Thursday, April 11, 2013

Open Forum: All Hail Soda Popinski!

Trunk full of Faygo, car full of fat chicks...
You might be wondering how and why I’m starting a post off with a picture of the Insane Clown Posse. I get that. It doesn’t really seem to fit and I’m not coming out as a juggalo (even though I have been listening to Hocus Pocus—a great “song”—a lot recently). Well, Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J (I know their names! COUNT IT!) openly embrace the greatness of Detroit-based ghetto soda, Faygo, and today we will also be talking about pop! We are calling it pop, too. Dammit, it’s pop here and you will deal with it.

Pop is delicious even though it is quite bad for you. We all know. No one needs to get all high and mighty in the comments about how they are too health conscious to drink the stuff. Stop thinking that you’re better than everyone else because you avoid the carbonated sugar and syrup water. Obviously, getting this sweet elixir out of the fountain is the best way to enjoy it. It’s more sugary that way. While I mostly stick with diet pop and/or the zero to ten calorie stuff these days, the majority of the discussion should be about the leaded and better versions of pop. I’m just going to break this stuff down into flavor categories and that begins now:

COLA – Coke is the king. It is the best. COKE IS IT as they sometimes say.  Anyone that prefers Pepsi over Coke should be ashamed of themselves. Coke burps better and mixes with booze MUCH better. I’m also fond of RC Cola because if you throw Royal in the name of anything, it automatically makes me feel more important.

CITRUS – Now we have reached the portion of our post when we congratulate Mountain Dew for being equal parts delicious and white trash. While it tastes great, you still can’t forget that Honey Boo Boo (and her dad Jut) drinks this stuff all the time. As long as you are self-aware that you are being a rube when you Do the Dew, then you’re OK in my book. Mello Yello is not nearly as good and far more hay-seedy because they don’t even bother to spell the name correctly. I’ve been buying Faygo Moon Mist recently whenever I’m at a gas station and I love it. 24 ounces of that stuff for 99 cents? YES!  I can't stress this enough: go buy a Moon Mist today.

LEMON LIME (or “Limon” if you prefer) – I still think that Sprite is the best although Sierra Mist is delightful as well. Do they still make Slice? Why do they call these lemon lime pops when they don’t taste like either? Makes no sense

CAN’T BE DESCRIBED – I enjoyed those commercials a few years ago where people were asked to describe Dr. Pepper. You can’t other than by saying that it rules. Mr. Pibb though…yeesh, that stuff is liquefied pubic hair.

DIET – Diet Dew and Diet Dr. Pepper are the best. Diet Coke is the worst since it tastes nothing like the original. Prime is one of those guys who likes Jack and Diets. You know, for a guy who is about to be a dad, Prime sure is a homosexual. Real Coke or GTFO. If you’re worried about maintaining your figure, woman, than don’t drink alcohol. You know what, Diet Coke is not the worst because Diet Rite is. It tastes like Tab (also horrible) missed with rectal juice.

FRUIT? – I’ll drink cherry anything (especially cherry Coke). Wild Cherry Pepsi is OK, I suppose. I’m not black but I do love me a good orange pop. Sunkist is better than Fanta by a small margin but both are infinitely more tasty than Orange Slice (again, does that even exist anymore?). I don’t care for grape pop or red pop. I enjoy a Squirt every once in a while while Fresca mixes very well with whiskey if you’re in a pinch. I will also buy a bottle of whatever new flavor and color that Mountain Dew comes out with (even that weird white, milky shit). Code Red is terrible. Livewire is the best thing ever created.

ROOT – I am in the mood for root beer about once a year but NEVER will touch cream soda because it is butt. A&W is ELITE. They are way better than Mug and Barq’s. BARQ’S HAS BITE!

GINGER ALE – I’ll have to check with Ide, but I think that this might be another preferred drink of the darker persuasion. Either way, I enjoy it. Canada Dry rules. Vernors can eat shit.

DOES NOT EXIST ANYMORE – Remember Surge? Man, that stuff was bad. I did like Vault though when that was still around. I actually though that Coke II was pretty good while I never enjoyed Crystal Pepsi.

I think that that about covers it. If I missed something, please let me know. I didn’t do a ton of research on this as I just went off the top of my head. Oh wait! Pepsi did those throwback versions of their products last year and I didn’t really notice any difference. They tasted the same to me but since I have some douchey hipster qualities about me sometimes, I bought them anyway simply for the retro label. I am a sheep. Anyway, let’s get carbonated today while I try to convince Prime to start adding ICP songs to his set list. SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURGE!!!

