Friday, March 29, 2013

Open Forum: The Sweet Sixteen

Who says that blatant racism isn't funny???
You don’t get to where I am as a respected journalist without learning a few tricks along the way (thanks for $1.64 payment yesterday, Fox Sports!). When the Ohio Buckeyes are playing/getting arrested/getting sanctioned, you just let the comments take care of themselves. So with Johnny Applecheeks playing in the Sweet 16 last night, well, that’s enough for me to not give my best effort. Let’s take care a few things first:

*As I eluded to yesterday, my nephews have been staying with us all week as their CHRISTmas gift this year from us was a 3 day baseball camp in Dublin. I’ve been told by many of you how much you enjoy my past tales of dealing with the nieces and nephews that I inherited through marriage. I am sad to report that everything went very smoothly. I didn’t make them cry at all. I didn’t call them by the wrong name (always a possibility). I played catch with them and can say that both of them have way better arms than I was expecting. The younger nephew tried to tell me that TV makes you stupid so I almost was forced to kick his ass but I refrained. He lost all credibility five minutes later by turning on Duck Dynasty (WTF is that shit?). No one pissed the bed or shit their pants so I would say that it was a success. There are Legos all over the goddamn house and the guest room is a fucking disaster, but it was pretty easy. If you want a good way to impress kids, eat a shit-load of food at dinner. They bet me a dollar that I couldn’t eat 3 squares of lasagna. Bitch please, you lost that bet before you finished that sentence. Little boys respect gluttony. So I am sorry to report that “Cool Uncle” was doing work (doggy) but maybe next time I can get them crying again.

*Back to basketball, does anyone else find it odd that Buckets is rumored to have both feet out the door on Champions Lane yet is possibly not even a first round draft pick? It seems like a foregone conclusion that DeShaun is DeGone but no one really ever says why they feel this way. I mean, it’s always better to get paid to play than to not, I suppose, but does it really make sense for him to bolt to the NBA? He could probably set a bunch of records at Ohio and make another run at a national title (assuming that they fall short this year). His stock probably isn’t going to get higher. Ahhhh—maybe that’s the worry. If you have a chance at going in the first round and getting that three year guaranteed contract, that is a hell of a lot better than a 2nd round not guaranteed contract. Another year could allow scouts to pick apart his improving but still questionable defense, non-passing skills, and average rebounding rates. He’ll always be able to score—I’d probably rather do it for the Spurs or Thunder than the Fuckeyes. Did that make sense? I think it may have.

*Speaking of leaving early, and this is a completely random thought that has no basis at all, do you think that LaQuinton Ross would consider going this year? Clearly, he is not there to get a degree and he has been pretty damn good the last 6 weeks. I’d bet that deep down he is thinking about it (because this isn’t a very good draft which you can pretty much say every year recently). He seems like a guy who is dumb enough to think that he is NBA-ready like a Josh Selby or some other flame out.

*Trey Burke Sucks. Mitch McGary-Durham LOL. Never forget. They better remember that soon.

Well, that will do it for this week. Are the Ohio Buckeyes still alive and well and getting ready to play a team that they will be an 8-10 point favorite to beat? Did they lose in hilarious fashion? Does RichRod get to claim this as a win/another loss? How about Crean Pie? Did he cost his team like we all think he will eventually? Will Trey Burke Sucks be able to stop Jeff Withey from being a serial killer tonight? Enjoy the hoops this weekend and come back on Monday where I profess my undying love for Nicky Flash in those AT&T commercials.


Anonymous said...

Team of destiny!!

Go Bucks!!

Anonymous said...

I bet the BRAHs are laughing at Crean Pie.

Anonymous said...

The Buckeyes won last night and didn't cover....meaning G$ lost his bets on them...fucking perfect.

Deshauns draft stock is what it is. Its not going to get higher because he's nothing special as an athlete. Buckets has a little Buckets now too...might as well get paid in the NBA or Europe and support him.

Q can't even really dribble yet. He will come back and be the main scorer next year and then bolt. His jump shot form is fucking perfect.

LOLZ at Crean Pie...he is a terrible coach. Boeheim ran circles around him


Anonymous said...

Deshaun thought he was a one and done. He has a 1 year old son (shocker) probably could use some scratch. But, it seems like there is a little more talk of him coming back to improve his stock. He does not like his positioning. But, who the hell knows.

I think Ohio State gets LaQuinton back next year but he is gone after that.

