Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Well, shit. Back to reality. That's what fuckin blows the most about vacations...eventually you have to come back. As you all have heard by now yes, The Iceman is officially engaged to suffer eternally in the fiery bowels of marriage. I pretty much forced her into it by asking the 2nd day like a real pussy would do. It was either say yes or have the entire week in Hawaii be ruined. Make your choice, woman.
Anyway, since I like all of you (well, almost all of you) way more than I like the actual real people I hang out with...any of the shit dicks that comment here on a regular basis are officially invited to my wedding. Minus Brady since he paid me real money for the honor to be one of my groomsmen. The fiance' doesn't know I'm throwing the invite to all you scabs yet but there isn't shit she can do about it since I left the other 99% of wedding shit up to her. By the time she realizes what's happening it'll be way too late. So, pending interest, there will be the first ever MoneyShot table at a wedding reception if enough of you dildos care to show up. Yes...seriously. This site is so God damn revolutionary. Well, we've got a lot to cover so let's hit it.
Hey. I'll give it up to a guy who breaks an NCAA passing record. I don't care where you play, 730 yards is pretty filthy. I'm actually surprised that he only had 5 TDs to go along with the yards. Normally when you see that many yards it's paired with double digit scores. But the main reason this was so good for me is because it TOTES reminded me of the ELITE Old Dominion hat I used to have back in '98. Solid hat. Easily a top 10 hat.
Okay Seminoles...I'm listening. That was a pretty impressive win over a very good Clemson team. What made it so impressive is how balanced the offense was. No INTs (Take fucking notes Denard) and two guys over 100 yards rushing. I'm not fully on board yet because FSU has a pristine reputation for getting fucking cleaned out by inferior opponents as the season wears on. But they have my attention. Stay tuned...
Don't drunkenly text me about how shitty Denard Robinson is when your own team needs 4 quarters to put away the bottom of the dumpster of the Conference USA. THE ELITE CONFERENCE USA WITH POWERHOUSE TEAMS SUCH AS CENTRAL FLORIDA! RESPECT!! Hope you got your big boy shorts on this weekend because State is just a tad more ferocious than any of the gaping anuses Ohio has squirted by in the first 4 weeks. There's nothing better than watching a loud mouth Fuckeye fan (Brady) eat a plate of his own steaming feces once the competition is a little better than mid majors. We'll see how accurate (61% and falling) Braxton "Joe Montana" Miller is while Wild Bill Gholston is trying to turn his rectum inside out.
Looks like someone hit the toilet water a little too hard instead of preparing for a fucking horrid Auburn team that should have been beaten by a thousand. Seriously...Auburn needed OT to beat Louisiana-Monroe. How was Auburn even in this game? LSU looks to be, dare I say? OVERRATED???
Really? This was a Heisman finalist last year? With every Montee Ball jersey that is purchased in Madison moving forward you get a complimentary bloody tampon with it. The first 500 are autographed and serial numbered.
-The entire Big 10
This conference is a third world country, wire hanger in a ceramic bathtub amateur abortion. No team is an exception and anyone who tries to defend any team in this fucking joke conference gargles poop water in their leisure time. It's so fucking sad what the Big 10 has become. I compare it to the 50 year old hag who was pretty hot back in the 80's and 90's but refuses to believe she's lost a step since. Still wears the Billy Squier t-shirts. Still drives the Thunderbird that gets 8 miles to the gallon. Still cashes in on the Marlboro miles. It's over, bitch. You're saggy, gross and no one wants to ruin their dick by getting it anywhere near your nasty, rotten, wrinkly beav.
This year can't be over soon enough. If no other Michigan fan has the sack to say it out loud, then I fucking will. I can't wait until Denard is gone. I'm done with this asshole holding the team hostage every fucking week. If I'm forced to watch another INT that is nowhere fucking near a maize and blue uniform I will rip my cock out at the root. Notre Dame did not deserve to win that game...hence still only won by a touchdown despite Michigan's 6 turnovers. How do let a coach who encourages murder beat you? All I know is that someone better get a forensics team to dust Manti Te'o's girlfriend and grandmother for Brian Kelly's fingerprints. That is a total Brian Kelly move to get his star defensive player motivated for the year. Hey Denard...have fun getting doubled up by SlapDick State in the Outback Bowl. Christ, that was bad.
Iceman Lock of the Week
Suck a dick, faggots! 1-0 on my lock of the week so far. Let's flex the cranial muscles a little more, shall we?
-Wisconsin over Nebraska
Because a ranked Big 10 team losing to a formerly ranked Big 10 team that has been flat out embarrassed every week is a total Big 10 move. That's really the only reason I have here. Wisconsin can still run the ball even with Tampon Ball nursing a strained fallopian tube. Plus Nebraska has lost to the only ranked opponent they've faced...a very unimpressive UCLA team. If Wisconsin makes Taylor Martinez throw lame duck moon balls all game then they'll certainly win...and then subsequently lose the next week at home to IlliNOISE in a blowout. Wisconsin 17 Nebraska 10.
There you have it. I'll get addresses later from those interested in drinking free booze once she sets a date. Since I plan on having zero say in anything wedding related. I'm done, assholes. To finish this up it's only fitting I use a Drew line...And Denard just threw another pick. Fuck my life...