|Always relevant. Forever LULZ.|
*Pigman goes to Fayetteville – If Brady can take a break from online trolling strangers from Wisconsin for a moment (WHAT A DORK), let’s finally talk about this big move for Double B. Sure, it feels like he saw that the ceiling was not going to get any higher after his third straight trip to the Rose Bowl, but it’s not like his teams dominated their way to Pasadena. They were handed those invites and graciously got embarrassed the previous two times out there. I think we all agree that he isn’t a very good football coach and is a quite lazy recruiter that would rather whine about the system than do anything about it. Why would Arkansas want him? I mean, a fart cloud is a better coach than John L. Smith so was this their only goal—find a warm, fat body better than SMILE? Bielema isn’t going to succeed in the SEC. There’s no way he does unless he embraces everything that he as against and even if he does, everyone in that conference is already better than him at that. He’s got three years until he gets fired and ends up coaching some awful MAC school like Miami University for 250K.
*Now what, Wisconsin? – I still refuse to join Twitter so I’ll need to hear from someone else who the hot names are rumored to be replacing Pigman in Madison. It’s a shame that Dave Doeren took the NC State gig because he would be perfect and is a MUCH better coach than the previous lump of shit they had. I thought that I heard somewhere that it was possible for Barry Alvarez to coach the Badgers in the Rose Bowl. OMG please be true.
*Purdue hired Darrell Hazell – They should have never even offered their job to Butch Jones (where is he going to end up?) so a consolation prize of Hazell is a good get for them. Here is the problem that I have though: each Big Ten school apparently hauled in between 40 and 50 million dollars this year for their network that no one watches. Where is that money going? Why aren’t they spending it on coaching? If I’m the AD at one of these schools, I’m not paying Darrell Hazell 12 million over 6 years. I’m calling Jon Gruden and offering him 30 million over 5 years (which is exactly what Wisconsin should do immediately but they won’t). YOU HAVE THE MONEY. Go after the big fucking names. Stop settling on the up and comer that you hope becomes more of a Pat Fitzgerald and less of a Luke Fickell (worst head coach ever). For God’s sake, you are competing against Urban Meyer now. I don’t even like this conference at all and yet it still drives me crazy. Where is this money going!!! I just don’t understand what these schools’s main objective is when they hire a coach or even search for one.
*Gus Malzahn heads back to Auburn; Charlie Strong likely going to Tennessee – I love these hires so much (although it sounds like Louisville is doing everything it takes to keep BLACK CHUCKSTRONG). For some weird reason, I have a very large boner for Malzahn. These just show why the SEC will ALWAYS be better than the Big Ten. You should stop comparing yourselves to them and focus more on being on the same level as the Big 12. I’m looking at you, Brady.
*WHO CARES – It’s funny to listen to all the Fuckeye idiots call up the radio shows complaining about Urban Meyer not getting Big Ten coach of the year. Why does this matter at all? We’re you going to buy every member of your family a “Coach of the Year” t-shirt for Christmas. I will never understand why fans get mad about individual awards…except for Justin Morneau stealing the MVP from Derek Eater years ago. THAT WAS ROBBERY!
*Which games are you looking forward to – Obviously, the BCS Title Game is important but I like the Fiesta, Orange, Cotton (or whatever they’re calling it now…I just love watching Bob Stoops fail), and the game between Kent State and Arkansas State should be a lot of fun even though neither team’s coach will be there. You can piss and moan about how there are too many bowl games until the cows come home (what a rural analogy!) but then you come across as a guy who wants LESS football. Do you really want less football, you terrorist? The Sugar Bowl might be the worst bowl game of all time.
*Does Chip Kelly give a fuck about everything above? - I doubt it.
There you go—a nice big juicy pile of college football-related topics today. We stick with the same theme tomorrow with LIVE coverage from River City Bowl-A-Way for the Weisman Award ceremony! Try to hide your erections.