Monday, December 17, 2012

The Worst Of Week Fifteen Vol.VI

He just writes ELITE over and over and over
While I am still basking in the glory of my superior fandom, I'm hurting right now.  There was very little food eaten yesterday, too much driving, and very much alcohol consumption with everyone's favorite UK basketball fan.  Seal was such an ELITE host who hooked Damman and I up with some bananas tickets.  Thanks, bud, and more kudos to J and Rosey from blogs past.  It's always nice to see you chumps.  Let's get this over with so I can get back to my crippling case of gut-rot.

Iceman - There is no way that Kirk Cousins wins in Cleveland.  Or something like that.  Great prediction.  Way to ignore Kirk's TRANSCENDENCE!

Brandon Weeden - Boy does he suck dick.

All that doubt the Redskins - OK, that was a legit win yesterday.  Backup QB?  No big deal.  The offense was still unstoppable.  And would you look at that...we're winning the East.  Normal people would probably agree that the Redskins are a good team that is insanely hot right now.  I am not a normal person.  I am a lunatic.  WE GOIN' SUPER BOWL!

Eli Manning, Josh Freeman, and Rainbow Tenor - I feel like seeing three shutouts in one day is more rare than Bob Costas going a week without having his starfish split open.

Brandon Marshall - LOL way to cry in your presser!  The Bears are going to miss the playoffs.

Everyone but Adrian Peterson - I sat next to a black guy in a Lee Suggs jersey yesterday and he was cool as hell but he was creepily interested in AD's chase of Eric Dickerson.  Peterson is so sick.

Johnny BRAH - So I guess Cam Cameron wasn't the problem then?  Iceman, FYI, Seal and his BRAHS LOVE the HarBRAHS.  Put that on your resume.

Pete Carroll - What an asshole.  Who runs a fake punt on the hapless Bills when they're up 30 in the second half?  Petey is a DICK.  You shouldn't root for the Seahawks solely because of him.

Fatty McChins - LOLOLOLOLOLIONS!  WHAT A SACK OF SHIT!  YOU GOT MURDERED BY BEANIE WELLS AND HIS TERRIBLE TEAMMATES!  THE LIONS ARE A BIGGER JOKE THAN KENTUCKY BASKETBALL AND DETROIT TIGERS BASEBALL COMBINED!  ANYONE WHO ROOTS FOR THE LIONS SHOULD DIE LIKE DESMOND HOWARD.

Big Ben - Thanks for nothing, donkey dick.

FANTASY! - Both of my matchups are still too close to call at the time of this mail-in post.  Either way, I'm going to need something solid from the Titans D tonight.

It's just nice to know that I remain better than every Browns fan at every facet of life yet again.  Now if you don't mind, I need to decompose like Pat Shumur's career.

30 comments:

Grumpy said...

We're you lower end zone right behind the goal posts? Sure looked like you, goofy hat and all.

Cousins will be a starter somewhere, sometime.

MuDawgfan said...

Falcons! Wooo!

GMoney said...

YOU BETTA BELIEVE THAT WAS ME! Lange said that he saw me stand up and signal GOOD for MY GUY KAI's big field goal make. Those seats were insane. Seal is way better than you think.

Goofy hat? It was a Redskins stocking cap! Everyone kept telling me how sexy I was.

I need a combined TWO points out of Titans D and Shonn Greene to go to the MSFL Super Bowl. You want to know how seriously I took Damman? I started Shonn Greene. I got my sights set on Prime's lanky ass now. DFL...I'm 7 points from Titans D away from a meeting with world villain Dut in the finals. Come on Sanchise; BE YOURSELF!

Ice Man said...

"Iceman, FYI, Seal and his BRAHS LOVE the HarBRAHS. Put that on your resume."

It's what I plan to lead with in my next job interview. I'll simply bring in a laptop with a BRAH post up, flip it around and remain silent. 100% success rate.

So with what Peterson is doing currently, can we safely assume that it's now okay to draft an ELITE running back in the first 5 picks of the NFL draft? Or are you just going to talk around another terrible guideline you've set in the past?

GMoney said...

Adrian Peterson was the SEVENF pick in his draft. Are you arguing that running backs are not the most interchangeable players on a football team? You're better than that. Actually you are not. You still did not apologize for slighting Cousins on Friday.

You shouldn't draft a RB in the first 15-20 picks. Ever.

GMoney said...

That being said, Peterson is a GUARANSHEED #1 pick in fantasy leagues next year. Good for him.

GMoney said...

Also: Jerry Jones had fucking Josh Brent, fresh off his killing of a teammate, on the sideline yesterday. Not to get all Joe Buck here, but that is absolutely disgusting.

The Cowboys are the worst.

Prime99 said...

Speaking Adrian Peterson- he's ready and waiting for whoever would like to join me in the MSFL 'ship!

I'm in the championship on my other league as well.

Yikes, the Bears are bad, though Cardinals and Lions is a doable schedule to go 10-6.

I noticed the Cowboys had #53 in their hats. So dumb. It's not like that dead guy didn't know he was getting into a car with Josh Brent. Way to celebrate drunk driving. The Cowboys are the worst, indeed.

Anonymous said...

Good times yesterday, indeed. Weeden and Shurmer are the worst. Fuck you to everyone that even thought for a second that keeping Shurmer was the right thing to do.

Had to come home and check the DVR last night- we were on tv a ton. Those seats are incredible.

All I have to do is think about the tits on that bartender yesterday and it makes the loss sting a little less.

LOLZ at grumpy and Jeff.

The g$ golf outing we discussed is a must next year!

Seal

Michael Crabtree said...

Lange- suck on duts schweaty nuts!

I just caught another touchdown.