Good thing Indiana had 5 days to figure out a god damn 2-3 zone. I believe we even ran that under the Gubernath/Doak Walker basketball dynasty. That is on Crean Pie. Yes the BRAHS are defintely laughing at him, I am guessing they never stop.


GMoney said...

I was shocked that Johnny BRAH didn't just get up and leave at halftime. Good to see Jimmy BRAH not support his BRAH-in-law.

Zeller should stay. He is absolutely not ready.

Q is an idiot. You can never guarantee what an idiot will do when dollars are put in front of him. But that paragraph became a whole lot more debatable after that game last night.

You assholes are the luckiest bunch of lucks that ever lucked. No one likes you.

No reason to watch the Shockers game on Saturday night. I'll tell you what happens: Thad Matta takes a shower at halftime and then comes back out without toweling off and just puts his suit back on. Ohio gets an 8-15 point lead with 4 minutes to go. They lose it within a minute or two. Anthony Crater comes out of solitary confinement to hit a game-winning three from the men's room. Amadeo Dellavalle will make America puke. Ohio fans take to Facebook talking about how great they are and throwing up a bunch of stupid and not funny memes. Buke will stay up late crafting the perfect first comment (team of destiny).

Nice non-cover against an average team.

GMoney said...

I yelled at my nephews last night for putting ketchup on their cheddarwurst. I am a patriot.

Brady said...

-Ketchup on cheddarwusrt is fucking disgusting. And I say that as a ketchup honk.

-I don't know what got into LQR last night but he was on a mission in that second half. He kind of looks like a robot when he dribbles but it was working for him.

-That last foul called to give Arizona the three-point play and tie was fucking bullshit. He wasn't even touched! Nobody talked about it though because there was no hovering heel involved. Whatever. It gave the Buckeyes another chance to put a three pointed dagger through some poor team again.

-Duck Dynasty is indeed stupid but I always end up watching five minutes when flipping through the channels. Mostly to catch a glimpse of the main cletus's wife. I'd eat gumbo and stalk some fowl to get with that southern belle.

Anonymous said...

What a game last night. I think this OSU team goes to the Final Four without much resistance from Wichita State, but it has to get derailed somehow. OSU, whose defense was great all season, has been allowing a pretty high shooting percentage the last two games. Doing the same against Louisville, Sparty, or Duke would be the end of the tournament run.

Deshaun would not be wise to leave for the NBA. However, I think he will, if for no other reason than to support his son. Q is not even close to ready. His defense is atrocious and he just developed an offensive game within the past 30 days that doesn't just include popping threes . In many ways, he is like Deshaun Thomas. He can shoot lights out and provide instant offense, but he is too dumb to grasp a lot of the defensive concepts. At least Q looks like he is giving an effort on Defense, though. Deshaun still looks like hes playing Summer AAU ball.

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

LOL at Ohio fans complaining about the refs. Eat everyone's shit, Cakes.

I GUARANSHEED that Q is thinking about leaving. He may not, but that mental defective is dreaming of being on Cribs (is that still on?).

LS, I would say not to overlook the Shockers who have murdered everyone they have faced in this tournament but we all know that Amir Williams will sink an 80 foot jump hook at the buzzer for the win.

The only comfort I have is that you can't keep pissing away big leads. Eventually it catches up to you (kind of like how the Heat had the knack for getting down huge early and then coming back). Also, you don't deserve this because I said so.

Anonymous said...

Don't get me wrong. I think the Shockers are legit, but OSU will be the most talented team they played all tournament, by far. Arizona killed both teams it played heading into last night's game, too. Opening line is OSU - 5.5.

Amir Williams sinking an 80 foot jump hook is silly. We all know we'll win the next game with a Sam Thompson dunk from the three point line as time expires and fireworks shoot from the backboard.

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

Considering that you haven't covered the last two games, taking the points is probably the smart play. Peter King State will not be afraid of you. That gives me hope. But Chris Jent will somehow atone for his missed short bunny shot from the early 90's and win the game.

Brady said...

I'm not complaining too much, G$. That three point play gave the Buckeyes a chance to win it at the buzzer instead of clenching their buttholes at the line trying to make pressure free throws. Aaron Craft has been lights out this tourney but has missed some HUGE front ends. I was much more comfortable launching scuds from downtown rather than watching Arizona get a chance to win it off a miss.

Prime99 said...

