Thursday, May 09, 2013

Point Guard/Counterpoint Guard

^^^spells like a queer^^^
Well, I was trying to secretly go all week without writing about sports but I’m going to break that promise that I never actually made to myself. Don’t worry, unless something cray happens today, we’re killing the week off with another non-sports effort. While most of you don’t like basketball talk, PLAYOFF basketball has to be OK, doesn’t it? I mean, no one wants to argue if the Cavs or Pistons are shittier (or do they?). So today, I want to talk about two players who we all know and probably have an opinion on.

MIKE CONLEY, JR – OK, I can admit when I’m wrong (unlike Drew) and I was fairly wrong about Conley. If I recall, way back in the day I wrote that he should definitely leave Ohio early (as I feel for most players) but I never thought that he would amount to much. It took him awhile, but he is finally blossoming into a borderline superstar in this postseason. If you can get past his weird-shaped head (and I can understand if you cannot), he plays a very fluid and beautiful game. It’s sort of like Tony Parker’s but 100% less French asshole. After Memphis dumped Rudy Gay near the deadline, someone had to step up and be a good second or third banana with Gasol and the always awesome Z-Bo. Conley has.

I spent most of my lunch break yesterday trying to rank point guards just to see where Conley fit. I have him ninth (just ahead of Jrue Holiday, Ty Lawson, and John Wall) and that’s not bad when you look at all of the stud PGs in the NBA (In no particular order: CP3, Rose, Rondo, D-Will, Westbrook, Parker, Curry, and I put Kyrie ahead of him). That’s some awesome company. There are a LOT of really good point guards in the league.  He wasn’t among those guys three weeks ago. He is now. I absolutely expect the Grizz to beat the Thunder (would almost consider it an upset if they don’t) and most definitely think that they can win the West. I never would have thought that the emergence of Mike Conley would have been the difference (or THE DIFF). Good for him and I mean that.

DERRICK ROSE – Disclaimer: I fully expect the Heat to handle them in game 2. That has nothing to do with hopefully the final time that I have to talk about Rose this season. Someone needs to be a grown up already and end this once and for all. We all know that he isn’t going to magically suit up. It would be grossly irresponsible for him to do that or for the team to allow that to happen. The guy hasn’t played in a year. He isn’t just going to all of a sudden start his season in the playoffs against the motherfucking champs. When he is “mentally ready/handicapped” to return, he’s going to be put on the floor for 40 minutes. If he can’t do that, then don’t dress him. AND LET EVERYONE KNOW THIS SO THEY WILL STOP CONSTANTLY ASKING ABOUT HIS AVAILABILITY.

Look, the Bulls are one of the best stories in sports right now (the Blue Jackets are still #1). They keep winning with the weirdest collection of weirdos this side of an NRA convention (count it). Joakim Noah went from unlikable shit weasel to unlikable shit weasel who you can at least respect because he balls so hard. They’ve got Tiny Nate and whatever a Jimmy Butler is (played all 48 minutes in game 1?!?!?!) and that foreign guy who makes threes and does the “HUGE BALLS” gesture. It’s incredible. But they are all being overshadowed by a guy who’s sitting because he doesn’t want to end up like Gilbert Arenas. And when you think about it that way, it makes all the sense in the world. Hibachi is the worst.  He probably goes by Cakes.  Shouldn’t more questions be asked about Luol Deng’s botched SPINAL TAP (!) or Kirk the Vampire’s pussy calf? Talk about the guys who are actually there. I don’t know, I just think that everyone in the Bulls organization is handling this poorly. The media focus is on the wrong person.  Even if he does dress for game 3 to fire up the fans or whatever, he might not get the reception that he wants.  From what I've read, the fans are fed up with the drama so, you know, end the goddamn drama already.

That being said, the Heat are still going to beat them. That is unfortunate but a FACT because I can think of no better Heat troll than Noah. Oh well, at least Chicago still has the Cubs' winning ways, Adam Dunn’s breathtaking swing, Stan Mikita’s Donuts, and Jay Catler. In conclusion, look at me complimenting a former Fuckeye! I haven’t done that since congratulating Korey Stringer for dying.

50 comments:

Grumpy said...

You forgot Bob Cousy.

Anonymous said...

CBJ is the story of the year, but that's not for lack of Stephen Currys trying. If they beat the Spurs, they will go to the Finals.

Ide

GMoney said...

I thought that today's pic and caption was delightful.

After last night's hilarious display of shitheadery, maybe the Bulls are back to being 100% unlikable after all.

Jeff said...

Golden State is fun to watch. Gotta like watching a team whose core guys stuck around (actually went to) college for a few years.

Go Ducks!

Brady said...

It's a basketball buckeye compliment but I guess beggers can't be choosers.

There were NBA games last night? So that's what my twitter feed kept droning on and on about.

