Is it that time again already? Suck me sideways. Taking a couple weeks off really makes Tuesday's sneak up on you. Like Dut in the men's locker room shower looking to check your oil. I'm fairly unprepared, college football is over and you all hate the NBA. So naturally this post today is NBA fueled since this topic is ignored more than any comment Brady makes on this Award winning blog. That means Grumpy, Brady and Damman can all take the day off. Go run a train on Tonya or something. The NBA season is about a quarter of the way through and here are some observations I've had so far. Is January too early for a mail in post? Fuck no, it isn't!
Nikola Pekovic looks like one of the bad guys from Superman 2 - Let me present my case:
The Prosecution rests.
Demarcus Cousins is certifiably crazy - Let's recap the season so far for the father of Prime's unborn child. Gets suspended by the league for confronting Sean Elliott post game while still in uniform. Although most people would never fault him for trying to beat up such a fucking douchy turd nugget like Elliott. Gets suspended a SECOND time for hammer punching O.J. Mayo in the meat sack during a game for absolutely no reason. Part of me hopes that punch was so hard that Pete Carroll felt some of the blow. Gets suspended a THIRD time by Keith Smart for apparently talking back to him during half time of a game I'm sure the Kings were getting blown out in. Stay tuned for when he stabs a trainer in the heart with a shank he carved from an old Gatorade bottle.
I was TOTES wrong about Andre Drummond - Drummond is still pretty raw but has proven that he belongs in the NBA. I love his intensity and he's a tireless worker despite all of the draft day knocks that he was just another lazy piss bag. I really think when this year's draft is revisited, Drummond will be one of those guys people will be surprised lasted until the 9th pick. The Drummond/Monroe combo will be dirty as fuck moving forward but mostly I'm just glad to have a 7 footer who isn't afraid to throw down a thunder dunk any chance he gets. I'm looking at you, Monroe. Enough of the fucking layups, already!!
Anderson Varejao is a throbbing clam - You can't be considered ELITE when your vagina is always bloody or in a sling. In Pube Wig's 9 year career, she's only lasted a full season 3 times. I call her she because girls basketball players are more durable. Talk all you want about her numbers (Cue, Seal) but when you can't stay on the floor numbers mean absolutely nothing. Now let me contradict myself.
Kyrie Irving is the 3rd best PG in the league - He's currently behind Chris Paul and Russell Westbrook, in my opinion. Outside of those two I would take Irving if starting a team today. I know I JUST said you can't be ELITE when your body is made from used tampons but I want to think that Irving's injuries are just horrible luck. I'll be keeping an eye on the sitch but if this guy can stay healthy (as big of an IF as they come) then I really believe he can be the best PG in the entire league. His scoring is already there, he's an above average shooter and I think the assists come up once the Cavs start getting better players. It's hard to collect dimes when Luke Walton is getting minutes. I'd rather run 4 on 5 than play Walton.
Dion Waiters is a terrible shooter - But everyone besides Cavs fans already knew that.
Those who said James Harden couldn't be "The Man" were wrong - Seal says if the season ended today the Rockets would be in the playoffs. And I say James Harden is a legit number one on a team that was pig shit last year. This team is where they're at mostly because of Harden. Sure, they have Jeremy Lin but this team had very good point guards in Goran Dragic and Kyle Lowry last year and they did nothing but lose. This upgrade makes me a little sad just because Kevin McHale is a Frankenstein looking cock sucker and doesn't deserve to be successful. And James Harden is a pretty big cunt himself.
I'm still trying to figure out how Andre Iguodala is considered a "super star" - Can anyone dispute me questioning this? I was shocked probably more than anyone to see the king of the under bites on the Olympic roster this year. I mean...was EVERYONE else busy? You can't do any fucking better than Andre Iguodala? Iggy reminds me of the guy at the VIP party that lurks in the corner doing his best to be invisible. He doesn't want anyone to notice him and realize he has no fucking business being there. Seriously...help me out. Would you want Iggy on your team? I feel Danny Granger is a better player and Danny Granger is about the best example of average that exists in any sport. Can you name a better one?
How long before Amare Stoudemire starts openly protesting his bench role - The one thing the Knicks have done a swell job of over the last few years is collect bitchers. Even Tyson Chandler can be a sour cunt sometimes. Sure. STAT is fine with coming off the bench right now. But just you wait until after the All Star break if this trend continues. Holy BaJesus the belly aching will reign from the heavens. I don't know why but I really fucking hate the Knicks. Probably because they have Carmelo Anthony and he is literally impossible to like.
That's all from me today. Just remember the more you cry about the NBA the more it makes me want to write about it. I live to fucking disappoint every last one of you. Oh. And don't forget to follow the MoneyShot Twitter account. I think only one fucking loser here doesn't have a Twitter and that's the founder of this site. No wonder it sucks so bad. Mail in posts - 1. Iceman - 30 billion. Because I never lose at anything.