Monday, February 18, 2013


Compliments of Ide naturally...
As I mentioned on Friday, I was in Chicago this past weekend. I am driving home today as you are reading this. “You are not getting a great effort” is basically what I’m trying to say. In fact, you are getting NO effort! I know what you’re thinking, “Why didn’t he just switch days with Iceman”? That is a great question but then I wouldn’t have been able to get away with a mail-in post and I’d have to “work” for four days in a row this week. I outsmarted Iceman again in a game that he didn’t even know he was playing! I AM ELITE! So in lieu of another ground-breaking and innovative post before we get to zombie time, how about you all get out your calendars and we set some things straight.

Ribfest – Unless it was changed behind my back, this is still slated for Saturday March 23rd at Barley’s Smokehouse in Grandview. The time is probably TBA as the basketball fate of the Ohio Buckeyes and Trey Burke Sucks could alter things a bit. Will Brady show up or is there a birthday party that his dog got invited to? Will Prime and Buke fly in? How about Seal who seems like he wants to drive over from Dayton on his NCAA tourney day off (and I have a feeling that he and Drew would actually get along quite well)? Tonya? Nick Lachey? Dawg? Hines Ward—NO. Let’s start trying to get a number down for who is in. FYI, unless someone wants to make another dumb bet, you buy your own food this year. If you’re nice, perhaps Dut will invite us all over for some March Madness watching and turns on the glory hole (I plan on remaking this…that mirror is coming down!). Did you like how I just invited everyone over to your place? ELITE!

Run For Your Lives – I believe that Iceman and Ide have already registered for the 1 pm zombie fun run on May 25th in the Hocking Hills. I will get around to it eventually. Who else is planning on joining us doomsday survivalists? I plan on spending the entire drive over to Logan jamming to Iron Maiden’s Run To The Hills. Logan is a stupid fucking name, too. Don't name your kid that.

Iceman’s Wedding – Did you and Wheels set a date yet? Have you told us? Tell your brother that I’m not committing to a bachelor party within driving distance six fucking months in advance. I’ll show up if I want to (with money). You don’t need to know my plans, BRAH! I would like to spend a weekend ignoring/drowning Brady though. That sounds like fun.

Fantasy Baseball – I just checked and Opening Day is 3/31 (night game with the Rangers and Astros LOLWUT?) so having the draft on Elite Eight Sunday 3/31 is going to remain the plan. That’s 8 days after Ribfest, people! It’s head-to-head (the ONLY way to play!) and 40 bucks to join again. Let me know if you’re in or if you’re out. Mr. Ace is the current champion so it isn’t that hard. Buke and K-Dog have already paid because they are terrific.  I expect big things out of Fleshjack Cust (or whatever I name my team) this year.

The Fucktards – I still stand firm with my desire to attack Trivia Night at the Grandview CafĂ© some time soon. Tuesday or Thursday does not matter to me. I’m ready to be a mental giant again.  I think that we should go on Administrative Professionals Day since Dut is a terrible secretary for the team (but pretty good at reserving a table) and that is his only contribution.

I think that that is all that I needed to say. I’ll try to get a few words after this regarding the experience of outdoor hockey and, of course, my Walking Dead thoughts. I should be able to but, if not, wait until noon and then talk about how awkward it was to watch Deputy Dipshit rape Beth. Can you believe that! They actually showed penetration! And please, update your internet calendars.

Feel free to talk about last night's episode all day today.  It was a decent episode with a terrible first half and a pretty good ending.  Also, Merle called someone a beaner which is always great.  A few other notes:
-After sitting outside for 5 hours watching a bad hockey game and freezing my nuts off, I didn't want to sit through a bunch of shit on TWD.  I did for the first 40 minutes.
-Glenn is never the leader.  He is awful.  He is behind Beth on the Prison Organization Depth Chart according to Keith Law.
-It's good to see that no one respects Andrea in Woodbury again.
-So did Tyreese leave for good?
-RIP Axel...I will always think of you when I don't hear Little Miss Can't Be Wrong.


Anonymous said...

Yesterday was the worst effort out of a Matta team since the days of KoKo. Just awful.

G$...Buckeye hockey is rolling. We comin for you fools.

I have a fantasy baseball draft early afternoon in Columbus on 3/23....but most likely can make ribs if it's dinner.

Out for zombie chase.....good excuse NOLA for a bachelor party.

