Wednesday, March 06, 2013

Today is LOLDAY...You'll See Why

U wanna massage?
As promised, today I’m going to unleash a handful of quotes from the brilliant Facebook chat between Tonya and J-Rupe. You will have to wait until the end though to get to those beauties. With that in mind, I have decided to just declare today as LOLDAY. There isn’t going to be much as far as ELITE blogging content goes, but many chortles will be had by all. And to begin today’s post, how about some news from Ide’s favorite band! Train has canceled a concert that they had scheduled for the Boy Scouts due to BSA’s refusal to lift their ban on gays. LULZ! Tough shit, Ide! Other contributions to LOLDAY include:

*Rory McIlroy quit a tournament over the weekend due to a tooth ache. Just a reminder that Tiger won the US Open with a ripped up knee. LOL!

*Anyone who participates in a Harlem Shake video or thinks that they are cute/funny. They are dumber than a day old minority. LOL!

*The Cubs opening day starter is Jeff Samardzija. DOUBLE LOL!

*Have you seen that new video by The Golf Boys? How many times did they have to re-shoot a scene because Bubba Watson was crying like a pussy? LOL!

*Mike Trout showing up to Spring Training looking like Miguel Cabrera and then stupid people whining about his contract. LOLZ!

*ESPN gave Mike Lupica his own national radio show even though he is the fucking worst. LOLOLOLOL!

*Serge Ibaka speed-bagging Blake Griffin’s ballbag! I’m liking how basketball is becoming less of a game of skill and more of a contest on who can punch the other person’s gonads harder. LULZ!

*Dennis Rodman: International Goodwill Ambassador! That Greek midget calling him a dipshit on TV was about the most fitting way for that story to end. LOL!

*The Marine 3: Homefront was released on Blu-Ray yesterday. It stars The Miz because that makes sense. How the hell did the guy that played Robert Quarles on Justified end up following that terrific role with a movie starring Mike Mizanin? LOL!

*Whoever lost last night’s IU/Ohio Buckeyes game! Also LOL-worthy is the Ohio Buckeyes football schedule this year but you already knew that. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

And now we have reached the main event. This is Tonya’s finest contribution to this site since she started showing up around here to deflect all of Drew’s sexual harassment. The full transcript is available upon request, but here are my Fave Five J-Rupe quotes from he and T-Sizzle’s torrid internet love affair. The spelling and grammar are fucking horrific as you would expect.

-I wanna od or cut myself. I feel that bad
-I havent touched a girl for 2 yrs. Thats the truth. I need u to break me in lol
-I just dont fuck no more i mean i could get it everyday if i want but im not like that. So do ya wanna have some fun?
-Well then come over i will keep u very busy;). Now dont get scared of bigdaddy now lol
-So if id cum fast can u still get me hard:). Get ur ass over here than i will keep u wide awake and u wont be tired till a few hrs later:)

WHO SAYS THAT TO A STRANGER!!! J-RUPE SON!  Gentlemen, this is how a true Casanova interacts with the opposite sex. I can’t think of a better way to end LOLDAY. J-Rupe 4 Life/Death…whichever he decides. Tonya sure knows how to pick winners…

61 comments:

Anonymous said...

J Rupe has game. I bet Grumpy blushed.

I could see Ape calling himself something faggy like "bigdaddy".

Did Trout really show up fat? I saw the headlines, but figured he just put on a ton of muscle.

Well, the Buckeyes did not lose last night...so, now LOL at them. In fact they went into #2 ranked Hoosiers...on Senior Night....and punked those fools something fierce. Craft entering the zone and then just destroying Oladipo late in the game with the dribble drive and sweet kiss off the glass was ELITE.

Slow Seal...are the Buckeyes still the most OVERRATED team in the country or are they removed from that notch now that they have beat three top 4 teams. I'll hang up and listen.

--Drew

Grumpy said...

I call myself Snake.

What did Tonya say to elicit those responses? We demand full transparency.

Drew, I was getting blow jobs in the back seats of cars when your parents were in jr. High.

