|Never forget that this face got away with pre-emptive murder.|
*Everett Golson is GONE! – Let’s be honest here, the kid is a really good athlete who kind of sucks throwing passes that aren’t in the general vicinity of the departed Tyler Eifert. He can make plays and is probably way better than the lesser known Braxton Miller, but Golson isn’t all that great. If he was then the Red-Faced Troll wouldn’t have sat him last year on some key fourth quarter drives.
*Everett Golson is coming back though! – Damn. I wanted something more juicy here than “probably got caught cheating on exams” or, as we all know it better as, “Florida State during the Bobby Bowden Era”. I give him some props for not being a pussy and going to McNeese State though. Most stupid football players would have taken the easy way out and transferred somewhere that allows others to take your tests (again, like Florida State) for you. He wants to be a Domer. He wants to be one of the ten black guys on that campus. That’s kind of respectable. Take your punishment like a man.
*LOL Gunnar Kiel rumors! – This shithead is already on his 20th school in less than a year now that he has re-surfaced in Cincinnati under Scumbag Tuberville. Apparently, he could transfer BACK to South Bend without having to sit out a year if he wanted. He doesn’t want to. That’s good, too, as I want to throw all of my feces at Kiel when he comes to Yager Stadium this fall.
*Brian Kelly is fucked! – And I couldn’t be happier. They are really going to capitalize on that miracle season last year by going 7-5! I can’t wait to watch Tommy Rees play QB drunk every week. Or maybe they give the rock to true freshman (from Alter) Malik Zaire! That would be a disaster. This pussy couldn’t even beat Nap last year. Granted, the game got canceled due to lightning before he even got the ball once but he’s still a bitch.
*It could have been worse for Golson! – Sure, cheating is bad and all that but look at what happened to some of his peers. Te’o got catfished to Hell and back and now has to listen to Marmalard Rivers quote scripture every day while he waits for his passes to float down from the heavens. He could have been pushed off of a video lift by a vengeful wind. He could have been violently raped and had it covered up. In the end, he gets a year off from football where his job will probably be waiting for him and a chance to get his shit together. Like I said, it could have been worse.
Thus ends the brief period in which Notre Dame football was relevant. They are now without a capable starting QB, defensive leadership, their stud TE, and both Golic boys are gone from the program (one to graduation; the other also transferred to UC…better save some of that feces for Mike—he’ll probably think that it’s POT ROAST!). While we can all anxiously await their shitty and excuse filled season, we also can sit back, relax, and enjoy the weekly temper tantrums thrown by The Murderous Brian Kelly. It’s great to have things back where they belong.