Wednesday, January 09, 2013

Let's All Point and Laugh at Aaron Craft's Regression

Judge Stone, I'd like to file a motion for teammates that don't blow clown dick.
I never understood the brief troll-dom displayed by Drew and Dut at the expense of Seal a few weeks ago. If you recall, those two troglodytes took turns annoyingly LOLZing at our engaged friend over a few losses to start the season of his beloved Ashley Judds. I didn’t get it at all because UK is the defending champs and had to replace an entire first unit on the floor so a slow start should have been expected. But these guys are idiots and decided to hold hands and pounce on the guy whose school accomplished more in one season than their team has in—what is it now— five decades. Needless to say, that stupid banter that no one else joined in on (because the rest of us are intelligent sports fans) has ceased. Why?

Because those clown frauds looked into the mirror that now blocks Dut’s once glorious glory hole and realized that Ohio State basketball is a joke right now. It’s not very fun to be a proven hypocrite, is it? And at the current pace that they are on, the Fuckeyes might be lucky to be on the bubble come early March.

I’m writing this before their road game at Purdue last night which we will assume that they are going to lose since they don’t win road games anymore. But we’ll chart their resume from that ELITE performance in Champaign back to the beginning of the season. They are an 11-3 basketball team ranked #15 in the country (which is a total fucking joke). Their RPI is 45 (thanks to playing #1 and 2 Duke and Kansas). The SOS is 68 and will get better as the winter goes along due to the STREMPH of the Big Ten. They have two quality wins through the first half of the season (Washington RPI 73 and Nebraska who will not end up in the top 100). I’ve seen better resumes and I’ve seen worse. Here’s the thing though: SOS doesn’t mean a fucking thing if you don’t win any of the games.

GAMER projects the Buckeyes to finish the season 19-11 (9-9 in the conference) which is about where I had them when looking through the remaining schedule. I’m not sure that I see 8 more conference wins though. How are they going to pull that off as presently constructed in the minefield of the Big Ten?

*Aaron Craft is a great point guard that can’t shoot at all and opposing teams don’t even need to guard him outside of the paint
*They have no inside presence on offense (Amir Williams is a hilarious failure of a human being)
*Lenzelle Smith is consistently inconsistent
*Buckets is a terrific scorer but he better never, ever have an off night
*Remember when you took Shannon Scott over Trey Burke? LOLOLOLOLOLOLZ
*Sam Thompson sure can jump and do nothing else
*Remember when you all were treating LaQuinton Ross’s jumper like Musberger treats Miss Alabama? LOLOLOLOLOLOLZ

Basically, this team can’t score except for Mac from Night Court and that isn’t likely to change now. Unlike in football, Big Ten coaches are smart enough to see that this team has nothing offensively and if you can get to 65 points, you’re going to beat them every time. Honestly, though, you all deserve this for being AP NATIONAL CHAMPS. You deserve to eat some heaping scoops of shit. And trust me; this basketball team is going to be serving it to you piping hot and extra steamy for the next two months.

Go ahead and tell me that I am CRAY CRAY. I’ll listen. But look at your schedule and tell me how you get to 20 wins. I’m not saying that it’s impossible or that you are definitely NIT bound (even though you have already assumed in your head that I have). I’m just saying that Thad Matta’s job is going to be ridiculously tough the rest of the way. And since this season is trending toward disappointment, most of you can go back to not caring again (HI BRADY!).

I will make one promise to you though: Michigan is going to crush you in your dump on Sunday afternoon. Lock that shit up. So just remember the next time you think that it would be fun to poke Seal’s bald head—his team is still the champion while rebuilding on the fly with 18 year olds. What the fuck is your excuse?

48 comments:

Grumpy said...

Ohio plays basketball?

Anonymous said...

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but no one here claimed that OSU would only lose four games tops. I thought that was the point of all the insults hurled at Seal. This seems like a pretty big overreaction at a rebuttal.

We did beat the Boilermaker's last night, so there's that.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Let me start off by saying LOLZ @ RGKnee and his "total knee reconstruction". Good thing Shanahan left him in...boy us Monday Morning Doctors were wrong about that. Idiot.

