Friday, February 15, 2013

"No More Creampuffs" Says Fat Guy...and Other Stuff

Correct.  This is how many that go in the pink.
I know that I foreshadowed a food post for today but I wasn’t able to give it the attention that it deserved so I have to push it back. We haven’t done one of those for awhile but they are not a forgotten idea. I actually want to delve (stupid word) into some off-season college football topics as a means to get us to the weekend.

Alabama players like to beat up people for fun – Nick Saban suspended four of his players after it was revealed that they kicked the shit out of two random students recently for absolutely no reason at all. Well, I guess that they stole some stuff off of the guys that they jumped, too. This is the sort of thing that you would expect from Jordan Jefferson, not Roll Damn Tiders. Or not; I don’t care. I only wanted to mention this because both victims have said that they will still be Bama Football fans and getting sent to the ER by those that they adore does not affect anything. That’s hilarious and awful. I blame Goose from Two-A-Days. They should have kicked his ass instead.

Barry Alvarez says that the Big Ten is done playing FCS schools – Just like Gene Smiff’s hatred of the MAC, I’ll believe it when I see it. I find it hard to believe that the Indiana’s and Minnesota’s and Purdue’s of the world are on board with this. I don’t even know why they would want to get rid of these games anyway. Am I the only one who remembers how hilarious it was when App State skull-fucked Michigan? LOL! Indiana seems to lose to one of these schools every other year. THAT IS FUNNY. If anything, they should schedule more of these games purely for comedic purposes.

The NCAA wants to start kicking James Harrison-types out – There are leaks of new rules that could be coming to college football and this is one of them. If a dude rocks a defenseless receiver, they may be ejected from the game for it. I’m not sure if I like this rule because it gives dumb refs even more power that they shouldn’t have. Then again, if 15 yards isn’t stopping safeties from killing pass catchers then maybe the threat of ejection will.  Either way, this is going to end poorly and Bo Pelini is going to end up murdering a ref during a game.

Fuck your butt, Boise State – Also up for debate is banning teams from wearing solid uniforms that match their home turf. I LOVE THIS. Watching Boise play home games during the day gives me a headache. I am admittedly a big fan of the Broncos, but they shouldn’t get a competitive, camouflaged advantage. This also means that Sparty or Oregon can’t rock all green unis either. Good rule!

Urban Meyer is a lying sack of shit – Ohio State had to publicly announce that that whole absurd Woody Hayes/turtle rapist story was not true. I’ve heard enough. Give this program the death penalty already. Clearly, the lies have not stopped. This is obviously a violation of their probation. THINK OF THE CHITLINS/CHILDREN!

That will do it for me this week. I’m off to Chicago this weekend to take in the Hockey City Classic on Sunday (I can’t wait to lob tons of lazy “invisible girlfriend” jokes at stupid Notre Dame Fans all day) and investigate what is actually wrong with Derrick Rose’s heavy flow vagina. The weather is supposed to cooperate for some lovely outdoor doubleheader hockey at Soldier Field (Miami/ND game will be on most Fox Sports channels nationwide at 1 EST if you're interested).  We’ll be back on Monday with more discussion on why the fuck Lori is back.

32 comments:

Anonymous said...

*If Roethilsberger raped Grumpy he'd still be a Steelers fan.

*Yup...no more shitty teams like FCS and MAC...deal with it.

*James Harrison is on a dodgeball team...with all normal looking white people called "the ball busters". Funny picture on Deadspin about it. James Harrison is cool.

*I forgot to comment on the turtle thing, but LOLZ @all of you here that believed that. He used the exact same joke last year at the Ohio coaches meeting, but used Earl Bruce as the person that got his nuts bit. It's just supposed to be a funny story during a long speech. You are all idiots for believing that..even if you didn't know it was a schtick.

--Drew

Grumpy said...

Carson's Ribs.

GMoney said...

It's not a funny story at all. I am a sophisticated man that does not find humor in animal rape. You apparently do. An asshole like Urban Meyer doesn't do "schtick". You don't know what "schtick" is.

I don't know what Carson's Ribs means.

Like I said, I'll believe this "big boy scheduling only" horseshit when it actually happens. It sounds nice but I don't believe it.

Also I forgot to include the debate on whether or not Clowney should sit out next year and prepare for the draft. Fuck no, he shouldn't. Play the goddamn game and try to win an SEC title and maybe a national title.

MUDawgfan said...

Drew and OSU alumni - serious question.

Doesn't Ohio State have a statewide mandate to play one Ohio School per season? So the B1G's rule would only eliminate games against YSU?

Grumpy said...

Hit up Carson's while in Chicago. Right downtown, not that far from hockey venue.

GMoney said...

Dawg, I don't think that anything is mandatory. It just made more sense to keep the money in state than sending it to San Diego State or wherever. Basically, Ohio treats the rest of us like homeless people and throws some ducats at each of us once or twice a decade. And we love it. But I don't believe that they have to.

Anonymous said...

"Doesn't Ohio State have a statewide mandate to play one Ohio School per season? So the B1G's rule would only eliminate games against YSU?"

That was a Jim Tressel thing. It was good because it gave a fuck ton of money to those FCS schools and sisters of the poor schools like Miami, but it was shitty because it does nothing to improve our SOS, which is important given the deteriorating nature of the B1G.

