Wednesday, February 27, 2013

To Catch A College Football Predator

On the gridiron, this stud QB literally makes defenses shit their pants
I don't have a ton of time today to prep one of my usual daily beauties so please accept the apology that I'm not giving.  That being said, yesterday Drew spread one of his typical trolling lies when he said that National Signing Day is better than the NFL Draft.  If you said something like that in most countries, you'd be sent to the guillotine.  Thanks 'bama...maybe you should worry more about beheading assholes and less about your wife giving out Oscars.  Count it.

One of the few perks that I get from this "job" is that I'm tight with a publishing company that likes to send out free copies of new sports books.  I probably get 10-12 per year.  One of those was Ray Glier's "How the SEC Became Goliath" which was really interesting to someone like me who doesn't particularly care about the sport outside of Saturdays*.  I learned that there is way more to it than just over-signing, easy classes, and just getting the best players.  For instance, most of the schools in the SEC pay their STREMPH coach close to a million dollars per year.  FOR A WEIGHTLIFTING GUY!

*In fact, I was even asked to write a blurb that may appear on the back cover when the paperback version comes out.  I am so excited about this.  This would make me a published author if it happens!  ELITE!

Anyway, we've all probably heard about Alabama and LSU offering a scholarship to an 8th grader from Baton Rouge.  Most of us have probably seen the YouTube clips of this 6'1" 215 pound running back named Dylan Moses.  RIGHT NOW, this bro looks like a goddamn stud.  As he should considering he's built like a brick shithouse and playing against kids without pubes.

Needless to say, offering free rides to 14 year olds was not a reason why the SEC Became Goliath.  This seems strange and completely out of character.  I expect this from shitbags like Lane Kiffin (he's already done this) and Rush Propst, but not the best of the best.  Nicky Sabe-cakes* and Toilet Water Aficionado Lester Miles aren't doing anything wrong or illegal but this feels beneath them.

*After racking my brain a long time to come up with a non-vulgar nickname that would really piss off Nick Saban if someone ever called him that, I decided that Nicky Sabe-Cakes was the best.  From now on, this is his name.  Update your Money Shot glossary.

I don't know.  Recruiting is a dirty fucking game and the best at it know how to walk that fine line.  What does everyone else think about recruiting kids in middle school?  I'm probably against it.  But what the hell can the NCAA do?  They are clearly incompetent in every way.  I guess the best course of action is the same thing that is happening now: let these assholes keep doing this and everyone laugh at them for a week while we wait for the "phenom" to get lazy and shitty.

Either way, I guarantee one thing...Dylan Moses is about to become the cocksuckeriest cocksucker in all of Louisiana.  And I don't blame him at all.

31 comments:

Anonymous said...

Justified... Incredible episode. So good that I watched it twice and I'm still awake at about 1:30.

IU losing to a mediocre Minnesota team was also a great watch.

Tom Crean is a penis and deserves only bad things to happen to him.

Buke

Anonymous said...

Not a fan of offering kids scholarships in middle school. Maybe if it's something short of a LeBron talent in basketball..but, football is stupid. That being said, it's all for publicity. If the kid begins to suck Saban will yank the kid's scholarship his sophomore year of high school and nobody will ever even know as nobody will care about the kid anymore.

National Signing Day is better than the NFL Draft...that is no troll. The NFL Draft is one of the most OVERRATED things ever. Face it....there are really only like ten guys that anybody really truly gives a shit about each year and they will be swooped up by the top 15 teams. On Signing Day you still have schools like Bama and Ohio State in a battle for like a top 150 guy...which means there are like 150 of those scenarios going on. Not only that..but, you could have had a player locked up for months....only to LOSE that player on the final day. That is drama the NFL draft can't even sniff. Add in the fact that in the 2nd round your team may be forced to take some athletic freak from Central Arkansas that you first learn about when Berman starts blabbbering his fat mouf.

The best thing Goodell is divide the NFL Draft into three days, because the last two days are just worthless to watch.

