Monday, September 17, 2012
It reminds me of the extremely played out "Come On, Man" segment that ESPN still does and the dumbest of the dumb still love. Let's be honest: the only point of these pieces are for black people to sound cool and whiteys to look ridiculous. I mean, COME ON MAN, Mike Ditka and Berman come off as complete fucktards when they try to keep up with the Keyshawns and TJ's of the world. And last Monday, when the always adorable Suzy was filling in for "the guy that should have switched places with Tom Mees", she was just embarrassing. In conclusion, I'm cautiously optimistic to see Rich Eisen make the above face at me every Thursday for the rest of the season. Onto the rest of week 2 or as millions of people around the country call it, "The Patriots just eliminated me from my survivor pool".
The Chiefs - My pick to click and make the AFC title game looks REALLY GOOD through two weeks. Jesus Christ, Matt Cassel is the worst. CJ Spiller is the best. Clearly, Fred Jackson was holding the Bills back.
Tom Coughlin - What the fuck is he so pissed off about? God forbid Tampa Bay lay down and die! Asshole. Tom Coughlin is an asshole.
Defenses in that game - The Giants D still looks shit-tastic. Tampa Bay's secondary has an ample amount of old Browns. It should come as no surprise that there were ten million passing yards in this game.
Dut - Go figure that this guy would try to start up the argument between which Manning is better in a game where Eli throws for 510. You always lose, glory hole boy.
Drew Brees - I'm willing to call it after two games: the Saints are terrible. They can't stop anyone and Brees appears to be mortal after all. Starting out 0-2 against the Skins and Panthers tells me that the Saints won't finish .500. D. Sproles: still sick!
Weeden Haters - So maybe you shouldn't have overreacted to the rookie's debut last week after all, right? He looked fairly competent yesterday! T-Rich looked good, too. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that the Browns might have won yesterday if Joe Haden was a fucking moron. Or, you know...
Cleveland Coverage LOL - PACMAN JONES RETURNED A PUNT AGAINST YOU!!! CHUH CHUH! O HE GON DRANK!
IND/MIN and JAX/HOU - I give no fucks about these teams and games.
The Raiders - This is what happens when you deactivate MY BOY, Terrelle Pryor! You get stomped by the worst offense in league history. The Raiders truly are terrible. They and Romeo Crennel's team are the two worst teams in the league through 2 weeks.
Tom Brady - If something is not right with Brees, then something REALLY isn't right with The Dreamboat. Who gets outplayed by Kevin Kolb at home? KEVIN KOLB! They didn't deserve to win that game anyway because...
Ryan Williams - Yeah, your days of getting carries are over. You thought that you were all cute when Beanie Wells got hurt (AGAIN) and you would be getting the load. Not anymore...now get a haircut. But you're OK because...
Steven Gostkowski - LOL! Do you kick for Cal in your spare time? As always, FUCK NEW ENGLAND!
LeSean McCoy - Nice fumbles, jerk. Are the Eagles the worst 2-0 team of all time? I hate the Eagles because Mr. Ace is an awful person. It's amazing how lucky Mike Vick is considering that he doesn't deserve to have any luck go his way.
Jake Locker - Jake Locker is a really bad QB.
Jason Witten and Tony Romo - Witten dropped everything thrown his way and Romo was his typical unELITE self. If you didn't see this coming from Dallas then you don't know anything. This is typical of them. Look like a Super Bowl team one week and then complete baby shit the next. They do this ALL THE TIME.
The Jets - Yeah, we knew that they weren't as good as they looked last week. This game was really dull and pointless outside of that Tenor run.
Redskins defense - This was what I was deathly afraid of. OF COURSE they would get beat by the Rams because the Redskins always lose to the fucking Rams. Al Bundy once correctly said that "if you lose to the Rams, they throw you out of the league". After watching that game, the Redskins should be disbanded. THAT WAS BULLSHIT. The Rams are MONKEY SHIT and you let Navajo Joe and Danny fucking Amendola go bananas. AND ANOTHER PUNT BLOCKED! Who the fuck is coaching special teams, Don Treadwell? The offense is still sick but RG3 should demand a trade this morning. He deserves better than that trash. You know what, the worst of the worst this week was...
JOSH FUCKING MORGAN - YOU DUMB FUCK! WHY ARE YOU THROWING THE BALL AT FINNEGAN WHEN YOU ARE IN FIELD GOAL RANGE! I HOPE THAT YOU GET CUT WORSE THAN J-RUPE. YOU FUCKING COST US THE GODDAMN GAME WITH YOUR FUCKTARDERY. I knew that last week was fool's gold. I just knew it. I wanted to believe that things had changed but they really haven't. Sure, the offense is still crazy sick but we possess a horrible defense and really dumb people. Football is so damn frustrating. Bring on the Bengals. If the Browns can hang 27 on them, RG3 should be good for 70.
The Lions - I'll just assume that their lack of discipline will be LOL-worthy tonight.
Fantasy! - It's really hard to worry about that after such a shitty loss but it looks like I'll beat Dut in the DFL. I need 15 or so from Akers tonight to beat Lange in the MSFL. I don't know. Josh Morgan has my head all fucked up. GO BACK TO SAN FRAN, HOMO! YOU PROBABLY LIKE GETTING SHIVVED UP THE ASS ON CASTRO ST LIKE THE FAGGOT THAT YOU ARE.
Whatever. I'm doing the college football post tomorrow so update your calendars.