61 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's been so long ago that I've drank anything other than a diet pop, that it almost disgusts me to drink a normal pop with how the sugar almost floods your mouf.

Diet Dew and Diet Pepper are the best diet pops...with Sprite Zero nipping at their heels. Coke Zero is pretty good too.

The best root beer is the rich man's IBC Root Beer.

--Drew

Grumpy said...

Mt. Dew by a mile. Diet Dew sucks.

Anonymous said...

No arguments on your selections. The Sprecher family of drinks is pretty good. If you ever get a chance to go on a tour there (Milwaukee) it is worth it. All you can drink soda and they give you a glass and five regular sizes of beer samples. The tour itself if boring but the drinking is aces.

Nate said...

Sam's Choice All-Star Lineup:

Dr. Thunder
Mountain Lightning
Sam's Cola
Twist Up
Grapette
Orangette

Absolute garbage. All of it.

Anonymous said...

Who's going chicken huntin'?

As far as I know gingerale is not a black drink. Its old people of all persuasions. That said, I hate it. No real reason, just not for me.

7up is way better that Sprite. Sprite Zero is good and I've never had Sierra Mist, though I am aware of it.

I can do Diet Coke on occasion. To defend Prime the lack of sugar in his Jack and Diets help avoid hangovers. As I once read in a magazine: drinking Diet Coke doesn't make you gay, but it makes you look gay.

I enjoy creme soda. IBC is solid stuff.

Live Wire was/is awesome and completely not inappropriate. Mt Dew is also as everyone stated previously.

I really don't drink pop a lot, really only on occasion. However, I do not hesitate EVER, if I see Cherry Coke/Pepsi in tap at a food place. Also, those Coke Infinite machines are doing the lords work.

Somebody brought up Sam's Choice. Let me add Big K to that mix. I have never had any of either, but I do fully recognize that they are without a doubt the trashiest beverages known to man. I certainly judged my friends whose parents bought this. "No, I'm good tap water is fine."

Faygo is tits. Moon mist or that purple stuff.

Ide

GMoney said...

Those Coke fountain things that have a hundred different flavors are ELITE.

Vanilla Coke is fucking terrible though. I do prefer the Zero products.

I forgot about IBC. That is a quality root beer. My apologies.

I also forgot about Sun Drop which is a solid Mountain Dew rip-off.

Those Sam's Choice selections made me laugh but they are still better than Mountain Dew Baja Blast. That shit is shit.

I am dead serious about everyone getting a Moon Mist ASAP. It will be on the bottom shelf of the cooler below the RC Cola family and you can buy it with face paint.

MUDawgfan said...

Moon mist sounds like a designer drug but I have never been more tempted to try anything in my life.

My Dad is an absolute lover of all things Vernors. He used to give it to the Dawg kids growing up when we had stomach aches. Yes - you could buy it in Atlanta.

I will drink a Beam and diet like it's nobody's bidness. But I also enjoy a Beam and Ginger Ale. Mostly I think I just like Jim Beam.

MUDawgfan said...

I don't much care for Root beer either - but on a hot summer evening I have been known to enjoy a nice root beer float. Fucking American as hell.

If you guys are ever in Atlanta, it sounds like you would enjoy a trip to the "World of Coke." You get to try soda from all over the world and realize how much better we have it.

Grumpy said...

Have to make a grocery run this morning and will look for Moon Mist. Full report this afternoon.

GMoney said...

You might even be able to pick it up in 2 Liter form!

I saw World of Coke when Conan was in Atlanta last week and it looked incredible. Truly a diabetic's dream and nightmare.

Well, if people pick Diet Coke as a means to lessen their hangover the following day, then that is just smart drinkin'. But Prime is a guy who does concerts for NBA teams and only asks that he get an autographed Jimmer Fredette jersey and his wife knocked up by the starting center in return for his services so I'm guessing that he only thinks of his figure.

I can't stress this enough...Diet Coke is fucking terrible.

It may sound like a main-line pop but I don't. I drink a can a day at lunch and that is it.

