2010 – Arthur Moats and Corey Wootton (the two men who ended Brett Favre’s career)
2011 – Steve Shubin (inventor of the Fleshlight)
2012 – ???
First things first, yesterday I promised to unveil the inaugural Commenter of the Year award. You probably didn’t realize that you were building or destroying your resume for this trophy every day over the past year BUT YOU WERE! Since Iceman has dubbed himself a “Senior Writer” here, I asked him for his opinion on who deserves this not OVERRATED distinction. He said that one commenter stood above the crowd all year with his humor and creativity that never seemed forced and it was actually exactly who I was thinking of as well. This was not a tough choice for either of us. Gentlemen, the winner of the 2012 Commenter of the Year Award goes to the same stalwart that is holding the MSFL Championship Belt…
|When it comes to his comments, your satisfaction is ALWAYS guaranteed.|
PRIME! I think the key to this great victory was twofold:
1. He isn’t a blatant homer that annoys everyone (which is rare around here) and
2. He didn’t comment AS Chip Kelly. He commented as himself relaying Chip’s message to the masses. That was huge.
Congrats to our Pac-12 North beat reporter and future father to DeMarcus Cousins’ son. Make sure that you put this on your resume. Everyone will be impressed. Now let’s get to the nominees for Money Shot Man of the Year:
The San Francisco Giants – Do you remember when Tigers fans got all cocky and shit when they made the playoffs as the 7th best team in the American League and then took advantage of two ice cold teams to win the pennant? No big deal, just bring in the queers to put them in their place. We should have all seen it coming when Posey and the Melkster unloaded on Houseboatlander in the ASG. Then Barry Zito showed his superior pitching acumen again in game 1 as the Giants went on to sweep the trash back to their shanties. They did the world a huge favor and celebrating in Detroit was just the best.
Maurice Clarett – I like the new direction of his life. He is morphing into a black Pete Rose where he will show up anywhere to sell his garbage to dumb people and say that it is for charity. Mo snubbed Spengy-gate and claimed to have made more money in college than he does for the Omaha Steaks or whatever their name is. I just like knowing that he’ll always be lurking around Champions Lane (which is 12-OH Row now and that is a GODDAMN JOKE…it will always be Champions Lane to me!).
Walton Goggins – The former Sugar Shane Vendrell may have had the best year of all time. He was in Lincoln and Django Unchained. He played a tranny hooker on Sons of Anarchy as the lovely Venus Van Damme (a hat tip to his alias on The Shield—best non-HBO show of all time). AND he is one of the greatest characters of all time (the great Boyd Crowder) on Justified. Let’s also not forget that this is the same guy who was Matt “Downtown” Anderson in Major League 3: Back to the Minors. Ted McGinley was a great rival manager.
Adrian Peterson – I’m pretty sure that this dude is a real life Terminator. What he does every week is absolutely amazing. He will be the first pick in almost every fantasy league which is incredible considering the team he plays for and the knee injury that didn’t bother him at all. Plus, his cameo on The League was great. I guarantee that he boned Brooklyn Decker on set. They don’t call him Awesome Dong for nothing.
Chip Kelly – Sorry, Chip, but you fell just short of the title this year. Ever since you started dropping quotes on Prime, you have been a beacon of sunshine to this oft-dark corner of the internet. You keep saying that KC is your next destination and I will take your word for it even though you don’t strike me as a guy that would want to deal with Peyton Hillis. I wish you nothing but the best and good luck against Bill Snyder Chevy Olds. Or does he own the Wash & Fill?
Robert Griffin III – STRAIGHT. Two years ago, I promised to never get attached to an athlete the way I did with LeBron James. Whoops. This time might actually be worse. Remember last year when John Beck started a few games for the Skins? Terrific. RG3 is the most exciting player in the league and while I completely understand you guys trying to constantly get under my skin with your blatant homophobia, I know that you all love watching Bobby Griff play football. Merry Griffmas, asshats.
And the 2012 Money Shot Man of the Year Award goes to…
|Making it rain daily here since 2006.|
Me. It goes to me and ME alone. I’ve had a great year and it was about time that I took the trophy home. Let’s list my ELITE accomplishments:
*College football season ticket holder
*Never missed a day without having something posted here (tip of the hat to my Junior Executive—you just got demoted)
*Like I said, the rest of the world kind of sucked this year
*Killed Osama bin Laden
*NFL fandom is re-invigorated
*Back to back DFL Champion
*Auction league ace (last two years in three leagues—3 titles, a second, and two thirds)
*Training like a champ for Run For Your Lives
*I fucking run this site and it’s about time that it recognized my greatness
It was a banner year for G$ (as well as his ego) and I am honored to be immortalized with the Favre Killers and Mr. Shubin. We are the ELITE of the ELITE. THANK YOU! What an honor!