|Prime is a real cooze-hound.|
*There might be a movie about Joe Paterno based on that Paterno book that is extremely worthless and filled with lies. Al Pacino is slated to play JoePa. I would KILL to see Pacino wearing those big stupid glasses and run off the field at The Shoe with a poopy diaper. But who is going to play Sandusky in this likely shitty motion picture? I’ve thought about this way more than a sane person should and I keep coming back to the same name: Craig T. Nelson. He is an awesome actor, already has experience as a football coach in Hollywood, and doesn’t look too much differently from ol’ Jerry. Let’s make this happen, Hollywood. Oh, and Mike McQueery will be played by either Seth Green or Buke. This movie will win all the Oscars if they choose the latter option. But who plays Franco Harris? Matt Millen? Sue Paterno? On second thought, I should cast this movie and it will be awesome. Especially those kid-fucking scenes that will feel so real because they will be.
*Some asshole at some asshole paper in New York says that Tim Tebow may ask to be traded after the season. Tens wants to be a starter. Hey, that’s great, so do I! Sometimes we can’t get everything that we want in life. Some team player Timmy is turning out to be.
*I hope that the Packers won last night because an angry Prime is a better Prime. I’ll just assume that Jermichael Finley had at least 3 crucial drops as well. Pregame prediction that won’t be published until the day following the game: Packers 31-27 with the Bears covering the 6 points. Hey, if Ace wants Friday gambling advice, there aren’t many better segues than the one that I just gave!
*I CALL HIM GAMBLOR!
Alabama -13 @ Arkansas: Arkansas just lost a home game to Craig Monroe and have a really bad coach. Alabama is a fucking cyborg with the best coach. Lay the points and Let Him Live. BAMA.
Miami U @ Boise State -21.5: This isn’t even funny. I don’t care how bad the Broncos looked in East Lansing with Kellen Moore’s beaver teeth on the sideline, they are still 5 touchdowns better than the team that struggled to beat Southern Illinois last week. Lay the points again. I can't even imagine ANYONE taking the points in this game.
Virginia Tech -9 @ Pitt: Pitt is the worst. This line should be twice as high. Keep laying those points.
Utah State @ Wisconsin -12.5: The Aggies are coming off the biggest win that their program has seen in over a decade last Friday. Wisconsin has been pathetic through two weeks. Have some balls and moneyline this fucker. Or just take the points and root against Bret Bielema. It doesn’t matter, just bet against the Badgers and know that you are doing God's work.
Vikings -1 @ Colts: The Vikings should have lost at home to Blaine Gabbert last week. The Colts are playing at home and will be relieved to not see the Bears across from them. Christian Ponder on the road? No thank you. Give me Indy.
Chiefs @ Bills -3.5: It’s nice to see that the two most disappointing teams from week 1 get together in week 2 in a really depressing city. This game will come down to whose QB is less awful. I think that Cassel is less awful than the bearded hobo. Give me the points with KC.
Ravens @ Eagles -3: This line makes zero sense at all. The Eagles needed a miracle drive to beat the worst team in the league while the Ravens murdered a playoff team. The Ravens are well coached and the Eagles are not. If Vegas gives three points automatically to the home team then we are being lead to believe that these two teams are equal. These two teams are not equal. I’ll take Baltimore and make a lot of fictional money.
Jets @ Steelers -6.5: The Steelers aren’t starting the season 0-2 and Mark Sanchez still blows. Consider this a revenge game on Tenor. Steelers roll. Grumpy and Jeff gay.
There you go. That’s it for the week. I also love Ohio State to obliterate Cal by more than 13. That line is absurdly low. Let’s make some money. Fake for me; real for you. See you back here on Monday morning.