Anonymous said...

The Lions are indeed terrible again. At least Megatron is too good for the Madden Curse.

I was rooting for the Browns, but Cousins sure did look legit. Weeden was awful.

LOLZ @ that pass by Roethilsberger in OT.

Colin Kaepernick is da TRUF.

G$ has a gaping vagina if he cares about the Seahawks running a fake punt in an NFL game. Good for them.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I went all Sandy Hook on Dut last night in G$. And collected a bonus side bet from baby buke!

Eat dicks prime.

Ide

GMoney said...

Christ, Dut is commenting as Mikey Crabtree now. Pathetic.

Thanks for mentioning that, Seal. TMS Golf Outing will be a thing that happens eventually.

GMoney said...

Drew supports Petey C being a cocksucker. Of course he does. Just because it happened in a shitty country doesn't mean that it didn't happen or was necessary at all.

Prime99 said...

IDE, I did you a favor by beating your suspect team. Now you have plenty of time to listen to "Meet Virginia."

Oddly, the Browns game wasn't on out here. Post some pics of G$'s goofy hat!

Ice Man said...

Never type Ide's name in all caps. His ego is already big enough.

I'll never apologize to Cousins because I would never apologize to Brady Quinn or Matt Moore.

Brady said...

Good to know we can count on Weeden and Shurmur to fold when we are actually playing meaningful football games. Those two picks were AWFUL.

I think that second half sealed the fate of the coaching staff but I don't belive Weeden is going anywhere. There is nobody that sticks out in the draft so if they want to make a change, it's got to be in FA.

Anonymous said...

Its fine Iceman, let's not forget my TRANSCENDENT ability to oick nfl games.

Ide

Anonymous said...

I am so pissed that I forgot to DVR the game yesterday. We had to be on tv all the time, what with all the Redskin extra points and all. Thanks again to Seal.
I hate the Browns.

The bartender's rack was the highlight of the day. A close second was the kid that puked walking up the aisle and never broke stride.

How about London Fletcher's family getting arrested at the game? Classic black folk.

I passed out a little after halftime of the Pats/Niners thinking I was going to beat G$ in the MSFL. I wake and see a text from G$ saying I was in trouble. I turn on the tv and see the horror of Brady going off in the 2nd half. Fucking unreal.

-Damman

Ice Man said...

Did you actually pay this year, Ide? Probably not. Don't worry...I'll make sure the entry fee you never paid from last year's pick em and the entry fee you never paid for the NCAA bracket you entered last year gets deducted.

Anonymous said...

No comments on the random Saturday gambling spread. I think that one should go up for post of the year!!

Is it worth spending 30 bucks on a lions ticket to catch Saturday nights game?! I guess the only plus would be if Megatron went (way) off and broke that record...

Speaking of which, I'm surprised ESPN isn't all over the coverage of two of the most 'prestigious' single season records going down in the same year. Why isn't Clavins name being breathed in the MVP talk (not saying he should get it, but he should get mentioned along the likes of AP and cancer neck).

- J Saul

Anonymous said...

I paid. As soon as he emailed me a paypal account. If you dont have a paypal account then you can get fucked plain and simple. I refuse to snail mail anything except herpes.

Ide

GMoney said...

You can send herpes through the mail? Mike Vick just found his post-football career.

JSaul, read my comment from Saturday's post. Daddy needs to get paid. And I believe that you should go on Saturday. What is the alternative? Hanging out with your loser brothers? COUNT IT!

Honestly, when your team is about to go 4-12, a record like that doesn't matter. No one cares about losers.

Classy Browns fans giving someone in London's family a heart attack is about right. However, I will say that I was treated with great respect due to my constant aura of ELITEness that permeates off of me like stink lines from a Steelers fan. The only thing I can remember was some idiot saying "RG Go Home" to me. It wasn't very creative.

Anonymous said...

How great were the Doakes flashbacks? Deb needs to die early next season.

Mr. Ace said...

G$, you obviously didn't troll the Clownies hard enough. Somebody wanted to fight me while walking into the stadium. Also, running around like a soaring eagle after a victory really makes them angry.

I buddy of mine(a large black man) is friends with London Fletcher's brother and went to the game Sunday. I don't know if he was sitting with him, but I will have to get some deets.

I thought rookie QB's threw to their TD's often? WHY THE FUCK ISN'T VERNON DAVIS GETTING ANY LOOKS?!?!?! The Jets are still alive in the playoff hunt...Sanchez is going HAM tonight. Maybe Tebow has a coming out party. Just put up 30 Rex!!!

GMoney said...

They can put up 30...that's fine by me as long as Tennessee runs back one of those kickoffs. I need 7. I'd like to think that Braylon Edwards could take care of that no problem.

I found no need to troll a bunch of people that have to sit through Brandon Weeden and T-Rich doing his best impression of Jerome Bettis in his last two seasons.

The Return of Doakes was delightful. The ending made no sense at all. DON'T KILL HER, DEX! Whoops I KILLED HER! LaGuerta was awful though. I hated how she pronounced her last name. I suppose this means that the always worthless Batista un-retires. Actually, Quinn is the most worthless character on the show. He has nothing to do with anything. He should just go full time on Justified as Ice Pick.

Prime99 said...

Surprise, Motherfucker!

LaGuarta should be proud of herself. An overweight Latina character surviving 7 seasons on a TV show with a serial killer on the loose? Doesn't seem possible but she got it done.

Anonymous said...

But what if, I was planning to go with them and my alternative is to not hang out with them....NOW WHAT!?

- J Saul

GMoney said...

You're fucked.

Ice Man said...

Prime rules. The harBRAHs salute your heavy Latino racism there.