Ice Man said...

LOLadipo.

Worse version of Luol Deng.

Anonymous said...

I will be requiring these treanscripts. Man truncating that to 5 quotes just isnt enough. Tonya wins the internet today.

Now is the perfect time to get a hot hand in basketball. The regular season is for chumps! That OVERRATED stigma is now lifted. Now we get the dubious distinction of cheering for UM on Sunday. Please, don't be terrible Trey Burke.

Art won Justified last night. Ellsworth from Deadwood being lil Poopson was pretty evident, and Patton Oswalt is the worst. There, I said it. He is the new Dane Cook. Why do people think he is funny?

Ide

GMoney said...

Well that was a God awful drive this morning.

Grumpy talking about BJ's in the 1840's may have just prevented me from sending out that full transcript. Disgusting.

I didn't watch any of that game last night because I was too busy watching Lorenzo Lamas win a fake reality show.

And, of course, the CBJ have gained at least a point in their last 4 games (good job, Dut!). Your move, Blackhawks!

MUdawgfan said...

G$ - you have to get in on this. Stadium Bar in Oxford is auctioning off all everything in the building. It must have been sold and is being turned into something else entirely.

Put in a bid on that sweet Terna Nande jersey!!!

http://www.auctionwaves.com/cgi-bin/mndetails.cgi?awaver30


Who the hell is J-Rupe??

Mr. Ace said...

J-Rupe. We need to go back and check out that one show where that one fag with the crazy clothes and hat used to advise nerds on how to get girls, because I am pretty sure J-Rupe was either on that show or owns DVD's of each season.

I have never called myself bigdaddy. Now, Big Poppa Pump? Absolutely.

The only similarities between Deng and Oladipo is pigmentation and cultural names. Unless comparing a 6'9" wing and a 6'5" 2 is a thing we do now.

Well played, Grump.

SNOW DAY FUCK HEADS!

Jeff said...

Great night last night with CBJ and Bucks!

CBJ win 2 in a row and now have 7 of the next 8 at home. Playoff push!!!

J Rupe is a panty dropper.

Mr. Ace said...

MUdawg, I looked through that auction. Some seriously awesome beer signage up for grabs. If I wasn't paying out of my ass for school I would buy all of it.

Grump, pretty sure your old rowing jersey is available for $20

Grumpy said...

You missed the biggest LOL of the DAY; IU cut down the nets.

The Iceman said...

"The only similarities between Deng and Oladipo is pigmentation and cultural names"

And both are OVERRATED. You missed OVERRATED.

The Iceman said...

Did anyone else hear about the crazy fuck on Facebook threatening to shoot up NW Ohio last night? This dude posted 2 statuses saying how he was coming on a murdering spree and already had 5 families picked out. Then he posted a picture of like 15 guns with a headline that said "See you soon". Fucking nuts.

Anonymous said...

New banner is awesome.

Drew - no lucky for you, now your whole conference is the most overrated in the country. If you need me to expand on this, I gladly will, but you should be smart enough to see this after everyone in this conference beating up on each other - with even the really really bad teams winning games (Illinois over OSU, Penn State over UM, etc). Yes from top to bottom, your conference might be the most well rounded, with the least amount of shitty teams. But come tournament time, outside of Michigan State, give me the power teams from the ACC/Big East/Big 12 all day over the Indiana's, UM's, OSU's, etc.

Got to see G$'s cousin play for Miami last night against Akron. Didnt know they allowed 40 year olds that are balder than me play college hoops.

Seal

GMoney said...

Of course Iceman would overreact to a guy getting into foul trouble and then never finding his rhythm after that. Those sort of things happen when you try to play defense unlike TBS and Iceman.

Drew, Mike Trout looks a little huskier to me this season. He appears to be a reincarnation of Tim Salmon actually.

How can we be so obtuse today when there is a national tragedy?

Paul Bearer died last night. That's terrible! How was he only 58? I wonder what is expected of The Undertaker during the funeral process? How committed is he to his character?

