|There better be a good reason why this is not in my lap right now. You know, because I AM A HOMOSEXUAL!!!|
We did this once before and it's a damn shame that I haven't dusted off this old chestnut since. I was able to come up with a handful of candidates for this week's Asshole of the Week and we need to determine who is the most deserving of the title.
Russell Westbrook - I hope that you all saw this from some time last weekend. The Nuggets mascot was lining up a half court heave that, if he made it, would have won everyone in the arena a bowl of queso. The shot was on line and could have went in but Westbrook pulled a KG and goaltended it when it was a few feet from the basket. WHAT A DICK! Look, the last thing that America needs is more cheese but that was such a prick move. Fear not though--KoKo got the last laugh as he single handedly defeated the Thunder.
Bill Belichick - Shannon Sharpe took a break from devouring his customary postgame bucket of oats to make a rare great point: quit being a little bitch. You lost, Bill. Sack the fuck up and do the interview with the network that you are required to do.
Tim Brown - So the Raiders intentionally threw the Super Bowl because Bill Callahan (new Cowboys OC!) wanted to be nice to Jon Gruden? How does this make ANY sense? If everyone on the Raiders believed that the coaches purposely put an awful game plan in place, then why has no one said a word about this? This story is fucking cray.
Ronaiah Tuiasosopo - I still can't decide if this cat is an evil genius or just plain evil. With each new side story from this sordid mess, RT keeps getting more devious. By the way, I have made my decision on Te'o. He's a fucking moron. This shit would have never happened if he would have stopped being a pussy and crushed all of Indiana's finest ass every night (male, of course).
Tommy Tuberville - This happened a few weeks ago but it flew under the radar nationally. From what I can tell, Butch Jones got the QB from Massillon to commit before he left. T-Double came to town on his hillbilly horse and rescinded the contract offer. That kind of shit might fly in Lubbock, Texas, asshole, but this is Ohio...THE HEART OF IT ALL. Tuberville is going to be a massive failure in Clifton and it is going to be great.
So who is the Asshole of the Week (well, other than Ray Lewis)? I'm going with Westbrook. That is the kind of behavior that makes the public turn against you. Keep dressing like a hipster douche, jerk, and you owe me a bowl of heart attack. And if you want to talk about that blockbuster that the Cavs and Grizzlies pulled off yesterday, then have at it. Who knew that Jon Leuer was so valuable!