Tuesday, August 07, 2012

NFL Nuggets..Peter King's favorite!

Even at a young age, Peter King knew he always wanted to be a fat douche bag.




There really is no mention of Peter King in this entry.  I just like pointing out how incredibly tard-filled he is for absolutely no reason.  First, a hearty thanks to G$ for covering about every interesting sports topic in one gigantic Monday topic.  That was pretty brand new of you, pal.  Second, since I was summoned for an out of town meeting at the LAST FUCKING SECOND, I will be short and sweet today.  That should keep Seal's whiny, faggoty menstruating to a minimum, at least.  Here's some NFL nuggets to digest since NFL around here is more popular than Damman at a plus size strip club.

-MJD's contract situation is really starting to scare me.  Not because I give even a fraction of a fuck about the status of the Jags with or without him, but because I have to decide in the next 2 weeks whether or not I'm keeping him in one of my fantasy leagues.  Yes, this is 100% selfish motivated.  We all know that Blaine Gabbert is top 5 worst QBs of the last decade so Jacksonville isn't winning more than 4 games even if MJD does play.  These are FACTS, men.  As the days pass MJD starts to look to be as appealing as Paula Dean licking honey off her own tits.  Grumpy just got hard reading that last sentence.  I'll put twenty on it.  So...keep MJD or let him be some one else's headache?  What would you do?

-Andre Johnson is banged up already.  For the love of Jesus tittyfucking Christ.  The STREMPH of this guy's hamstrings is a God damn joke.  Seriously.  I'm in terrible shape and I couldn't tell you the last time I pulled anything in my lower half...besides my peter.  ZING!  This anus would probably pull a back muscle getting off the shitter.  I'll never understand how pro football players continually hurt the same body part year after year.  You would think with the advancement of medicine we could avoid shit like this in the 2010's.  I don't care how good AJ is...I will be avoiding him like a blistered pussy when fantasy drafts start happening.

-A woman NFL referee?!  Haaawhhhhhaaaaaaaaat??  Is she ugly?  She has to be ugly, right?  And a lesbian.  Will she have to wear a skirt and heels?  Will she be required to do the other official's laundry after the game?  Does her contract force her to bring freshly baked goods before every contest?  Hey, whatever man.  I don't give a shit like some people probably will *cough Ide cough*.  I just hope you don't blow a call, lady.  Because if you do, I'm pretty fucking positive you're gonna get smoked way harder than any man official would.  Fair or not, it's just what it is.  NOW GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH, BITCH OR I'LL GIVE YA A TASTE OF MY BACKHAND!

-David Garrard is currently atop of the Dolphins depth chart.  In other news the Dolphins are the favorites to pick first in the 2013 NFL draft.  Fuck my butthole.  Is there a worse roster in the NFL?  Motherfucker, it's hilarious to look at.  It reads like a fucking Arena League team that postmortem Al Davis assembled.  Brian Hartline the top WR on that team?  Yeah?  Is that right?  Oh...unless you count Chad Johnson's corpse as a realistic option.  This is easily the most poorly run franchise in the NFL...maybe even of all the major sports.  Shit, let's be real with ourselves.  Probably of all the major sports.

-Antonio Cromartie claims he's the second best WR on the Jets.  LOLZ.  Way to make every WR on your own team hate you, dildo.  Apparently there has been talk that Sexy Rexy is going to play Cromartie at WR at times this year to make up for the glaring fact that the Jets have manure at WR.  Top to bottom.  I do understand why, though.  When you have two QBs who are fucking hog shit, why would you invest in WRs for them to throw to?  It would be like putting Wal-Mart spinners on a Porsche.  All I have to say is that if Cromartie is even half as good at playing WR as he is at having unprotected sex with several different women, then expect a 1,500 yard season.  But in reality expect a 20 catch season.  He just comes off to me as a quitter and lazy.  Mainly because he's black and has 37 kids with 29 women...or something like that.