Shut up Grumpy you fucking retard. Why don't you just say "I don't know anything about college basketball".

Onto the basketball....

How are you so dumb that you can't recognize the humor in Kentucky's early failures? They had the largest AP Poll drop EVA. They lost at home to a shitty Baylor team. I guess they should have started the season outside of the top 25 to make anything of what you said make sense.

As for the Buckeyes...

*They won @Purdue last night, so you are already wrong in your post.

*Thad Matta has never not won 20 games in a year...anywhere. So, I don't see that being an issue.

*You look incredibly ignorant with the Scott/Burke comment, since EVERY coach in America woudl have taken a verbal from Scott before Burke. Fucking Burke was a Penn State verbal until the last month or so.

*Craft has been terrible this year until the second half last night. He looked like the Craft of old and played tremendous. Gonna need that since he will need heavy burn to try and slow down Burke.

*Buckets is the man.

*It would be nice if Lenzelle or Thompson could make the leap. Thompson shows flashes and has beautiful form on his jumper...but, they don't go in..so, I don't know what the issue is. He played really well last night.

*The effort between last night's game and the Illinois game was like night and day. That was what pissed me off the most about the Illini game...they just seemed to be sleepwalking. Last night they were active.

*Their offense has been shitty in half court situaions...much better when they push with Scott. Last night they scored a ton on a very good defense.

*While Craft has regressed until the second half last night, Scott's playing wayyyyyyy better than last year. His defense is pretty ELITE as well. I think he's going to be a very good player by over the last two yeasr of his Buckeye career.

*I wish Q Ross was more athletic.

G$...since you think Michigan is going to blow the Buckeyes out on Sunday...what do you think the spread on the game will be?

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Ide....Slow Seal also said things like Nerlens Noel was just as good at offense or defense (I forget which one) as The Brow. That was hilarious too.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Ide...I guess what G$ is trying to say is that if Ohio State loses @Cal and at home against SDSU next year in football...nobody here better be cracking jokes since there wasn't a single other football program this year that finished the season undefeated.

--Drew

GMoney said...

There's the Napoleon (and not the good one) Complex Drew that we all love to hate!

You laughing at Seal is like a Cowboys fan laughing at a Giants fan for missing the playoffs this year. It's hilarious to everyone but yourself because you're too dumb to get why you are way out of line.

I will admit one thing...this post would have been a lot greater if you had lost to that bad Purdue team last night. That offensive explosion feels like an outlier though and not indicative of what you should expect every game. Have fun watching your team play Charlie Coles-ball the rest of the way. I can assure that that is not fun to watch at all.

Your resume, as currently constructed, is awful. A million bullet points isn't going to change that.

I don't know anything about basketball lines but I would guess that Michigan is a 3-5 point favorite this weekend.

Today is my last day of work at my current office before I move to Hilliard tomorrow and one of the ladies here gave me my own personal box of Timbits. Terrific.

GMoney said...

Football Player Gets Hurt and Has Offseason Surgery...what a story!

I will say this slowly since you are an idiot who the government has forced to wear a helmet and water wings at all times: just because these MM Doctors got it right this time, doesn't make you an actual Doctor. You got lucky. And I never said anything remotely close to "nothing to see hear, all is well".

Anonymous said...

Football player tears the same ligaments in the same knee that he tore three years ago after his employer sold the farm to get him. I think AP and Reed coming back so soon has given you false hope that this injury isn't a big deal.

I'm not saying his career is over, but his impact will be severely affected by this injury. He has to now doubt himself in the pocket and his explosiveness will take a massive hit. He will now have to be a passing qb only and not a triple threat (run/pass/dick suck), which should simplify defensive schemes ran against him.

I'd feel better that the Browns didn't get him, but I'd still take a gimped up RG3 over Weeden. And I loved that Chip Kelly wanted Colt and openly wanted to cut Weeden.

Ide

Ice Man said...

"Your resume, as currently constructed, is awful. A million bullet points isn't going to change that."

G$ cuts through the bull shit like a boss.

