|Fun FACT: All of these kids grew up to have sex with Tom Crean|
/Door crashes open. Jim inhales violently and sucks air into his nose to take in the smells.
Jim: *exhales*. Jesus Fuck Balls, it smells like grandmas hot titty sweat in this shit bucket! I need to rape something.
John: Yeah...I've got a raging sex boner, too. WANNA HAVE A DICK BEATING CONTEST?!
Jim: Dude!!! After dinner, alright? How many fuckin times do I have to tell you?! You know I can't crank meat on an empty stomach. That's how you won the last time, you sassy buttfucker. Speaking of boners, I plan on butt wrecking that land hog of a bartender over there once I pour 7 Cuervo's down my dick hole. That's how REAL FUCKIN MEN drink tequila!
John: She's right up your ally, brother. Buck toothed lard ass with beard stubble. That disgusting rhino could clear an airport with one rip of the dirty fart maker. I bet she sucks the poop right off your thunder mallet when you pull it out of her shit tunnel! That's such a Harbaugh move!!
Bartender: I can hear every word you guys are saying, you know. That's really disrespe...
Jim: Excuse me! Talking fuck station who's only purpose is a place for me to occasionally store my hammer stick! We didn't say it was okay for you to open your cock hole. Now shut the fuck up before I clean your face with my knuckles!!
John: OHHHHHHHHHHHH BITCH! YOU GOT JACKED BITCH!! Let's go find us a booth.
/The HarBRAHs find a booth next to the juke box (TGIFriday's has those, right?) where a Middle Eastern family has just received their dinner.
Jim: HEY! HABEEB!! Fuck off and slide your brown cheeks out of my booth before I go Toby Keith on your terrorist ass.
Middle Eastern Guy: Um, first of all my name is Doug and secondly I was born in Toledo. Right down the road from here.
Jim: Bleep Bloop Durpa Durpa Blurpa Slurpa! That's all I heard just now from your fuck face mouth you filthy foreign fuck stain.
John: HEY!! Good story, BROWN DICK! WE DON'T NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS!! GET THE FUCK UP OR TASTE AMERICAN JUSTICE!!
Jim: (whispers to Doug)....He means his dick. When he says American Justice. He means he's going to viciously shove his rock hard cock and nuts in your stupid fucking terrorist mouth if you don't remove your dirty brown ass from our God damn motherfucking booth right motherfucking now. PS...Go America.
/Doug takes his family and leaves the restaurant.
John: Was that so hard? Fuck!
/The HarBRAHs seat themselves and pump $50 into the juke box to play Kid Rock on repeat.
//Jim ball checks the unsuspecting waiter who falls on the ground doubled over in pain
Jim: YEAH, FAGGOT!! WOOOOOOO!! Right in the fuckin dude pussy! Now stop crying like a fat tittied bitch and bring me my super nachos that I ordered JUST NOW! And don't even think about pube dusting my food again!
John: Yeah you fuckin wrinkled meat flap, that's what you get for lacking mind reading skills!
Jim: Shampoo my dick hair with your saliva, Senor Pussy Wart! NACHOS!! NOWWWWWWWW!!
John: SENOR PUSSY WART!! HAHAHAHAHA!! PRICELESS!!!
Jim: It's funny because he's Mexican! EXCUSE ME!!! Why are you still here? If you don't move in 3 seconds I will literally throw a handful of my own shit at you! LOOK!! MY HAND IS DOWN MY PANTS!!!
/Waiter, while coughing blood, sprints to the kitchen
This is about the moment the cops show up and escort the HarBRAHs out of the building. They didn't even get a chance to order food this time around and I'm pretty sure they've been black balled from TGIFridays for eternity. Which is bitter sweet for me. It means I can stop going to TGIFridays which also means that I'll cut my diarrhea bouts in half. But on the other hand it also means that I bid farewell to my favorite vulgar football coaching brothers. Will I ever get to watch John and Jim HarBRAH act like complete fucktarded apes in public again? Will the waiter that was ball checked ever piss right again? Does the fat, bearded bartender have a change of heart and accept Jim's poopy weiner in her mouth after all? The world may never know. Until the next time, men. Until the next time.