Maybe I can bid on the vomit that I unloaded on The Stadium's floor 13 years ago during a Red Wanting Blue show?

Tonya said...

"Tonya sure knows how to pick winners…"

Just to clarify, I definitely did not choose him asshole... I was the chosen one!

Mr. Ace said...

Seal, 6 of the top 14 teams in KenPom ratings are Big Ten schools. Overrated? I can see the argument of you would take Duke/Kansas/Louisville over any Big Ten team, but the conference isn't anywhere close to overrated.

I did see the Paul Bearer news on the Twitter last night. I watched this fucking 10 minute youtube tribute last night, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JljKvEv17x0 , I forgot how long he was around the WWF before becoming Paul Bearer with the Undertaker. Now he in heaven and reunited with Ravishing Rick Rude.

Anonymous said...

Seal saying the Big Ten is overrated due to parity?! Oh, that is fine trolling indeed.

That transcript best be in my mailbox by lunch.

Ide

MUDawgfan said...

hahaha - Red Wanting Blue was fucking terrible.

O.A.R., RWB, and Virigina Coalition were the primo college bands in Oxford during my years there.

GMoney said...

It will get there when it gets there. If I send it to soon, will you be able to get me hard again?

Count it.

The Iceman said...

"Of course Iceman would overreact to a guy getting into foul trouble and then never finding his rhythm after that."

These are the statements I have come to expect out of our favorite site hypocrite G$. Just to clarify...Trey Burke sucks when he struggles against one of the best defenders in college basketball. But it's perfectly acceptable for LOLadipo to never find his rhythm because of foul trouble he got into on his home court. Which is impressive since it's no secret the home teams gets 90% of the calls from refs in their own building. How do you have any credibility left?

Brady said...

Full transcript is needed! Those quotes make me LOL and creep me out all at the same time.

What's all of this about some deranged Facebook gunman, Ice? How come I didn't see it? Maybe you need to reevaluate your friend list.

Awesome game by the Bucks last night. Craft and Sam Thompson played out of their mind. I will refrain from any more basketball talk as I'm not allowed to watch it.

GMoney said...

I have credibility because I've yet to be wrong. If you want to kill Oladipo for one game (which was not the biggest of the season like you insist that it was), then ya boy should be slaughtered for losing to Penn State which you conveniently like to ignore.

Oladipo is going to get drafted higher than Trey Burke Sucks, too, and even though that has nothing to do with your piss-fest, it just goes to show that he is the superior player.

The Iceman said...

"If you want to kill Oladipo for one game (which was not the biggest of the season like you insist that it was), then ya boy should be slaughtered for losing to Penn State which you conveniently like to ignore."

How does your work feel about you doing drugs on the clock? Please tell me how Senior night, at home and a win clinching a SOLE Big 10 title isn't the biggest game of the year to date. I'd love to hear this.

Burke put up 29 points in a loss to PSU. He did eveything he needed to win that game. He just got zero support from the rest of the team. Granted it wasn't an impressive 7 like LOLadipo had last night...

The Iceman said...

Brady...it was reposted by a guy I'm FB friends with to warn everyone. The gunman isn't a FB friend of mine. It's pretty fucked up shit, man.

Anonymous said...

According to ESPN Insider (yeah, I forgot to stop my free trial and bought a fucking year. Still haven't even opened a page of that magazine), Hollinger has the following to say on this debate:

RK PLAYER GP MPG AST TO USG ORR DRR REBR PER

13 Trey Burke, MICH 29 35.1 28.2 7.9 23.2 1.7 8.6 5.1 30.28
14 Victor Oladipo, IND 30 27.6 15.0 16.2 17.8 9.2 13.5 11.4 30.10

Looks like this pissing contest will be settled on Sunday!

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

Iceman and G$ both being hypocrites while calling each other hypocrites is LULZ. You can't have it both ways, ya fucks.

I would take Trey Burke over Oladipo in college, because Burke is an ELITE PG who can create his own shot and create shots for his teammates. I agree that Oladipo is a "superior" NBA prospect, but that really doesn't matter in regards to this college basketball season.