Great ending on the dead last night. The Guvnah didn't come to Fuck around. That was a bad ass assault. Maggie needs to stop being a dumb cunt...her boufriend needs to as well.


Grumpy said...

Outdoor hockey takes the skill out go the game.

Buckeye hockey is an oxymoron.

I'm obviously in for Ribfest.

Grumpy said...

Of the game.

Ice Man said...

I'm in for RibFest. And I think Grumpy should cover the cost for all Browns fans.

1PM run for the zombie is what we're planning for. I have not purchased my ticket yet but I will be this week. They are currently $77 and they're 50% full so get on that shit if you want to pie face zombies with your best Heisman pose.

Wedding is August 10th 2013. I know I told all you fuckers once before but just in case you didn't know, now you do. I have addresses from G$, Damman, Brady, Grumpy and Prime. We're in the process of sending out save the dates so if I don't hear from you then I assume you are probably masturbating your dog that weekend.

Facebook was awfully quiet yesterday after Ohio got their butts filled by Bo Ryan and his crop of KKK members. I love how Brady is magically not a basketball fan on days like yesterday.

Ice Man said...

As for last night's zombie talk.

-Mearle can never be integrated into the group. I don't know why they would even attempt that. At this point I'm wondering how they will kill him off because that's really their only move going forward.

-Ricktator's insanity is hilarious. His conversation with Herschel at the fence was classic. Like...he knows he's being crazy but can't help not being crazy.

-I'm not sure why the Guvnah released the zombie bomb on the prison then took off. If he's trying to take them out...wouldn't that have been the perfect time?

-Now that Axel has been taken out, Carol can go back to being a lesbian and Deputy Dipshit's chances for landing blone farm girl snatch just drastically improved. Thanks for thinning out the herd, Guv! Oh...and Carol using Axel's dead body for a sheild was pretty ELITE.

Mr. Ace said...

Ribfest: In. Fucking Drew, you know Ribfest is a lunch festivity.

Run For Your Lies: I believe I am in. And if I catch you I will be actually biting you.

Iceman Wedding: I will be bringing J-Rupe as guest of honor.

Fantasy Baseball: I am seriously considering being one and done and going out undefeated.

Fucktard: I can't do Tuesdays. Thursdays I am golden.

Zombies: Solid sode last night. BUT LORI NEEDS TO FUCKING DIE. AGAIN. FOREVER. It looked like the Ricktator snapped back into the good kind of crazy at the end of the sode. I hope so. Maggie is a cunt, even Mrs. Ace agreed with this so it must be true. The Guvnah's zombie bomb was pretty awesome, have to give him props for that. I think it was more of a show of power rather than trying to take everyone out and risk more of his people dying.

Anonymous said...

Ape....Ribfest was dinner last time you dumb fuck.


Grumpy said...

Since Ribfest is in the middle of March Madness, what size TV does Dut have?

Mr. Ace said...

No need for name-calling. I thought Ribfest was in the middle of the afternoon last 2ish. Could be wrong.

Anonymous said...

It was at like was dark out when we walked across 12-0 Row for the hockey game.


Ice Man said...

The question on everyone's mind: Will Drew get drunk, pass out at Dut's and wake up being Dut's little spoon Sunday afternoon like last RibFest?

Dut probably has 19" plasma flatscreen mounted on his wall just like Michael Scott.

Jeff said...

I'm in for Ribfest and Fantasy Baseball. Nyjer Wit Attitude is bringing it home this year.

Prime99 said...

The assault on the prison was fantastic TV. The Guvner gives zero fucks. Rick and him should Greco Roman wrestle for supremacy.

Merle will be the only prisoner in the prison.

Tyreese and crew will be back. Rick needs muscle and a token black guy. Both are essential to the core of the show.

Brady said...

-I'm definitely in for Ribfest this year! No excuses. I may even convince Iceman to drive me there.

-I don't think you can drown me and ignore me at the same time.

-I don't claim to be a huge basketball fan, Ice. Those couple games where I was really into it/live Tweeting were aided heavily by alcohol. I checked out bits and pieces yesterday but spent most of my time picking up dog shit and watching Spring Training Daily. I was a nice little Sunday.

Anonymous said...

Icemans obsession of how much people post during/after their team plays is hilarious. Do you really expect people to post the same amount after getting murdered? Am I not a real fan because I rarely post any status updates?