Tribe can't be stopped right now. Even obvious home runs are no match for the Wahoos. Left field guard rail with an ELITE save last night. Yellow lines be damned.

Jeff said...

Gotta love WINdians fans chirping all May and June. Don't worry, July will be here soon enough and you guys can go back to kidnapping people.

Let's be honest, you would be better off if you missed out on the last 10 years of Cleveland sports anyways.

Brady said...

Can we do a fast food breakfast sandwich post sometime soon? This new gouda bacon and egg muffin from the King is getting me hard right now.

Ace said...

LOLZ at "Gouda" at Burger King. That sandwich is probably made of nuclear waste.

I always liked Conley's game. I would take him as my PG over Rose or Westbrook(Not true PG's). He's a great fit for the Grizz.

This is all on D Rose. If he isn't coming back, just fucking say it. Don't have your brah out there saying ludicrous shit to the media, don't hide behind maybe's or lack of mental fortitude, JUST SAY YOU AREN'T COMING BACK, because you aren't. If I were a Bulls fan I would be pissed and want him traded for a million draft picks.

The fact that he has been medically cleared for about 3 months now is what makes him look so cunty. I get he needs to protect his health and his money, but you've been fucking cleared for 3 months now, buddy. Stop holding the fans hostage, and just make it public that you aren't playing this year. And you're the worst.

Brady said...

Oh there's no doubt it's made of nuclear waste but it was the shortest line on the way to work and I was starving. There was no time to stop off at Whole Foods and drop $20 on farm fresh ingrediants prepared by some heroin-addicted sous chef.

Does anyone else think D Rose looks like a cross-dressing weirdo. I swear that guy was either conceived by ghosts or is secretly a chick.

GMoney said...

One of these days I will breakdown Fast Food chains. It has been in the hopper for a few years actually. You've got a hopper? A big hopper. It will be my finest food post ever.

When will you assholes stop doing what you do every year and have been called out here for it countless times. You get all bonerific about the Tribe in May and then dead silent in August. It happens every year. This little charade will end on Monday when the Yankees take two. How do I know this? Because Lyle Overbay was hitting cleanup last night.

The Ducks fucking suck. Wait--nevermind, I had my late game OT winners confused. Fucking Hitch and Ovi...WIN YOUR SERIES!

GMoney said...

LOL...you can have Conley and I'll take a healthy Rose and a healthy Westbrook. I will win every game.

Anonymous said...

Doesn't all fast food conversations start and stop with Taco Bell and White Castle?

LOL at Cakes calling it the King. The broiest of all fast food monikers.

Indians fans. Hilarious.

Ide

Prime99 said...

You would need a West Coast reporter to fill you in on Jack In The Box... Ultimate Cheeseburger for the heart attack!

I agree that D Rose and the Bulls did themselves a disservice by not just saying he's out for sure. The Arenas example is a good one but just cite that, say he's not coming back this year, and move on.

Fuck Reggie Rose. The Bulls didn't do anything to make improve the team to make it worth Rose coming back? They're in the second round tied 1-1 with the Heat without Mr. Glass, so I'd say they are plenty good enough. Superstar centers like Andrew Bogut don't grow on trees...

Ace said...

Westbrook is a 2. Rose is a bit of a tweener, as far as facilitating goes. You don't win titles with scoring PG's. Seriously. I like my PG's well-rounded, just like Dut likes his men.

Brady said...

It's different this year, fellas. We actually have a legit lineup and bench players who belong in the major leagues. There aren't anymore Damons, Duncans or Marsons to laugh at. Aviles, Raburn and Gomes all can play which gives us room to have an injury here and there.

The pitching is still suspect but improving. If it's even half way decent, the tribe will be in the thick of it come August.

That Heat Bulls game had a ton of technicals. That's the kind of product you need to put out there to grab the fringe fan. Fights and more fights.

Anonymous said...

I was actually about to comment on Conley's emergence after game 1, even though the Grizz had a sloppy finish and blew that late lead. I don't watch a lot of regular season nba, in fact the only 2 games I watched more than 1 quarter were the 2 Suns games I attended, but the playoffs are a must watch every spring.

I enjoy watching Conley run the show for a pretty good Grizzlies team. It seems like they have a legitimate shot at getting to the finals this year too.

Where is the love for Dequaen? 23 minutes, 0-6 fg, 0 points, 0 assists, 1 rebound.... He's probably going to turn it on when they get back to Chicago & set up a finals matchup with his old Buckeye teammate.

The Golden State Warriors are probably the most entertaining young team in the league in recent memory too. Steph Curry is going to be a lot of fun to watch for many years to come.

The Players Championship prediction... Tiger finishes outside the top 25.

Buke

GMoney said...

