Wednesday, February 06, 2013

Open Forum: National Signing Day

A Fuckeye?  You have chosen...poorly.
As you all know by now, I am not a fan of college football recruiting which leads to today’s National Signing Day. Obviously, since I am an intelligent sportsman and avid season ticket holder, I get the importance of it. I just don’t starting choking chickens over the potential of high school kids. If you do, that’s great, Brady. I usually try to squash all comments regarding recruits before they get out of hand but not today. Today, just like last year, I’m turning you all loose to argue about a future that you can not possibly predict. So while we wait patiently for #1 recruit Dikembe Mutombo or whatever his name is (UPDATE: it’s Robert Nkemdiche!) to decide which school he plans to leave early with numerous sanctions, let’s start bragging about our hauls.

Before I begin with my RESEARCH, I just want to remind everyone that around this time 5 years ago, Terrelle Pryor committed to “The University of Ohio State”. Steal from you, steal from me. I went through the list of commits and verbals for the five most popular football programs among us. After pouring through hours of tape, I was able to form my own opinion on who your class’s studs are and who the duds are. Let’s start with the worst of the bunch:

Miami University
STUD – QB Tommy Tupa from Brecksville, OH. Yes, that is the son of the former NFL QB/Punter legend. We’re going to be the best pooch punting team in NCAA history (to go with our numerous awards for best RB in world history).
DUD – Everyone else. If there are kids out there who bought into Don Treadwell’s loser bullshit then they have to be ass-y players. I hate our head coach so much.

Clemson University
STUD – DE Shaq Lawson of Chatham, VA and DE Ebenezer Ogundeko of Brooklyn. If your name is Shaq, you automatically get a positive grade from me. I like the other guy’s name. Don’t challenge my expertise!
DUD – RB Tyshon Dye of Elberton, GA. Quite the bold move to sign Commenter Dan’s illegitimate black son, don’t you think?

The University of Georgia
STUD – DB Shaquille Fluker of Scooba, MS and DB Shaquille Wiggins of Tyrone, GA. TWO Shaqs! Richt got himself the best recruiting class in the country!
DUD – WR Jonathon Rumph of Goodman, MS. If I was a fan of another SEC team, I would slay a lot of southern belles and then I would make a sign that says RUMPH IS ASS. Count it.

The University of Michigan
STUD – TE Jake Butt and DE Taco Charlton both from Pickerington, OH. Butt! Taco! Man, if some guy was named Taco Butt; that would be the best thing ever.
DUD – OL Logan Tuley-Tillman from Peoria, IL. I hate hyphenated names on men. PICK A NAME ALREADY, QUEER! And Logan is an awful first name. This guy clearly sucks.

The University at Ohio
STUD – DB Eli Apple from Voorhees, NJ. Nice name, dork. ELITE FRUIT indeed. But, if you are from a town named after Hollywood’s most beloved serial killer, mad props, yo.
DUD – DE Tracy Sprinkle from Elyria and DE Joey Bosa of Ft. Lauderdale. I’m pretty sure that Tracy Sprinkle is the star of numerous gonzo productions. There is no way that that person is tough. And the other guy is named after Joey Harrington and/or Joey Lawrence. What a pussy. You’re a grown man now. Time to drop the Joey. Start calling yourself Ted Wass or something a little more “big boy”.

There you have it. The best National Signing Day breakdown that you will read today. As I said at the beginning, don’t take this day for granted because it only comes around once a year.

36 comments:

Anonymous said...

Incredible regular season basketball game last night. Most complete 40 minute game the Buckeyes have played all year...and Amir and Q are now showing big signs of improvement. Hot damn the B1G is good at basketball...that was fun to watch even with the very disappointing ending.


I fucking LOVE National Signing Day. I follow these kids from their SOPHOMORE years most times to this day. I am basically a college football pedophile!

Weak post on it tho...you should have watched all of the YouTubes. Good call on Logan Tulley...he's awful and looks like a fucking pear.

Quick breakdown on the OSU class...

My favorite recruit in the class: Ezekiel Elliot...really hope he sticks today.....PERFECT RB for an Urban offense. He better not switch.

Best player in the class: Mike Mitchell...Eli Apple...Joey Bosa. All three are complete studs.

Most Overrated player in the class: Cameron Burrows...appears to be a tweener.

