Wednesday, April 17, 2013

LOL! You've Got To Be Kidding

shake my damn head...
My RedHawk Football season ticket renewal form came in the mail on Monday which seemed fitting on a day in which a terrorist attack was carried out on our soil. Against my better judgment, I am re-upping for the third year in a row. Last year, they charged $55 total for 5 homes games. This year, we are up to $95 since they grossly inflate the demand for tickets when Cincinnati comes to Oxford for their easy victory. For that price, I better get to watch Tommy Tuberville sever the head of one of his assistants. There are again 5 home games on the slate although two of them are on Tuesday nights in November. They do offer a deal where they will send me two tickets to a conference road game of my choice for free (God bless MACtion!) as well as the first 200 accounts to renew getting freebies to the 9/7 game at Kentucky (FAH-Q SEAL!). Whatever. Basically, I just spent $95 on three home losses. That’s not a very good deal.

I am tricking myself into believing that my money is going directly into the Don’t Treadwell Buyout Fund though. That makes things a little more palatable. Anyway, now that that is out of the way (ugh, I just realized that that means three guaranteed meetings with shotgun aficionado, Grump, and that makes me a sad panda), I’m sort of in the mood to talk a little college football/stupidity/hypocrisy.

If you want to discuss the fact that Oregon will soon be in the crosshairs of the incompetent Mark Emmert and the rest of the NCAA (and they know it), fire away but I would rather go to the blogging gift that keeps on giving and will never be outplayed here…Ohio Buckeyes Football.

“The players won the Leaders division championship of the Big Ten, so they're going to get rings.”—Urban “King Buttfucker” Meyer

Sigh…oh boy. Come on. I know that you’re better than this. I’m not going to sit here and say that a 12-0 season should not be celebrated or memorialized. Far from it actually—that is a hell of an achievement no matter what NAIA schedule that you played. You renamed a street that did not need a change from Champions Lane already and probably had some sort of huge after-season gala filled with ass-less chaps and enough homosexual acts that would make the gerbil up Uncle T cringe.

But rings? Really? Act like you’ve been there before (or at least act like this is where you belong). This just seems so…I don’t know…”elementary school field day” to me. You won half of the Big Ten. Rings are meant for winners; not for “those that didn’t lose”. In this instance, there is a difference between the two (if you would like for me to explain this further because you don’t understand it, just say so and we will all laugh at you for being ignorant). The Nationals didn’t go out and buy NL East championship rings. Before you fire off a comment about how I’m overreacting, this is the internet (and I have deadlines to make), BRAH, the home of overreactions. And I’m not overstating anything…just that this is some pretty lame stuff. I honestly can’t imagine ANY OTHER BIG TIME PROGRAM doing this (LOL Terry Bowden at Auburn in 2003). Congrats on being this decade’s Terry Bowden, Urb.

Let’s also not forget (obvz) that the reason that these rings are meaningless is because former players traded rings for cash, tattoos, and heat at the Pryor home in PA. I mean, does no one else in the athletic department understand the concept of irony? If you’re hellbent on congratulatory jewelry for your players and staff, go with a crown or a scepter or something badass that no one has done before.

Here is my only actual problem with this outside of rolling my eyes toward the bush league absurdity: Who paid for these? With players, staff, and athletic department personnel, let’s assume that there are at least 200 of these “championship” rings floating about. They look sharp so we’ll put a price tag of a grand on each one. Who footed that 200K+ bill? I imagine that the school did (actually, yes, they would have to as you can’t have boosters doing something like this). But wait a minute!!! Gene Smiff just said a few months ago that football season ticket prices were going through the goddamn roof because Ohio’s athletic department was going to be near broke or something within the next handful of years! It seems to me that if you are on the verge of financial ruin (as we have been told) then why are you shopping at the jewelry store like Dez Bryant. I’ve read a few articles (including a stop at Ozone because I do research) to find out more details behind this but nothing really offers up anything of substance so I’ll just assume that Gene Smiff is lying to everyone again (speaking of which, I can see why he fired Jim Foster but why Mark Osiecki? That guy is a good coach which you kind of might need as you head into a conference in which you are the 5th best program out of 6). Smiff sucks.

In conclusion, congratulations on your participation ribbons. They’ll look good next to my 2nd place ribbon from the “Ball Throw” in 5th grade (goddamn Jerry Conn). Even when you’re undefeated, you still can’t stop being losers. All of a sudden I feel a little bit better about renewing my season tickets for a 2 or 3 win team. There…that should spark some significant comments today.

