|He just writes ELITE over and over and over|
Iceman - There is no way that Kirk Cousins wins in Cleveland. Or something like that. Great prediction. Way to ignore Kirk's TRANSCENDENCE!
Brandon Weeden - Boy does he suck dick.
All that doubt the Redskins - OK, that was a legit win yesterday. Backup QB? No big deal. The offense was still unstoppable. And would you look at that...we're winning the East. Normal people would probably agree that the Redskins are a good team that is insanely hot right now. I am not a normal person. I am a lunatic. WE GOIN' SUPER BOWL!
Eli Manning, Josh Freeman, and Rainbow Tenor - I feel like seeing three shutouts in one day is more rare than Bob Costas going a week without having his starfish split open.
Brandon Marshall - LOL way to cry in your presser! The Bears are going to miss the playoffs.
Everyone but Adrian Peterson - I sat next to a black guy in a Lee Suggs jersey yesterday and he was cool as hell but he was creepily interested in AD's chase of Eric Dickerson. Peterson is so sick.
Johnny BRAH - So I guess Cam Cameron wasn't the problem then? Iceman, FYI, Seal and his BRAHS LOVE the HarBRAHS. Put that on your resume.
Pete Carroll - What an asshole. Who runs a fake punt on the hapless Bills when they're up 30 in the second half? Petey is a DICK. You shouldn't root for the Seahawks solely because of him.
Fatty McChins - LOLOLOLOLOLIONS! WHAT A SACK OF SHIT! YOU GOT MURDERED BY BEANIE WELLS AND HIS TERRIBLE TEAMMATES! THE LIONS ARE A BIGGER JOKE THAN KENTUCKY BASKETBALL AND DETROIT TIGERS BASEBALL COMBINED! ANYONE WHO ROOTS FOR THE LIONS SHOULD DIE LIKE DESMOND HOWARD.
Big Ben - Thanks for nothing, donkey dick.
FANTASY! - Both of my matchups are still too close to call at the time of this mail-in post. Either way, I'm going to need something solid from the Titans D tonight.
It's just nice to know that I remain better than every Browns fan at every facet of life yet again. Now if you don't mind, I need to decompose like Pat Shumur's career.