There you go, cock knockers.  I'm hitting the road in the next few minutes for my ELITE four hour work drive so I can catch crabs from a Motel 6 mattress that has forty different people's splooge on it.  By the time you read this tomorrow hopefully we have heard about how many different drugs Garrett Reid had in his system when his heart stopped.  What a failure.  Can't even do drugs right.  I guess being a loser runs in the family.

37 comments:

Grumpy said...

Collect your $20.

Anonymous said...

*I had no idea that Garrard was currently slated #1 in Miami. What a terrible team.

*Terrell Owens is a Seahawk. LOLZ.

*I'd like to see the woman referee get finger blasted by Ed Hochuli.

*Keep MJD.

*Anybody see how Verlander did against the YANKEES last night? Oh just 8 innings of zero earned runs and 14 K's. ELITE.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

Predicting Grumpy's boners. Starting the day off right. Sorry I didn't throw anything in there about Mike Wallace's ELITE holdout. Even a blind, homer Steeler fan has to know that this is probably one of the dumbest holdouts in the history of sports, right? You're not getting what you want, dude. Just report already.

Anonymous said...

I am actually pretty indifferent towards that broad ref. I do think her first game should be the Eagles home opener. Thatd be must see tv.

Never change Miami.

You mentioned the Jets but glossed over that brawl yesterday. Hilarity.

Never drafted Andre Johnson. Never will.

Ide

GMoney said...

Say what you want to about Miami (and you should) but Hard Knocks debuts tonight and that is always ELITE TV.

Excellent potshots taken at Ed Reed's brother, Dead Reid, at the end. Yes, he couldn't even do drugs right.

The Seahawks now have an arsenal of weapons that includes TO, Braylon, and Kellen Winslow. The 12th Man is now on suicide watch. Pete Carroll is just trolling everyone now, right?

Do what I plan on doing: throw MJD back. You'll be able to get him cheaper anyway.

Fingerblasted by Ed Hochuli would be a great fantasy team name or a band name.

I wouldn't be shocked if the Jets went 4-12. They have no weapons at all.

"GOOD PITCHER PITCHES GOOD GAME"--Drew. It's still dumb to keep racking up those high pitch counts though. Leyland is treating Verlander like Andy treated Garrett. Just waiting for him to die.

The Iceman said...

I was gonna mention the brawl, but the two guys that started it are nobodies. Joe McKnight has been so underwhelming there's talks of him being cut from the roster. How bad is that? LDT's decaying body can find a way to split carries with Chubs Green and McKnight, in the prime of his playing career, may not even make the team. Tenor is the backup running back of that team anyway.

Speaking of Tenor...I understand he wears God pajamas to bed, but get some fucking balls already! Not sure if you heard this or not, but Boomer Esiason publicly said the Jets should flat out cut Tenor then proceded to rip his talent for the next 5 minutes. Tenor simply responded with some horseshit about he's a great announcer, I wish him all the best in his career and God bless him. For fuck sake dude...Boomer Esiason of all people ripped on you! That's like a US men's gymnist calling you a faggot and letting him get away with it. Get a backbone and defend yourself, man!

I'm leaning towards throwing MJD back in as well, G$. Look what happened to CJ when he finally ended his holdout. Terrible year.

GMoney said...

Yeah, holding out never works out for the fantasy owner. You are the one always left holding the colostomy bag.

Boomer wasn't ELITE, but he was a good QB for over a decade. I mean, come on, dude took the Bingles to a Super Bowl (maybe two?)!

McKnight was a 4th or FIF round pick; those guys are supposed to be underwhelming.

Anonymous said...

I am so god damn tired of hearing about the fucking Jets and its barely August. Imagine how bad its gonna get when they start playing games. Sal Palotonio can fuck himself.

-Damman

Brady said...

No shit Damman. The fucking Jets lead almost every Sportscenter. Thank god they have that side menu where you can track the stories and avoid the suckfest that is Tebowmania.

Tonya said...

Maybe she will be the best ref ever... It's all about equality, right? I mean, other than the lockout, of course. I, for one, am excited to see what she has in her. And why does she have to be ugly or a lesbian to officiate a game? Just curious.

GMoney said...

Tonya, Violet Palmer is a terrible NBA referee but they all are so at least you can say that she is similar to her peers. She might be straight but it's a lock that she's an Uggo.

