Friday, May 31, 2013
If you are one of those spunk junkies who thinks that the refs should not be fouling out the superstars like LeBron and Wade then take today off and go listen to your boy, Colin T. I am actually going to defend the indefensible today. Joey Crawford may be the absolute biggest shit-brick in officiating, but how can you blame him really? Every time that he or any other ref blows their whistle, they get bitched at or glared at or mean-mugged into submission (often times by minorities!). Everybody is ALWAYS whining over everything. Now we have the best players in the world flopping at one end of the court and then getting all pissy when it happens to them at the other. Basically, these assholes want their BradyCake and eat it, too. So what are the officials to do to combat this? Call everything and be an asshole about it or call nothing and look incompetent. The WAY OF WADES of the world have left them no choice. Go ahead and watch that GIF a few more times and figure out how you would handle these fully grown babies.
People talk a lot of shit about MANsbrough and how he is just a big oaf who leads the team in up-downs (even though the coach didn’t tell them to do any because they play basketball after all) but you will never accuse him of flopping. That same thing could be said about Hibbert, Udonis Haslem, and The Birdman (who is still a proud member of my Lockout Arrest fantasy team). Those men are to be respected. It is those pussies on the wings that deserve all of the scorn. In case last night’s game was a turd worth no discussion, I figured that today I would just rank the top 5 worst floppers from the Eastern Conference Finals.
5. David West – I only include this because he should be raked through the coals for his part in the LeBron Double Flop from game 4. West has a good old school game though so I assume that he is just fighting fire with fire.
4. Lance Stephenson – I have no idea where this guy’s head is and I find him to be fascinating. It’s almost as if that forearm shiver that Wade threw at him in game 2 (no foul called of course despite it being intentional) turned him into some sort of Ron Artest incarnate. If you come anywhere near the former underachieving Bearcat then he will somehow end up planted in the upper deck. It’s almost amusing to see him pick his spots to flop and then not get any calls.
3. WAY OF WADE – I hate you. You complain about everything. It brings great joy to me to see you play all sorts of bad out there.
2. LeBron – Seriously, he’s better than this. You don’t have to scream as if you’ve been shot every single time that you drive to the lane. In fact, let’s go to the tape!
“I don't need to flop,” LeBron said back during the Bulls series. “I play an aggressive game. I don't flop. I've never been one of those guys.”
Who the fuck are you trying to fool? You want to be compared to Michael? That’s cool, then stop acting like Reggie Miller (who takes pride in being the best flopper in NBA history).
1. Shane Battier – I don’t know how anyone could like or respect this guy. He went to Duke for Christ sake! There isn’t a dirtier player in the league who also doubles as the biggest flopper as well. That is some lofty shit right there. The same guy who has no problem kneeing big dudes in the sack also takes a dive if the towel boy gets too close to him.
Iceman mentioned this the other day, too, but it bears repeating: Fuck Mario Chalmers. I saw somewhere the other day where he named his daughter (likely out of wedlock) “Queen Elizabeth”. That should make you hate him even more. I hope that the game was good last night so that we have something to talk about today. Well, we can always talk about how much Drew sucks. It’s not like he can respond! He’s probably a flopper, too.