Thursday, December 20, 2012

Round 2 of The Money Shot Bowl Mania

The official food of Detroit Tigers fans.
Well, now we get into the meat of our little bowl commenting competition where the very meaningful bowl games come fast and furious. I’m still working on that cash prize. They want me to delete all the spam comments from almost 7 years of posts. It is not easy. There were over 15,000 of them to clear out of here. It sucked to do and it took forever. But if you’re wondering why this site never made it past your office firewall, it probably had a LOT to do with all the porn and casino spam sitting in old comment sections. Those are gone now so hopefully we can all piss away our work weeks together just like the good ol’ days.  THIS IS A CLEAN SITE, FAGS!  So give us another shot on your office computer when you get the chance.

I’m not updating the standings since only two games from last week’s slate have been played. I’ll get to that during round 3. But before we get to the games, let’s talk about the “big” coaching hire in the Midwest Big East for a minute.

Wisconsin went and hired themselves Gary Andersen from Utah State to replace Pigman. I’m sure that he’s a fine coach but this is just another blah hire from the blah-est conference in the country. Why don’t they just do what they want to do and bring Barry Alvarez back full time? What they really need to do is get him to retire so that his big fat shadow can go away from the program and someone new can make that program their own. But that isn’t going to happen so the Badgers are just going to keep churning out 500 pound linemen and ignore that the game passed them by years ago. It might work out, but I doubt it. The Big Ten didn’t get any better yesterday. Now onto the next slate of bowl games (remember that you are picking against the spreads listed and ties go to the picker):

The Domino’s is Better Bowl: Central Michigan vs. Western Kentucky -5 – CMU is just an awful team with an awful coach. The Hilltoppers are being led by college interim coach extraordinaire, Lance Guidry AKA the collegiate Terry Robiskie. WKU

Terrorist Bowl: Bowling Green vs. San Jose State -7.5 – This is a very bad matchup for the Falcons even with the other Sparty not having their coach. That being said, I like the Falcons to cover. BGSU

What the Fuck is Belk Bowl: Cincinnati -7.5 vs. Duke – There is no way in Hell that I would ever bet on Duke football. UC

Holiday Rooo-oh-oh-oh-oh-ohl Bowl: Baylor vs. UCLA PK – Ooooooh, this is a solid contest. UCLA

Independence Dam Bowl: Ohio vs. Louisiana-Monroe -7.5 – Isn’t this cute? The two darlings of September get to decide who was the bigger fluke. I’ll make it easy for you: It was the Bobcats. ULM

Dut’s Boyfriend Josh Russell Athletic Bowl: Rutgers vs. Virginia Tech -2.5 – Frank Beamer fucking sucks. Rutgers

LOL Jerry Kill Bowl: Minnesota vs. Texas Tech -13 – This is just a terrible game. If you made me make a list of the top ten teams that I never ever want to watch play, the Gophers would be on that list multiple times. I also like the Red Raiders to play an excellent “Fuck you, Tommy Tuberville” game. TT Boy

The Armed Forces Bowl that no one will voluntarily go to: Rice vs. Air Force -1 – This isn’t a Glory Hole game, but I will consider it a “premium rewards card available here” game. Yeah, that was a stretch but hear me out. AFA is always a sick running team (ask Michigan) and Rice gives up almost 190 yards per game on the ground. I LOVE Air Force here and I've got some actual research and FACTS to back that up. AFA.

The Crown Jewel of Bowl Locations Pinstripe Bowl: Syracuse vs. West Virginia -4 – This should be a fun game, too. If there is one thing that you need to remember about WV, it is that they always make statements in bowl games. Right, Jeff? WVU

The Embrace Fat Asses Bowl: Navy vs. Arizona State -14.5 – Todd Graham seems like the kind of guy who would run it up on a service academy because he is a donkey raping shit eater. As someone who watched every second of the Army/Navy game, I must say that Navy is ass. The Sun Devils will cripple all of the Midshipmen with Hep-C by halftime. ASU

The Ala-homo Bowl: Texas vs. Oregon State -2 – Tough pick here. The Beavers are better but it’s a home game for the Horns. Whatever. Texas.

The Table-gating Bowl: Michigan State vs. TCU -2.5 – For as awful as the Big Ten is during bowl season, Sparty usually puts up a pretty good fight for the conference. Fun Fact: Teams that are 2.5 point favorites only covered that line about 30% of the time in 2011. I have no idea if that held true this year, but I don’t care. Michigan State

These are your games for this session. I know that I’m already 0-2. OVERRATED. Get your picks in and try to get some sleep tonight. It will be difficult since Iceman is putting on the Santa suit tomorrow. FYI, it’s ass-less.  And apparently we're going to all die tomorrow so this is your last post ever according to some dumb Mexicans.  Yeah, we'll see you tomorrow.

33 comments:

Nate said...

WKU
BGSU
Cincinnati
UCLA
Ohio
Virginia Tech
Texas Tech
Air Force
WVU
Navy
Oregon State
TCU

Anonymous said...

I don't think this hire is any more blah than ND hiring a coach from the Big Least which has worked out well for them. I think this guy is a good coach. Also Purdue is paying Hazell $2M a year...plus a ton for assistants. Well done Boilers.
WKU
UC
SJSU
BAYLOR
ULM
VT
TT
AF
Wvu
ASU
Oregon St
TCU

--Drew

Grumpy said...

WKU
BG
UC
UCLA
ULM
VaTech
TT
AF
WV
ASU
TX
TCU

GMoney said...