Is it just me or does Sal Paolantonio think that he's the coolest guy in the world now? I'm not sure what it is about him exactly but he seems to give off a "I am reporting the most important story ever" vibe and smirks like a shithead throughout. I don't like Sal at all.

Grumpy said...

Tonya, because you've stumbled onto the biggest group of fake misogynists on the internets. It's all bluster and puffery in an attempt to out-do each other for the most outrageous statement of the day.

Take it all with a grain of salt.

Anonymous said...

Grumpy is the online version of the old guy who sits on his porch and wags his fingers at the kids in the street. Except in real life he is the old guy who sits on the porch and cries over trees.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

Grumpy, astute description of the commentariat.

Dump MJD...unless you only have Garrett Reid as your backup.

I had a co-worker come to me and tell me about a "documentary" on Animal Planet that claims to have found remains of Mermaids. I watched it and it was a pretty good watch...but holy fuck was that obviously fake. Now tards everywhere are going to be claiming Mermaids are real and siting a fake documentary.

Well, I am setting the draft for Sept 4th @8:30 PM EST. Deal with it.

GMoney said...

But those are some goddamn beautiful trees.

Nothing wrong with one-upping everyone. Prime has been straight owning the comedy comment of the day for the past few weeks. He deserves praise for that, not your old man scorn.

Prime99 said...

Ace, did the mermaids have human heads with fish (vagina-less) bottoms, or fish heads with human bottoms?

Draft time is great. Thanks!

TO to the Seahawks is great. They will play SF twice and that will be fantastic. He should break back out the sharpie and/or run to the SF logo on midfield. The NFL is "better" with TO on a roster.

Grumpy said...

I heap scorn on no man (or woman). It's usually pretty hilarious. Just trying to explain to the newbie that it's (mostly) meant in jest. Except for Ide.

Anonymous said...

"I, for one, am excited to see what she has in her." ....probably some big black dick after the game.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

Did Ide just quote Train while describing Grumpy? Seems like something they would say.

Anonymous said...

Drew's comment wins. And it is probably accurate.

G$'s greatest burn on me was accusing me of seeing that goddamned band. I put them on the same level as Nickelback and Creed, and now I have to deal with the fact that that retarded comment stuck.

Ide

Anonymous said...

And yes, I am equally misogynistic in person.

Mr. Ace said...

The Little League World Series starts today. I bet Sandusky hangs himself for missing it.

GMoney said...

Williamsport was always such a nice drive from State College, too.

Any reference to Ide and Train always bring teardrops of Jupiter to my cold, dead eyes.

Let's just hope that the she-ref doesn't do any Visanthe Shiancoe games then.

Brady said...

I totes watched that Mermaid show a couple weeks ago. It had me going for a little bit until I did some further research on the internet. It's definitely fake.

The Iceman said...

Because Tonya...aren't all women who love sports dykes? I read that somewhere...

Prime99 said...

Iceman also deserves credit for comparing Peter King to Thurman Merman. Great reference!

The Iceman said...

I think we can safely say our lives are better with Prime in the comments.

GMoney said...

Stroke penises, not egos.

Anonymous said...

If my dick were as big as my ego, Id be black.

Ide

Prime99 said...

Your lives are better with my new team logo in the MSFL...

GMoney said...

My updated MSFL team name took a page from yesterday's post with:

DJ Jazzy J-Rupe with his sweet pic as the team logo. If we win, we cut. If we lose, we CUT IT OFF!!!

Grumpy said...

Will somebody please tell me where the tab is to change my team name in the MSFL? Thank you.

Prime99 said...

Your scoreboard abbreviation was the best part about the whole thing. (DEAD) - ELITE!

Anonymous said...

Haha its cute cause he's old.

Team settings.

Ide

GMoney said...

No, I think Grumpy just wants someone to get him a can of TAB.

Grumpy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Grumpy said...

Thanks Ide. Your advice reminded me that since my team's page didn't have a "team settings" tab that I had a 2nd account with a different log in.

Logged in with that account and all is well.

Tab tasted like shit.