GMoney said...

Because they can still do it over the weekend. Because he isn't a Senior (I think). Because they've played higher ranked teams than Ohio this year. Because I chose hugs, not drugs.

He didn't do anything to beat Penn State otherwise they would have beaten that 1-14 team. I'm sure he had fun in the showers after that loss though. Because he's a faggot, naturally. Trey Burke Sucks.

GMoney said...

I'm just pleased as punch (what, that's a phrase) that Iceman gets so scrote-hurt about this and I'm TOTES in his head. You are no different than an Ohio Buckeye football fan. That should hurt a lot.

Penn State Basketball.

Anonymous said...

"He didn't do anything to beat Penn State otherwise they would have beaten that 1-14 team."

0-14 before they played, mind you.

Ide

The Iceman said...

Because they can still do it over the weekend......So you're saying last night wasn't the biggest game of their season thus far because they already knew going in they were going to lose at home to an inferior team? "Doesn't matter if I turd myself in this game because we can still win the Big 10 on the road after I suck in this game and we lose tonight." Great reasoning.

You're not in my head. I'm here to restore order.

The Iceman said...

It's funny how G$ thinks almost doubling your season average in points isn't considered doing everything in your power to win a game.

He's the LOL guy who blames Aaron Rodgers for a loss when he puts up 400 yards and 4TDS...not the defense who gave up 500 yards and 5TDS.

GMoney said...

Should have scored 35 then. 29 wasn't enough to beat a team that he COMMITTED TO!!! LOLZ!

Transcript has been sent to those that I have email addresses to. Enjoy.

Anonymous said...

Holy. Shit.

Just wow.

That is some damn fine trolling. Bigdaddy Rupe gon' give you the big wood, it sounds like. There is also zero way you are redeeming yourself into heaven after that, bravo. Brav-fucking-o.

Now end it fast and hard and devestatingly, so he offs himself in glorious fashion.

Ide

GMoney said...

I thought she gave him some really solid advice about not being a pussy. He did his usual "I know" and then started back up about how he could get laid every day if he wanted to. Classic Rupe!

Grumpy said...

Wow. That guy is fucked up.

Anonymous said...

You really should have added the part where he bragged about getting laid the night before, before IMMEDIATELY asking if she'd come over. That was really the highlight.

Nothing like bragging about slamming some trim the night before to get the girl in the mood!

Ide

Anonymous said...

"Nothing like bragging about slamming some trim the night before to get the girl in the mood!"

Thanks you Ide - I thought the same thing and was cracking the fuck up.

Seal

Prime99 said...

That transcript is GLORIOUS! Tonya did legitimately try to help BigDaddy. He wouldn't hear it. Too over eager to get some play.

Tonya hung in there like a trooper! Well done!

What's wrong with Samardjdscza being the opening day starter? He was great last year and Garza's tricep is weaker than BigDaddy's game.

Mr. Ace said...

I like my J-Rupe talking about sex and flipping off mirrors, not talking about daddy issues. Next up, cyber sexin.

Tonya said...

There ya go fellas... If this doesn't put me on the top of your list, maybe I should off MYSELF! I just quit replying, I couldn't handle anymore. None of you have any idea how painful it is to try to pretend to care when in theory you really don't give a FUCK!

GMoney said...

There are a lot of choice quotes but I limited myself to five as to not spoil the transcript.

As someone who owned Samardzija on my 11th place team last year, the guy is poop.

Anonymous said...

LOLS, no joke, but I just got an email from some concert place in NYC promoting RED WANTING BLUE. They will be playing the Bowery Ballroom Saturday night.

Ide

Jeff said...

J Rupe convos are pure gold. We need Tonya to get some transcripts from convos he's had with other women. She should tell him she's going to critique his game, even though there is obviously none needed.

Anonymous said...

Am I not worthy of getting this transcript?

I signed up for baseball this morning, who hasn't joined the league yet?

