Tuesday, September 18, 2012

The Iceman's Weekly Post Presented by G$

I am absolutely shocked that this guy isn't show a few inches of crack.
You know, for a guy who is supposed to be doing the weekly college football recap around here, how is it that I have done 2 of the first three of these beautiful bitches?  Makes no sense; I do not run a very tight ship around here.  Before we get going, I would like to retroactively announce my return to the gambling ranks.  After learning INSIDER INFO about Miami WR Nick Harwell having season-ending knee surgery late last week that no one knew about outside of MHT, I quickly re-opened my BetUS account and put a fuck-ton of money on Boise State -21.  They were going to kill us anyway, but this unfortunate injury only helped my tough decision to bet against my alma mater.  I usually do not recommend this practice, but my mortgage can't be paid off with honor and integrity so fuck you.  I'm back, Costa Rican gambling company, COME GET SOME.

I like The Iceman's idea of the Good, the Tard, and The Tardiest so we will continue with that format this week.

THE GOOD!
Notre Dame - You've got to give credit when it is due even if that does mean showing respect to your mortal enemy.  No one had the Irish walking out of Lansing alive yet they were the ones doing the anus collapsing.  We'll get into the Big Ten later, but the Irish look fairly legit.  And big props to Manti T'eo who is a fucking beast of a LB that had to deal with his grandma and girlfriend passing away on back-to-back days (neither of which were at the hands of Brian Kelly surprisingly!).  I can't even imagine what is going on in that dude's mind.  Good for him to get a win this weekend.

Alabama - Good God, this team is ELITE.  There really is not much else to say about that.  Also: Florida State is legit.

Will Muschamp - If you watched Gameday, apparently Big Willie enjoys listening to Nickelback.  Great sign and all, but his Gators are figuring shit out.  It would be nice if they actually started playing football before halftime, but until then, they'll just have to keep curb-stomping their opponents in the second half.

My Gambling Re-Debut - 4-0 on Saturday!  Boise State.  Alabama.  Florida Atlantic (THANKS DAWG!!!).  UCLA. 

THE TARD!
Lane Kiffin - Classic USC; no one loses random games that they should roll in better than the Trojans.  How fucked up is it that USC has lost 4 in a row to Stansbury?  Remember how all of our "experts" had USC in the national title game and Bonerz Barkley fucking the Heisman?  Yeah, those were horrible predictions.

Bo Pelini - Nice body, jerk.  The Big Ten has the pussiest coaches in the world.  Urban Meyer is a bitch.  Jerry Kill is a flipper and a twitcher.  Mark Dantonio looks like he'd rather be dead than alive and Pelini apparently has huge problems with his inability to properly fart.  LOL!

The Fuckeye Defense - These guys have never met a tackle that they didn't miss.  That was pathetic.  Cal is literally a garbage team and you lose if they have even a remotely competent kicker.  FACT.  I understand that this is still a work in progress but missing tackles is a sign of poor fundamentals and coaching.  It's easy to blame Brady being in the stands for this awful showing on Saturday, but then again, Urban read my post Wednesday and had his boy throw a lot and run much less so maybe this is what is to be expected.  It's still a work in progress here but, so far, not very impressed.  They definitely are not getting better every week.  Fortunately, your schedule is a poop.  Prime, what did Jeff Tedford have to say after the game when you grilled him about his weird coaching decisions?  How about that terrible Big Ten officiating crew just making up penalties on the Bears in the 2nd quarter and costing them 6 points? 

THE TARDIEST!
Ol' Fake Neck Frank Beamer - Is there anything more Va Tech than getting DESTROYED by a horrendous Pitt team?  Let this be a lesson: never bet on a Hokie game.  You can not predict what this team will ever do.

The Big Ten - This is the worst BCS conference.  PERIOD.  EXCLAMATION POINT!  Through three weeks of non-conference games, when your best team is Northwestern and no one else is even close, then you SUCK DINGER.  Ohio State is just surviving and is ripe to be upset in the next few weeks.  Sparty is still Sparty.  Michigan will lose to ND next week (BOOK IT).  Wisconsin did WHAT I SAID WOULD HAPPEN and should have lost to Utah State.  There is no redeeming quality to this shitty league.  NONE.  Every year--EVERY SINGLE YEAR--it gets worse and more embarrassing.

That's going to do it for this week's college football round up.  As you can tell, this is was more ELITE than your usual Tuesday.

35 comments:

Grumpy said...

Betting against your alma mater is never right. I am petioning the BOT to revoke your degree.

Grumpy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
GMoney said...

