Thursday, February 21, 2013
Soup is an interesting food. There is usually no in between with it. Either it is really good and does exactly what you wanted it to do or it really sucks and you dump it down the drain after one spoonful. But it’s a pretty popular food around these parts this time of year since it is ridiculously cold almost always.
Before I start listing the good and the bad, much like Brady and college basketball, I am not an expert in the field of soup. Sure, I like it and all that but I almost always choose salad when presented with the option because I am a fitness guru and OBVZ in training. If I forgot a type that you like, please do not take it as a personal attack on your character and manhood. There are literally billions of variations of soup and I don’t have the energy to go through a taste test of all of them. I basically just went through the list of soups made by Campbell’s and remembered a few others. Deal with it.
With that being said, since I was born and raised in the SOUP CAPITAL OF THE WORLD (not true), I feel qualified enough to start a forum on soups. So how about we crumble up some Ritz crackers and get started…
Vegetable – There is no excuse for not adding meat to anything
Mushroom – One of the most disgusting foods ever
Anything with Broccoli – Broccoli is my #1 enemy
Those Chinaman Soups that look like Piss – They look like urine; never trust an Oriental
Whatever Mr. Ace Recommends
Chicken Noodle – I don’t care for this at all but I’m sure that someone out there probably makes a decent pot of this shit
Clam Chowder – Never eat this stuff outside of a seafood restaurant near a coast
French Onion – I hate when it’s covered in 3 inches of cheese…and it seems like I always get it covered in a fuck-ton of cheese
Tortilla – Max and Erma’s doesn’t do a lot right, but they make a mean bowl of chicken tortilla soup
Lobster Bisque – There are many reasons to go to Put-In-Bay…this is one of the big ones
Gumbo – Yes please
Chili – I love chili. Beef, turkey, chicken—it doesn’t matter. It’s all ELITE. And if you don’t like chili with beans then you are a FAGGOT!!!
Cheese – Just keep your goddamn broccoli out of it
Sirloin Burger – The signature Chunky Soup will forever be a classic although I wish that they would give a “no green beans” version
Potato – Pretty hard to fuck this up…bacon makes it better
Chicken Corn Chowder – I’ve been really into this recently
Minestrone/Wedding – Eh, whatever
Tomato – Criminally underrated as the combo of this stuff with a grilled cheese or six is incredible
Spaghetti-O’s – Sure, why not? They are delicious unless you like the kind with the hot dogs. That is such a trashy thing to eat. Meatballs only, n-words!
Yeah, this wasn’t the greatest food topic of all time (probably the worst) but what else would you expect from The Worst? That being said, there is never a bad time to talk about food. If you have any recommendations or want to contest any of my findings or just want to remind Drew to never challenge me again, go for it. Also feel free to get Spoonman stuck in your head for the rest of the day. Come together with your hands!