|I invented the wrap sandwich.|
First of all, I would just like to remind everyone again that I predicted from the start that Bobby V would be a disaster in Boston. His newest weekly blow-up in which he threatens to punch a DJ in the mouth for asking him if he has given up was comedy at its finest. I mean, that was just tremendous. For as pompous and douchey as Valentine is (and he most definitely is that and more), he is getting harpooned by a bunch of pussy players and cocksucker media members who think that they are important. They are not. The Red Sox are a disgrace from pink hat to bottom. I love it.
The Yankees are horrible. Even if I had the MLB package, I wouldn’t watch these losers right now. My dad is the biggest Yankees fan I know and even he sounds like he wants to hang himself from the Maumee River Bridge when this team gets brought up in conversation. They blow in every facet of life right now. It’s September and they blew a ten game lead to the ORIOLES. Baltimore sucks, too, and what they are doing is probably the biggest fluke in sports history but that is no excuse for the way that these bumbledicks have been humping doorknobs recently. I hope that Russell Martin and Raul Ibanez fall into a bottomless pit of Iceman insults. If they even make the playoffs, they have no chance of doing anything. And it will have nothing to do with the pitching, either, but because the offense is horrendous. It’s called a fucking BUNT, Unfrozen Caveman Manager, you should try it some time.
The Indians are horrible. Now that Art Modell is up in Heaven with the rest of the angels, I guess you can focus your hate on that cheap Dolan guy now. Good luck with your 29th best farm system, too. I hope that Ubaldo was worth crippling the franchise! FYI, he was not.
The White Sox are horrible. It’s pretty hard to take you seriously when you can’t compete with the Tigers. It’s not that they are beating you though; it’s that they are emasculating the shit out of you. You clearly do not belong in the postseason.
The Tigers are horrible. You may own the White Sox but no one else. Kansas City and Cleveland obviously have a monopoly on your ass space because they’re renting it out to everyone else on the reg. I can see why they wouldn’t rent to Chicago though…black trash. I am so sick and tired of hearing about how great this team is. They aren’t. They’re BARELY decent. Stop giving me this shit like everything is going to be fine because it’s isn’t. You’ve had 140 games to show what you are and you’ve done nothing at all. You have a worse record than the A’s and Orioles. LOLZ!
The Cubs are horrible. FUCK YOU, PRIME AND BUKE! You will not escape my rage today!
The Braves are horrible. I don’t even know if this is true. Is it true, Dawg? I didn’t want to leave you out. I see that Kris Medlen is ELITE somehow. That doesn’t seem like it should happen.
So let’s all unleash our frustrations today before we get back into football next week. And even though Big Bro has not aired at the time of this writing, I’ll safely assume that it’s OK to say RIP Psycho Frank. You and your dominating ways will not be forgotten. At least you were blindsided by the best player of all time. Can you imagine if I was in this house? I would be sucking all of the juice out of Dan’s dick simply out of respect for his genius game play.