Well, since I broke my brain and eviscerated my liver Sunday night, you're not getting my best effort today. But that's okay...I think over the years I've done a pretty good job at letting you fuckers down so I'm sure you'll all survive. Maybe next year I'll get G$'s super secret Super Bowl Shirley Temple recipe and party like a true man.
So what about today? I considered talking more about the Super Bowl and how Jim HarBRAH is being a whiny puss about the Crabtree non call that could have gone either way...but unlike Damman crooning hefty bitches jokes, talking Super Bowl related things is getting old. And...I don't think we've spent enough time talking college basketball 'round here. Plus I think we can all agree that Drew and Seal's Internet slap fights are always good for an afternoon of mild entertainment. All ELITE reasons right there. Let's get started.
Nerlens Noel is a lot better than Drew is allowing himself to believe. Listen...he isn't The Brizzow and I really don't think Seal ever said he was. Drew has made a career on taking something someone says and weaving it into something that is a farty smelling mutated version of what was once said. Drew should have been a politician. A gay politician that fucks Mexicans like that homo in The Office. I'm far too fucking lazy to research this but I want to say Seal believes Noel is as good if not a better defender than Single Brow. And Seal was right. I've caught several Kentucky games this year because A) I love when dick hats like Calipari lose and B) I think they play every single night. At least that's what if feels like. But this Noel cat...despite his lame fucking haircut...is a God damn beast on defense. He literally changes how teams have to play when he's in the game. He's the less hilarious and less African version of Dikembe.
I really don't know what to think of this Michigan team. At times they look unbeatable and at other times look like teenagers holding a bare tit for the first time. The two biggest games this year (both on the road) they were down 15 before Vitale popped his first Cody Zeller erection. This troubling shit needs to get itself rectified in a hurry if they plan on making a run in March. I guess we'll find out if this team is for realsies or not in the next month when they get the Buckeyes and the Crean Pies at home. Speaking of Crean Pie...
Tom Crean has to know that his wife is Jim Harbaugh in drag, right? I mean, Crean Pie is no Glenn Danzig or Dolph Lundgren but FUCK!! Look at that beast! She has the jaw line of Andre Iguodala. Fuckin Medusa. Disgusting.
Even though Tits Sullinger is no longer a college afffflete, it's worth repeating that Drew was, and will always be wrong about Sullinger and his back not being made of vagina skin and Paul Pierce's breast meat. Let's not let him forget how stupid he was defending such an enormous faggot.
Marshall Henderson is a complete fuck. Anyone who thinks or says differently needs to be murdered slowly and meticulously.
Seriously. Look at this dick wart. If you've never had the "pleasure" of watching this fucking boob douche his way up and down the court please familiarize yourself. All it will take is about 30 seconds and you'll see why almost no other player has been easier to hate. He's the guy at the rec who thinks he's the best player on the planet and will jack up 25 threes from anywhere to prove his point. His team mates can't like him. No way.
Thad Matta is the sweatiest hog to ever sweat. I bet Thaddeus looks like Patrick Ewing after an outdoor game in Texas in July when he does simple tasks like eating dinner. Just a moist pig dripping all over people. Did he used to be a fucking lardo earlier in life? Because only tubby shits get greased up like that when doing nothing but just standing in a suit for 3 hours.
I really have no idea who's gonna win the title this year. This is one of those odd years where a clear cut top 2 or 3 teams haven't separated themselves from the rest of the pack. I think that any one of the top 10 teams right now could legitimately win the championship. Shit...maybe even the top 15. What I do know is that come March I'm finding whatever chick who filled out Dut's bracket for him last year. She seems to know what she's doing.
There ya go. Talk amongst yourselves and let's see if we can get a bitch fight started between Seal and Drew. I'll be in and out since I've been summoned last minute to Taylor, Michigan for work today. I live a very rewarding life. Be jealous.