Ape, you are insane. I bet you only like PGs who grew up with strong father figures and didn't do The Dougie either.

The Lakers, Bulls, and Heat won titles with horrible (Derek Fisher and Chalmers) or even non-existent PGs (Ron Harper/Jordan/Pippen all shared that role). That's amazing. So, in essence, you don't really need a great PG to win big which is awesome because the only good player on my favorite team is a PG.

Dut is a chubby chaser?

It's going to be amazing when BradyCakes hangs himself over the coming Tribe collapse.

Jeff said...

"It's different this year, fellas" LOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZLOLZ

GMoney said...

Of course Tiger will suck this week. Did you see how hammered he was at that Met Ball this week! ELITE picture taking by whoever took that.

Daequan was pretty close to a 23 trillion! Had he accomplished it, Titus may have died instantly.

Anonymous said...

Did you ever get a chance to read Titus's book? It's definitely the funniest book I've ever read & I would recommend to even the biggest Buckeye hater.

Buke

Brady said...

You're right. Adding Swisher, Reynolds, Bourn, Aviles, Raburn, Francona and two more arms to the leagues best bullpen won't make any difference this year. I don't know what I was thinking. Oh, and we lead the league in HR's.

Where are Seal and Damman to help defend our honor?!

Those Tiger pictures were ELITE! Apparently Vonn had to pick him up off the floor and help him walk out of the event. I can't decide if that is impressive or sad.

GMoney said...

LOL stop acting like Ryan Raburn is good. He's worse than Brandon Inge.

By the way, if Angel Hernandez's name was Andy Herndon, MLB would have fired him 10 years ago. He is the worst yet is also a crew chief. Makes no sense.

There is no way that you have the league's best bullpen. Just stop. You're embarrassing yourself.

Prime99 said...

Seal posted on Facebook about how terrible Chris Perez is. He knows the Indians don't have the league's best bullpen.

By the way, I also found the picture caption to be hilarious this morning!

The Iceman said...

First thing's first. We may officially have a new RibFest bet as long as Ide owns up to his Facebook comments from last night. All we need is the venue...and no, it will not be my wedding reception because I don't want to spend the rest of my life having Wheelz constantly bringing that shit up. Here it is:

Remember how Ide is always chirping about how he is unbeatable in Goldeneye for N64? Well I propose he play each MoneyShot member one on one. He sweeps the field and he eats and drinks for free all night. He gets taken out by ANY member and he buys ribs that night for all. He also said he would throw the whoever beats him a $100 bonus. Let's make this happen.

The Iceman said...

If I, as a baseball hater, know that Ryan Raburn is a pile of turdy shit and easily one of the top 5 worst players in baseball, then trying to convince the world he is good is LOLZ.

This is the only exciting part about baseball...watching Cakes try and defend a team that will finish close to last at the end of the year.

The Iceman said...

I'm fucking tired of people defending Rose. And there's no chance Rose ends up like Arenas. Because he isn't shithouse crazy. He also doesn't compare his gun collection in the locker room with murderers.

"Mental hurdles" are such a pussy excuse. The only way you know if your knee is going to hold up or not is to actually fucking get out there and play. If Wes Welker, who is half the athlete as Rose, can come back from an ACL and be at the top of his game then Rose can do it. Sack up, Rebecca.

Nate said...

I'd be curious to see how good Ide is at GoldenEye.

Baby Buke was always the self-proclaimed GE whiz until I made him my bitch over and over in college.

Proxy mines or no proxy mines?

GMoney said...

Yeah, Ice, I never really believed your usual crap about Indians fans getting all cocky in the first 6 weeks of the season...until Cakes showed up and justified everything. Seal and Damman aren't backing you up because they know what's coming down the line.

Ide putting his money where his ribs go...I like it. I just know that it won't be me beating him. You can schedule me as his first opponent though. I will be the comment section's version of Glass Joe.

Ace said...

Nate, good call on the proxy mines. That is a game changer.

If Ide is really doing this then I am going to game my ass off so I can be the new Tim Tebow.

Anonymous said...

Brady, I've been suckered in the last two years only to punched in the balls by this team. The talent may be better but I have stayed away from getting too excited. No Facebook taunts, no texts to Dut so he can't use them against me at a later date. I'm playing it cool until at least July! Whether I make it that long is another story.

-Damman

GMoney said...

I kind of hope that Adrian Peterson is texting pictures of his massive man-balls to Rose daily.

The Iceman said...

So who wants to offer up their place for Ide to buy us all ribs? I'll do it as there is a tasty rib place by my house called Shorty's but I'm not sure how excited everyone would be about partying in Toledo. There are some pretty average hookers if that sweetens the pot for people.

Anonymous said...

Proxy mines at your own peril. Again, and I can't stress this enough: I remember all the spawn locations and I have zero qualms with running around placing mines at each location so all I have to do is kill you once and you basically automatically lose.

