Wednesday, January 23, 2013

This Week's "Asshole of the Week"

There better be a good reason why this is not in my lap right now.  You know, because I AM A HOMOSEXUAL!!!
I figured that I should probably just reference Urban Meyer at the start since he is on a 233 day streak of being randomly mentioned in the comments here.  Make that 234!  Plus, if we're talking assholes, I can't think of a bigger Gaped Crusader than Urb.  I don't have a lot of time today as I spent yesterday preparing for the start of my not ELITE demotion today so...whatever...deal with it.

We did this once before and it's a damn shame that I haven't dusted off this old chestnut since.  I was able to come up with a handful of candidates for this week's Asshole of the Week and we need to determine who is the most deserving of the title.

Russell Westbrook - I hope that you all saw this from some time last weekend.  The Nuggets mascot was lining up a half court heave that, if he made it, would have won everyone in the arena a bowl of queso.  The shot was on line and could have went in but Westbrook pulled a KG and goaltended it when it was a few feet from the basket.  WHAT A DICK!  Look, the last thing that America needs is more cheese but that was such a prick move.  Fear not though--KoKo got the last laugh as he single handedly defeated the Thunder.

Bill Belichick - Shannon Sharpe took a break from devouring his customary postgame bucket of oats to make a rare great point: quit being a little bitch.  You lost, Bill.  Sack the fuck up and do the interview with the network that you are required to do.

Tim Brown - So the Raiders intentionally threw the Super Bowl because Bill Callahan (new Cowboys OC!) wanted to be nice to Jon Gruden?  How does this make ANY sense?  If everyone on the Raiders believed that the coaches purposely put an awful game plan in place, then why has no one said a word about this?  This story is fucking cray.

Ronaiah Tuiasosopo - I still can't decide if this cat is an evil genius or just plain evil.  With each new side story from this sordid mess, RT keeps getting more devious.  By the way, I have made my decision on Te'o.  He's a fucking moron.  This shit would have never happened if he would have stopped being a pussy and crushed all of Indiana's finest ass every night (male, of course).

Tommy Tuberville - This happened a few weeks ago but it flew under the radar nationally.  From what I can tell, Butch Jones got the QB from Massillon to commit before he left.  T-Double came to town on his hillbilly horse and rescinded the contract offer.  That kind of shit might fly in Lubbock, Texas, asshole, but this is Ohio...THE HEART OF IT ALL.  Tuberville is going to be a massive failure in Clifton and it is going to be great.

So who is the Asshole of the Week (well, other than Ray Lewis)?  I'm going with Westbrook.  That is the kind of behavior that makes the public turn against you.  Keep dressing like a hipster douche, jerk, and you owe me a bowl of heart attack.  And if you want to talk about that blockbuster that the Cavs and Grizzlies pulled off yesterday, then have at it.  Who knew that Jon Leuer was so valuable!

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good for Russell Westbrook. Fuck opposing fans and the last thing Americans need is a bowl of heart attack...although Nuggets fans are probably some of the thinnest in the NBA.

I'd go with Tim Brown. I ain't got time to believe such a stupid theory.

IS IT OK TO LAUGH AT SLOW SEAL AND KENTUCKY BASKETBALL YET? They lost to ALABAMA last night....in BASKETBALL.

Kentucky is now 0-6 against RPI top 68 competition this year. They are TOTES not going to even make the tourney. It's hilarious. Losing to Alabama...wow.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I forgot to mention yesterday that the Jackets switched their chili promotion from Wendy's to Bob Evans. How gay is that? I've always loved that promotion, but it's way more difficult to randomly stop into a Bob Evans to grab chili than find a Wendy's.

--Drew

Grumpy said...

Absolutely Westbrook. What a douche move.

I hate uc and therefore by extension now hate TT, but this shit happens with every coaching change.

Grumpy said...

I hope Westbrook fucks Drew's chili promotion.

Anonymous said...

No it doesn't Grumpy. Even Urban honored every one of Fickells shitty verbals. Hoke did the same with Rich Rods midget fetish. Get your facts right old man.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

Urban Meyer

GMoney said...