So, yes...give me the option of watching a full day of signing day coverage vs. NFL Draft and I'm taking signing day. More drama and more important players to their teams than trying to act like you care that the Jaguars took some kid from Middle Tennessee State because he ran a 4.23.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

By the way...I should have added that I don't feel that somebody like G$ who does not root for a big time college football program, should feel that signing day is > than the NFL Draft. But, as someone who follows both sports closely and follows a big time program...I feel signing day is more interesting to follow.

Braxton Miller on the cover of SI this week...in February. Does that eliminate him from being a "breakout player" whatever the term was that everyone outside of myself and a couple others used for him in the college football preview?

--Drew

Grumpy said...

Why is Drew drinking before 7:00?

Read that the 8th grader is 15. Shouldn't 15 be a sophomore? If so, we can assume he's not a scholar.

Anonymous said...

I assumed he was black.

I go to the NFL draft (twice in a row this year) and it is a boring as shit time. But, Ibalso like getting my hopes and dreams drug over the coals in person, in April, so my expectations get aligned with reality just in time for the season.

G$ blurb will probably include a gay sports reference, "It's a touchdown! Don't call an audible and pick up this hot read!"

Justified was absolutely incredible last night. It feels wrong comparing it to any other show.

Ide

GMoney said...

Ide, I should have used that blurb! That's gold!

I don't root for a big time college football team. Drew doesn't root for a big time NFL team (or a medium time one for that matter). I'm better so I win this debate.

You just know that Mama (no Papa) Moses is making a scene at Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles this morning about how she's about to strike it rich.

RIP Arlo...kiss my ass

Brady said...

"It's a touchdown! Don't call an audible and pick up this hot read!" - Ide may have won comment of the day and it's only 8:30.

Between reading that and refering to saban as Nicky Sabe-Cakes, I have already declared this day a success! Any nickname that ends with "cakes" is OK in my book.



MuDawgfan said...

When I read the name "Dylan" all I can think about is the Chappelle show clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6bCcteNFHY

GMoney said...

When I read the name Dylan, I think of awesome sideburns, motorcyclin', bangin' Shannon Doherty, and an alcohol problem.

Brady, it is up to you and I to lead the charge for Nicky Sabe-Cakes to become part of our daily lexicon.

Brady said...

I used to hook up with a girl named Tami. I called her Tam-cakes one time while drunk and belligerent. Needless to say, we didn't hook up much after that. Thanks to G$ for reminding me of this awesome college moment by bringing out Nicky Sabe-Cakes today.

Prime99 said...

Is Nicky Sabe-Cakes related to Johnny Cakes from Sopranos?

Ice Man said...

NFL draft > national signing day. Always. I love watching the face of the who's career the Browns just ruined.

GMoney said...

You want to know why the NFL Draft is better than all? In what other venue would a team boo the shit out of their first round pick regardless of who it is? God bless Jets fans.

Brady said...

If the Browns were even remotely competitive, I might agree with G$. HOWEVAH, being the college football powerhouse that they are, watching the Buckeyes clean up on signing day gets my vote right now.

Team Drew

Anonymous said...

The mezzanine is great stuff. If only you could hear one minute of it live. They really ought to do a live feed from there on HBO or the internet or something, it's just fantastic.

By popular demand (read: like 1 person), I will be doing a live twitter feed. I might even hashtag. WHO KNOWS?!

And LOLZ at Stephan Curry. You do NOT attack Pawnee's hottest celebrity.

Ide

GMoney said...

Way to destroy all the goodwill that you were building up, Brady. And thanks for admitting that you are a fair weather fan just like Drew.

hashtag getfucked

Brady said...

Fair weather fan? What fair weather fan would continue to buy merchandise, go to a couple games a year and devote every Sunday to the misery that is Browns football?
#getyofactsstraight

It's much more fun these days to watch Urban hurt every other Big Ten coach's feelings.

GMoney said...

Any truth to this rumor that Penis With Ears Meyer is talking to an 8th grade QB from Massillon? Some rube was on the radio yesterday claiming this as fact but I try not to believe people who call in to local radio shows (which seems like something Brady would do often).