Hey, I didn't want to do it but those Coast Ricans forced my hand. As I said, integrity doesn't pay the bills. I didn't give myself the online moniker of GMoney because I'm on food stamps.

One correction: The Big Ten is better than the Big East. So congrats on that.

Jeff said...

FreeShoesU vs. Clemson for the right to the play in the national championship game on saturday night!
FSU -14 ?!?!? That line seems huge, but Vegas is smart which makes me nervous and FSU looks siiiiick.

FUCK THE SEMINOLES, THEY'RE ALL CRIMINALS!
(tomahawk chop rhythm for all you whites)

Anonymous said...

Grumpy....remember that he also rooted against Ammurrica a couple months ago. We just need to kick him out of this country, before he starts running around with a towel on his head and performing jihads.

LOLZ @ Michigan State's offense AND at nobody wanting to be around Manti Teo anymore.

Buckeye defense on Saturday was very frustrating, but we won...so bring on UAB! Denard could never make the over the shoulder throw that Braxton threw to the Devin Smith in the 1st half...FACT.

The only redeeming quality in the B1G right now is the ELITE recruiting that Hoke and Meyer are doing. Those two will be able to compete with anyone in the near future...rest of the conference will need to step up their game or deal with 50 pt drubbings from those two on a weekly basis.

As the Iron Shiek would say....Florida State is the real.

Virginia Tech's loss is going to make me look very stupid when we review our preseason predictions. Just an amazingly bad loss.

--Drew

GMoney said...

I don't think that I should have to explain my terrorist ways but I will anyway. Don Treadwell appears to be some sort of sick punishment. But it's nto all dark clouds for this idiot roaming the sidelines--money is to be made off of his moronic coaching.

FSU/Clemson is indeed an ELITE game. I can't wait because it takes focus off of Michigan/ND.

Question: Does the winning QB of the Noles/Jeff game become the Heisman frontrunner???

I'll believe that the Big Ten is going to be a good in the future when they are ACTUALLY good in the future. As far as I know, Urban and Hoke are just bringing in more guys that can't tackle for shit.

ACC is much better than the Big Ten...bet you never thought that that would happen.

Prime99 said...

Tedford pretty much made fart noises with his hand and armpit after every question I asked him. When I pried further he sulked in a corner and asked for his juice box and robot kicker action figure. He's a weird dude.

Anonymous said...

Damn....G$ expenses a plane ticket for Prime and all he gets is that? You should have waterboarded him or something for more info.

G$...your comment doesn't really make sense. We know what Urban can do when he gets the ELITE recruiting classes that he is beginning to get...national championships (plural). We don't know what Hoke can do with that talent, but there will still be such a talent gap with what Hoke is bringing in that he will have Michigan rolling in this bad conference. If he can do it on the big stage does remain to be seen.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

If by "expenses a plane ticket" you actually meant "kind of encouraged" me to "loosely watch the game" then you're right- you get what you pay for.

MuDawgfan said...

Big decisions for College Gameday this week. Souf Bend for Michigan/ND or Tallahassee for FSU/Clempson.

Jeff said...

Tajh Boyd is mos def the Heisman front runner if he comes out of Tallahassee with a W. I see a 4 TD pass performance in order to do so.

Jeff said...

Gameday will be in Tallahassee.

Jeff said...

Did you hear the Cal kicker missed the flight back to Berkeley? Apparently he was LEFT!

GMoney said...

It's already been determined that Desmond is bringing his black ass to ACC Country!

Drew, my comment makes prefect sense. Big Ten teams blow and always will because that is what they do. SEC! SEC! SEC!

Between Prime's flight to Columbus and Iceman expensing engagement rings to me, this site is quickly becoming broke. I may have to start printing off old posts and selling them (autographed of course) on Champions Lane.

Brady said...

I'm willing to take sub-par performances this season. The Buckeyes are installing a new offense and figuring out who their playmakers are (Devin Smith???). It's not all going to be pretty as we saw on Saturday but it's still a win. If that's Fickell coaching, the Bucks get rolled by 20. Urban is basically winning with a team that went 6-7 last year. I'm really looking forward to next season.

ND may actually be legit this season. I thought for sure they would get beat by Sparty.

Braxton should be getting some Heisman chatter as well. Numbers don't lie.

Anonymous said...

Brady....I'll wait to see how ND does this weekend, before I label them "legit". All they proved is that MSU's offense outside of Bell is far from legit.

Hopefully, Desmond gets lynched in ACC country.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Brady, your first paragraph is going to get slaughtered by Captain Engaged when he gets up today. That is pretty much the exact opposite of what you've been saying since Walking Penis was hired.

The best team in the Big Ten is Notre Dame.

