Friday, January 11, 2013

Round Six of Money Shot Super Bowl Mania

Your grandma may be slow but my Seal is slower, kid.
Yesterday, the big reveal of “How Fucked Up Was Junior Seau” was as expected. Dude had a lot of mental issues from years of bashing his skull into other men. It just sort of confirmed what we already knew. It doesn’t change anything either. The only thing that has changed is that the memory of Seau’s mom bizarre wailing has gone from uncomfortable to hilarious. Yes, I can laugh about that now. I regret nothing. You know what else that I can laugh at (smooth transition, G$!)…the AT&T commercials with the asshole guy asking questions to the dumb kids. I don’t know what it is about them but I find them incredible. Tape a cheetah to her back just kills me every single time. Well done, AT&T. You finally found a marketing campaign that speaks to me because that is exactly how I talk to kids.

But enough about my ELITE communication skills, let’s get to this weekend’s slate of games for the latest round of Money Shot Super Bowl Mania. Updated standings after Bowl Season and Wild Card Weekend will be at the end.

Baltimore @ Denver -9.5 O/U 46
I don’t like the Ravens. For a team as consistently good as they have been over the past 5-6 years, I don’t think that I ever once was excited to watch one of their games. And if I have to hear Mike Greenberg say “Hey diddle diddle, Ray Rice up the middle” again, I’m going to behead John Stamos. What does that even mean anyway? Non-Stabby Ray fumbled twice last week so maybe Cam Cameron’s decision not to give him more carries was a good one after all? Anyway, I’m making this pick by using trends. Last week, all the favorites won and covered. The under hit in every game (which is a miracle). Seemingly every year there is a HUGE upset in one of the first two weekends. Peyton Manning has not been a very good playoff QB and even worse when he has to play outdoors. These are all FACTS. So even though I don’t like it and I don’t think that they will actually win, my washboard abs are telling me that this is the week where the dog strikes back. You know what; let’s get the big upset out of the way early…Ravens 23-21 UNDER

Green Bay @ San Francisco -3 O/U 44.5
Road game or not, this game comes down to one thing...which QB do you trust more?  And it also comes down to which kicker is the worst.  Did anyone see what Greg Jennings' sister had to say about Aaron Rodgers on Twitter earlier this week?  She pretty much said that the former Super Bowl MVP was OVERRATED and a bad QB because he didn't throw to her brother enough.  Is this the first time ever that a family member gave their own team bulletin board material.  Fuck Jim Harbaugh...Packers 31-17 OVER

Seattle @ Atlanta -2.5 O/U 46
I've made it quite clear that I do not like this Seahawks team.  I just want Simmons to be wrong so badly.  He doesn't know near as much as he thinks he does and he shouldn't get his preseason Super Bowl pick right.  NO ONE believes that the Falcons are worth a shit and it's hard to argue against that without blatantly ignoring history.  To me, this game comes down to who wins the matchup between Julio/Roddy and The Drug Bros.  Shockingly, this line has not moved at all and I don't really understand why.  Seattle is CLEARLY the better team no matter where the game is.  There's no way that the public is betting on Atlanta.  So what gives?  It's the pros.  The pros know it.  The pro gamblers know that this is the time when the Falcons shut everyone up and finally sack the fuck up in the playoffs.  To me, this is the easiest bet of the weekend...Falcons 30-20 OVER

Houston @ New England -9.5 O/U 47.5
I hope that you all saw noted pube-head Masshole Dan Shaughnessy's awful column this week where he actually said that the Patriots got two straight bye weeks by getting the Texans in this round.  God would I love to see the Patriots lose this game.  It's not going to happen but New England has a tendency to play closer games than they should this time of the year.  That number is too high...Patriots 27-20 UNDER

That would leave us with Baltimore @ New England and Green Bay @ Atlanta next weekend.  Ugh, those games aren't very sexy.  But I did pick ATL/NE for the Super Bowl before the season so I'm going to keep living the dream.

STANDINGS (still 14 "games" left so plenty of time to make up ground)!
26-17 – Drew
25-18 – Prime
24-19 – Iceman and Buke
23-20 – Seal and Li’l Strut
22-21 – JSaul and Brady
21-15 – Dut
21-22 – Jeff
20-23 – Nate B
19-24 – G$
17-20 – Grumpy
17-26 – Damman
13-16 - Andrew
11-5 – Mr. Ace

That will do it for this week.  Get your picks in, feel free to discuss whatever you would like as if I actually have to say this, and don't forget to GO BLUE!

34 comments:

Grumpy said...

Denver-Under
Pack-Over
Seattle-Over
Pats-U

Anonymous said...

Not surprising that I am the smartest.

Does Cam Newton come with the Carolina OC? Otherwise I'm confused.

Ravens Under
Packers Over
Seahawks Over
Pats Under

--Drew

GMoney said...

Never change, Browns. What a hilariously awful hire. I guess that to them "fresh face" means "guy that we've fired twice". CHUDZINKSI! That is just so bad.

Although I will say that if he beings on Norval, that would be smart. For as shitty as he is as a coach, dude is a terrific OC.

Since you hired and fired the Rams OC (LOL) and replaced him with the Carolina OC, I've got to think that you're next poop coach in 3 years will be the Dolphins or Chiefs OC. Just hire Marty Morninwheg already.

MUDawgfan said...

Since I relocated to Cincinnati, I swear I am serving some type of penance because the only drive time morning radio is Mike and Mike.

Herm Edwards has been on the last two days and it is absolutely painful. I find myself wincing when he talks about "da team with da most points is post to win da game..."

It is literally the worst sports talk show imaginable.


Mike Greenberg hates the Falcons this weekend and I kinda hope he dies. Fuck everyone. Go Falcons

GMoney said...