61 comments:

Prime99 said...

Goddamn it. Does OSU always have to look for self congratulatory headlines? Why would you need rings celebrating a year of probation? G$'s point about players getting in trouble for selling rings is valid and it is dumb for the university to open up this kind of liability.

Field Day was the greatest. West is best!

Mr. Ace said...

West is Best!

Lol at the future Drew comment. It should be great. The Fuckeyes are the Jut Verlander's of the Big Ten. Everything they do comes off as trashy. I bet Urbz and his bad ticker love Mountain Dew AMP, too.

The best part is he uses winning the division as reasoning. So inferior all the time.

Anonymous said...

Prime....only the Seniors got to keep the rings.

Only team in the country that did not lose a game. They deserve some bling for that. #DealWithIt

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Iceman....I'm pretty sure winning the division is the only reason they were legally allowed to do it. Look at that beautiful ring tho....the 12-0 is the thing they are celebrating. The division thing just gave them the opportunity.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

OSU is going broke? News to me. Then again, taking financial advice from a black is TOTES LOLS.

Ide

Grumpy said...

Do you have to keep ringing the bell in front of these dogs?

Name me our 2-3 wins.

The Iceman said...

Not sure why Drew directed that comment towards me as this is my first comment of the day. He probably has too much Urb spooge in his eyes to see G$ wrote this post.

Can't wait to see Ide and Drew battle it out for dumbest comment of the day today. Currently it's Drew by a nose for thinking I wrote this...

The Iceman said...

And for thinking I'm Ace. Drew plus 2.

Anonymous said...

LOLZ @ me! Iceman....I was speaking of Apes comment....not the post itself. Too much spooge in the eyes indeed.

Grumpy...he rang the bell because his comments were low the last two days. He's pretty much Skip Bayless at this point.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

Just so G$ doesn't feel like the only heel here about his Boston Marathon comment from yesterday, I know exactly what dude he's talking about and found it equally hilarious. For those who don't know what we're talkin about go back and watch the clip. There's an old dude in orange who is about 50 feet from the blast and just buckles and collapses as he tries to continue to make his legs work. I can't help laughing at hilarious things despite the circumstances. I apologize for nothing.

The Iceman said...

Speaking of Ace and LOLZ, Drew....Spurs just signed fat tits McGrady. Har har har!

Anonymous said...

I asked a question about where he heard OSU was going broke plus my required bigoted jab. Not dumb, but coming from Iceman MD of knees and arthroscopy, I guess we all can't be smart.

That marathon runner was LOLS. It was basically that Gatorade commercial. AND he didn't even finish the race...pussy. I did read a touching story about how a guy got blasted, got up, and finished like a boss. That's good hustle.

Ide

GMoney said...

12 comments before I get here? Someone's doin' work, doggy!

Gene Smiff said, just as I stated in the post, that football tickets were going to cost Fort Knox because it was the only way to keep the athletic department propped up financially. I said it then and I will say it now: this is a lie.

Division championship rings! YAY! I'll give stupid Ohio fans credit against my better judgment...there is no way that any fan would want one of these as it would be an embarrassment to own.

Calling my Skip? Ouch. Based on where we are and who comes here, I feel like this is a story. You don't understand the business of blogging.

Iceman is always in Drew's thoughts and prayers. hashtag PrayForIceman

Anonymous said...

G$....I don't want an undefeated ring for my finger, but I would like a bigger version for my cock.

--Drew

Grumpy said...

That old guy in the marathon is 78 yrs. old, doing something none of you pussies would even attempt. He did get up and finish and thankfully he was unhurt.

Anonymous said...

G$...shouldn't you be ranting about how stupid you think Marcus Smart is?

--Drew

GMoney said...

Drew, that is a bad decision because he's a top three-five pick who has nothing left to prove. Don't play for free ever when someone wants to pay you millions to play for them. It isn't rocket science.

The only regret that I have from this post is that I didn't title it "HE WENT TO JARED!". That would have been ELITE.

Grump, I can assure you that yesterday's bombing will not effect my entry in the Zombie Run. I do not negotiate with terrorists. But you're right, I may be a little generous when I say 2-3 wins.

Regardless of the circumstance, "old man falling down" is always major LULZ.

