|Nice to meet you, Jeremy Lin.|
*2011 Red Sox sign Carl Crawford and trade for Adrian Gonzalez and are immediately World Series champions for the next decade plus.
*2011 Red Sox seemingly lose every game in September and complete one of the greatest chokes of all time on the final night of the season when they get buttfucked by Buck’s terrible Orioles squad (with Bowling Green’s Nolan Reimold!).
*Reports surface that Josh Beckett, John Lackey, and Jon Lester were sitting in the clubhouse during games eating fried chicken, playing video games, and drinking cheap light beer.
*Terry Francona is fired because it was the easy thing to do.
*Ownership/Management throws Francona under the tank by leaking a bunch of lies about infidelity and pill addiction.
*Theo Epstein trades himself to the Cubs; Cubs now a lock to be the worst team in the NL in 2012.
*Red Sox hire Bobby Valentine to manage. Francona replaces Valentine on Sunday Night Baseball for ESPN.
*Stupid Red Sox writers like Peter King and Dan Shaughnessy still want answers and apologies for the clubhouse shenanigans from the year before. No one understands why they keep asking for something that they don't deserve.
*The Red Sox, from owner to players, still won’t remotely address their alcoholism.
*Josh Beckett, in his first presser since the season ended, does not apologize for being extremely unprofessional but vows revenge or something.
*Valentine bans beer from the clubhouse and on return flights back to Boston.
*Francona is skeptical of this move because…question mark.
That is pretty much the gist of this little saga. It basically boils down to no one wanting to accept responsibility and everyone just ignoring the David Ortiz-sized elephant in the room. There was a HUGE problem with that team, eventually it got resolved (sort of...at least in theory), but no one ever will talk about it. Make sense? Of course it doesn't.
I don’t even see why this was EVER a problem. Did we learn nothing from that one Cardinals pitcher that died in a drunk driving accident, Josh Hamilton’s demons, Elijah Dukes constant zaniness (YOU DEAD, DAWG), or Tony LaRussa’s 400 DUI’s? Nah, let’s just enjoy Bruce Bochy inviting Brandon Belt into his office to share a few Bud Lights instead (from The Franchise on Showtime last Summer).
At what other job do you drink beer on-site? Why is alcohol even in there to begin with (and we will continue to ignore the long term "benefits" of the hundreds of Skoal logs that they go through each season)? Do these guys really need a beer that bad after a long day of being a designated hitter or short relief pitcher? Want a drink—GO TO A BAR, ASSHOLE. Look, nobody is happier at the LOLness of the Red Sox more than I am. But this is just so dumb. People are really arguing about whether or not it is OK to drink beer at work. Even someone as retarded and inbred as a Tigers fan understands that. Terry Francona doesn’t think that it’s a good idea to ban it in the clubhouse though and that ol’ Fake Mustache will lose the team because of it. Hilarious.
Goddamn do I hate this franchise and fans and Jeff. Still though, inebriated Boston still has a better shot of making the playoffs this year than the Indians. Anyway, what kind of beer do you think that John Lackey drinks? I bet that it’s something white trashy like Red Dog or Coors Original.