|No turds in this family. The patriarch won't allow it.|
Anyway, Mr. Ace (remember when he worked here…LOLZ!) started The Money Shot Bowl Mania 3 years or so ago and Iceman continued it last year. I’ll just assume that I’m going for a four-peat. I’ve decided to run it myself this time around because it saves me a day of producing original content which is always harder around the holidays (or “footballidays” if you are a chach). The games will be posted every Wednesday until bowl season comes to a conclusion some time in mid-May. The rules are easy: you pick against the spreads that are listed and leave your list in the comments. The winner is the big dong with the most correct picks (pushes count as wins because I’m feeling generous). The winning prize might be of monetary value but I’m not sure. I’m trying to lock up a guest post on the side that could net some bank but that does not matter to you worthless serfs. Anyway, my mini-breakdowns of teams and games that I know nothing about are below (along with my picks).
The Dan Gilbert New Mexico Bowl: Nevada vs. Arizona -10
My guess is that RichRod uses this game as a launching pad for a big, turd-free 2013. Cats -10.
The Marcus Holmes Potato Gun Bowl: Toledo vs. Utah State -10
Utah State is known for their defense. Toledo is known for point shaving and Lange. I like Lange though and I can’t bet on a team that lost a bowl game to The Ohio’s last year. Toledo +10
The Tijuana’s Hat Bowl: BYU -2.5 vs. San Diego State
The Aztecs are playing a home game basically and I despise Mormons. This pick is pure spite and Hoke lust. SDSU +2.5
The Beef O’ Commenter Brady Is Awful Bowl: Ball State vs. Central Florida -7.5
Remember when this was a MAC game that you ignored? Good times! The MAC is way better than Conference USA regardless of what Vergas says. BSU +7.5
The Broken Levees Bowl: East Carolina vs. UL-Lafayette -6
Wow…uh, give me the home team, I guess. ULL -6
What Used To Be The Las Vegas Bowl Bowl: Washington vs. Boise State -5
If Chris Peterson even flies to Wisconsin, I’ll eat my hat (FYI my hat is made of pulled pork). It’s always dumb to bet against the Broncos during bowl season but here I am, remembering that that Southwick guy is garbage. Huskies +5
RIP Aloha Bowl: SMU vs. Fresno State -12
Is June Jones still at SMU? I feel like he is. If so, this is his triumphant return to Hah-VUT-ee! “That should be fun”—no one FSU -12
Round 1 of this little sexy bitch is a quick 7 picks. Obviously, it will get fast and furious over the next two Wednesdays. One might say that it will become 2 Fast 2 Furious. But I won’t because that is a horrible pun. That’s it for today so submit your picks and Man of the Year suggestions. This time…IT COUNTS!