Drew again, do any of your homo sites have the logic behind Smiff firing Osiecki? I can assure you that it was another horrible decision by a horribly-skinned person.

Anonymous said...

G$ with the racist comment of the day.

Yeah Grump, zombies are way more scary than finish line bombs. And besides, the bombs went off like 2.5 hours after the first racers (Kenyans (damn)), crossed. Since, I have the speed of a thoroughbred, I have little worries.

Ide

Nate said...

If you go back and watch the Youtube videos without the text crawl at the bottom and the newscasters' voiceover, the whole things just looks like celebratory fireworks as the winner crosses the finish line.

Seriously - it looks just like another night on WWE Raw.

Anonymous said...

The real tragedy of the week is the passing of Pat Summerall.

I'm not sure what I'll remember more about him; his awesome pronunciation and making the Madden games awesome, or telling Madden on air several times that he had no idea what he was saying.

Pat Summerall was the best.

Ide

GMoney said...

So what Nate is saying is that Poochie finally made it to the fireworks factory.

GMoney said...

I, too, will miss Sumerall as his voice made every NFC East game feel like the Super Bowl. Tonight, I will drink a vat of gin and boot some straight-on field goals in his honor. But I do that every Wednesday anyway.

Brady said...

Who gives a shit if they got rings? We all know OSU got the shaft and deserved to be bowl eligible. None of these kids had anything to do with that bullshit. Why not try and reward some of those guys, especially the seniors, for coming back and essentially playing for nothing? I thought it was a fine.

It's so much fun being a fan of this great football team. The hate and vitriol that come pouring in over every little thing that OSU does just proves we're in everyone's head.

By the way, I'm done with the Ubaldo experiment. That guy can die in a fiery crash for all I care. Thanks for the solid 1inning last night asshole.

Anonymous said...

What did G$ call him last week? ULoLO? That cracked me up.

G$...I have an excellent OSU Hockey source and I've requested info. This guy is the definition of die hard fan.....even sponsors an OSU Hockey scholarship. He was a big Coach Oz fan. I'm convinced Oz did something very bad.....like got caught in a relationship with a student. Let's face it.....Smiff isn't going out of his way to fire a guy who.has done a fine job and has his best team yet next year....that's putting more work on his table and he's admitting his hire was bad. Smiff don't roll like that. It has to be something bigger.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Brady, you admitted post-RibFest that we are in your brain. Don't think that you can turn things around.

I'm not expecting you to understand why giving rings out to champions of nothing is fucktarded. This is something that Urb did at Utah (I think) so clearly he is the problem and must be killed. Maybe he just wanted a good deal on a Jane Seymour-designed heart necklace.

Prime99 said...

I also had zero college football losses last year- do I get a ring, too?

The Cubs have yet to win a game in my son's lifetime. They did blow a 4-1 lead on his b-day, so he is obviously going to be happy the decision I force on him to be a Cubs fan.

The Iceman said...

What's hilarious about BradyCakes post is that if an SEC school did the same thing with the rings he would lose his shit. The model of hypocrisy.

GMoney said...

Since Running Zack has yet to win, I think it's only fair that you buy him an "0 for life" bracelet.

GMoney said...

Or better yet, Ice, if WE ON did something like this you would NEVER hear the end about how low-brow and lame The Hokester is.

Tony B. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Prime99 said...

I would get him a blinged out "0 For Life" bracelet, but he'd probably just sell it for cash/trade it for tattoos.

Brady said...

WRONG! I would not give two shits about any other team buying rings to commemorate an undefeated season. It wouldn't affect the Buckeye's in any way. The only difference if Michigan would've went undefeated (LOL) is that they would've bought them at WalMart. I hear their jewlery selection is outstanding.

You are not in my head! That post-ribfest comment I made was fueled by alcohol, animal flesh and the weed smoke wafting over from the reggae concert. It was a mistake and probably not admissible in a crout of law.

Brady said...

The best Urban quote I saw on Twitter yesterday.

“Some people say stats are for losers. I say those people probably are the losers because they don’t like their stats."

This is going to be a fun decade.

The Iceman said...

Fuckin LOLZ at BradyCakes for suggesting he wouldn't give any SEC team shit for this. The guy who hates he SEC more than just about any other human. I know how your Neanderthal brain works, Cakes. You would be leading the fucking charge, son.

