|This is EXACTLY what James Naismith had in mind.|
“I can get compared to Kevin Garnett, his inside game. Outside game, Dirk Nowitzki, explosive like Amar’e (Stoudemire). Those three guys I like to compare myself and mix them all together and do a little bit of triple threat.”
If you remember, this is how the former BJ Mullens described himself before the NBA Draft a few years ago. It produced major LULZ from even the most staunch Lord Byron supporter (does not exist). So to tip-off this NBA heavy post today, I feel the need to give everyone here an update on our favorite 7 footer for the Charlotte Bobcats. First of all, the big fella is out indefinitely with a recently sprained ankle. Clearly he does share some traits with Amare. That makes me a sad panda since they play the Cavs tomorrow night (talk about a ratings bonanza!). Second, he appears to be on the verge of superstar-dom as he is averaging 12 and 8. Those are Tristan (or Tristian as AC calls him constantly) Thompson numbers!
Finally, we may have been underrating just how much of a threat Byron is. His stats indicate that Mullens has “inside the gym” range. By that, I mean that Byron freaking Mullens has chucked 122 3 pointers in 27 games. I didn’t even know that he could shoot anything outside of “dunk”. But apparently he’s launching over 4.5 threes PER GAME. I think that Jeff jumped the gun on picking the Wolves as his team. He should have gone with the Charlotte Mullens. In conclusion, Byron Mullens IS a triple threat! And if you get a chance to watch the Nuggets play, look out for our old buddy KoKo (that’s Kosta Koufos if you were unaware and he used to be such a wonderful contributor here) as he has the world’s greatest receding hairline. KoKo!
*Deron Williams is the fucking worst – Jerry Sloan, one of the best basketball coaches of all time, quit over coaching this guy. Avery Johnson isn’t great, but he got booted from Brooklyn because his star player is a little bitch. We all know that Dwight and Bron and Kobe are the biggest divas in the league, but D-Will is equally pussified. This guy just sounds like such an awful teammate. I can’t wait to see how he handles direction from PJ “Mr. Hamlin” Carlesimo. There is no way that that relationship doesn’t end with someone tapping out.
*The Clippers winning streak ending caused Sterling’s son to kill himself – I’m still not sure if I trust this team to do much in the postseason but a 17 game win streak is as hard to ignore as the Cavs’ 27 game losing streak two years ago (ended against the Clips!).
*The Lakers are as terrible as Steve Nash’s hair – I am so happy that Mike D’Antoni is proving me right. Again, he is a terrible coach whose style of play doesn’t work with old fuckers like the Lakers are comprised entirely of. It seems like everyone on the Lakers hate each other so they are the reverse Flint Tropics (Everybody love everybody!). I wouldn’t want to see them in round 1 though, but still, this is very funny.
*I don’t care; Al Horford is an average player – I was watching the Hawks/Cavs last week (another game that we pissed away) and I couldn’t stop thinking that Zaza Pachulia is the ugliest man ever and Zaza scares me more than Horford. I shouldn’t ever think that. But there I was. I don’t know, maybe Al just doesn’t play well against us (he would be the first ever to make that claim) yet I can only judge on what I see and to me Al Horford is a clown fraud. He just isn’t good.
*I’m not buying the Knicks – It’s my own personal Duke Rule: teams that chuck threes at an alarming rate have almost zero chance of winning a title. You just can’t rely on making double digit three pointers per night. Plus, Jason Kidd is due for another domestic violence arrest any day now. Plus again, Mike Woodson is Evil Mike Brown.
*I am buying the Warriors – This is biased because Mark Jackson speaks ebonics better than anyone ever and I know a guy who is a scout for them, but I like the way that they play. They actually play defense now and as long as Steph Curry stays healthy (will not happen), they’re going to make the playoffs and possibly win a series.
*Rose and (to a lesser extent) Wall comin’ back yo – Please make a note of it if you play fantasy. Although since Wall grew up without a dad, I don't know why you would even consider him. My 6th place team (out of 8!) already added Rose even though he is still a few weeks away. I would rather have an injured Rose than a playing Jason Terry.
Obviously, not all of you are going to like today’s post. That’s why I lead off with my strong suit: Byron James. If you need some other shit to lament in the comments, feel free to discuss things like how you won’t miss Ray Lewis at all or the state of Pennsylvania can all get fucked because they STILL don’t get it. I want to close with a thought on my Cavs. God, they suck. You can clearly see the talent there but they have no idea how to play together or close games out. I don’t want them to trade Andy (how many fucking games are you going to sit out over a fucking bruised knee???) ever but if they stay strong with their demand of Serge Ibaka and picks for him, well, bye bye Wild Thing.
I dedicate this post to Iceman who has not stopped laughing since the last time Paul Pierce got faked out of his shoes and just fell over.