This isn't even remotely close to ND hiring Kelly because Kelly got his team to a Sugar Bowl vs. Timmy Tenor...not a Potato Bowl vs. Toledo Tom. AWFUL analogy by AWFUL person.

Anonymous said...

WKU
SJSU
UC
Baylor
ULM
Va Tech
TT
AFA
WVU
ASU
OSU
State

Seal

Jeff said...

CHIPPAWHOOS
BGSTD
DOOK
"Now Straight" BAYLOR
BOBKITTIES
GOITERS
RED RAIDER NATION
TUSKEGEE AIR MEN
MOUNTAINQUEERS
SPARKY
BEAVER DIVERS
HORNY TOADS

Grumpy said...

I guess Drew has started his new job and can only comment before leaving for work. I never thought I'd say this but I hope he soon learns to scam his new boss and spends more time here than working.

Brady said...

WKU
BGSU (alma mater love!!)
Cincy
Baylor
Ohio
V Tech
Texas Tech
Rice
WVU
ASU
Oregon St.
TCU

Anonymous said...

WKU
BGSU
UC
UCLA
OHIO
Rutgers
Minny
AFA
WVU
Navy
OSU
MSU


- J Saul

GMoney said...

Do any of you buy into this whole apocalypse thing tomorrow? If so, please leave immediately. If you're right though, whatever, we'll be dead anyway, fag.

Anonymous said...

WKU
San Jose St.
Cincinnati
Baylor
ULM
Va. Tech.
Golden Gophers
Air Force
WVU
Navy
Texas
TCU

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

I saw a good quote on Facebook yesterday:

"Don't worry! If the Mayans could predict the future they would still be alive."

-Lil' Strut

Ice Man said...

I'll be back with my picks later. As for tomorrow you all are in for a wonderful treat! Old St. Prick was extra pricky this year and delivered a nice 10,000 word Friday post to enjoy before the weekend. Just know that he NAILED every one of your gifts.

There's even a little blurb about the end of the world. It's not long but it's tight. I kept it short because I make it a rule to not spend that much time acknowledging Mexicans.

Anonymous said...

Picks later. I can't wait for Iceman's obligatory fat chick joke for me.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

Solid philosophy.

Ide

GMoney said...

He is predictable with those references.

Prime99 said...

WKU
SPARTY
UC
UCLA
OHIO
VA TECH
TEXAS TECH
AIR FORCE TECH
WEST VIRGINIA
ASU
TEXAS
The Other SPARTY

Ice Man said...

You'll just have to wait until tomorrow to find out, Damman.

Anonymous said...

WKU
FALCONS
Cincinnati
Baylor
ULM
Va. Tech.
Minny
Air Force
WVU
Navy
Texas
TCU

DUT

GMoney said...

Dut in all caps? That's an awful lot of yelling for someone who is starting Jermichael Finley as a flex this week.

GMoney said...

Sorry about putting on the word verification thingy but I'm trying to slow down the neverending awesome powers of the spambots.

The Iceman said...

WKU -5
San Jose St. -7.5
Cincy -7.5
Baylor
ULM -7.5
Rutgers +2.5
Texas Tech -13
Rice +1
WVU -4
ASU -14.5
OSU -2
MSU +2.5

The Iceman said...

Just an FYI...the official end of the world is supposed to be 6:11AM Friday morning. So naturally I scheduled Friday's post to show up at 6:12AM because I like to taunt the Mayans like that. Grumpy will still be the only one up that early to read it so he'll get his gift before anyone else.

GMoney said...

Oooooh, take that! When we all show up tomorrow, I expect you to look SOUF and point for a first down after spinning your keyboard like a dreidel AKA The Santana Moss.

Needless to say, there are going to be a LOT of unplanned birfs in mid to late September 2013.

Anonymous said...

Iceman...the Mayans aren't in the Eastern Time Zone.

G$ obviously doesn't understand bowl tie ins. LOLZ. Good thing the Big Least is losing their BCS ties in two years, so he can't hide behind such a fraud logic.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

Wait- so I'm going to sleep through the apocalypse? Weak.

The Iceman said...

Drew,

This is what I found.

http://www.timeanddate.com/countdown/maya

You can change to whatever time zone you are in to find the exact time the world is supposed to end in your specific time zone. For Easter folk like us...it's 6:11 AM.

GMoney said...

You don't make any sense. Your new job has made you dumber. The analogy that you made is bad because UC was a top 5 team going into that bowl with Tenor so he bailed. Utah State is ranked 22nd and plays in--I don't know--the WAC(?). It's probably not a bad hire, but it also isn't a great hire either.

Notre Dame picking the hottest available name from a rock solid BCS program is nothing like Wisconsin replacing their thrice Rose Bowl bound coach with a faux Mormon.

Keep trying...one day you might understand how football works.

GMoney said...

Iceman, thanks for proving Drew wrong AGAIN. The guy just doesn't get it. And by "it", I mean "being a heterosexual male that doesn't purchase plastic fuckdolls of Brady Quinn".

Anonymous said...

WKU
SJSU
UC
Baylor
OU
Rutgers
TT
AFA
WVU
ASU
OSU
TCU

-Damman

The Iceman said...

.........plastic fuck doll of Brady Quin. Hmmmm.......

Old St. Prick may have to edit the gift list....

Anonymous said...

WKU
BG
UC
Baylor
ULM
Va Tech
Minnesota
Air Force
WVU
Navy
OSU
Sparty

Buke

Anonymous said...

CMU
BG
CINCY
UCLA
ULM
VT
TT
AFA
WV
NAVY
TEXAS
TCU

Andrew