Thursday, March 14, 2013

Here We Go Again...

Would you if you looked like a walking schlong?
As was briefly mentioned yesterday, the Ohio Buckeye football team is up to their old tricks again. Per The Lantern:

Three Ohio State football players are named in a search warrant filed by OSU police in an investigation of an alleged rape, according to a report from Columbus television network ABC 6.
According to the ABC 6 report, a female student reported the rape, which she said happened on Oct. 21, to police on Nov. 10. No charges have been filed.
OSU police logs indicate that a rape was reported by a female student on Nov. 10. The log listed Neil Avenue Building as the location of the incident, and stated that an investigation was pending.
The ABC 6 report indicated that the search warrant is for a cell phone of one of the named players, which may contain evidence of the alleged rape.
According to the ABC 6 report, the three players are OSU freshmen, and one of those players left the football team last week.
Gayle Saunders, OSU's assistant vice president of media relations, confirmed to The Lantern in an email that "there is an ongoing investigation into alleged misconduct involving Ohio State students."
"As this is an ongoing investigation, the university is not at liberty to discuss the matter at this time," Saunders said in the email.
A few things:
*Tell Gayle Saunders to “HOYT THIS”! Count it.
*While most 18-19 year old college girls at Ohio would love to nail a football player, I doubt that many would want a train run on them.
*When asked to comment, TP said, "steal from you, steal from me; rape you, rape me."
*This has to be true because it happened to a school that I do not like.
*Trey Burke Sucks may suck, but at least he doesn’t force people to suck for him.
*Apparently that whole notion of “AP National Champs” last year stood for “Assault on Pussy”, right?
*I heard that after the alleged rape, the girl called for an ambulance but Braxton Miller had the hiccups and required all of them in central Ohio to drive him around until his gassiness subsided. Count it.
*These are Urban Meyer players. These are the kinds of people that he has always brought in to play for him and will continue to. You can take the asshole out of the SEC, but you can’t take the SEC out of the asshole.
*Any of you guys know names? Like I said, I heard that whoever Se’Von Pittman is was implicated but that might not be accurate.
*At least when Antonio Henton (two references this week!) is horny, he offers to pay.
*With this news and the bizarre Steubenville trial underway, it might be time for Ohio to claim the title of “America’s Rape State”.

DEATH TO THIS DIRTBAG PROGRAM!!! KILL THEM ALL!!! SOMEONE THINK OF THE INNOCENT VAGINAS!!! I assume that the comments will be littered with the turd suckers saying no big deal while everyone else competes for best joke. I’ve set the bar high with my contributions. Also: this was post #1900 here!

47 comments:

Anonymous said...

A not surprisingly uninformed post.

Se'von Pittman is the only one with a chance of getting charged with anything and he's not even on the team anymore. Kyle Dodson and Michael Thomas were just his roommates and were mentioned in the report as witnesses that can put Pittman with the girl. Sooooooo....one player that is not at Ohio State anymore may or may not get charged with something.

I hope the next time one of our DL wants to rape a mouth they rape G$s.

--Drew

Grumpy said...

Was he at Ohio State when he raped her (allegedly)?

Anonymous said...

Ill let the details come out before I jump to conclusions. An osu player shouldn't have to rape anyone (except commenter Daniel). If they did, HEGONE.

Jrupe was the first to wish me a happy birthday today. I am jrupes best friend. DEAL WITH IT!

Dut

GMoney said...

It is no coincidence that we're talking rape on Dut's birthday. Some poor divorcee is going to get shamed tonight. Also, happy bday, Rosenberg!

"Uninformed" is taking the entirety of the article from your student newspaper and posting it here. I guess The Lantern is full of shit. One of them banged her and another rammed her tonsils in the bathroom...or so I was told. Why don't you get your facts straight, son.

THEY raped her after the Purdue game, right? Must have been overly pumped from that comeback over a terrible team.

Anonymous said...

Apparently G$ didn't read the details before posting. The one she went home with got up and left, without doing anything, while the second was the handsy one. Both sides agree on this. However, the amount of willingness on her part is being disputed as the witnesses claim she was in his bed.

Still, those bullet points were clearly phoned in by someone with aspergers. If there is a best joke to be had, those bullet points didn't contain an entry. Gassiness and Assault on Pussy? The well must be running dry.

At least correlate the similarities between the DE sacking vag and sacking Braxton.

And that is just the low hanging fruit.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Fixed your block quote for you.

"COLUMBUS, Ohio - Ohio State University police are investigating an allegation of rape involving multiple Buckeye football players.

10TV News obtained the warrant filed Tuesday that spells out the allegations against the multiple players, who 10TV News did not name because they have not been charged.