Most Underrated: Gareon Conley. Can play WR or DB and there is a reason Michigan fought tooth and nail to keep him...but, URBZ had to steal him.

Favorite part of the Michigan class: Their absolutely horrendous WR recruiting. It would be a mediocre haul for Miami of Ohio.

Predictions today...

Ezekiel Elliot: Sticks with OSU
Vonn Bell: Vols over Buckeyes
James Clark: Buckeyes over Gators

--Drew

Grumpy said...

I have lost what little respect I had for Drew. H.S. Sophomores? Really?

Get your donation in to buy out Treadwell.

GMoney said...

Weak post? Did you actually think that I was going to be a shit-sniffer like you and watch hours of pointless high school football? You're gayer than I thought.

Mutombo is going to Ole Miss. BREAKING NEWZ!!!

Aaron Craft just missed another shot that he never should have taken.

Nate said...

Picks today:

Ezekial Elliot - OSU
Vonn Bell - OSU
James Clark - OSU
Taivon Jacobs - Maryland (current OSU commit that reopened his recruitment in past week due to us picking up so many slot guys)


Bell is supposed to announce at 9am today. Last night, a bunch of the recruiting experts all flipped their predictions from Tennessee to OSU so they must have all heard something.

Most underrated player in this class is hands down Darron Lee. The kid took New Albany to the D2 finals with basically no talent around him.

Mike Mitchell is probably the most overrated. The guy was a ghost in the Army game.

Jeff said...

That fag Nkemdiche was coming to Clemson til his African mother (yes, she lives there, surprisingly not used in a racist way) told him to go play with his older brother.

We did get Jayron Kearse (Javon's son). Baby Freak!

What about Maverick Morris? There's a name for you.

GMoney said...

Reminded me of Maverick Carter and I do not like him at all. It would have been great if you got TWO Shaqs like UGA did. One is fine, but two is ELITE.

Nate > Drew

You guys seriously need to get a life and this is coming from a guy who watched 9 hours of TV per night.

Anonymous said...

Mitchell is TOTES not underrated. That's silly talk. He dominated those bowl practices and had a monster season in Texas ball. Freak show.

--Drew

Nate said...

I still think he looked like a ghost out there.

That says a lot, considering how many spooks there were on the field.

ZING?

MUDawgfan said...

Drew - if Zeke Elliot flips, it's too Mizzou correct?


9:30-10:30est is a big hour for MUDawgfan.
Getting either Tunsil or Adams would be awesome. Getting both would be world class.

Dawgs already landed Richard Seymour's son today. Handled Nkemdiche in the state playoffs.
Might have to spend a year at Prep-School though.

Nate said...

MUD,

Yes, Mizzou is the other team.

Just announced internally that James Clark will pick OSU at 10am.

GMoney said...

Mitchell is TOTES not underrated? So he's OVERRATED??? One of these days someone will understand you.

MuDawgfan said...

Tunsil to Old Miss

FUCK FUCK FUCK

Jeff said...

Strike up Dixieland!!! Ole Miss is raking!

Nate said...

Who is Mississippi's coach? Bobby Fucking Collins???

GMoney said...

Hugh Freeze says "ICE TO MEET YOU"!

Jeff said...

G$, are you prepared to attend every home game if it means the CBJ gets a win (actually any points would be worth it)? Didn't take very long to start sucking again. Sure was great to watch Carter score from behind the net with a bank shot off the skate. Dustin Brown is sick nasty.

Nate said...

Vonn Bell to OSU

GMoney said...

Who signed the #8 Long Snapper and #9 Fullback today? SUGAR DON TREADWELL! The LS played with Michigan's Butt! Buy that fucker's contract out already.

Jeff, pathetic effort last night. I'm glad that I was balls deep in tomorrow's post while it was on.

Anonymous said...

Vonn Bell!!!! #1 class in the country! Holy shit. Urban is unreal.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I'm with you G$, I don't get it at all.....the amount of knowledge OSU fans have about young, black, athletic men under the age of 18 is outside my realm of understanding. And the time spent care/watching/reading....again..way outside my care zone.

AFTER signing day, I look at the class ranks and who we raked in ...after that, names are usually forgotten because you don't hear or see them for 2 years to never.

So if Drew tracks kids from Sophmore year...he probably tracked Pryor since freshman year. So that means you mentally spent 4 years of your life coveting this young black man, and then another 4 watching him destroy your program. Time well spent lol.