I texted Dut and Drew about this on Saturday but during the Yanks/Tigs game on Fox, they interviewed Jut in the middle innings because Jut never has any problem hogging the sttention. Yep, there was a 20 oz bottle of Dew right over his left shoulder. I LOL'ed hard. It never gets old being right about someone's true trash factor.

Ace said...

Diet pop is poison. Seriously, Diet Dew will strip the rust off your car.

IBC Root Beer is the best. Barq's otherwise. Cream Soda is the shiz.

7 Up is the best lemon lime soda and it's not even close. Probably the best overall.

I always get Baja Blast whenever I get TB late night.

Anonymous said...

I rather enjoy vanilla Coke. Old timely as he but not bad. Its my Waffle House drink of choice.

American Coke is VASTLY inferior to Beaner Coke. Those greasy bastards make a mean Coca Cola.

Grump, you will find Moon Mist at any purveyor proud enough to carry Grippos. Which, in Cindy should be everywhere.

Ide

Anonymous said...

This post inspired me to get a Cherry Coke Zero.

No Faygo in NYC

Ide

Prime99 said...

"Diet Dew and Diet Pepper are the best diet pops...with Sprite Zero nipping at their heels. Coke Zero is pretty good too." -- Drew

"Those Coke fountain things that have a hundred different flavors are ELITE. " -- G$

These are the two most important posts to pay attention to today.

As for me and my Jack and Diets, there are reasons for this. First, if I have my way, it would be Gentleman Jack and Coke Zero. You can mark that down as the official drink of Prime. When drinking out, many restaurants or casinos don't have Coke Zero, and GJ is considered a premium drink so Jack and Diet it is. It gets you drunk faster, has less calories, and the lack of sugar helps me avoid the explosive diaherria that is inevitable with drinking mass quantities of regular Coke.

I don't need to explain myself- I'm the one with an autographed Jimmer jersey!

The Iceman said...

Ide and Ace drink 7UP. Fags. That shit is taint sweat. Sprite or GTFO.

I'm shocked at how many fellow diet pop drinkers are on this site. I stopped drinking reg pop like 7 years ago and I fully agree with drew. Whenever I drink a non diet pop it tastes like the Candy Man is nutting in my mouf.

Anyone who still drinks gjnger ale needs to be mercy killed. That stuff is butt water and the last beverage request of 90 year old gay men on their death beds.

For my food adventure last night I had a pizza pot pie at this place called Chicago Pizza and Oven Grinder Co. I'll never be the same person after eating that. What a blessed creation.

G$ said he likes a little squirt. Ha! I bet you do, homo!!

GMoney said...

In case those homos, Ape and Ide, have forgotten the old ad, GRANT HILL DRINKS SPRITE! However, I did once own a Make 7 Up Yours t-shirt because I was hip.

Iceman just admitted to visiting 90 year old gay men before they die. What an odd hobby.

Squirt is alright. I stand by this.

Prime99 said...

"Iceman just admitted to visiting 90 year old gay men before they die. What an odd hobby."

LOLZ!!!!

Anonymous said...

7up is crisp and delicious. Its 5 times the soda Sprite or Sprite Zero wants to be. Grant Hill = Duke = get fucked.

That coke machine with 100 flavors is called coke infinity.

Never had Baja Blast. I'll take my 23 flavors of Dr. pepper with my Taco Bell.

CPOG is ELITE, Iceman. Cash only blows and the wait is absurd, but pizza pot pie is great.

Also, if K-Dawg could jump in this: Giardanos > Genus. FACT

Ide

The Iceman said...

The cash only part was for sure lame as fuck. But I went real late...like 830 and hopped right in. I was out of there in an hour.

Anonymous said...

Chalk up Apes post about diet pop being poison among his other insane lifestyle choices.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Good job, everyone, for not being stupid and saying that Pepsi is better than Coke. I was worried that I might have to choke a bitch today for being so foolish.

Grumpy said...

Not only do WalMart and Kroger in Cincy not carry Moon Mist, when I inquired of the clerks they looked at me as if I were speaking Latin. Anyone know who makes it or if it is distributed by one of the big beverage companies?

On the bright side, I did spot my old favorite, Jones Soda Creme Soda. Any flavor of Jones is tremendous, although a little expensive.

Comforting to know Iceman will bring me ginger ale on my deathbed.

GMoney said...

I'm amazed that Ape even leaves his house what with everything out there trying to kill him. How many tin foil hats do you think he owns?