I'm catching up on walking dead via Netflix. I'm on episode 3 of season 2. So far the 2nd season has been really boring. When will it get better!? I'm losing interest...

I have 3-4 weeks of flag football on Thursdays remaining. I can do Tuesdays until then.

Remember when Kentucky lost by 30 to Tennessee? That. Was. Awesome.


Prime99 said...

Season 2 is boring but the second half of it ramps up in fine fashion.

Dut plays fag football?

Brady needs to run that 40 at Ribfest or Ice's wedding. YouTube video and ensuing Web Redemption will be a necessity.

Anonymous said...

Dut, second half of season 2 it gets better. Then, season 3 is tits.

Ribfest: I am....IN.

Zombie run: I am in, but it looks like I'm going to be fucked. I have a business trip to Vegas that week leading up to it, so the logistics is going to be fun to work out. Also, I will be spending the week leading up to the race by whoring and boozing, and doing lines of blow off a minorities backside.

Fantasy baseball: Umm, 3/31 is a no go for me. That is Easter Sunday and I will be in NC with my family. Now, nothing would make me happier than taking a few hours off to get in some racist banter with you faggots, but my family will most likely frown on that, and my nieces will be bothering me constantly forcing me to pick an Indian or someone bad.

Basketball: Totally LOL'ed at UK losing by 30. Followed by cheering for an NIT birth after a blow out at Wiscy. Let's make Matta a two time NIT champion!

Black people: Still hate them.

ASG: Dunk contest went back to being shit, though that behind the back was cool, and that painting dunk was just good comedy. My former nemesis CP3 totes owned though. And, I for one, love all this Michael Jordan coverage. That article on (if you haven't read it, do so asap) is just fantastic. I really think he would prison rape Lebron if they played together.


Mr. Ace said...

I bet Dut watches his middle school football videos before every flag football game. While doing CAT-jacks.

Anonymous said...

In for Ribfest.

Obviously UK was going to lost Saturday - they were on the road, and the only player that actually tries and cared about winning is out for the year. I actually didnt mind as I definetly bet UT in that game. UK was GIVING points on the road. Youre nuts if you dont bet the home team in every UK road game the rest of the year. They might win 1 more game the rest of the season.

LOLZ at all the buckeye fans laughing at UK. You DID have your best player on the floor and got absolutely embarrassed. You are now 1-7 against ranked opponents, have lost 3 of 4 - with your 1 win being against NW where you were tied with less than two minutes to play.


Ice Man said...

What's hilarious, Dut, is when people (Brady) pretend to care about Ohio basketball when they are playing well then vanish back into oblivion when the team gets rocked. People like that should not care all the time.

GMoney said...

Whew, made it from the Norfside to my driveway in 5:12. I can safely say that the state of Indiana serves no fucking purpose at all and is the worst. I am rooting for it to go the way of Jerry Buss.

You're right, Ide, Easter Sunday could be a problem. Dammit. How does the 24th work for everyone?

Who the fuck was driving the zombie van? It seemed like all of Guv's usual henchman were shooting.

Tough Guy Glenn is the worst character on the show. Even Deputy Dipshit was all like "yeah, your plan is stupid LOL".

Anonymous said...

I'm in for Fantasy baseball as long as I can draft online again.

- Show was slow. To ICEMANS point I Asked the same question: why not wipe them out while they are being flushed out by the zombies. Then I realized there were thousands of zombies coming out of the woodwork because of all the gunfire. This caused them to leave.

- J Saul

The Iceman said...

It was some skank that was driving the van. At first I thought it may have been Andrea but later previews hint that she had nothing to do with it. I'm thinking it was probably one of the clams guarding the Woodbury wall.

GMoney said...

Maybe it was that weiner "doctor". He looks to have the build of a woman and it would be about time for him to serve a purpose to anyone.

Prime99 said...

I'm not sure an episode with a full on fire fight at the prison can be considered slow, but wandering Rick doesn't help the pace.

Apparently responsibility leads to craziness then to being annoying. I'm looking at you, Glenn.

Anonymous said...

Well, why not just make the draft the same day as Ribfest? But I'm fine the 24th as well. Plus, the 31st is the return of dragons, and I can't be bothered that day. Thankfully, my brother and I agree fully on our plans to disregard the rest of our family and watch dragons.


Anonymous said...

LOLZ @ having obligations for Easter.


Anonymous said...

If we know anything about Ide, its that he is a god-fearin' hate monger.