Also: Woody Johnson. No one believes that you weren't the one that wanted The Tens, queer. You are the owner. You don't have to do shit.

Cavs > Celtics...that Mo Speights trade is already paying off! Who knew that Jon Leuer was worth 3 players and a lottery pick!

Any time that you do something that Kevin Garnett made famous, you are the asshole.

Anonymous said...

Its cute how much Drew likes laughing at Kentucky team, considering WE ARE THE CURRENT NCAA CHAMPIONS. Its ok, I understand your jealousy. You should be jealous of the greatest college basketball program in the history of the NCAA. Especially when we have the greatest recruiter.

It sucks watching them lose, but I accepted this year we werent going to be good after the first month of the year.

Oh and remember when you laughed about the Nerlens prediction? Go compare his stats to Davis's of last year. Im not going to post them here, because 1) why would I do the legwork for someone that I am much better than and 2) I wouldnt want to embarass you too bad in front of your blogger friends. I know how much they mean to you.

While we are talking about how much better I am than you since I am a fan of the national champion kentucky wildacts, we should talk about who you are a fan of, Drew....

1) The Ohio State buckeyes basketball team - quite possible the most overrated team in college basketball - now I know what your rebuttal is: UK is easily the most overrated because they dropped farther in one week polls, blah blah blah - dont you think the poll committee is realizing they will never make an all freshman team #3 in the country again before seeing them play? Thats obviously, idiot. Its funny how excited you were to watch this team with ONE scorer. They arent good. And go ahead and blame it on the conference being so good - then look at this stat. The Big Ten is 10-31 against the top 25. Fuck you and your RPI top 68 comment. LOLZ

2)The Detroit Lions - Once again, you were so excited about this team and this football season. You won 4 games HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA. THATS LESS THAN THE CLEVELAND FUCKING BROWNS!!

3)The Detroit Red Wings - people watch hockey??

4)The Detroit Tigers - One word. SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

The Pistons are more irrelevant than the entire sport of Hockey.

5)And last but not least, The Ohio State buckeye Football team. You spent so much time being such a good fan and talking so much shit to other fanbases about how good your team was when this was THE MOST MEANINGLESS SEASON IN YOUR PROGRAMS RECENT HISTORY. Cool, you went 12-0 in THE REGULAR SEASON against the worst big ten competition in years. It was so nailbiting to see how the season was going to end up and what bowl game you were going to play in, oh wait, the season was completely pointless because you cheated!!! Do you think it was a successful season for both the Nationals and Yankees this past season becuase they had the best record in their division? The point is to win in the playoffs. YOUR TEAM IS CHAMPIONS OF NOTHING.

Now keep being jealous of the 2012 National Champion Kentucky Wildcats, then go kill yourself.

Seal

GMoney said...

SEAL! SEAL! SEAL! He won the internet today. Drew has to be dead after that beating.

MuDawgfan said...

Who is the resident recruiting Guru at the $Shot?
Anxious to hear what the deal is with Vonn Bell. Is he going to Ohio State or Bama

Anonymous said...

LOLZ @ how mad Slow Seal is this morning. He's so mad hes trying to compare Nerlens abilities to last years NPOY! So furious. It's always cute to watch Cleveland fans somehow create spin that their franchises are better than Detroits on a whole.

Buckeye basketball would not be losing games to Alabama and Texas A&M... LOLZ.
We would truck you fools. Unfortunately, we won't be playing you and your hilljack fans in the NIT that you are headed toward.

I'd like to aplogize to the rest of the Money Shotters for making Slow Seal so mad this morning that he wrote a 5,000 word essay of anger to resond.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

MUDAWG..that would be me. I'd be shocked if Bell is a Buckeye. He's headed to Bama.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

You make it too easy...

"We would truck you fools" - ok Thug Passion. Did you put on your all black Lions Jersey with neon numbers and your Tigers hat with the sticker still on the bill when you typed this??

And I love the "Buckeye basketball would not be losing to so and so". Making comments that can never be backed up. Thats what people do when they are losing arguements. Also Louisville lost to Villanova last night. Im pretty sure anyone can beat anyone on any given night.

