|Your grandma may be slow but my Seal is slower, kid.|
But enough about my ELITE communication skills, let’s get to this weekend’s slate of games for the latest round of Money Shot Super Bowl Mania. Updated standings after Bowl Season and Wild Card Weekend will be at the end.
Baltimore @ Denver -9.5 O/U 46
I don’t like the Ravens. For a team as consistently good as they have been over the past 5-6 years, I don’t think that I ever once was excited to watch one of their games. And if I have to hear Mike Greenberg say “Hey diddle diddle, Ray Rice up the middle” again, I’m going to behead John Stamos. What does that even mean anyway? Non-Stabby Ray fumbled twice last week so maybe Cam Cameron’s decision not to give him more carries was a good one after all? Anyway, I’m making this pick by using trends. Last week, all the favorites won and covered. The under hit in every game (which is a miracle). Seemingly every year there is a HUGE upset in one of the first two weekends. Peyton Manning has not been a very good playoff QB and even worse when he has to play outdoors. These are all FACTS. So even though I don’t like it and I don’t think that they will actually win, my washboard abs are telling me that this is the week where the dog strikes back. You know what; let’s get the big upset out of the way early…Ravens 23-21 UNDER
Green Bay @ San Francisco -3 O/U 44.5
Road game or not, this game comes down to one thing...which QB do you trust more? And it also comes down to which kicker is the worst. Did anyone see what Greg Jennings' sister had to say about Aaron Rodgers on Twitter earlier this week? She pretty much said that the former Super Bowl MVP was OVERRATED and a bad QB because he didn't throw to her brother enough. Is this the first time ever that a family member gave their own team bulletin board material. Fuck Jim Harbaugh...Packers 31-17 OVER
Seattle @ Atlanta -2.5 O/U 46
I've made it quite clear that I do not like this Seahawks team. I just want Simmons to be wrong so badly. He doesn't know near as much as he thinks he does and he shouldn't get his preseason Super Bowl pick right. NO ONE believes that the Falcons are worth a shit and it's hard to argue against that without blatantly ignoring history. To me, this game comes down to who wins the matchup between Julio/Roddy and The Drug Bros. Shockingly, this line has not moved at all and I don't really understand why. Seattle is CLEARLY the better team no matter where the game is. There's no way that the public is betting on Atlanta. So what gives? It's the pros. The pros know it. The pro gamblers know that this is the time when the Falcons shut everyone up and finally sack the fuck up in the playoffs. To me, this is the easiest bet of the weekend...Falcons 30-20 OVER
Houston @ New England -9.5 O/U 47.5
I hope that you all saw noted pube-head Masshole Dan Shaughnessy's awful column this week where he actually said that the Patriots got two straight bye weeks by getting the Texans in this round. God would I love to see the Patriots lose this game. It's not going to happen but New England has a tendency to play closer games than they should this time of the year. That number is too high...Patriots 27-20 UNDER
That would leave us with Baltimore @ New England and Green Bay @ Atlanta next weekend. Ugh, those games aren't very sexy. But I did pick ATL/NE for the Super Bowl before the season so I'm going to keep living the dream.
STANDINGS (still 14 "games" left so plenty of time to make up ground)!
26-17 – Drew
25-18 – Prime
24-19 – Iceman and Buke
23-20 – Seal and Li’l Strut
22-21 – JSaul and Brady
21-15 – Dut
21-22 – Jeff
20-23 – Nate B
19-24 – G$
17-20 – Grumpy
17-26 – Damman
13-16 - Andrew
11-5 – Mr. Ace
That will do it for this week. Get your picks in, feel free to discuss whatever you would like as if I actually have to say this, and don't forget to GO BLUE!