Braxton is getting a little Heisman pub but people are correctly attributing it to poor competition. He isn't even the same stratosphere as other black dymano QBs like Tahj, Geno, and EL right now.

Anonymous said...

Your post is pretty spot on, G$. The Big Ten is garbage this year. It is on its way back to the Big 2 and the Little 10 with Michigan and Ohio State being the only teams recruiting ELITE talent. MSU will still compete, but not be on the same level consistently.

Ohio State played terrible. Ohio State's defense looked like a bunch of double-arm amputees trying to tackle. Nobody was wrapping up. Offensively, though, they scored when they needed to. Braxton is very sneaky when putting up stats. You are left thinking he is just having a so-so game and next thing you know they show his stats and he has 200+ yards passing and 100+ yards rushing (generally, not in the last game specifically). I like the offense, but the defense has actually gotten worse since last year in my opinion in every area, but rushing the passer.

Notre Dame surprised the hell out of me. After narrowly defeating Purdue on a last second field goal, they go into East Lansing and make MSU look like Indiana. They still have a tough schedule and a long way to go. If they go 10-2 they deserve to be ranked in the top 8. If they go undefeated, they deserve to be one of the teams in the title game, regardless of who else is undefeated.

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

Notre Dame wouldn't have won the Big Ten any year since 1993...FACT. They wouldn't win it this year either.

Michael Turner got a DUI after the game last night....LOLZ! Going 97 in a 65 while drunk is dangerous driving. GET HIM ROGER!

--Drew

GMoney said...

Burner Turner must have been celebrating his 40 carries for 36 yards performance a little too hard!

Those aren't FACTS, Drew, that is opinion that can never be proven. The only entity possibly more OVERRATED than Notre Dame is the Big Ten.

LS, we're not getting into that amputee topic again...

Anonymous said...

It actually is a FACT G$. A Michigan writer went through every season since ND's championship year in 1993...listed their losses each year against B1G opponents...and yes...they never would have won the conference one time since 1993. FACT.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Names or it never happened. Has ND never beaten Purdue, Sparty, and Michigan in the same season since 1993? That's fucking terrible!

GMoney said...

It's still a ridiculously dumb argument that features way more variables than are being accounted for.

Ohio State would have never won a MAC title ever because I said so = just as much credibility

Anonymous said...

"Names or it never happened. Has ND never beaten Purdue, Sparty, and Michigan in the same season since 1993? That's fucking terrible!"

There are actually seasons where they lost to all three. There are seasons where they got blasted by OSU...lost to Big Ten champion Northwestern (1995) and losses to PSU.

Your argument is silly because we all know that the Buckeyes do not lose to MAC teams.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I'm guessing Burner was driven to the bottle last night by -Rex sending him death threats after a heartbreaking loss to Roddy White and the Tickle Monsters in G$FL action.

I own Monday nights.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

Damman...The top 2 teams in the G$FL are the Tickle Monsters and Victim # 2. I got you this week brah. BRING THE TICKLES ON.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

They don't call him Burner for nothing!

Anonymous said...

Drew, I knew that we were playing each other this week and that we were the top 2 teams. But, I didn't piece together our team names until you brought it up. It doesn't get much bigger than the Tickle Monsters vs Victim #2. There are numerous jokes that could be made here in breaking down this matchup.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

Not sure what league this is in, but kudos to the Suicidal Seau's. I caught that name yesterday and had a great laugh.

A mock write up of Drew/Damman needs to be done at some point, by someone.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Ide....not sure that's going to be necessary. The only way my team is loses is if we come out as tight as a 9 year old boy's bottom. Wait....yes...this could be necessary to happen.

--Drew

GMoney said...

It just comes down to who wants to give or receive the most raspberries. The football in the matchup will be replaced by a bar of slippery soap. BUTT RAPE and so on and so forth.

Your argument is silly because we all know that the Buckeyes do not lose to MAC teams.

But you will never know for sure because you do not play our rigorous conference schedule.

Also in the G$FL, my insane whites only team has not found the endzone yet. This defies all logic. Matt Ryan still sick and all, but my honkies (and TRON) are truly dropping the ball.

Anonymous said...

I assume rigorous is playing in front of packed house middle school football fields where they give visors to season ticket holders and travel via bus. Hear and fear the roar of 759 faithful fans as they attempt to throw off your snap count with De-Fense chants with impeccable timing.

Ide

GMoney said...

It wouldn't make much sense to fly a charter from BG to Toledo.

Anonymous said...

Damman you may own Monday nights against some of these riff-raff, but I did come back to beat you in G$FL last night. Matt Bryant=league MVP!

Defending Champion, Buke

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