent to 1.5 minutes of playing time for him. That will teach him! Seriously though, those flops are just embarrassing for everyone involved.

WINDIANS back to their WINNING ways!

The Iceman said...

Cakes back to his live tweeting Indians games. They're just as awful as you all remember them being.

I wasn't a flopper because you have to play defense...or at least attempt defense...to be in a position to flop. I was too busy worrying about cashing in 3-balls all fuckin night.

I would say the flopping is a YOUGE blemish on LeBron's comparison to Jordan. And I agree...the greatest players in their sport have and will never resort to flopping. It's fuckin gross and disrespects the game. But in Lebron's defense he did spend significant time around Anderson PubeWig in Cleveland. I'm sure his fraudulence rubbed off on Lebron while he was there.

Ace said...

Ide, I went 7-2 last week. My team is on the rise.

Thank you, Cakes. Somebody who appreciates fine TV production that also serves to troll tards.

GMoney said...

I don't know about you guys, but those Jack Links commercials seem awfully real to me. I've seen Bigfoot hanging out at Minerva's lush back 8 at least a dozen times.

Prime99 said...

I could see Iceman flopping to get an and-1 on a three ball.

Drew loves 'batin' and baitin' and he's only doing one of those in regards to this site for a week.

The Iceman said...

No one ever challenged my 3 balls, Prime. They knew it didn't matter if they defended me or not. That shit was wet every time.

Prime99 said...

Iceman just claimed to shoot 100% from 3 in high school. How on Earth are you not in the NBA?!?

Brady said...

How can you shoot 3's from the pep band pit?

Ace said...

Boom Cakes!

Iceman's career 3 pt % is below 40%, based on OHSAA records, so his wetness is definitely in question.

GMoney said...

He was probably talking about his vagina while he watched Louis Green in the shower.

BOOM MONEY!

The Iceman said...

It's how you finish, son. 48% Senior year. I mean...100%, senior year.

Ace said...

Ice, SHENANIGANS! Either you didn't put up 100 3 pt attempts(LOL!!!) or you are lying. OHSAA begins their season record cut-off at 47%, and you do not show anywhere on the list. I know these things because a kid at school tried to tell me his brother had the record for most points in a playoff game, so I fact-checked his bitch ass. And then I searched for Napoleon within that document and the only references are to the '81 team. FACTS. How dare you mislead TMS Maniacs.

GMoney said...

Are those percentages for the amount of Lou Green Peen you could handle?

I'm killing it with the NHS interracial gay sex jokes this afternoon. I'm a big fan of the story that Lou's dad came to the end of year basketball potluck banquet with a bucket of KFC Original Recipe. Nope. Not a stereotype at all!

Anonymous said...

Iceman- Nobody shoots 100%, except me

Doug Edwards

The Iceman said...

I'm just telling you what my end of year senior stat sheet says, Ape. Waltermetrics cannot be proven incorrect. It's what all statistical formats were based on.

Grumpy said...

In 98-99 Iceman damn near made it into Club Trill. Damn, I love Google.

GMoney said...

97-98 might be a little more helpful, old timer.

Grumpy said...

No, 98-99 Defiance College. 1 game, 0-0 on threes and 1-1 on two's. He misses that game and that shot and he's in. For the season.

Still, that's more than the rest of us accomplished, except maybe Prime.

GMoney said...

I didn't know that Iceman was a Jacket. Different flag, but still CARRY IT!

Prime99 said...

Nope, Grump. While I shot 4 of 7 from 3 my senior year and averaged 16 ppg my senior year, my broken wrists and some shady late recruiting led to me getting cut at UCD. I was recruited back to my local JC but chose to not go and stay at UCD, thus ending my bball career.

Years later, their head coach complained about having an undersized team, then was fired for running the program into the ground, OBVS.

GMoney said...

Nice comeuppance!