Thursday, August 23, 2012

Who Needs a RB When You Have a Guy Named Blaine

NFL Owner!
We don’t talk about the Jacksonville Jaguars much around these parts and that’s a damn shame because they are boring as fuck and terrible and so is this blog. In fact, I would say that in the grand scheme of the entire internet, this site IS the Jaguars of the worldwide web--just completely irrelevant and a real lack of competence at the most important position here. But enough about me, let’s talk about their new(clear weapons; see what I did there!) owner, Great Tiger from Mike Tyson’s Punch Out, and his horrible negotiating tactics and love of alienating his best player.

It’s actually been a fairly hilarious offseason for the Jaguars. They drafted a punter in the third round this year. Justin Blackmon promised that he MIGHT consider giving up booze after his 40th DUI and he only said that so the team would pay him. Football geniuses like Peter King can’t stop raving about how awesome Blaine Gabbert looks in camp. That last part is funny because Gabbert is fucking horrible. The other day they agreed to give up 4 games over the next 4 years to play outside of the country. Won’t someone think of their stadium tarps! But maybe the funniest development from this pointless team is that they are trying to play hardball with the only ELITE player that the team has had in a decade.

Great Tiger appears to be going out of his way to shit on my boy, MoJo Drew, and pissing off fantasy owners/the dozen or so Jags fans everywhere. Tiger said, "Train is leaving the station. Run, get on it." At first, Ide got excited because he thought that the Pakistani asshole was talking about his role models but Shad Khan was actually just making some sort of idiot analogy about how crappy teams apparently don’t need their best players now. Yeah, this guy may have a lot of experience dealing with labor disagreements, but he doesn’t know shit about football.

If I was Jones-Drew’s agent (or actually MoJo), I don’t fucking show up. Fuck them. The Jaguars likely are on a current 40+ game losing streak without you in the backfield. It’s time to be compensated for being the ONLY reason why people even know that this franchise exists. Demanding the trade was a logical step but it doesn’t sound like the team is interested in doing that (the Redskins will offer you 8 7th round picks for MoJo’s services). They would apparently rather have a pissed off superstar than to throw him a “less than Forte” deal (he’s 27 and has some mileage so I’m thinking 4 years/40 million with 20-25 guaranteed) out of respect for what he has done and actually had to put up with. Yeah, he’s getting older but it’s not like the Jaguars don’t have the cap space to do the right thing. Free agents never go there anyway so they might as well take care of their own. Seriously, their biggest move this year was Laurent Robinson and the Cowboys found him digging ditches last Fall.

I hope that Jones-Drew stays strong and does not cave. Stay at home, big fella. You don’t want to let some rich and smelly cocksucker get the better of you. Good luck with Rashard Jennings, Great Tiger. For a man with a mustache that glorious, you sure are a pretty big boner sniffer. I normally don’t side with athletes that hold out, but this is just ridiculous. Pay the man what he fucking deserves and quit acting like you’re this bad ass already.

If, for some strange reason, Jaguars football is not up your alley, here's another topic for you.  GSaul sent me a text the other night that local celebrity and social butterfly Greg Oden was at Bar Louie. That's fine by me because Greg Oden is apparently everywhere now; stalking all of us commenters here.  The thing is that Tuesdays are $1 burger nights at Bar Louie.  Is Greg Oden allowed to show up to Dollar Burger Night?  That just doesn't feel right.  Maybe Dollar Burnt Foot-long Hot Dog Night AMIRITE!!!

Stay tuned for tomorrow (my last post until after Labor Day!) as it is the final installment of Fantasy Football Friday. The topic, of course, is my “Ten Commandments for Draft Day”.

29 comments:

Grumpy said...

Move the jags to LA already.

Mr. Ace said...

Agreed. Hold out until he gets paid. It's the fucking Jags. Even if he holds out this season, he will make that $5 mil up in his next contract. Or show up and fake an injury.

Mr. Ace said...

Brooms.

GMoney said...

MoJos is smart. He knows that he only has 2-3 years tops before the wheels fall off. He has earned the right to not have to play for 5 million over the next two years. I highly doubt that he's asking for an 8 year contract or anything. Just double his current salary for the next 3 years and get him in already.

I accept your broom but you will be needing it back to clean up your new house for when all of the Money Shotters show up on Saturday night for your big house warming party.

LA? The Jags are going to Islamabad.

MUDawgfan said...

Don't give a damn about the franchise, but I respect the hell out of MJD. He plays his ass off.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvUEgjqKLFA

Look at him block the fuck out of drug abuser Merriman. Great effort!
I hope Jacksonville moves to LA so MJD can play in front of his hometown fans in California.
Kid has had to play at UCLA and Jacksonville, he's had like 6 winning seasons total in his lifetime.

Had lunch with a work buddy who is an Ohio State fan. Said he watched the Raiders game last week to see how Mr. Pryor was looking and that he turned it off after his second series. Apparently TP had no concept of what an NFL offense should look like. Awesome.

The Iceman said...

You may think MoJo is smart but he's pretty dumb sitting out. He's got zero leverage right now. The Jags are going to suck with or without him. The owner seems like kindof a cheap ass and he OBVZ knows this fact. So why would he invest money into a guy who isn't going to matter when it really comes down to it? Not to mention MoJo is a very old 27 and has insane mileage on his body for that age. Plus I feel like this isn't the first time MoJo has been a cunt about being "underpaid". I wouldn't pay him shit. He's gonna want a max deal, is demanding to be one of the highest paid RB in the league and won't take anything less it sounds like. You'll be lucky to get 2 more productive seasons out of him...which is exactly what he has left on the contract he signed.