The one thing that I find the most humerous about Buckeye basketball this year is this:

Most Ohio fans (especially Brady) gave so much shit to Notre Dame fans this year about magically caring about Irish football again now that Notre Dame is revelant for the first time in 20 years. And rightfully so. The irony of that is now that Ohio seems to be much much worse than anyone anticipated, the Facebook chatter and overall devotion of Buckeye fans is almost completely absent. Either Buckeye fans forgot the college season started already or most of you are gaping gash hypocrites. Either way, I'm good with it.

Oh...and Aaron Craft carries the ball. Every time.

GMoney said...

Ide, down-playing this is the only thing keeping me from bawling like a little Drew. NO BIG DEAL. Seriously, though, he'll be fine. Kid is 22 years old. It's not like he's Grump.

FACT - There are at least 4 teams in the Big Ten better than the Fuckeyes. Just wait until Saturday (or Sunday...I've seen it listed differently) when Michigan murders you and then Jonny B has sex with your corpse as is his style.

Anonymous said...

To be fair, most Buckeye fans give no fucks about basketball until tournament time. Most schools like ND only excel at one sport (and they suck at doing that). There are only a handful of schools in the nation that excel at both sports, so finding equals for comparison is kind of rare. UF maybe, but their fan base is comprised of Floridians.

Ide

Ice Man said...

Ide, don't give me that crap. Last year buckeye fans were everywhere as the season was starting. You couldn't walk 10 feet without hearing some schlub babble on about a national title for buckeye basketball. Same goes for every year since Oden and his forearm cock were shooting left handed free throws. Now that you're back to being average you've all morphed into Brady.

Anonymous said...

This post was out of left field. I think it's because you never had a chance to post about Ohio state losing in football? Perfect timing too after that slaughtering of Purdue last night.

I'm not sure why you're comparing osu basketball to Kentucky basketball either. We ripped on seal because he's slow and because he predicted 4 losses this season. They then got off to a shitty start. Most OSU fans agreed that osu was overrated before the season started.

9-9 in the B1G is not a bubble team this year. 8-10 will probably even get you in.

Iceman- osu basketball has a lot of fair weather fans (including myself). What's your point?

RIP 2013 Washington redskins season. LOLZZZZ. To answer your question, yes I'd rather have trich and Weeden right now.

Dut

Anonymous said...

I feel G$ is hyping up the Michigan win and setting up for failure.

I can't remember the last time we've won in Columbus....I'm sure OSU would love to hang our first loss on us....and since we haven't played dong since NC State, we might be in for a little jolt. But I still like our chances.

Aaron Craft is OSU's Denard. You will ride him for 4 years, he flashes greatness when you don't need it. In the end, you're left clinging to scraps.

- J Saul

GMoney said...

I've been thinking about this one ever since the greatness of your Kansas game. Getting murked by John Groce made it a reality. Unfortunately, the timing wasn't perfect.

It just depends how you get to 9 wins. They can't just be Penn State and Nebraska. If you don't beat any of the good teams it's hard to say that you would belong. But that is far off. All I know is that this is definitely one of Thad's turdiest bunches and they don't seem to be getting any better.

The point of the post is that you better watch your ass and start beating some good teams or you could find yourself in the NIT.

The Redskins will be fine. Might take a step back next year which is expected after a year like this one, but we will always be more ELITE than the team interviewing the coach from Montreal.

Anonymous said...

Ill take the heat for the 4 win prediction, as all UK fans have realized that teams like last year are nearly impossible to assemble. those Freshman did not play like Freshman - this team is exactly what a team made of 18 year olds is supposed to look like. They are a 10-11 loss team. But they are improving - almost beating Lousiville on the road is a big step. IF they are in the tourny this year (which I highly doubt the selection committe would leave them out), no one is going to want to play them. They still have three first rounders on that team.

Drew is great at putting words in peoples mouths. I said Nerlens wouldnt be close to the offensive talent that Davis was, but he could be close to as tough on the defensive end. He is 1 block per game behind Davis after 13 games so it is proving to not be a terrible statement.