Thad Matta is an excellent coach! That was a great win and might have even been better than the win @ msu last year. This team has the potential to be very dangerous over the next few weeks, if we continue playing Craft & Scott together.

Go Bucks!
Go blue (just on Sunday)
4-peat!!

Buke

GMoney said...

Just waiting on Ace to join as he has confirmed that he will be defending his title. I will forward the email to you now.

Anonymous said...

Why not hate for all the OSU now turned UM fans for a day. What happened to hate all end all all the time?

I thought this was a cardinal sin amongst Buckeye faithful?


- J Saul

Anonymous said...

I thought of that as well. That was a football conversation. I have absolutely zero qualms with rooting for UM to win if that means OSU gets a FOURF title. I don't really think there can be an argument going the other way on that.

That doesn't hold true in football, what with UM being the last game and the B1G title game. I think that was more for people cheering when they were in bowl games to make the conference look better.

On LOLDAY, it's important to note that SJU basketball player (black) getting arrested at half court after a scuffle DURING the game. None of the ND players were detained, shockingly.

Ide

Anonymous said...

I have NEVER been one of those guys, ask Damman. We hate iu in hoops more than um anyway

Buke

GMoney said...

Who gives a shit? Everyone is just sucking on the same turd anyway.

You can't all be the worst team in the MAC. There is only room for one.

Mr. Ace said...

Da Rupe is On Fire has officially registered to defend their fantasy baseball title!!!

I was 50/50 rooting for the Fuckeyes last night. If IU didn't win by 30 then I wanted the Fuckeyes to win.

GMoney said...

There's a pretty big difference between quietly pulling for your enemy to win so that it directly benefits you and openly rooting for your enemy to beat a team from another conference so that the public "might" respect you.

I will allow WE ON fans to retroactively be on Team Ohio last night.

Anonymous said...

J-Rupe hasn't gotten laid in 2 years? What kind of a chance does anyone else have if that's the case? I'm guessing J-Rupe doesn't count rape. I would also imagine that there are several 13 year old girls that aren't buying his claim of not touching one in 2 years. This guy is the epitome of dirtball. I think you should invite him to "Ribfest", if for no other reason than to give the single guys some tips when talking to the ladies. That fb transcript between those 2 was comedic gold. Thank You J-Rupe, Tonya, & G$.

G$, Ide, Grumpy, and anyone else who watches "Justified"...How was last nights episode? It was hard to pay attention after the Buckeye game. I will probably watch it again, but would like to know if re-watching is warranted.

Boiler up!

Buke

GMoney said...

Well, we finally learned who Li'l Poopson is and it was pretty obvious. I actually think Oswalt is the perfect Constable Bob and he was delightful in a Barney Fife kind of way last night.

Raylan got daddy issues and that is unfortunate. Tim is about to go hunting for Colt. Art's rant at the start was the best. Art is America's best kept secret. That guy is gold.

How do I follow up today's gem? I'm going with a food post tomorrow (idea via Prime)!

Anonymous said...

Art completely stole the show. I like to imagine he is in someway related to Ron Swanson. He could be his hillbilly distant cousin. Pawnee isn't too far from Harlan. It's possible.

Tomorrow is a food post, eh? Will it top the great bean debate of 2013?!

Ide

Prime99 said...

RUPE ON > WE ON

Tonya said...

I am actually contemplating inviting JRupe to Iceman's wedding as my plus 1... Who's got dibs on my table?

GMoney said...

I ON that table! We've discussed this before but if you bring Rupe to Iceman's wedding, that would be the greatest thing of all time.

Wait--is the wedding in BG or Toledo? Because he's not allowed in BG anymore since he can't stop fighting people whenever he's in those world famous BG clubs.

Anonymous said...

Shit, when is this wedding again? If it's in either place, this means that I am staying with my mom unless by some chance my uncle is out of town, then I can use his house (then we can invite Rupe for an indoor pool party!)

Ide

GMoney said...

August Tenth I believe.

Anonymous said...

DFL draft weekend I'd bet.

Ide

Tonya said...

Ide, you're more than welcome to stay with me... and Rupe!!