Friday, May 24, 2013

It's A Three Day Weekend! WHO WANTS CAKE!

He was told that there would be cakes.
Hello there, three day weekend, good to see you again. You haven’t shown up for a while. I missed you. I assume that everyone is already fired up for Memorial Day festivities and have already checked out mentally for the day so I guess that I should do. I’m not one to rise above the mean.

But in case you haven’t checked Facebook yet today, you may not know that today is Cakes’ birthday. I don’t know how old he actually he is but mentally he just turned 8. Congrats, BRO, on living another day! How about we just waste today discussing only topics that Cakes would contribute toward!

*The WINDIANS! I’m still not buying into them. You can’t just keep outscoring the opposition. 4 of your 5 starters are average at best and your closer is a shitburger. Enjoy it while it lasts because you know what’s coming…crushing defeat.

*The Brown Stains! I don’t think that we’ve talked enough about how embarrassing your new owner is. This guy is a real shithead who most definitely should be serving time in prison for his white collar chicanery. Out of all of the horrible things that has happened to this fan base, having a criminal as owner is just the cherry on top of the Art Modell turd sundae. I hope that Goodell takes the team from him and then they sell it to Jay-Z or some other nincompoop.

*OHIO BUCKEYE FOOTBALL! I heard numerous rumors from multiple Wal-Mart Wolverines over the weekend that The Hokester is CRUSHING Urb’s pussy on the recruiting trail for next year. I can not confirm or deny these charges but since I don’t like the red and gray, I will confirm these allegations to be true. Hoke-a-mania is running wild on King Buttfucker!

*The weather! It is supposed to be really nice this weekend which is in stark contrast to last Memorial Day when it was a billion degrees. Funny story: Damman and I were scheduled to ump a tripleheader together over that weekend and he did the plate for the first game while I would be doing the dish for the other two. After game one, he was so dehydrated that I found him lying under a tree covered in his own Spaghetti-O’s puke or whatever he ate. He lived so it was hilarious. I’ll give him credit though, he came back to do the bases for game 3. I was not deterred because I am all that is man. FYI, we are working together for three on Monday morning. Fingers crossed that he makes it!

*Tinted eyewear! Never forget Coach Tress.

*Bestiality! I assume so. You know, I really don’t know Cakes all that well after all. I’m putting that on my resume.

Well, that will do it for All Cakes Day here at The Shot. We will be dark on Monday but Tuesday will pick up exactly where you all want it to…at the Indy 500! Just do a little digging about the event this year and you will be able to figure out what I’m talking about. Also I’m sure that there will be a lot of talk about Ice, Ide, and myself doing RUN FOR YOUR LIVES tomorrow (I’m sure that you’re thrilled that you won’t have to read about that anymore) as well as Drew’s trip to NOLA. Have a good weekend, stay safe, and try not to shit your pants, Drew.


Anonymous said...

Good Luck at the run fellas.

Happy Birfday Cakes.

Miguel Cabrera just hit another home run.

LOLZ at the recruiting smack. This time last.year Hoke and UM were way ahead of OSU.....then Urbz came down the stretch and just crushed them. Hoke blows hjs wad early, while Urbz is the ultimate closer. I think Hoke loses his breath.

One Wings win away. LOLZ @ Prime ever thinking Chicago had a chance against the Stanley Cup favorites.

NOLA...can't wait to see you.


Grumpy said...

Happy Birthday Cakes.

I predict the Zombies win.

Anonymous said...

I almost guaransheed i get beat by the zombies. I just flew into Columbus and man, I am NOT ready.


Nate said...

If by "crushing Urb's pussy", you mean having 10 recruits to our 9, then yes, the rumors are true.

Both major recruiting services (Scout and Rivals) have the two teams within a spot of each other.

Get ready for bullet points:

-With last year's large class, OSU can't take as many this year

-We're still bound by the scholarship reductions

-OSU's actually grabbed the best player in Michigan, a state already depleted of talent.

I think Urban's the one with the sticky fingers, not Hoke.

GMoney said...

I believe that I was told that the quality of recruits is not even close. I'm just the middle man here so don't yell at me.

LOL scholarship reductions. Yes, having two less is a stone cold KILLER!

I'm ready. At least I think I am. I'll probably die literally and figuratively.

Does Drew actually think that anyone here feels like Cabrera is a bad player? It seems like he does. Fucking Jimmy Howard...fuck Toews. He eats so much hog.

