|If the boogeyman were real, it would look exactly like this guy smiling.|
Anyway, now that the Browns have their new hillbilly owner in the fold who loves him some Stillers footbawwww, change is afoot. Shurmur is as good as gone. Brad Childress can go back to fucking kids. Dick Jauron was born to be fired. Now what? Jimmy Haslam doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who would pick the Pats Shurmur or Erics Mangini of the world to be his first coach as owner. He seems like the kind of guy that will swing for not just the fence, but the double fence behind Glenwood Park (ELITE REFERENCE ALERT). He wants a real dinger. Anyone can hit a cheap home run like Sandy Alomar in game 5 of the 1997 ALDS, it takes a real man to go for the NLCS Pujols off of Lidge bomb that effectively turned the closer into a pile of shit for the rest of his career.
This is an important hire. The fans seem to like Haslam and what he has been selling so far but they will turn on him quickly if he ends up replacing Shurmur with a Scott Linehan or some other worthless retread asshole. The hot rumor at the moment is that Haslam wants Nick Saban (or our very own CHIPFORD KELLY!). At first, I found this to be 100% fucktarded but it makes more and more sense the longer that I thought about it. Here is why:
*It is being said that Haslam is willing to offer the coach a 10 year/100 million dollar contract. HOLY SHIT. If this is even remotely true, congratulations on your new coach, Browns fans. NO ONE turns that down. Hell, Phil Jackson learns the game of football for that kind of money.
*What more is there to accomplish at Alabama? He’s probably going to win his third title in four years a couple of weeks from now and they built him a statue already. What else is there left?
*He can coach Trent Richardson again.
*He is from the area. I think that this reasoning is OVERRATED but it would allow his career to come full circle.
*I can’t say this about many places but Ohio is better than Alabama.
*If you want a new challenge (and probably a final challenge before retiring), there is no greater challenge than making the Browns a winner.
*If he does that, he could seriously be in the conversation for best football coach of all time.
*I like to think that his ego is so big that he knows that he has unfinished business left in the pros.
*100 million dollars.
It probably won’t happen because Cleveland never gets what it wants, but I don’t think it’s THAT cray cray. I could definitely see it happening and would not be shocked if it does. You know what, I’m sorry for getting your hopes up. You know better than I do that you’re going to end up with Dave Wannstedt.
OK, so the rest of the year is going to play out like this:
Tomorrow – Latest round of bowl picks
Friday – Iceman is coming back this week to deliver gifts to all the commenters. He is playing the role of Santa Blogs this year.
Monday – Worst Of
Wednesday – Whatever I skeet on your screen
Thursday – More bowl picks
Friday – Money Shot Man of the Year
Please adjust your calendars. Just know that after Friday, you get to enjoy two straight Iceman-free weeks. Merry fucking Christmas.