Detectives plan to look at the information on one of the football players' cell phones, which may contain evidence of the alleged crime, investigators said.

The alleged victim is an 18-year-old Ohio State student.

According to legal documents, she said she went to several off-campus parties with two friends the night of Oct. 20 last year.

She said she met the football players at one of the parties.

In the search warrant, the alleged victim told police she was "romantically interested" in one of the players and was invited to his dorm room on Neil Avenue. He shared the dorm room with another player.

She said she and the two football players walked back together to the dorm room in the Neil Avenue building.

Documents stated that when the two were alone, she said they began to “fool around,” and the other player appeared and said, “let me get in on this.”

The woman told investigators that the other player started touching her and made her to perform a sex act on him. She told investigators that she pushed him away and left.

One of the football players was interviewed by authorities in February but told a story with differing details.

Among those differences, the search warrant states he told a detective he returned back to his dorm that night with just the alleged victim and no one else. He said the woman jumped on top of him and “started to kiss him.”

But then he said he started having second thoughts because of a girlfriend back home, documents stated. He stated that he left the room and when he returned, he found the other player and the woman engaging in a sex act in the other player’s bed.

The search warrant also mentions a third football player, who said he offered the young woman a place to stay after the alleged rape in the early morning hours of Oct. 21, documents stated.

Detectives continue to investigate.

The university acknowledges there's an investigation into alleged misconduct but declined to comment to 10TV News.

Watch 10TV News and refresh 10TV.com for more information."

Ide

Jeff said...

If the condom doesn't fit, you must acquit (or just raw dog it).

I need some mo facks and to see if any charges are made first.

GMoney said...

My jokes are gold, fucko. You obvz don't remember when your pussy QB needed an am-ba-lance for no reason. Way to be pro-rape though. That is no surprise.

I remember when some of you thought it was so tubular that Urb stole this deviant from Dantonio. LOLOLOLOLOLOL RAPE!

Grumpy said...

Instead of debating whether they did or didn't do it, how about discussing G$'s valid point that Urban recruits kids who put themselves in these situations. Look at his time at Florida.

Welcome to your future Buckeye fans.

Anonymous said...

Grumpy is one to talk on the subject when he cheers for a QB that has rape allegations much worse than this against him.

Seal

The Iceman said...

"Was he at Ohio State when he raped her (allegedly)?"

Better question, G$: Was he recruited by Urb? Because I think the point of this post is that Urban Meyer will always recruit scumbags and Ohio fans will always defend the move after blasting him for the same shit while at Florida.

BradyCakes is #1 at downplaying severe crimes like rape. I can't wait to hear him spin this in a way that suggests this isn't any more devastating than a speeding ticket.

The Iceman said...

"Grumpy is one to talk on the subject when he cheers for a QB that has rape allegations much worse than this against him"

HAYMAKER!!

MuDawgfan said...

Two Points:

1. Iceman has an awesome new avatar.

2. While insensitive, G$'s comments are largely accurate about the behavior of Florida recruits and their behavior patterns.

To his credit - Meyer tends to get rid of the shitheads, especially those that embarrass the program (except for Chris Rainey).
But this is going to continue to happen and it will be more and more frequent. He takes flyers on kids with difficult backgrounds and it doesn't always turn out well.

GMoney said...

Yep. This is playing out exactly as I expected. The turd suckers are sucking them dry while the others are being rational and realizing that this sort of stuff happens with Urb.

Seal just owned Grump. That was some terrific ownage.

Anonymous said...

Hot damn....ELITE comment by Quick Seal. Quick Seal is funny.

I care more about what the coach does after the fact than the crime itself. I don't expect any team to be perfect with 85 college dudes to watch over. But, with this possible mouf raping....the kid is no longer a member of the program. Urbz did what he had to do.

Fuck....Izzo has two starters that faced wayyyy worse rape allegations and they are still on his squad.

--Drew

Nate said...

Maybe I have no moral compass, but would I rather have a thug-ridden SEC-caliber team that wins national championships perenially vs. a wholesome group of corn fed midwestern boys who "do well" on New Years Day Bowls.

If anybody here disagrees, you're lying to yourself.

Anonymous said...

How is urban meyer, or any coach, supposed to predict that a player will "rape" a chick if there is no history of it? Most kids that winning programs recruit come from inner city schools. You just have to give hard punishment when they do F up.

Iceman- nice to see you're on your "Michigan doesn't take shitheads" high horse. You know who Pittman also had an offer from? MICHIGAN!!!!

Dut

Anonymous said...

Great comment Seal. I had it in the chamber, but Grumpy was toeing the line on whether or not he should lob an insult our way. I think he knew better. Still, it's never wrong to laugh at Ben.

