|Not pictured: Romeo Crennel across the table eating a live hog.|
In conclusion, whenever you hear someone say that "I'd kill to not have to play for Romeo Crennel anymore", you should probably take them seriously. Dammit. Deep down, I can't be the only one who was hoping that the mystery Chief was Brady Quinn, was I? DON'T JUDGE ME! Anyway, onto the week's bad players but not killers.
People crying about Brees - I don't get this. The dude was awful. I get it. But that shouldn't have had much effect on you at all. If your fantasy playoffs start in week 13 then LOLZ your league sucks and is stupid. If your playoffs haven't started yet, you should be safely in anyway. If that 5 pick game DID hurt you then you really suck at fantasy football and should kill your girlfriend. Dammit.
Brian Urlacher - The entire Bears defense deserves a Nelson Muntz HA HA but I'm going to single out the guy who stuck it to Paris Hilton for awhile. Good job letting the legend of Rusty Wilson grow. Go ahead and keep fucking around with home losses and you're going to end up sitting at home for the playoffs. Prime GAY.
Li'l Sex Cannon - Has anyone mentioned yet that AJ McCarron looks EXACTLY like Rex Grossman?
LOLions! - Hilarious. What a terrible team. If the Colts are CHUCKSTRONG then I suppose that the Lions are JIMPUSSY. That was one hell of a defensive collapse. I wish that I could watch that every day. Schwartz is so fired. At least he should be.
Jordy Nelson - Well, well, well the day that Commander Snatch (Greg Jennings) came back Captain Gash gets hurt AGAIN. When your name is Jordy, I guess that no one should expect manly behavior.
Everyone but Adrian Peterson - This cat better get a whole shit-load of MVP votes because he is BY FAR the best player in the league. FACT. Imagine how awesome he would be if he didn't have a terrible QB on his side? I guess what I'm trying to say here is...BRING BACK FAVRE!!!
Mason Crosby and David Akers - These guys went from great to horrible so fast that I hardly even noticed.
BRAH! - Fuck you, Jim Harbaugh! Man, is it easy to root against him. I'm glad that they lost to the Rams because his little fagbait QB was piss poor. He deserves that. I'm no Alex Smiff fan but I am rooting for Jimmy to fail so I guess that that does make me a Smiff fan after all. I have no problem with Colin Cowherdnick but I would appreciate it if Jaws stopped calling him KaeperNACK.
Cam Newton - You can beat the Eagles but not a team that just had a guy kill 80% of the Kansas City population. It really bothers me that Cam chews gum during the game. It's probably because he is a lazy black (that's sarcasm) (maybe).
Mark Sanchez - It's over, Nacho. What a tremendous blaze of glory that was. He should probably never start another NFL game ever again.
Jets Fans - Bad play makes fans do weird things...like give Greg McElroy a standing ovation. That guy is a cocksucker. I'd bet that Mike Lupica LOVES him.
Weather People - YOU ASSHOLES! YOU SAID IT WAS GOING TO BE A FUCKING MONSOON IN OAKLAND YESTERDAY! 40 MPH WINDS! POURING RAIN! WAY TO BE 100% WRONG! YOU PEOPLE ARE THE WORST. I'm going to hit the under on that game anyway...but STILL!
Carson Palmer - The King of the Garbage Time Touchdowns is now being phased out gradually by the WildTatt offense of Terrelle Pryor!!! Another solid effort by the Brownies...all of that ELITE talent is coming together nicely.
Marmalard and Norv - Another week, another embarrassing loss for these two mental midgets. At this point, I think that we can all agree that Philip Rivers is a below average QB.
BRAH again! - Eat shit, John! You just got taken to school by Charlie fucking Batch! This is the thing about the Steelers: they have enough experience and old man know-how to never be counted out. Plus, Joe Flacco is a horse's ass.
GAMBLOR! - VERY good weekend for this fella even with my Jags and Bucs failing. I would like to give myself a high five for putting coin on Nebraska -3 which might be the worst wager ever.
FANTASY! - It wasn't a very important weekend for me. I already have the one seed clinched in the DFL with a bye next week. I have my division clinched in the MSFL with a bye coming next week as well. I have a must-win for the 6 seed in the G$FL against the guy right behind me so next week is all that matters. That being said, 1-3 appears to be my ceiling this week and that sucks.
None of that matters though for tonight's Monday Night is the best game of the season. I'm a little nervous about a lot of people giving us this win because this franchise should not assume anything due to 20 years of being stupid. I still think that we win tonight behind the TRANSCENDENT and painfully heterosexual RG3. Remember to save your zombie and bootleggin' talk until the afternoon. HAIL!