Diet Dew rules. The health-conscious white trash such as Drew and myself can't be wrong.

GMoney said...

Grump, it is made by the great FAYGO Corporation, Detroit, MI. Maybe they don't deliver that far south. You can get it here though as I have said multiple times already today.

Brady said...

Sunkist and Faygo grape. Those two are always in the fridge at my house.

If I'm feeling randy, the vanilla coke is awesome. You can literally feel your teeth being eroded away while drinking it but damn is it good.

Sprite is way better than Sierra Mist. I enjoy the Sierra but if there is a choice, it's a no-brainer.

I've been trying to ride the diet train more myself these days and, as stated above, Dt. Dew/Dt Dr. Pepper can't be fucked with.

Prime99 said...

Anyone remember Storm? The caffeinated Sprite-like drink that Pepsi ran out there in the late 90's? That shit was great.

GMoney said...

I do not recall Storm. You are making that up.

Yeah, I'm a diet guy now but every once in awhile, it's not that bad to get some of the strong stuff to remind you why you shouldn't be drinking it.

Sunkist and Faygo Grape...Brady might want to change his name to Grady.

Brady said...

Grape pop is underrated. Not enough companies make it. I usually have to resort to Faygo but every once in awhile I'll stumble upon Welch's or Sunkist grape. Those are good days.

Who doesn't like Sunkist? Commies. That's who.

Anonymous said...

Im a Diet pop drinker as well - go ahead and make fun.

How about Sierra Mist with lemon? What the fuck is that - the flavor is supposed to be lemon-lime right? Thats like Coke with Coke flavor.

Have to be in the mood for root beer.

J from J beanie knows all the best food club pops - Dr Topps (obviously dr pepper) and some other crazy name for mountain Dew.

Diet Dr P is by far the best tasting diet pop.

Drew probably drinks Mr Pib.

Seal

Anonymous said...

Three favorite generic pops growing up:

Dr Pop
Bubba Cola
Mountain Holler

I think these were from Sav-A-Lots

I used to work at a CVS near section 8 housing and I can tell you the drink of choice when available is Tahitian Treat

J from JBeanie

Ace said...

Diet pop IS poison. It's pretty much an accepted fact. Read the ingredients and then look at what that hsit really is. I used to drink it all the time. A couple times a year I still will if no other better options are out there. But that shit is battery acid in a can.

People really like Sprite more? I didn't even think that was a debate. I guess Ide and I just have more sophisticated palates.

The Iceman said...

BradyCakes drinks grape pop? Time to change his name to GrapeyCakes. Of GrapeApe.

Anonymous said...

Ace - im on the 7up train.

Seal

Prime99 said...

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Storm_(soft_drink)

Totally made it up.

Ide said...

Read your link:

"Pepsi dropped Storm while it was still in the test market stage. Test markets included Denver, Indianapolis, Omaha, San Francisco, Milwaukee, and Philadelphia.[2][3] Lemon-lime Slice was dropped in favor of a new formula, marketed as Sierra Mist in 2000."

7-up is the superior lemon lime drink. G$ doesn't mind slurping up LeBron James marketing shill. Dude was faking it.

Ide

GMoney said...

Tahitian Treat is the urban Hawaiian Punch? There's a new stereotype for everyone to chew on today.

Bubba Cola might be the funniest name of anything ever.

Sunkist rules, Cakes. No one is denying that. I'm sorry, NO ONE DENIES THIS!

So we're all in agreement that we hate Ape, correct?

Anonymous said...

Grumpy - go to Bigg's.

Ace said...

I only tell you these things because I care.

Anonymous said...

Ape is so dumb.....fo real.

--Drew

Brady said...

Severed goat head dropped off at Wrigley Field? That's good hustle! Can anyone vouch for Prime yesterday?

Anonymous said...

Can we talk about Denards first pitch at the Tigs game the other day? Wow... what an athlete.

Seal

Prime99 said...

I have witnesses that I did not deliver the goat head to Wrigley. I was busy playing a show for a different proud franchise.

So you Midwesterners never experienced Storm? Pepsi made a grave mistake, as they usually do.

GMoney said...

Denard's pitch was very Steven Bellomy-esque. Major LULZ.

I am a big fan of Grumpy old-man shuffling around the Nati trying to get his hands on some Faygo. He is a proud juggalo.

No Storm for me. Unless you count Storm Klein (which you do not). He packs quite a punch, too.