The guy doesn't play on the team any longer, so it won't blow back on us. But I agree wholly on these are the guys we're going to get. Urban is clearly hell bent on finding the best players he can get, regardless of, well, ANYTHING else. Be it grades, rapey tendencies, and/or (and most likely) penchants for thievery (/wave Cammy Cam!). We weren't getting a Tressel replacement GPA wise, and I think we all knew it.

However, who wouldn't trade that for a 12-0 start, and a pedigree that has multiple national titles? Inner city kids gon' be inner city kids regardless, might as well have them be awesome and inner city here while winning games with us and not Bama.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

Nate, I hope Michigan doesn't sell their soul for national championships. I would absolutely not exchange Florida' s arrest records for a national title.

This is the main issue people have with Fuckeyes. They would accept rape/murder if it meant football dominance. It's that truck driver mentality.

He raped another OSU student...nbd, amirite?

GMoney said...

I think it's pretty easy to look at someone and determine if they are a rapist. I did it with you. That's why I always cover my anus whenever I can smell your presence.

Nate, I don't think it has to be that black and white. And I don't think that you're giving your compass enough credit. I don't believe that you would ever be proud of The U in your uniforms.

Look, dumbasses, no one is saying (although maybe they should) that Urban Meyer is the coach of The Mean Machine and only wants the finest felons. It is just a reminder that this stuff happens in his program more than you want it to and it makes everyone look bad.

And me shoe-horning in a Trey Burke Sucks reference to go with Antonio Henton makes me think that Ide doesn't know shit about internet comedy. Idiot.

Nate said...

When your team sucks and you have no chance of sniffing a national championship, it's a very comfortable place to perch and criticize winning programs for their methods.

And as Dut mentioned, I find it hard to believe Brady Hoke would have revoked Pittman's scholarships due to a heightened risk of him committing rape.

Brady said...

From the sound of it, nothing may come of this at all. This allegedly went down last Fall and we are just hearing about it?

If the dude actually raped her, then he deserves everything that's coming to him but something doesn't sound right about this whole story.

There is no question that Urban is a different kind of recruiter. We are going to have the occasional bad apple with him. I don't think there is any doubt about that. If we have to kick one guy off the team every year but get National titles in return, whatever.

Anonymous said...

Shoe-horning is exactly right. Instead of fitting them in neatly, and hilariously, you wedged them in. Now, if those bullet points were one big metaphor for you raping our sensibilities with asinine comments, then congrats, you win the internet for at least the next week running.

Ide

The Iceman said...

"1. Iceman has an awesome new avatar"

Credit Prime for that suggestion. If there were any doubt that he deserved commenter of the year then my new avatar should end that discussion.

You're right Dut. There is no way to predict rape. But it's no secret that Urb recruits guys who have sketchy pasts. So even though there is no way to predict rape, you can get a good idea if a guy is going to be trouble period based on what kind of checkered background he has. Some coaches consider that when recruiting...Urban doesn't. Would you disagree with that?

And I'm not on a Michigan high horse...Brady Hoke doesn't have the same reputation Urb has when it comes to recruiting shit heads because he makes it a point to focus on guys who are good people as well as good football players.

Pittman is from Canton. He was never going to Michigan. If Hoke doesn't at least offer Pittman a scholarship then Hoke's bosses start looking at him like he doesn't know what that fuck he's doing. Offering a scholarship and actively recruiting a guy are too totally different things.

The Iceman said...

"but something doesn't sound right about this whole story."

Because it never does when Ohio gets bad press. The evil machine ESPN is probably behind this story. Right, Brady? Just another attempt by a social sports media outlet to smear the good name of the Ohio Buckeyes!

Nate said...

So let me get this right - Brady Hoke only offered Pittman a scholarship because Dave Brandon expects him too?

However, if Pittman accepts that scholarship I'm guessing Brandon expects Brady to deny him the scholarship because of his rape tendencies?

No wonder Michigan can't beat OSU. Hoke is spending too much time extending fake scholardships while Urban is actually recruiting.


GMoney said...

something doesn't sound right about this whole story

Like the rape part, right? No Ohio coed is going to want to hurt the football program unless something went VERY wrong. Something went very wrong for her. When the news is released doesn't mean shit anyway and I know this because I'm an internet journalists.

Nate, I still think that you're wrong. I'm going to use the kid hammer here: do you want your three kids rooting for a team littered with shitheads and rapists?

Paragraphs are supposed to flow and transition nicely. When you use bullet points, you don't have to do that. I learned that from Peter King. My best joke was the first but only a few of you will know what "tell Saunders to hoyt this" means. Either way, since I'm not up your alley today, go back to laughing at Dave Coulier, faggot.

Prime99 said...