And that quote by URBZ is pretty lame. "You're calling me a loser because I care about stats?? Well YOU'RE the loser, loser!!" What is he...twelve?

Anonymous said...

G$-If Gem Diamond gave Urban a good deal on these rings, how could this bother anyone? He is a GGTK (good guy to know) by the way.

Prime-belated congrats on the baby! I'm sure we will be celebrating a Cubs title before he is done with high school. Here's to hoping.

Buke

Anonymous said...

Cubs fans putting 18 year at best odds on a title. Ha.

Ide

GMoney said...

That's a quality Gem Diamond reference right there. Hopefully, these amateur rings don't leave their fingers green.

Cakes, throughout all of sports history, rings have been given to champions. While lame, apparently this holds true for conference championships as well (as seen in Ace Ventura). They are not given out to conference division champions or as commemoration of a season. THIS IS STUPID.

Would you have a problem if John Beilein got his team Final Four rings? You would LOL. We all would. Stop trying to play mind games with me. You can not win.

The best Urban Meyer quote is the one where he "retired" from Florida due to health reasons. The guy is a regular Sinbad!

Anonymous said...

Rings are completely silly, however, this is a unique circumstance. They should TOTES do something for the players who worked their asses off. The Tat 5 aren't there anymore so its 100+ people paying for something they didn't do.

The players played well and got 12-0 and a fuck you for thanks. The players did EVERYTHING that was asked of them and was possible. You're damn right they should get something. $10k rings? Probably not. But definitely something more than a team dinner at Adriaticos. Giving them something for achieving 100% of the teams goals is not at all ridiculous. Not one bit.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Ide....it's just further proof how angry people arr that Urba is coaching Ohio State....has never lost a game as head coach at Ohio State.....and is heqded toward multiple national championships. The mad level of people makes me all warm and fuzzy.--Drew

GMoney said...

Thank you for proving my point and agreeing with everything that I said. Should they get rings? No. Should they get something? Probably, just not a ring. Exactly what I said.

The Tat 5 aren't there anymore so its 100+ people paying for something they didn't do.
I'm 100% positive that you felt the same way when USC was getting Reggie Bushed. You showed nothing but empathy for Lane Kiffin and Bonerz Barkley, I'm sure. Stop acting to be a victim. You should be thanking those guys for preventing you from getting murdered by Alabama or not even making it to the BCS title game due to hilariously terrible schedule.

Nice spelling, Drew, I'm sure that Urba would be proud.

Brady said...

It's true that I hate the SEC with a burning passion but there is no way I would even notice a story about rings being given out for a perfect season. There are way better things to troll cletus on the message boards with.

These were extremely unique cirumstances where OSU took a LOSING team from the year before and turned in a perfect season. Why can't the kids who stayed get some kind a momento for that amazing season? It's not like this is a yearly thing that OSU does.

I can't believe this has caused the uproar that it has. WHO GIVES A SHIT? It's a fucking team ring with "12-0" on it. There aren't any claims of National Titles or Conference Titles on it. Get over it.

GMoney said...

Stop pretending to be a victim--is what I meant. Dammit.

GMoney said...

Absolutely not, UbaldoCakes. Champions get rings. 12-0 teams get Rows apparently. That's it. No trips to Kay for you unless you win a Big Ten title or the SEC title (formerly BCS championship).

It's a story because you act like it isn't corny as fuck which it TOTES is. Can't you just admit that this is WAY OVER THE TOP??? Is it that hard to say one slightly negative thing about The Great Urba?

The Iceman said...

If the media sucks off the SEC the way you claim it does, Cakes. And yes...you do. Then there's no way you wouldn't have known an SEC team was issuing rings for a 12-0 bowl ineligible team. Unless you avoided TV and the Internet for a month, you would have seen the story even if it wasn't the Ohio Buckeyes. And you would be lighting up the team issuing rings celebrating an undefeated season that meant nothing to the rest of the world. That's why you're a Fuckeye. Because things are lame as fuck and need to be ripped on unless URBZ and Ohio does it.

Anonymous said...

"I'm 100% positive that you felt the same way when USC was getting Reggie Bushed. You showed nothing but empathy for Lane Kiffin and Bonerz Barkley, I'm sure. Stop acting to be a victim."

Easy scooter, that is TOTES different. Coach covering up for young athletes is a lot different than buying a guys family a fucking house. Can't really compare the two aside from NCAA SANCTIONS.