Not surprisingly, power weapons and proxy mines were not allowed when me or my brother (may be as good as me) would play.

We played like men and did the following: no radar, infinite ammo (unless mines) and license to kill. I could amend those rules.

Also, its in your best interest to not play me at the Complex. Trust.

I bet Baby Burke and he declined. Fag.

Ide

GMoney said...

I should bet ribs based on DFL glory. I would eat like a king forever.

Speaking of kings, the Clippers' promotions page has two dates right up my alley:

Friday 5/24 WWE HOF Mick Foley
Some Friday in July Jerry "The King" Lawler

Could I get The King to autograph the G$FL Championship Crown? Man, that would be sweet. He might have another heart attack.

Anonymous said...

Considering its my crown now, I will allow it. Never forget.

And why the hell did me playing GE come up? I haven't brought it up in at least a year.

ELITE robot code: suexpac yet

Ide

GMoney said...

suexpac yet?

Well, as someone who watched his adult film with Chyna, I should probably consider taking legal action.

Brady said...

Iceman trying to comment on baseball players is hilarious. Anybody who doesn't think Raburn is an upgrade over Johnny Damon or Shelly Duncan is drunk.

The Iceman said...

I'm friends with enough Tigers fans to know that Raburn is the inside of a butthole, Cakes. His .171 BA last year is pretty hard proof of that. I'm sure you spent the majority of last year LOLing the Tigers for starting Raburn every day. But now that he's an Indian, things are TOTES different and he's fucking GREAT!! Good to see your hypocrisy bleeds into every sport you follow. At least you're consistent in that aspect.

GMoney said...

They call them averages for a reason, knob-gobbler. His hot streak now will lend way to an impressive Arctic blast later. He's not even going to play anymore once Bourn comes back next week.

Quit being dumb.

Brady said...

I'm not claiming the dude is an all star or anything. It doesn't take much to be better than Duncan and Damon. Just saying it is an upgrade. You don't win AL player of the week with a .500 average with 9 RBI and 4 HR if you're in the "bottom five" of the league as Iceman claims. Hilarious observation right there.

I'm guessing Oakland would like to leave Cleveland ASAP. Already up 6-0 in the 4th today. But I won't get too excited. 13-4 since April 20th and 10/11 doesn't mean anything apparently.

WINDIANS

Prime99 said...

Cakes being Cakes.

Anonymous said...

If they finish under .500 he owes us ribs.

Ide

Jeff said...

HOLY SHIT, Cakes. You sooo dumb for real. I'm all in favor of baseball talk, but if this is what you're going to bring to the table, then your comments must be deleted. At least when July rolls around you will be the drunk who thinks Ryan Rabum is good. You hold onto that player of the week award as long as you can!!!

Ace said...

Ide is having himself a day. *slow clap

GMoney said...

Cakes is the Worst Cake. He just pitched me a TV segment where he interviews Ryan Raburn completely nude. I fired him again. How does he keep getting in here? I'm trying to run a show here!

Brady said...

Sorry, brahs! This wasn't really meant to be a Raburn suck fest. Once Bourn comes back, he will be relegated to 2-3 spot starts per week. You need guys like that to keep people fresh.

Raburn > Damon, Aviles > Duncan, Gomes > Marson. That's all I'm saying. Just enjoying the stellar baseball being played at the corner of Carnegie and Ontario.

I just bought tickets for Saturday night in Detroit. Can't wait to drinks some beers, kick some bums and get out of the Motor City with 2/3.

The Iceman said...

Cakes is an absolutely extraordinary human being. Look at him defend a career .250 hitter simply because he's on the Indians. You think Raburn is an upgrade from before? Okay. Sure buddy. We'll give you that. But every upgrade isn't worth a public celebration much like the one you currently have going for Raburn in this comment section. If Damman's last sexual encounter was with a 225 pound woman with a Selleck stache, that's certainly an upgrade from the hunch backed 275ers in Steeler wife beaters he''s used to. But you certainly don't see him on here bragging about it. Catch my drift? Raburn is shit...no matter if it's an upgrade or not.

Brady said...

"Cakes is an absolutely extraordinary human being."

I stopped reading after that. Hope there wasn't anything important.

Fine, Ice. Let's just drop baseball and drone on and on about ghetto PG's, ebonics and mix tapes the rest of the day. You've earned it.

I'm leaving work anyway.

/drops mic

Anonymous said...

The sex between these two tonight will be SAVAGE.

Ide

Ace said...

Mixtapes? Truly Yours by J Cole was pretty nice. Chance the Rapper - Acid Rap Mixtape might be the best of 2013. Is that what you were looking for Cakes?

How did this turn into Tribe talk? Fucking stop.