I would eat at Boyd Crowder's Dairy Queen every day. His Dilly Bars are probably incredible.

Anonymous said...

Brady & Drew are right. This argument is basically which of your teams succeds (Ohio State) on the day/weekend in question, and which of your teams typically fails miserably (Browns & Lions).

G$ it is clear you are a much bigger fan of the Redskins (homo quarterback and all) than you are of the Miami football Redhawks. Mel Kiper might be more enjoyable to watch on tv than Bill Kurelic, but National Signing Day is better than NFL draft.

Buke

GMoney said...

I'm not going to waste my time arguing with idiots. Any draft is better than a fax machine.

When it comes to this argument that shouldn't even be one, I am Colt (minus the pill addiction) and you are Blossom's brother. I'm just going to keep shooting you well after you're all dead.

Prime99 said...

When do we have our fantasy football signing day? Oh, that doesn't exist? Weird.

GMoney said...

Back to the start...

Does anyone have an idea on how this kind of tomfoolery can be stopped? Like no contact until these kids are sophomores or something?

Nate said...

G$,

You're wrong on this one.

Tennessee Signing Day Fax Girl > Goodell giving bear hugs to first rounders.

Original Topic: Coaches now have more freedom than ever to recruit thanks to the new NCAA bylaws. For all we know, 6th graders are already issuing silent commits.

Anonymous said...

Who's to say it should? On a rare non racist note, attention like this at such a young age should encourage those kids to really work at being great and stay out of trouble. I don't see it as a problem, either. There has been a handful of these instances (Jared Sullinger was one) and it's not going to be a huge trend.These kids are freaks of nature who clearly got a head start on puberty, so being ahead of the curve is good all around. Now ifthey go after some kid who can run a 4.1 40 at 5"3 100 lbs, then we can be concerned.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Probably because we draft our players and don't have to recruit them in hopes of getting a signed letter of intent to join our fantasy team.
I expect better from you Prime, however this is a pretty pointless/stupid argument, that is solely based on a persons fandom (made up word) for a particular team.

Buke

Prime99 said...

Coach Cal is already recruiting my unborn child.

Anonymous said...

Your unborn child already has 4 priors and a coke addiction.

Ide

GMoney said...

Your unborn child is already 6'6" and has a strong desire to murder the Maloof Brothers.

I didn't start the NSD vs. NFL Draft debate...but I sure as shit ended it.

Ide, I'm shocked. I was always under the impression that you were like me and hated all teenagers and don't believe that they should ever feel important. And, if anything, this kind of garbage could lessen ones motivation.

Did I see that right that Jim Bollman pooped all over Darrell Hazell to be the OC at Sparty? LOL at these two programs fighting over that turd.

Jimmy BRAH said...

Sup BRAHS! Did you see how I raped fat ass Andy Reid today? I just dumped White McNabb on his orka ass for the first pick in the second round! WHAT A N*GGER LOVER!

Now I've got FIFTEEN picks this year and 5 in the first three rounds. I may have not won the Super Bowl this year--I DID NOT LOSE--but I'm about to go on at least a twelvepeat. No one will stop the Mighty BRAH!

That dipshit school in Ohio may be inducting my bro-diddley into their Cradle of Cocksuckers, but that will be nothing when I'm digging up Bo Schembechler's corpse and ritualistically fucking his decaying skull holes.

Did someone here actually imply that the NFL Draft was inferior to National Signing Day? Those people take it up the ass.

BRAH out.

Anonymous said...

Brady & Iceman's radio listenining preferences yesterday and this ridiculous back & forth about recruiting vs drafting today. You people are the Celine Dion (awful) of the internet. You are coming dangerously close to losing an avid site follower and rare
(2 time) commenter.

Bill Wennington

Ice Man said...

Michael Jordan's coat tails aren't anywhere on this site so I'm not sure why Bill Wennington is commenting here. Probably thought with Drew and Brady drooling all over college recruits it was some sorta fucked up pedophelia dating site.