I saw a tweet saying they'd pay Rachel Nicols $500 to ask Crean Pie if he knew Syracuse was going to play 2-3 zone against IU last night.

GMoney said...

I may have been defeated by Thad Matta's shittery last night, but moneylining Marquette and Syracuse fattened up my online wallet quite nicely.

Rachel Nichols is ELITE. CBS should have mic'd up Johnny BRAH and Joanie BRAH for the entire game and let them trade one-liners about how awful Crean Pie was/is/will be forever.

By the way, I swear that Ocho Cinco was sitting right behind The U's bench last night. Can anyone confirm? All black folk look alike to me.

Dawg and Grump, Redhawks gonna own Toledo this weekend? I'm down on them since they can't score.

CBJ season over after Toronto stole that goal from us last night like they do every year. So sad. Bob is cashed out. Dude needs a break.

Anonymous said...

DeShaun Thomas' draft stock took a huge hit when the NBA banned all things flop related. Now he offers little to the pro game outside of an eventual career 38% FG percentage.

Duck Dynasty is fucking rotten. You know it's a terrible show because Wheelz DVR's it. That's the measuring stick for awful TV. If my eventual wife likes it enough to DVR it then it's total trash.

Look at BradyCakes talk about LaQuinton Ross like he even knows who that guy is. LOLZ!

"but we all know that Amir Williams will sink an 80 foot jump hook at the buzzer for the win."

This made me LOL hard.

GMoney said...

Fred Davis is coming back to DC! Only I care about this!

Anonymous said...

Ohio State's defense is not worse, they are playing teams that can actually score and put up totals of higher than 55 points in a game - unlike the steller big ten offenses they played all year.

Easiest road to the final four? Yes I think so. Stop making it look hard and beat Wichita by 15 like the 2 seed that you are.

Bye Bye Crean Pie. Drew is right - Boeheim fucking owned Crean last night. And god Joanie HarBraH is fucking gross.

Will be pulling for Michigan tonight, as Kansas is up there with Indiana and Duke as one of the most hated schools on my list.


Brady said...

-Iceman, I rode the pine during 8th grade/freshman BKB at AW. That qualifies me to comment about anything basketball related.

-I'm going to be pulling for Michigan as well. It's a long shot but it would be fantastic to could get an OSU-UM title game. That way, the Buckeyes could own Michigan in another sport which would enable me to send Iceman rude texts all year long!

-I thought that was Ochocinco as well. I even paused the TV once to take a better look. Then I realized I didn't care and forgot about it.

GMoney said...

Of course you would root for Michigan because you are a clown fraud fan and you know that Bill Self owns your asses.

Stop making it look hard and beat Wichita by 15 like the 2 seed that you are.

Precisely. LULZ at idiots rooting for the all Big Ten Final Four. Why does that matter at all? "It would be cool"! LULZ again at you being a tard. I bet you get excited when they play Crazy Bitch at Rick's Sports Bar you white trash mongoloid.

Seal's burning hatred for Indiana is something that we should all strive to have. It is truly intoxicating.

Prime99 said...

Cakes- I know another commenter that cheers for the opposite side of the Ohio/Michigan rivalry in certain situations (aka last night)... His name rhymes with Niceman! B1G pride bitches!!!

Anonymous said...

I am rooting for the easiest final four possible.

Buckeyes favored by 4.5 over Wichita.


Anonymous said...

"Seal's burning hatred for Indiana is something that we should all strive to have. It is truly intoxicating."

I made that comment on his Facebook post last night. It really is impressive dedication on Seal's part. We could all learn something from him on how to properly and utterly loathe a team.

Oh...and "And god Joanie HarBraH is fucking gross" is fucking destroying me right now.

This is how I picture BradyCakes in his 8th grade uniform.

GMoney said...

Michael Carter-Williams (pick a last name, dyke) looks like a burn victim. His face is 100% grafted skin from his ass.

Anonymous said...

"Cakes- I know another commenter that cheers for the opposite side of the Ohio/Michigan rivalry in certain situations (aka last night)... His name rhymes with Niceman! B1G pride bitches!!!"

Let's not Prime fill our heads with sewage today. I (wisely) picked Ohio to beat Arizona last night by 4 (one point away from the Potato Nose nut!). Prime takes that as me being an Ohio fan. Prime's just mad because he foolishly picked the ghost of Lute Olson's liver to prevail last night.

Brady said...