It was nice of me to finally remember to put up a pic today. That kid looks like the "tape a cheetah to her back" kid.

Prime99 said...

Happy birthday, Cakes! Enjoy the nice weather- perfect weather for doing dogs! You may be interested in knowing that I felt my first earthquake last night.

"Fucking Jimmy Howard...fuck Toews. He eats so much hog."

Going to have to agree on those strong points. All of my shit talk never accounted for Toews' mental implosion on the ice. His three penalties in a period was atrocious.

GMoney said...

Granted the Wings are playing really well and the Hawks look lost, but that final PP that CHI had with about 4 minutes left might have been the worst one I've ever seen. And I've watched two seasons of the Scott Arniel Blue Jackets.

Anonymous said...

Here's what will happen to everyone in our group running tomorrow:

The 30 minutes before the race will feel like 30 days. All you want to do is get out there. There WILL be a massive stream you will be forced to run through followed by an unavoidable sand pit within the first 100 yards. They want your feet to be sand bricks for the duration of the entire race.

In the first half mile you'll think you're gonna breeze through the course and will start getting the feeling that it won't be "that hard." In the next quarter mile you'll realize how dumb that thought was.

At the 1 mile marker you'll swear you just ran 10 and they measured the distance to the marker incorrectly. The words "no fucking way" or some version of that will certainly be muttered either out loud or under your breath.

The remainder of the race will alternate with what the track athletes know as "walking the curves sprinting the straights." For all you non track guys, that means you will be sprinting through hoardes of zombies and recovering immediately after by walking when there is clear woods.

You'll say you won't be doing that. You'll remember I wrote this when it actually happens.

After the race you'll think you'll be drinking a beer...Gatorade will be too good to pass up at that point.

If you didn't bring a chnge of clothes you'll be extremely sorry.

Whatever socks you wear have a 90% chance of staying at the race sight...because socks are replaceable and the ones you wear will be tough to save.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I am leaving my shoes at the site as well. I am told to be resting today and all feels well. My thigh is a little tight, but I'm no pussy.


GMoney said...

So bring shitty shoes? Got it. Running through water is such an asshole move. This isn't a swim meet, dammit.

Anonymous said...

Here's a veteran tip for you. If you have an old pair of football cleats laying around for whatever reason....wear those. You'll need the traction.

Mr. Ace said...

Happy birfday B-Cakes! Love your dogs however you want today.

Regarding the recruiting. Michigans class is slightly better as we speak. On Sunday Michigan will gain the commitment one of the top 2 players in the country. The other top player is split between michigan/va tech. Michigan s class will have a better recruiting class tgis year, regardless of numbers. Hoke-a-Mania fuckbags.

Icemans description sounds about spot on as to what I would expect, plus more cramping and vomiting.

Anonymous said...

And make sure you pregame dump. Unless you like shitting in port a johns. I'm bringing a trash bag for my race clothes...something I wish I had done last year. Drink tons of water today and tomorrow. Carbo loading the night before a race is pure myth. Unless you really like pasta you can skip the chicken Alfredo meal you planned on eating for dinner tonight.

GMoney said...

I'm probably not going to make it actually. The toxic fumes that I'm currently unleashing at my desk will certainly put me into a coma.

The more that you keep talking, the more that I realize that I will finish flagless.

I couldn't help notice that you did not wish Cakes a happy birthday. Strong move.

Anonymous said...

* ESPN RecruitingNation currently has UM's 2014 class at #1. OSU is at #14.

* Eight of Michigan's nine 2014commits are in the ESPN 150. One of OSU's nine is in the 150 (Damon Webb, from Detroit Cass Tech that Nate conveniently mentions).

* The State of Michigan has four high school players in the ESPN 150. The depleted State of Ohio only has two in the 150 (of which UM already has 50% - Michael Ferns).

* Lawrence Marshall decommitted from OSU and switched to UM two weeks ago.

* Jabrill Peppers, the #2 overall recruit in the nation, is announcing on Sunday. Michigan is the leader. Da'Shawn Hand, #4 overall, also has UM leading.

I know OSU fans hate facts but unfortunately that's all that I have to back up my case.


Nate said...

ESPN 150 is still a fledgling recruiting service filled with hacks.

Give them another 10 years and I'll take them more serious.

Not here to say OSU will beat Michigan out this year (they will because of the constraints I already mentioned), just disputing Michigan's dominance this year in recruiting.