How many championships have you won in the past 12 months??

Seal

GMoney said...

Seal wins again. This is starting to get ugly. The man came to play today. Drew isn't the Asshole of the Week, but he's in line for Horses Ass of the Century.

Jeff said...

Tim Brown.

Throw a Super Bowl as the head coach? Whaaaaa? Because everyone who has ever been a head coach didn't dream of winning the Super Bowl and now you are that close to your dream you throw the game out of spite.

Ice Man said...

Tim Brown would have been the winner today if G$ wouldn't have changed the game plan last minute for no reason. YOU ROBBED TIM BROWN OF HIS ASSHOLE OF THE WEEK CROWN YOU DICK!! But for real...it's Tim Brown. Notre Dame produces nothing but fags.

If I were Seal (thank fucking God I'm not) this is all I would say to Drew. Kentucky will be in the title game again before Ohio will be. That's all that needs to be said. And that Cal is TOTES a better coach/recruiter than Thad "Potato Nose" Matta.

Prime99 said...

Shannon Sharpe eating a bucket of oats made me LOL. That is damn funny shit.

Tim Brown's theory is bananas. He clearly didn't watch the Bears this year. Mike Tice used that same game plan change every week!

Drew dressing in the ghettoist of Detroit sports gear is also LOLZ worthy.

GMoney said...

Seriously though, Bill Callahan is definitely the worst coach to ever be in a Super Bowl, right? Throwing a Super Bowl would be the greatest thing ever and would perfectly define what it means to be a Raid-uh. Just Tank Baby.

Iceman is full of shit. He started a label here called Thad Matta's Pear Nose and now he's calling it a Potato Nose. WELL WHICH IS IT!

Anonymous said...

Iceman....the NIT title game. Nerlens is basically KoKo! LOLZ!

This is how mad Slow Seal is today. He's compared Nerlens to Brow and Kentucks team to Louisvilles team. Keep living in 2012 BRAH!

Don't worry...Nick Swisher and Mark Reynolds report to spring training soon!

--Drew

Ice Man said...

Pear, potato. Whatever. Insert oblong shaped object here to describe that mutated thing. I feel either is an accurate description.

Prime99 said...

My vote is for potato.

GMoney said...

Drew...AND RYAN RABURN!!!

But LOLZ all you want to but Seal is selling real estate in your anus today. He is absolutely crushing that turd gash of yours.

I just want to say that while Chris Grant hasn't proven to be a stud GM yet, getting Memphis to give us a lottery pick (top 5 protected) just for eating up one year of cap was brilliant. He'll probably use it on some loser like Buckets though.

There is never a bad time to beat Paul Pierce and his jelly rolls. That was an ELITE victory.

Prime99 said...

You take the robot verification down one day and look what happens!

Anonymous said...

G$....the only thing Slow Seal has crushed today is another day of his Mothers dreams of having a normal child. Typing 5,000 words of anger due to losing another terrible game to the likes of Bama (LOLZ) is nothing but embarrassing.

Ryan Raburn....LOLZ.

--Drew

Grumpy said...

Maybe Urban did honor prior commitments, but he still is in the habit of poaching other school's verbals. They're all slime at that level.

GMoney said...

Drew is just mad because he is getting owned today. It's OK. You're just terrible. Really, really terrible.

Chris Moneymaker is going to start showing up at the poker room down here soon. WEEEEEEE!!!

Prime99 said...

Moneymaker did the opposite of his name and dumped a ton of cash my friend's way at Cache Creek Casino in NorCal. He's got plenty of dead money for you to grab.

Anonymous said...

If this is how furious Slow Seal is going to be the rest of the season....just think how angry he will be when they lose to Ole Miss! He may break the internet.

Don't worry...I'm sure you can get some NIT gear!

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Drew, take the rest of the day off - youre just making your pathetic self look worse trying to troll.

Seal

Prime99 said...

Seal's WWE finishing move! I nominate that it is called "Kiss From A Rose" but I'm open to other suggestions. Either way, I do agree with G$ that Seal won this round.