That is exactly how I looked in my 8th grade uniform! All you need to add is a bong and two smoking hot cheerleaders on each arm and you've got it.

Why does cheering for the embarrassment of our biggest rival on the highest of stages make me a clown fraud? I think it would be spectacular. G$ just doesn't want the comments taken over for a week if that scenario plays out.

Is the Wichita line really only -4.5? I think the Bucks cover that.

The Icemom said...


Please add me on facebook.


Anonymous said...

Nothing better than going NUTTTTTTYYTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY on all of you with an ONIONSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSs 3 pointer to win the game. That was glorious as I believe I took over 1st place again.

Just sucks that it had to come from OSU. I actually cheered when the 3 was nailed. Good thing its Easter and I can stop at a confessional this weekend....

So back to our grading scale of Fanndom I need to make sure I add a few scenarios to the check list.

- Its ok to Root for OSU as a Michigan fan when you have a nut on the line.

- Its ok to Root for Michgan as an OSU fan when they are playing for a team you could never beat for a national title.

Check and check.

- J Saul

Prime99 said...

Tom Tolbert's squad was not a bad pick. I have to stick with it much like the defender that stuck with Aaron Craft rather than switching on a screen like he was supposed to. Great job, great effort!

Brady said...

I think Icemom should post more often.

Grumpy said...

Miami hockey will rule Toledo.
Duck Dynasty is the best. Jep's wife is the hootest, but she's rarely on. Uncle Si is the funniest man on TV.

What am I adding you to on FB Iceman?

The Icemom said...

Hey Grump,

Quit being a dildo and actually read my name.

Anonymous said...

"What am I adding you to on FB Iceman?"

Did Grumpy just morph into the dialogue from a 1983 Nintendo game?

Brady said...

"What am I adding you to on FB Iceman?"

It seems that Grumpy has been taken over by The Iron Shiek's Twitter feed.

Anonymous said...

The best pitcher in the world is locked up as a Tiger for a long time! Bow down to Justin Verlander bitches!


GMoney said...

Brady with a funny? You bet your sweet ass! Nice work.

JSaul, you weren't rooting for Ohio. You were rooting for the point differential. THE DIFF as some might say. Big difference and I'm OK with that. Since you know that they can just throw up any sort of garbage shot under 5 seconds and it is going in anyway, you already knew the outcome.

I am the worst at The Nut although I was the only one to pick Marquette and one of three to nail Cuse.

Fuckeye fans are only rooting for TBS tonight because they are cowards who know that Jeff Withey will Bay Harbor Butcher them yet again. They want you to do their dirty work for them. So lose on purpose is what I'm trying to say.

Brady said...

"The best pitcher in the world is locked up as a Tiger for a long time! Bow down to Justin Verlander bitches!"

-It only cost a brick of Skoal, case of Boons Farm and some Black Cats. A hefty price for anyone from Detroit to pay for sure but probably worth it.

GMoney said...

202 million for a pitcher. I can't wait to see how this plays out.

Anonymous said...

I think it will start with a mysterious drop in velocity and then you will here analysts saying he will have to learn how to pitch instead of being a power pitcher, and finally you hear that Detroit sucks because they have no cap room due to crazy contracts.

Eventually you'll see him hawking autographs on HSN.

GMoney said...

That seems like a pretty accurate assumption right there. Shall I assume that anon is Mike Hampton?

Although you lose a ton of cool internet points for saying "cap room".

Since Jut is on myself and Brady's fantasy teams this year (and others), I fully expect him to come out on Monday topping off at 89 mph on his Trashball.

Anonymous said...

Rooting hard for a Tommy Johns type of season for Verlander.

OSU is going to go HAM on WSU. We got a massive break with this seeding/grouping, and the way we have been playing couldn't have come against worse teams. Hopefully, we got the funk out of our system and will destroy them. Then, off to Hotlanta thereabouts.

I'm in NC for the week so we will see what watching the games will be like sober. I'm guessing not as fun, though my kidneys are still messed up from last weekend. I blame that fat girl sitting so close, I think I caught type 2 diabetes and I now need dialysis.


Anonymous said...

Excellent Cleetus Van Damme line! "Hotlanta thereabouts"

Anonymous said...

"-It only cost a brick of Skoal, case of Boons Farm and some Black Cats. A hefty price for anyone from Detroit to pay for sure but probably worth it."

BradyCakes is crushing it today. He's probably drunk since that's the only time he's ever funny.

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