I'll give you Peppers, but OSU is expecting to receive commitments from the following in the next month:

#5 LB - Raekwon McMillan

#6 OT - Jamarcus Jones

#6 OG - Demetrius Knox

Plus, arguing for your own dominance this early in the game is pointless. See your own Lawrence Marshall who was committed to OSU a few months ago.

Nate said...

Clarifying post above

*Michigan will end up having the better class because of the constraints on OSU I mentioned

Anonymous said...

Judging by this groups tendency to blowing their load so early on everything from college recruiting to Indians games, and everything in between, I bet there are a lot of unsatisfied wives/girlfriends in the crowd.

GMoney said...


Nate said...

Is that Stan?

Mr. Ace said...

If Stan went full Anon I will be very disappointed.

Nate, I mostly agree with you regarding ESPN. They definitely have some outlier rankings compared to other recruiting services. But even the composite rankings have Michigan higher. Meaning Michigan averages a higher star rating and will carry that thru this class. Hoke>>> everybody else that is not Satan.

Is it okay for me to pepper spray my dog every time he chews something? My classical conditioning skills are lacking. Time for punishment!

Anonymous said...

"ESPN 150 is still a fledgling recruiting service filled with hacks."

There it is, Saul. That's how Ohio fans argue. It's always, "I'm going to ignore all the sites that say your team is better and just chalk it up to hack reporting all while boasting that the sites that have Ohio the best at everything as noteworthy and flawless journalism."

Player recruiting grades are all arbitrary and opinion formulated, Nate. To say that ESPN has "hacks" then turn around and take another site's word about a recruit as gospel is just careless and fucking dumb. They all get paid to form opinions about players based on what they see. Obviously opinions are always going to differ when it comes to athletic ability. The only way we'll ever know who was right and who was wrong will be when these guys step on the field. That's why recruiting rankings have been and will always continue to be stupid to brag about.

GMoney said...

So when and where do you fairies want to meet tomorrow? It sounds like Ide wants to drive which is fine by me as it would be better to get a rental car all nasty than my own. It might make sense to meet at Groveport Madison HS which is right off of 33 after getting off of 270. They say to get there 2 hours before you run so maybe meet somewhere at 10:30?

Nate said...

I know the "root for your conference" thing is frowned upon around here, but it is good for fans of both OSU & UM to have themselves and their rival recruiting so well.

The only way the SEC's hold on college football comes to an end is if the Big Ten and PAC12 come back to what they used to be.

Having powers in both conferences raising the level of competition only produces a stronger conference champion. Look at what UCLA is starting to do - that will eventually pay huge dividends for the PAC-12 champ.

Nate said...


Scout and rivals have been around for nearly a decade longer than ESPN. Often, more experience results in better results.

In case you need me to say it again, I'm conceding that Michigan will have a better class than Ohio State when its all said and done.

If you're looking for somebody to toss your tampon at, throw one at Ace. He (mostly) agrees with me.

Anonymous said...

Who puffs out their chest about recruiting rankings 9 months prior to signing day? Obviously this comes from a fan base that knows Ohio State has the ultimate closer. I guess I'm not concerned with the early rankings on the recruiting trail. Urban will ultimately get the guys he needs to compete for a national title. Lardass will get a good recruiting class, that will undoubtedly lose 12+ games over their 4 year career compared to Urban's kids who will likely get 3+ Big Ten titles & at least 1 national title. I actually like mu becoming a legitimate rival again after a decade of worse than mediocrity. The mu fan base is adorable with their may recruiting titles. Don't forget that Urban hasn't lost a game at Ohio State.


Anonymous said...

What I'm saying, Nate is that it's dumb to get all boned up over recruiting classes period. No matter what team you follow. Who gives a rats ass if you're number 1 or number 100? As long as you win games and get good players. Having a top ranked recruiting class isn't a guarantee you'll get either. So why get so juiced about it?

Schools like Michigan and Ohio will always get the better athletes because of who they are, anyway. Recruiting for those schools seems it would be pretty damn easy. It doesn't matter what their "recruit rank" is at any point during the year. There isn't an exact science to this and even the guys at scouts and rivals are wrong about players every single year.

GMoney said...

Mack Brown is proof that recruiting means very little if are terrible at development/coaching/look like my father in law.

Go figure that I give Cakes his own day and he doesn't even show up. What a faggot.