GMoney said...

There is no such thing as a "max deal" in the NFL. And no, he isn't looking for that anyway. Just pay him what he has earned and suffered for over the last 5 years and get on with your 5-11 season already.

I believe that he does have leverage though because those 12 Jags fans are going to turn on the foreigner hashtagTEAMSHEIKIE and get on Team MoJo once they see Jennings out there. Why would the new owner already piss off his shrinking fanbase? That's leverage, baby!

I said this at KSK in the Raiders Prekkake but I'll say it here, too: Terrelle Pryor might be the worst personnel decision in the history of football. They wasted a third round pick on a guy who is 90% mentally handicapped. OBVZ, JaMarcus is at the top of that list, but Pryor is in the top ten.

Prime99 said...

Al Davis didn't want to be beat at anything, including being the worst.

The Sheik has MJD in a camel clutch- one can only hold out for so long.

Where is MJD's fantasy value at right now? Is he a 2nd or possibly a third round pick?! He went at 10 in my draft last weekend, but I would hate to be that owner at this point (also got Vick!)

GMoney said...

Late 2nd round (20th) at the very earliest in my humble opinion. And his value is dropping by the day. He's still in the right though solely because Iceman thinks that he's wrong.

The Iceman said...

By max deal I mean what all of the other big name RBs are signing for. What? Five years? I wouldn't give him a 5 year deal at this point. Trade him like he wants to be and get draft picks while you still can. You're going to be terrible anyway. You know someone out there is dumb enough to give up 2 or 3 first rounders for MJD.

And he isn't going to settle for what he's earned. He already said he wants to be the highest paid RB in the division which means you're shelling out more cash than either Foster or Cop Speed got. You're really gonna pay him that at this point in his career? And don't throw some arbitrary number out there of what you would fictionally pay him. He already said he wouldn't take your offer if it makes him less paid than the above mentioned RBs.

MJD went in the late 3rd round in the league I drafted 2 nights ago. Jennings went first pick in the 10th.

Mr. Ace said...

Iceman...stop. There is NO TEAM out there dumb enough to give up 2 or 3...or 1 first round pick for him. Running backs don't carry that value, especially ones with the miles he has. Maybe you get a 3 and 5. Maybe.

The problem is that The Sheik is not negotiating, at all. No offer. No deal. Play out your contract. MJD has outplayed his contract, so pay that man his money. Or at least meet at the table with him.

MJD is a 3rd rounder at best in FF. Again, nobody comes back from a hold out successfully.

GMoney said...

Ace is dropping troof bombs today. Fine. Pay him 3 years and 36 million then. There are cap floors and I'm sure that the Jags are near it anyway. No one wants to play there in spite of NO STATE TAXES so take care of your own.

He led the league in rushing last year (and it wasn't close). Fuck you for thinking that he should show up for 5 million. That is unrealistic.

No way anyone give a first. MAYBE a 2nd.

Anonymous said...

I hope they make his ass sit all year.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

As long as the Raiders are alive, there is always a first round pick to be traded away.

Ide

The Iceman said...

The Riaders blew a 3rd round pick on Terelle Pryor. I don't think it's totally ridiculous for a team to give up first round picks for a guy who led the league in rushing. Is it smart? No. Could it happen? Why not?

He isn't signing a contract for 3 years, G$. Because guess what? In a year, when he thinks he's outplayed THAT contract, he'll want more money and you have another holdout. Guys like MJD are never happy.

GMoney said...

No one has an opinion on whether it's OK for Greg Oden's Penis featuring Greg Oden eating dollar burgers? He should at least pay $20 for that out of principle.

Anonymous said...

He's unemployed. His penis featuring him should only be eating dollar burgers. I think more attention should be paid at his smart spending. Odd for such a fellow like him.

Ide

GMoney said...

Hmmmmm...that's some solid logic. I stand by my objection though. Leave the cheap food for the peons, you multi-millionaire about to sign with some dumb team for more millions.

The Iceman said...

Next time I see Greg Oden I'm buying his dick a shot.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure it'd only be on condition of his dick giving you a shot in return.

Ide

GMoney said...

It's going to be a great day when Skip Bayless is murdered by some American hero. I guess that Derek Jeter has been getting too many opposite field hits and having below average range at short to NOT be accused of steroids, right?

I don't care if this makes me a bad person because I want to watch Skip Bayless die.

Anonymous said...

Verlander has a nono through 3!!

Dut

Anonymous said...

How is Verlander not in Cooperstown?

GMoney said...

Dut, can this be confirmed by Brady's Twitter account?

Anonymous said...

Maybe Oden was there buying dollar burgers for his penis. I am sure that thing gets hungry from time to time.

-Lil' Strut

The Iceman said...

We have 2 openings in an auction draft happening sunday in napoleon at 230. Anyone interested let me know. $160 cap and a 15 player roster.

GMoney said...

Can we get an update on that no-hitter? How about Miggy's ankle? Assholes.

Prime99 said...

I enjoyed the reference to Brady's twitter account. ELITE.

Anonymous said...

Wow, Verlander getting spanked by a team that still employs Omar Vizquel.

Carlos Baerga could hit him. Bank.

Ide