OSU is terrible. You have one scorer, and one scorer only. Ill give you Thomas, he is good. Craft should stick to was he used to be good at and passing on open shots. Ill give him good defense and good dribbling skills? Yay! Your roles players have all taken steps back leading to everyone calling OSU the most overrated team in the nation. Michigan being really really good this year probably makes this hurt a little more too, huh Drew?

Seal

Anonymous said...

Craft is so frustrating to watch. Half the time I love him and wouldn't trade him for anyone, half the time I want to punch him the nuts. Hopefully more performances like last night are forthcoming.

Ross may have have had the worst individual performance that I've ever seen anyone have against Illinois. Good to see him bounce back last night. Strange he didn't play at all in the 2nd half.

Lenzelle shoots to much like Buzz Cramer for my liking.

In the end we will finish 4th-5th in the league, maybe higher if they get hot, and safely in the dance. Sweet 16 is the ceiling I feel. We shall see.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

Slow Seal...Buckeyes are ranked #15. Kentucky is unranked. You guys OBVZ were the most overrated team in the nation.

Iceman...as a season ticket holder shut ya mouf about me as a fair weather fan. Ill be there Sunday.

G$...great decison to ruin next year when you guys had no super bowl chances with a hobbled RGKnee.

--Drew

Jeff said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Prime99 said...

J Saul thinks G$'s writing can affect the outcome of a game?! While wildly entertaining and a highlight of my day, I'm pretty sure G$ can jinx Michigan. (Did I just double jinx them?!?)

GMoney said...

We most definitely did have SB dreams in this beautiful mind. It must be awesome to spew garbage at the masses based on hindsight. Go play in the street, fag. From what we actually know right now, it was LCL surgery. That's 4-8 months. If that is all there is, see you in week one.

Let's see if I can do this as well as you: How could anyone think that Ohio State was going to beat Duke this year? I mean, that was just DUMB to think that. Duke is clearly 8 points better than the Fuckeyes. WE ALL KNOW THAT.

I am not one of those fans that worries about the future. Stop trying to come at me, bro. You will not win.

Seal is the college hoops expert here. His opinion trumps all.

Jeff said...

This years OSU team can be like UCONN was a couple years ago with Kemba. If Deshawn goes nuts they can beat anyone and he can carry this team. If he's off, they can be one and done. The lack of a scoring inside presence OBVZ is this teams downfall. Everyone will have off shooting nights, but when you don't have a big to get you an easy bucket or get to the foul line you're in trouble.

Jeff said...

LOLZ at G$ for attaching "expert" to any degenerates name around here (especially SS).

Mr. Ace said...

The tardiest tard of all, Jeff. Deshaun Thomas and the Fuckeyes=Kemba and UCONN is THEE most lolz comment possibly ever. I think the Fuckeyes are a tourney team, but not a threat to win the conference or win more than one game in the tourney. They just don't have the offense to do it...and the defense isn't ELITE.

Michigan will score over 70 in Columbus, does anybody really think the Fuckeyes can keep up?

Anonymous said...

Comparing Deshaun to Kemba is fucking hilarious.

Seal

Jeff said...

Hilarious because Kemba avg. 23.5 ppg and Deshawn avg. 20.3 ppg. That is pretty funny. Good thing I said COULD be like him. I must've missed the part where I said they are equals or OSU=UCONN.

Mr. Ace said...

Oh, well in that case, I could be like Nik Stauskas and drain threes all day and be Canadian. Could be.

Thomas will never ever ever ever ever ever be able to take over a game like Kemba did for UConn. COULD NOT.

Also, Toledo COULD be like Butler. COULD be.

Anonymous said...

So G$ says Michigan is going to kill Ohio state, then says the line will be 3-5!? What a slaughtering!!!

I'm already mentally prepared to get murked by more than 5 on Sunday. If the line is 3-5, I may put the mansion on sports book.

Dut

Jeff said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jeff said...

Except you're German and unathletic (as am I, the German part). Nice try though. At least Deshaun and Kemba are men of color, so the comparison can start there.

