|I would like to announce that I am no longer alive.|
*Speaking of dead guys - This has nothing to do with sports but it is about time for me to address it here. OK, so if you are around my age and from Naptown, you are probably Facebook friends with a J-Rupe. No one knows him at all but he is one of those guys that is friends with everyone. He's also one of those dickheads that posts 20 pictures with comments on them within a minute that clogs up your feed for weeks. But I keep him around because he is insane and many of us have joked that he is getting closer and closer to killing himself. Well, apparently, we are on the precipice of Rupe meeting Garrett Reid himself. His cryptic FB updates about how his brain is broken and nothing can fix him at this point is starting to get a bit scary. Like, seriously, he's going to do it soon. Maybe he's a pussy and just trying to get attention (very likely) but it's starting to feel real. I mean, if I ever contemplated suicide (I wouldn't), the first thing that I would do is provide a FB status update on my mental well being. It appears that the guy finally checked himself into a hospital because it seemed like he wasn't going to make it through the weekend. Should I mention that he's a "cutter"? Don't believe me? Here's Facebook proof that he provided.
So, Rupe, if you stumble upon this post in between scaring the shit out of every one of your online "friends", killing yourself is a pussy move and cutting yourself is FUCKING GAY.
*Speaking of MORE dead guys - Some 22 year old soccer player on the Columbus Crew died this weekend as well when he was found unconscious at Park Street Saloon on Saturday night. That is not surprising. They drugged me. I'm sure that they killed him. Seriously, THAT IS THE WORST BAR EVER. They kill people and try to get me raped.
*Rally was enjoyable - It's always good to see guys like Andy K, Nate B, and Li'l Strut and talk some football over some beers. I hope that I wasn't too awesome for you.
*Speaking of football - There were quite a few conversations about college football on Friday and after hearing Phil Steele do a few interviews over the weekend, I'm starting to get pumped. The coaches' poll was released a few days ago and that one actually matters so maybe we can talk about that for a piece. LSU and Alabama enter the season at 1 and 2. Obviously, both teams are talented, but I watched a lot of Tide players get called during the NFL Draft (especially on defense) and Les Miles drinks from the toilet. One of these days, that horseshoe is going to fall from his ass. Both teams seem a little over-ranked in my opinion. So does Michigan at 8, too. By the way, Phil Steele knows A LOT about college football (this is not breaking news). I rolled my eyes and LOL'ed when I heard that he has Florida State ranked #1 but he sold me based on logic and personnel.
*This Montee Ball story is strange - Why is the best player on a top ten football team and Heisman finalist getting jumped by 5 dudes in Madison? I want to know more about this. I guarantee that Ball fucked some dude's skanky girl and BRAH wanted revenge. GUARANSHEED.
That's it for today, I think. The Yankees and Tigers start a series tonight (nice job yesterday, Chris Perez). That should be entertaining. Frank Viola Jr's wingman is pitching this evening. If he wants to win the Cy Young again, he better dominate tonight because Weaver and King Felix are both likely ahead of his garbage ass at the moment. Fuck the Tigers.