- J Saul

GMoney said...

WE'RE #1!!! Yep, Columbus is the top city in Ohio for time spent in traffic. Sounds about right. And you wonder why I type in ALL CAPS constantly.

Anonymous said...

We as white men have taken pride in our black speculation for hundreds of years. Back to when they were simple farm equipment up until they were physical thoroughbreds used to make our athletic institutions even more millions. This is a process that takes a keen eye and a real knack for the culture.

It's not for everyone, however. Take a look at the laughable speculators up in Michigan. Year after year they produce hilarious specimens, some that even lack the cognizant ability to tie a simple pair of shoes. The result is often times funny, and can also be seen as a tragedy, depending on what side of the ball you're on.

This is a modern day slave auction. Feel excited! CATCH THE FEVER (not jungle fever, that shit is gross)!

Ide

Anonymous said...

DAMN YOU IDE.

I knew that response was coming, and to you I have no rebutle.

Fine work sir.

- J Saul

Ice Man said...

Brady hasn't commented yet because all the blood rushing to his recruiting boner forced him to pass out.

Best part of this post was the Indiana Jones reference.

Nice to see most Buckeye fans aren't crying about a foul call at the end that should have never been. Most anyway...

Brady said...

Buckeyes have now wrapped up 7 of the top 50 players in the nation. Shit is about to get REAL for the next decade.

Brady said...

It was a good no call. I saw the replay and it was all ball. The Buckeye's had their chances and didn't convert. Whatever. See you in the tourney.

GMoney said...

Ide just wrapped up comment of the day with his history lesson. I learned something there and it made all the sense in the world.

I, too, was shocked at the lack of Facebook outrage considering that last awful shot selection by the apple-cheeked narc faggot that would have been a miss anyway. Are Fuckeye fans getting smarter? I doubt it. I was expecting major LULZ but did not get it. Maybe they all realized that dude got away with a pie-face so he wasn't going to get a call at the other end.

Jake Butt will win three Heismans.

Anonymous said...

I think most buckeye fans were impressed with how they played last night. This team has shown a lot of improvement (see: g$'s LOL-worthy post after the Illinois game). The ceiling might be getting raised on what this team is capable of in he tourney. OSU deserved to lose in overtime after not giving Thomas a single touch in overtime. To cry about the no-call would be Michigan like.

Michigan hasn't beat Ohio in basketball in 15,025 days.

This is the most exciting recruiting class in Ohio states history on paper. All of these wrs can score from anywhere. Hopefully some of them are ready to step up and play next year. We lacked ge changing playmakers outside of Braxton and still went undefeated in this shitty conference.

Vonn bell mentioned osu going 12-0 as a selling point to him. I guess going undefeated was pointless last year....

Dut

GMoney said...

BREAKING: All wide receivers can score from anywhere. If you throw me a pass, I can go the distance. You know nothing.

You assholes are so adorable when you utilize hindsight.

And I'm coming to your house next Monday night to collect my DFL winnings (still haven't been paid yet!). You have been warned.

Prime99 said...

I'd like to recruit the highly touted Fifty Dollars to PayPal State today. That would be pretty awesome.

GMoney said...

Not gonna happen today, champ. You will be rewarded for your patience with my attempt at a BRAH post tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

Fantastic game last night. I have a severe love/hate relationship with Craft. The conference scoring leader has to touch the ball more than 0 times in OT

I don't follow recruiting at all until the month leading up to signing day, but it's pretty tough to ignore what Urb is doing. The guys is a machine!

-Damman

GMoney said...

I didn't watch the game until the last couple minutes as I was too busy trying to solve the mystery of "Who Shit in Randy the Asshole's Dog Urn"? Chase is TOTES going to figure this out before the season ends. I can see it in the eyes of his spirit animal.

Anonymous said...

TV talk on a Wednesday that isn't Justified? Wynn Duffy says, get fucked, and he says it awesomely.

Ide

Prime99 said...

Part of me thinks Chase is an actor himself sent to flip it on these jerks. Why write in a notepad? Most people think things out rather write it down knowing cameras are watching.

GMoney said...

Whoa! You mean Chase is the real mastermind? That would intense. I actually think that the real brains behind this show is Mr. Wentworth.