Mr. Ace said...

Burke, thanks for that non-contribution.

Ice, look at the recruiting rankings and end of the year top 10's over the past decade. The same teams are up there for a reason. I don't follow recruiting other than Michigan's, I don't get hard to it like most Fuckeyes here. But it matters when you are competing for national titles. Sure, scouts will always be wrong, but more often than not they are right. Look at analysis on the NFL draft and star ratings out of high school, it's pretty clear it matters.

Is there any greater insult than throwing a used tampon at somebody? I would rather get jizzed on.(insert gay/shook son joke).

Anonymous said...

"Look at analysis on the NFL draft and star ratings out of high school, it's pretty clear it matters."

It only matters because the pubic cares way to much about it. And just because it matters doesn't mean it's accurate. I would argue that these guys are probably wrong just as much as they are right. And that makes listening to any of these guys when it comes to evaluating talent very tough to do.

It's the same with the NFL. It's why guys like Arian Foster and Victor Cruz go undrafted or guys like Tom Brady go in the 6th round. I just don't know why we put so much stock in the opinions of guys who are wrong so much.

Anonymous said...

I've been to Logan before, G$. The cell reception is complete ass there and you'll never get ahold of anyone. So we should plan to meet somewhere ahead of time.

Race time is 1 and we plan on arriving around 11:30 - noon. Parking is $10 and it takes about 10 to 20 minutes to register. They should also have a tent where you can have them hold your personal belongings for you.

So we can do one of two things. Plan to meet at the beer tent as soon as you get there and just hang out there until the others arrive...or we can plan to meet at a place near Logan and have one car follow the other. I don't care which one. I'll have to leave my residence by 7AM no matter which one we choose. And I'm making you pick which one too, so don't say "which ever one you want."

Mr. Ace said...

"It only matters because the pubic cares way to much about it. And just because it matters doesn't mean it's accurate. I would argue that these guys are probably wrong just as much as they are right. And that makes listening to any of these guys when it comes to evaluating talent very tough to do."

I don't know what language that is.

You are pointing out outliers. Yes, Mike Hart was a 3 star RB and Kevin Grady was a 5 star. Those are outliers. More often then not higher recruiting profile points to higher likelihood of being good and higher likelihood of being drafted higher. I'm not going to link to a bunch of shit that talks about the analyses that I have mentioned because nobody will read it. But it's real.

Hell, look at the qb ratings people posted in the comments the other day. Look at how many of those guys were 5/4 stars and how many were drafted in the first round. The answer is A LOT.

Is there any chance of video for the zombie run?

GMoney said...

It's funny because Ape implies that WE ON is competing for national titles. Since when?

Video? Probably not unless you have a helmet cam that Ide can strap to the helmet that the government makes him wear all the time. I'm not running through a goddamn stream while shooting footage.

Let's just meet right off the exit then say around 11:15 or something. I have no idea how long it takes to get to Logan from the outerbelt. Ide, do you want to drive over together? You can drive drunk if you want.

How do I know if I'm out-running a zombie or just one of the locals that live off the land in the Hocking Hills? I assume that they will look the same.

Anonymous said...

Gotta side with ACE on this one....

Apparently there is a reason Drew knows the dick size of every black high school football player on this side of the Mississippi....I guess it matters.

Better question is, how many Tom Bradys can you name that slipped to the 6th round?! The reason you can rattle off a few outliers is for that very reason, they are outliers!

Of course they are wrong a lot, everyone is. Scientist, Financial "experts", you name it we are all human.....doesn't mean they aren't the best at what they do and have a great deal of success. They are dealing in black can't predict fact at a 100% rate.

Now I for one think unless you have some actual skin in the game, its a HUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEE waste of ones time to actually know more than the final rank and list of athletes that have ACTUALLY signed on the dotted line. Aside from reading the final report....I can't imagine the amount of time the Drews of the world spend reading about things that are so meaningless as the hummer potential QB1 down the road got last night on his trip to LSU....

On a plus note GO WINGS!!!!!!!!

- J saul

Anonymous said...

Meet at the exit. Got it. I'll text you tonight to hash out the deets.

The local will be the one fucking his own sister. Zombies don't do that because they have standards.

GMoney said...

JSaul, I have never been wrong. But then again, I don't dabble in the rankings of black teenagers.

Anonymous said...

I do indeed know the cock size of every young black footballer East of the MS and I'm damn proud of it.