Tuesday, August 07, 2012
There really is no mention of Peter King in this entry. I just like pointing out how incredibly tard-filled he is for absolutely no reason. First, a hearty thanks to G$ for covering about every interesting sports topic in one gigantic Monday topic. That was pretty brand new of you, pal. Second, since I was summoned for an out of town meeting at the LAST FUCKING SECOND, I will be short and sweet today. That should keep Seal's whiny, faggoty menstruating to a minimum, at least. Here's some NFL nuggets to digest since NFL around here is more popular than Damman at a plus size strip club.
-MJD's contract situation is really starting to scare me. Not because I give even a fraction of a fuck about the status of the Jags with or without him, but because I have to decide in the next 2 weeks whether or not I'm keeping him in one of my fantasy leagues. Yes, this is 100% selfish motivated. We all know that Blaine Gabbert is top 5 worst QBs of the last decade so Jacksonville isn't winning more than 4 games even if MJD does play. These are FACTS, men. As the days pass MJD starts to look to be as appealing as Paula Dean licking honey off her own tits. Grumpy just got hard reading that last sentence. I'll put twenty on it. So...keep MJD or let him be some one else's headache? What would you do?
-Andre Johnson is banged up already. For the love of Jesus tittyfucking Christ. The STREMPH of this guy's hamstrings is a God damn joke. Seriously. I'm in terrible shape and I couldn't tell you the last time I pulled anything in my lower half...besides my peter. ZING! This anus would probably pull a back muscle getting off the shitter. I'll never understand how pro football players continually hurt the same body part year after year. You would think with the advancement of medicine we could avoid shit like this in the 2010's. I don't care how good AJ is...I will be avoiding him like a blistered pussy when fantasy drafts start happening.
-A woman NFL referee?! Haaawhhhhhaaaaaaaaat?? Is she ugly? She has to be ugly, right? And a lesbian. Will she have to wear a skirt and heels? Will she be required to do the other official's laundry after the game? Does her contract force her to bring freshly baked goods before every contest? Hey, whatever man. I don't give a shit like some people probably will *cough Ide cough*. I just hope you don't blow a call, lady. Because if you do, I'm pretty fucking positive you're gonna get smoked way harder than any man official would. Fair or not, it's just what it is. NOW GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH, BITCH OR I'LL GIVE YA A TASTE OF MY BACKHAND!
-David Garrard is currently atop of the Dolphins depth chart. In other news the Dolphins are the favorites to pick first in the 2013 NFL draft. Fuck my butthole. Is there a worse roster in the NFL? Motherfucker, it's hilarious to look at. It reads like a fucking Arena League team that postmortem Al Davis assembled. Brian Hartline the top WR on that team? Yeah? Is that right? Oh...unless you count Chad Johnson's corpse as a realistic option. This is easily the most poorly run franchise in the NFL...maybe even of all the major sports. Shit, let's be real with ourselves. Probably of all the major sports.
-Antonio Cromartie claims he's the second best WR on the Jets. LOLZ. Way to make every WR on your own team hate you, dildo. Apparently there has been talk that Sexy Rexy is going to play Cromartie at WR at times this year to make up for the glaring fact that the Jets have manure at WR. Top to bottom. I do understand why, though. When you have two QBs who are fucking hog shit, why would you invest in WRs for them to throw to? It would be like putting Wal-Mart spinners on a Porsche. All I have to say is that if Cromartie is even half as good at playing WR as he is at having unprotected sex with several different women, then expect a 1,500 yard season. But in reality expect a 20 catch season. He just comes off to me as a quitter and lazy. Mainly because he's black and has 37 kids with 29 women...or something like that.
There you go, cock knockers. I'm hitting the road in the next few minutes for my ELITE four hour work drive so I can catch crabs from a Motel 6 mattress that has forty different people's splooge on it. By the time you read this tomorrow hopefully we have heard about how many different drugs Garrett Reid had in his system when his heart stopped. What a failure. Can't even do drugs right. I guess being a loser runs in the family.