It sounds dumb to say that a 2.5 point home favorite is going to shock the world but Atlanta is 'bout to shock the world when they end the game with the most points which is the only stat that matters of course.

Mr. Ace said...

Denver-Under
Niners-Under
Seattle-Under
Pats-Over

Oh Browns fans. Sometimes I feel sorry for you, but then I remember most of you are douchers...and then I smile.

The Eagles can hire pretty much anybody and it will be a better hire than ol Chudz.

GMoney said...

The Browns are pretty much the Lakers except without any talent whatsoever.

Pat Shurmur = Mike Brown
Chip Kelly = Phil Jackson
Chud = D'Antoni (both are awful)
Weeden = Kobe

Jeff said...

RAVENS OVER
PACKERS UNDER
FALCONS UNDER
TEXANS UNDER

Anonymous said...

G$, no Browns talk is complete today without the impending hire of Norval Turner. God fucking damn it, I hate being a Browns fan.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Ravens – Under
SF – Over
Atlanta – Under
Houston - Over


- J Saul

GMoney said...

You want Norv calling plays. You don't want him calling team meetings and inspiring people and promoting face cream. That is how ignorant Browns fans are.

Prime99 said...

RAVENS to cover and the UNDER
packers and OVER
Falcons and OVER
PATRIOTS and OVER

Tonya said...

Seems like you've thought about this before... I absolutely love that commercial too. It never gets old!

Falcons don't end their playoff streak this year... Guaranteed.

Anonymous said...

Ravens - Over
49ers - Over
Falcons - Over
Patriots - Over

Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

Tonya, I also like the NFL commercial where the little shit tells Cam Newton that he sucks.

Anonymous said...

I suppose I should be happy with Norval, but since he hasn't done anything meaningful in the league since winning Superbowls in Dallas 20 years ago with multiple hall of famers and not Brandon Weeden, Im more than skeptical. Hell, I could've won a Superbowl with that O Line/QB/RB/Gun toting WR/head coaches/mounds of blow.

Ide

GMoney said...

Dut has Brandon Weeden ranked ahead of Troy Aikman in his all-time QB rankings.

Anonymous said...

Baltimore - Over
Niner - Over
Seattle - Over
Houston - Under

Go Browns!!!

Seal

Ice Man said...

Denver -9.5 UNDER
Green Bay +3 UNDER
Seattle +2.5 OVER
Pats -9.5 OVER

The Browns are fucking stupid. It just boils down to that sad fact. So was Jimmy Haslam this big of a tard in Pittsburgh or is mental retardation something that just takes your body over as soon as you step foot within the city limits of Cleveland? Like a virus? I need answers.

Anonymous said...

Ravens under
Packers over
Seahawks over
Patriots over

Buke

Brady said...

Ravens Over
Packers Under
Seattle Over
New England Under

The Chud hiring was certainly not what I expected. The only Positive I can take out of it is he was responsible for our greatest offense (2007) since the return. I don't really have anything other than that to say. Who knows? Maybe Chud is the next great NFL coach. Or maybe we will be hiring another coach in two years. I don't fucking know.

Tonya said...

I am a big fan of that commercial as well 'Become your moms favorite player'... However, that being said, I also love the Windows phone commercial with Newton. Poundcake, french fries... It is HILARIOUS to me for some reason!

GMoney said...

Well, when you have a guy that led an obvious fluke offense to a postseason birth that never happened, you better give him your head fucking coach job 5 years later. It's science!

Ice Man said...

We finally finished paying off Chudzinkski's 2007 contract 2 years ago. Now we're balls deep in him again. Apparently we love handing Robert money for absolutely no reason at all. Here's to another contract that will be paid off 4 years after we fire him! All right!

It's okay to completely bash the Browns, Brady. You don't always have to be the beacon of hope when it comes to this team and obvious horrible decisions. Join us. No one will think differently of you.

Anonymous said...

RAVENS OVER
PACKERS UNDER
FALCONS UNDER
TEXANS UNDER

I'm giving the browns new administration a chance with this hire. Chud is young for nfl coaching standards and a complete wildcard. Obvz our owner and president know more than we do, so hopefully they know something that we don't! With the names I've seen floating on the rumor mill, I'm not sure who the browns could have hired to make anyone happy?

Dut

Ice Man said...

I would have taken Lovie Smiff. He's not a game changer but at least he knows what the playoffs look like. Same goes with Andy Reid.

GMoney said...

I'm smarter than Browns management. Since I have never been a Steelers fan, that is proof that I know more about football than Haslam.

8 teams had or have head coach openings. This Pollack was only interviewed by the Browns. BAD.

Prime99 said...

Iceman- Lovie SMIFF will run a great D, but the offense would leave you with blue balls for 5-9 years.

Anonymous said...

I joined Twitter today.

There is no reason we should be able to follow the money shot on there.

What happens when the Money Shot gets zoomed in and sexually harassed by BrentM, you will be forgotten because no one cares anymore how many 'Likes' you facebook page has. Its all about 'followers' in today's world.

- J Saul

Anonymous said...

*shouldn't

- J Saul

Grumpy said...

J Saul is right. Just because G$ refuses to join Twitter, there is no reason there can't be a Money Shot Twitter account. He better set it up before one of us sets up "fake" @MoneyShot.

Anonymous said...

Then everyday you could tweet the comment of the day and let everyone else in the world know what they are missing.

- J Saul

Anonymous said...

That would encourage outsiders...possibly coloreds....into our corner of the world. I know I speak for everyone except the Reverend Grumpy, but we can do without that. (Tonya is a woman, therefore doesn't have an opinion)

Ide

GMoney said...

Ide makes perfectly cromulent points that embiggen even the smallest man. I won't be behind it. If someone wants to do that, I won't stop them because I don't care. But I won't do it.