Even if it were the same crime, I would never have empathy for Lane Kiffin. I don't even care if his family ran the Boston Marathon. We aren't the victim, but let us have our party. We did, after all, do something that no other team did last year, which is more than I can say for any other ban hammered team. PSU wants to go undefeated next year? Let them fuck any kid they want.

Cheering for USC is akin to cheering for the Steelers.

Ide

GMoney said...

^^^Makes zero sense. You all have been warned.

Jeff said...

Ide, whaaa?

OSU loves to troll everyone.

CARRY IT!!! #DUCKHUNT

Ide said...

Makes perfect sense. I will bullet point it for you, G$.

*OSU and USC have nothing in common aside from the fact that both were sanctioned. If this part doesn't make sense to you, perhaps you view PSU's mistakes the same as the aforementioned teams?

*I really don't like Lane Kiffen.

*We aren't the victim, as you've put it, but there is nothing wrong with us celebrating our accomplishments during a sanctioned year.

*No other team, sanctioned or otherwise, went undefeated, so there is no comparison.

*I would have zero problem if PSU did the same thing.

*Liking USC and the Steelers are both deplorable actions.

And, oh yeah, crowns or scepters is pretty practical. I'm sure if your mouthbreathing over rings, you'd have an asthmatic attack over gaudy jewelry. SHOULDA WENT WITH DIAMOND GRILLS, AMIRITE?

GMoney said...

^^^Still makes no sense to anyone

The Tat 5 aren't there anymore so its 100+ people paying for something they didn't do

Just like those Trojans had nothing to do with Reggie Bush's fine parents getting shelter for free. This was my point to counter your stupid point.

It's cool. We all have you correctly pegged as "The Worst" anyway. I can keep giving you internet lashes all day if you want.

The Iceman said...

So did Ide just move in front of Drew for dumbest comment?

GMoney said...

Tied for worst.

Again, I don't have a problem with celebrating a season with something nice for the kiddies. But rings are for champions. They always will be.

Anonymous said...

Did the Trojans go undefeated and I missed it? No? Ok, grand, so lets bring up more retarded points for comparison. Allow me to paraphrase your scenario:

"Stop acting like the victim for having an undefeated sanctioned season. I didn't see you go up in arms when USC didn't go undefeated or do anything aside from achieve a lofty OVERRATED preseason ranking."

Sorry, I tried to make sense out of your incomprehensible remark. But, to your point, you are correct, I didn't have any empathy for Lane Kiffin and Bonerz for underwhelming and failing every year. Good point, though it was one I didn't know needed to be made.

Better?

Ide


Prime99 said...

Cubs are winning it all in 2015. Marty McFly saw it on a holographic billboard when he went back to the future. There is no disputing this.

GMoney said...

As long as your still cool with being the worst then yes I am better. You're lucky that you've joined the battle or I would sick Dut on you so fast. The man knows his way around a speculum.

Prime, even if they don't, feel free to get yourself a ring anyway. Apparently it is the soup du jour these days. Mmmmm that sounds good. I'll have that.

Mr. Ace said...

Once again, Jut Verlanders of the B1G.

Anonymous said...

WE ON alum THJ heading for second round madness, it seems. Hope you had fun, see you guys in another 20 years!

Ide

GMoney said...

Whoa! Slow down there, fella, you assholes are being punished with an NBA post tomorrow for your shittery today. There will be plenty of time to talk about early entries.

Brady said...

So your entire beef with this is that there were rings involved? You have no problem with any other types of jewlery or trinkets as long as it's not a ring? Is that correct, G$? If that is your reasoning, fine. You must be a lobbyist for BIG RING.

Fine, Ice. I concede the point that I wouldn't notice. However, there is no way I would start a campaign against it simply because they rewarded themselves with an undefeated ring. Who cares? THEY WENT UNDEFEATED! I think you're pissed because UM doesn't have a prayer of going undefeated with that fat slob at the helm and you need somewhere to vent.

Mr. Ace said...

Good luck to THJ. Probably the right move.

What guy really wants a fucking ring? Worst gift/reward ever. I would rather have 2 CHAINZ!!!!

GMoney said...

BIG RING was behind the bombing on Monday.

That is my beef. Took you 59 comments to figure that out. Good work. Also, Gene Smith is a liar when it comes to finances.

Anonymous said...

"The Americans" 10:00. FX