GMoney said...

Like I said, I'm on Team Sprite but Diet Cherry 7-Up is the TROOF.

The Iceman said...

I think one thing we can all agree on is caffeine free pop is for fucking gays.

GMoney said...

Are you saying that you don't go to restaurants and try to order a "Pepsi Free"? I'm pretty sure that my mother-in-law probably still does this.

Am I the only stooge here that sees a new flavor of something and absolutely must have it? Although I know that nothing will ever top the greatness of Livewire.

Brady said...

I tried all of those new Mt. Dew flavors when they came out. I absolutely must try something new when it comes to pop. I'm a slave to BIG SODA.

I can't believe we haven't talked more about the POP vs. SODA terminology. People who say "Soda" are gay and probably beat puppies.

GMoney said...

BIG SODA is the worst. Even moreso than BIG MAYO.

Not to pat myself on the back or anything, but my jab at Prime today "for a guy about to have a kid, he sure is a homosexual" was UNDERRATED.

Anonymous said...

In all honesty, I don't drink a lot of pop. Just not that into it. I really basically only drink cherry coke/pepsi if it's available on tap, and on occasion I will snag a Dr. Pepper. My non water order is typically an iced tea. Because, I'm classy as fuck.

Ide

GMoney said...

^^^Not one person asked. Not a single one.

Anonymous said...

Well the first 2 sections of that comment were cut off. Got a new laptop with windows 8 and it fucking sucks. I give it a week before I throw it through a wall.

Ide

GMoney said...

The Uncle T's, Grumpy's, and Shook's Sons of the world like iced tea. You fit in well. Tea is gay.

Anonymous said...

I missed a good one today.

The only reason people drink diet is because they think it shaves Calories.

Fact: Not one person in the history of Soda drinkers has lost any weight / put weight on because they switched from Regular to Diet.

I think 7up is better too, but for some reason always reach for the Sprite. Which means I really like Sprite better.

Orange Crush is legit.

Not a big regular cola guy. Usually reach for a IBC Rootbeer, Craft Orange Cream soda if you can find a good one, Dr. Pepper, or Mt. Dew.

My comments for what they are worth this late!

Also, I have read that the fake suger in Diet sodas actually processes that alcohol faster and gets yer drunk faster. Probably doesn't do shit for your hang overs (Mind over matter I assume)

- J Saul

The Iceman said...

"The only reason people drink diet is because they think it shaves Calories."

Uhhhhhh, because it does?? Unless the bottle is lying when it says 0 calories, 0 fat and 0 sugar.

Anonymous said...

That's just BIG SODA lying to you.

Anonymous said...

I guess by that I mean because they think it will prevent weight gain by choosing diet. But no one looses weight if they switch from Regular to Diet, or curb their path for Diabetes. I won't get all into the APE side of it, but its the greatest marketing gimmick ever invented.

- J Saul

The Iceman said...

GrapeyCakes and Saul need to discuss conspiracy theories together. It would be the worst conversation to eves drop on ever.

Brady said...

I've seen others shoot down diet before as well. I have no idea of the science behind these claims but if it means that I can drink regular pop more often, I'm all for it.

Anonymous said...

If anyone is going to check this again:

Basically the fake sugar tells your body that it is consuming real sugar, so it fires off glucose in the same manner that it would real sugar. Problem is there is no real sugar for the glucose to deal with. Which usually just leaves people more hungry, so they eat more thinking "At least my drink was 0 calories, why not stuff down another hoe hoe". This process still induces weight gain in people with poor diets who think POP is a good substitute for water.

Same thing goes for why subbing diet for real doesn't really curb the whole diabetes game. Now I am no scientist and by no means spend a lot of time making sure I am 100% right on how I explain it, but its the general cliff notes that I have gathered.

Or as ACE puts it, its poison....

- J Saul



The Iceman said...

Well good thing I'm not a trailer park slob who lacks the ability to think rationally. I drink diet pop and changed the way I eat. Less fatty foods and more fruits vegetables, protein and lean meat. I limit myself to a certain number of calories a day and I work out 3 times a week to counteract those days I happen to exceed my calorie intake (ex. most of this week since I like eating things we don't have in Ohio like pizza pot pie). So substituting diet pop for regular pop has made a significant difference and part of why I dropped 30 lbs and kept it off.

Mr. Ace said...

Poison