Michigan will win, unless Deshaun goes Kembastyle.

Jeff said...

I'm an AFLEET goddammit!

GMoney said...

AS I SAID, I don't know much about how basketball lines work. It was my guess for what Vegas would make it, not what I would. I would put it at 8.5.

Actually, I think that Jeff's argument that Ohio State and UConn are the exact same is pretty good. We are talking about dirty athletic departments, aren't we?

Jeff better shut his mouth or he's never going to get that promotion to ACC Football Beat Reporter.

OH! Here's another great Drew-ish argument: How could ANYONE think that Shannon Scott was going to be better than Trey Burke. I DID NOT. I KNEW THAT BURKE WAS A FIRST ROUND PICK AND SCOTT IS A RICH MAN'S PJ HILL! I saw it all along. Anyone who did not is as dumb as Stefan Logan.

Jeff said...

Didn't you hear, Notre Dame has joined the ACC (for 5 games a year)!!!

Actually, If I had to bet on it, I think Clemson will be in the ESS EEE CEE or Big 12 in couple years.

GMoney said...

For you Monday Morning Orthopedic Surgeons out there, perhaps the rumors of our demise were premature:

Griffin's recovery is projected at six to eight months, barring any setbacks, sources said. The rehabilitation plan will focus primarily on strengthening Griffin's quadriceps to help protect and help stabilize the knee, according to sources. The reconstruction of the LCL is considered a complication, but sources said Andrews informed the Redskins it should rehab well during the same six-to-eight-month time frame as the ACL injury.

Under this projected time frame of surgery, recovery and rehab, Griffin should be able to participate at some level during training camp in August and be ready to open the season in September, according to the sources.

Brady said...

Did Seal secretly write this post?

Anonymous said...

Brady - the only give away that I didnt write it is that I would have never called out that I am going bald before the age of 30.

Seal

Anonymous said...

Best Center in the East out 2 months. Hey Cavs doctors, nice diagnosis of a bruised knee and he would only miss a couple games when he has a torn leg muscle.

Number one pick here we come!!

Seal

Anonymous said...

The Cavs are just full of pussies. LOLZ at their mgmt too....could have landed a haul for that fag a month ago....now they are stuck with their damaged goods.

G$....when it became obviosus that RGKnee was hobbled he should have been replaced. Instead he stayed in...further injured himself and will play zero football until next Fall. SKINS ARE SO DUMB.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Was he going to be playing a lot in the Spring and Summer? Again, thanks for the brilliant hindsight.

I want to blame the Cleveland Staph Clinic because that place is clearly the worst. Be Bad 4 Shabazz???

GMoney said...

Anyone ready to talk Justified yet?

*Wasn't expecting to see that fine flashback ass...nice touch

*Constable Bob is terrific. Paid for these lights mah-self!

*I thought that Ron Eldard was dead. I think that I'll like him as the new Devil/Arlo.

*Bartender Lindsey is sooooo hawt.

Prime99 said...

Better question: did anyone watch Joe Schmo with the deaf girl doing a ventrilist act- pretty damn funny!

GMoney said...

I haven't watched it yet, Prime. Stop spoiling such great reality TV!

Anonymous said...

Justified was a solid watch and Im digging the mystery route they're going.

I don't know why but I just dont like Patton Oswalt. I've seen nothing of his work that lets me believe he is funny. And Justified doesn't need a hapless constable playing comic foil. That was Dewey's and Dickie's job!

Boyd is basically the best character pound for pound since the immortal John Kavenaugh.

Ide

Prime99 said...

Kings moving to Seattle. Hopefully this doesn't hurt the home value of the house I'm about to buy down the street from the arena.

Grumpy said...

I've come to the conclusion Damman is the only one here with half a brain.

Anonymous said...

Grumpy has to be the worst commenter of all time. Has he ever said more than one sentence to make his terrible point?

Seal

GMoney said...

And me, of course.

Ide, think about this way:
Raylan and Constable Bob are pretty much a live version of Police Cops. I'm all for that. Uh oh, Spaghetti-O!

Grumpy said...

Brevity is the soul of wit.