If the Duke Lacrosse program taught us anything, it's that even wholesome kids with clean records aren't above a stripper scandal where rape charges are filed. Rape is hard to predict.

That said, I stand behind the video I posted on Ide's Facebook regarding Urb's recruiting. It was the scene from Blazing Saddles where they are recruiting ruffians.

"You said rape twice."

"I like rape."

Nate said...

"do you want your three kids rooting for a team littered with shitheads and rapists?"

If they were raping on television, no.

If the players on the team served as role models to my kids who someday stood a chance of playing at OSU, no.

My kids are better served rooting for accountants, doctors, and lawyers on television who do the right thing, than amateur athletes.

College football players serve one purpose - to entertain.









Anonymous said...

Icemans had a bad week here. Pittman visited Michigan multiple times. You don't pull in a top.five class like Hoke just did without some risky guys.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Nate's kids are going to be watching a shit-ton of Matlock.

Prime, that's some quality Blazing Saddles quoting! WHERE THE WHITE WOMEN AT?

GMoney said...

Ugh, Hokester doesn't have his players run afoul of the law out of fear of receiving an atomic leg drop. WHATCHA GONNA DO, BROTHER!

The Iceman said...

There's a reason Urban has a reputation and Hoke doesn't. Same reason why everyone here thinks Drew and Dut are gay for each other. When there's a pattern you can't ignore it. Like when there's an open dude butt, Dut can't ignore it.

I almost forgot about "Hoyt this". One of the best sentences ever written on this site.

Grumpy said...

I don't see how I got owned. I asked a pertinent question and the Fuckeye faithful go to their instant fall back(which has nothing to do with this case) and bring up Ben. Then Iceman goes along just because he hates the Steelers.

Stick to the issue at hand. Meyer recruits bad actors and when some of them act badly, he weeds them out. Or sometimes he doesn't, depending on the level of outrage.

Prime99 said...

That's what I'm here for: movie quotes, music references, knowledge bombs, helping Iceman with obvious NES avatars that should have been used years ago, and Chip Kelly inside info.

I'm not here for college football facts or batboy salary quotes.

GMoney said...

I'm not here for college football facts or batboy salary quotes.

That's gold! That should be the slogan for this site.

And Grump makes a good point. Unless Ben was also in that dorm room. Which is possible, I suppose.

Anonymous said...

Michigan vs PSU today. Who ya got?

And Dut better be carrying the fucking flag today. We could use a win. Bobrovsky sick.

Ide

GMoney said...

Has Ide joined the battle? I was unaware of this. He better be on the frontline with all the other minorities as part of our human shield.

Anonymous said...

Oh ive been in the battle, but as of late since im here in ny, Ive taken a subdued approach to cheering for them. They get zero coverage here, unfortunately.

I did go to just about every home game during out playoff run back in aught nine. Including, but not limited, to the time Buke and I got savagely drunk and I yelled a bunch of racial epithets at Hacksaw Bailey.

Ide

Ide

The Iceman said...

"Then Iceman goes along just because he hates the Steelers."

You're God damn right. Never forget it either.

Anonymous said...

On a different topic...

I will now own up to looking like an asshole by giving Iceman a ton of shit for his prediction of the Lakers missing the playoffs. With Kobe now being out due to sprained ankle - it is highly doubtful they make the playoffs. Nice prediction, cockbag.

Seal

Anonymous said...

That is how you pay appreciation around here.

Anonymous said...

Iceman...you fucking dumbass. No coach that recruits at Ball State or San Diego is going to have any sort of recruiting reputation. Hokeamania is recruiting types of kids he nevrr has before.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Seal, have you seen Utah? They suck. Antawn Jamison is going to lead the Lakers to an undefeated rest of the regular season!

Ide, since realignment was officially approved today, you will be able to carry the flag plenty of times for at least the next three seasons. Yelling awful stuff at Hacksaw has to be invigorating. Don't worry, they're hardly covered here either.

Speaking of the Steubenville rape, Dan Wetzel was just on The Fan (he's in the courtroom today). The raped girl was puking in the street and one of the accused offered up 3 whole dollars for someone to run out there and piss on her as she hurled. That is LOLZ. Rape not funny--golden showers funny.

GMoney said...

Iceman...you fucking dumbass.

That should be the start of every comment here for the rest of eternity.

GMoney said...

Ide, one more thing, you should call up Francesa or Michael Kay or some other idiot and just start asking questions about the CBJ on the air.

Kay: We've got Ide on line 4 and he wants to talk about the Jets.
Ide: No I don't. How about that Sergei Bobrovsky! GOTTA SEE IT LIVE!

Anonymous said...

I'm totally doing that. Or, we got this back up goalie that is leakier than the Jets porous D-Line.

Ide