Ide

GMoney said...

Basically, the little guys have to take it up the ass because your peers are shit.

MUDawgfan said...

Miami has no business playing OSU or Michigan anyway.
We need to be playing winnable teams from conferences more powerful than the MAC but now the Big 4

Scheduling Marshall is a good first step. I would try and get teams like Memphis, Rutgers, Virginia, UNC....etc

I think playing all of the Public Ivy's might be a cool thing.

Jeff said...

Rutgers is a future B1G power!!!

Ice Man said...

Also hit up Lucky Sandwich Company while you're in Chicago. Pretty sure it's within jacking off distance to wrigley. They put fries on all of their sandwiches. All of their sandwiches. Then after you can go dig Andre Dawson out of the cabbage wall with Kerry Wood.

GMoney said...

There is no such thing as a winnable game with Don Treadwell at the helm. God he sucks.

I'm such a huge fan of our new AD "privately" seeking out alums to give money for DT's buyout. Get him the fuck out of here before we set the record for most consecutive losses.

GMoney said...

I just re-read this post and not once did I ask for restaurant advise from any of you. You must be confused. My sister has lived there for 5-6 years now; I'll trust her judgment on where to gorge.

Anonymous said...

That's advice for "You're On with Ron"

Ide

GMoney said...

I've seen three movies in my entire life: Bridge on The River Kwai, Patton, and Herbie Fully Loaded.

Brady said...

The best part about that Bama story is the guys stole their credit cards to hit up some vending machines. Classic! If your going to commit felonious assault/burglary you might as well go buy yourself a flat screen or some rims (black dudes still buy rims right?). At least they didn't get free tattoos. That would've been the worst!

Our new pitching prospect, Trevor Bauer, has a rap song that he recorded. It's awesome! I heard it on KNR on the way to work this morning.

Prime99 said...

These Bama guys sound like regular JT O'Sullivans!

Ron is the best.

Anonymous said...

Forgot to mention that Ape sent out some tweet the other night about a football recruit to us Buckeye fans on twitter. When quizzed as to why he did this he said "because of the stuff in the comments on the kid". Ape was then told that nobody made a single comment about him on the Money Shot...he went back...checked it out and agreed. Ape is the worst.

--Drew

Nate said...

Why would Clowney sit out of football to prepare for the draft?

In the words of the great Doug Edwards:

"You don't get better at football by running and conditioning. You get better at football by playing football!"

Anonymous said...

I wonder if the same can be said about Nerlin Noel.

Too soon Seal?

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

Drew, I am a standup guy. I admit when I make mistakes. I know I read them somewhere, I just assumed it was you Fuckeyes. I heard them talking about it on the radio too when he committed, pretty hilarious to hear them announce that the kid decommited after visiting Ann Arbor.

I sat in court for like 3 hours today...THAT is the worst.

GMoney said...

Any Doug Edwards quote here is welcomed. He never missed a shot...except for when it was practice.

Ape, if you don't like sitting in court then stop trying to fist toddlers.

Prime, any old scores that you want me to settle for you this weekend? I'll kill for cheap.

Ice Man said...

So something I've been thinking about. When the Blade Runner is getting fudge packed in jail for murdering his hot girlfriend...will they let him keep his Lt. Dan legs??

Prime99 said...

JT never beat me up but he did threaten to beat up a guy unless he "donated money to the UCD Football team" aka JT's pocket. He was brought up on charges but ultimately he got away with it. That dude was an ultimate dbag.

GMoney said...

Great question, Ice. Can he even bend over to get himself packed? Are his stubs stable enough to hold his warm pumpkin ass up in the air to be violated without remorse? They never addressed this on Oz.

TV COMMENT: I want to watch Ed Helms die. I hate him so much.

GMoney said...

Thanks for clearing that up, Prime. I had no idea what you were talking about with that O'Sullivan reference. I just assumed that you were being CRAY.

Ide said...

LOL people still watch The Office. That show is complete shit. Americans is ELITE, however.

They moved Stumpz to a gimp prison, because apparently they have those in Africa. So, I'm envisioning a bunch of nubs rubbing nubs.

Ide

GMoney said...

It ends in May. I made it this far. It is not something that I'm proud of though.

Brady said...

The Americans is hands down the best thing on TV right now. I thought I missed the DVR recording on Wednesday and almost had a mental breakdown. Thank god I remembered the Time Warner app on my phone.

"The following" is still keeping me intrigued but nothing comes close to Keri Russell right now.

Speaking of DVR recordings, I fucked up "The Office" right in the middles last night when fucking around with my new HD splitter. I wasn't upset. That show needs to end already.

Ice Man said...

Gimp prison. LOL!

"It ends in May. I made it this far. It is not something that I'm proud of though."

To use a poker term Ide, we are pot committed to The Office now. At this point the only thing keeping me watching is the hope we get a Michael Scott cameo in the series finale. Although I will say that Saul from Breaking Bad did a fantastic fake Michael Scott last night. Made me realize just how much that show has missed that character.

Andy Dwyer > Andy Bernard

GMoney said...

Bob Odenkirk is an American treasure.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Show with Bob and David is the real American treasure. Anyone who says differently is a piece of shit, and probably prefers the company of men and/or CBS.

Ide