Tuesday, August 14, 2012
A lot has happened in the NBA since we last talked basketball so despite the ire of some readers here, we'll tackle some NBA topics today. You know...because I don't really give a fisting fuck if you don't like the NBA. Just like you guys don't give a shit that baseball is for faggots. I just hope you can concentrate on the content over the sound of Brady's blown out, gushing baby barfer. While G$ finishes up that Hammer and Sickle tramp stamp tattoo he's been dreaming of getting ever since he decided he hates America, let's discuss some recent NBA news.
-I'm sorry, asshole media. LA is not the favorite to win the championship this year because of all the average moves they've made. And shut the fuck up...they are average moves. Clutch your pacemakers, gang because you'll never guess who's leading the "LA will win the title this year" crusade. The west coast's favorite dick licker son, Colon Cowfucker! Give him a solid punch in the balls, everyone! All right! Seriously...what did LA really do? They traded Bynum for Howard and got a hell of lot older with the rest of the pieces they brought in. People keep tugging on Steve Nash's bag and don't get me wrong, he's great. But the guy is 38 years old. I really don't see him putting up career numbers at that age.
Here's where I'm at on this "name collecting" thing that LA is in the process of doing. A starting lineup that goes, 38, 33, 32, 26 and 36 looks like a roster that's the favorite to win a shuffle board tournament at a retirement home...not an NBA title. What big name free agent will they target next? Dennis Rodman? Well you're in luck because I think he's just about out of drug money and isn't famous enough where prostitutes will fuck his bumpy pole for the "superstar" price anymore. Shit be gettin expensive, N-Word! Will LA make the playoffs? Sure. Will they win a series or two. Perhaps. But youth owns this league and these geriatric fucks don't stand a chance to bring home another title.
-Speaking of assholes. I find it very interesting now that Howard finally cunted his way out of Orlando, he's not getting nearly the backlash that Lebron did. Unless I'm TOTES missing it. Isn't what Howard did to worm his way out of Orlando way worse than anything Lebron ever did to Cleveland? I know it's gonna be hard for the Cavs followers here to put their burning torches away and focus the hate towards another player, but I would love to hear what you guys think. Who is the bigger heartless dick bag here?
-Jermaine O'Neal signed a free agent deal with the Phoenix Suns. No real news here. Just wanted to ease the minds of the 7 Jermaine O'Neal fans out there that thought he may have died. As this news suggests...he is indeed alive. Barely. And Phoenix is using him to get rid themselves of the few thousand people that still give a rat fart that city still has a professional basketball team. This doesn't even deserve a LOLZ. It's more depressing than anything else.
-One thing I've learned is that if I have any crack pot, nutty as fucking shit idea for any silly ass invention I may have dreamed up while masturbating in the shower, the only person I plan on targeting to invest in my sure to fail product is Michael Jordan. Jordan is about to lose $1.5 million on an investment for a gym that is about to be foreclosed on. Normally this isn't big news but I must report any time Michael Jordan looks like a retarded asshole. Why? Because he's an arrogant, cock sucking, dickless poop head that needs to be humbled. You may be good at basketball, Michael, but you suck at everything else up to and including: marriage, being a dad, raising decent society contributing men, hall of fame speeches, owning a basketball team, evaluating talent, etc. That list could go on for days. Basically what I'm saying is that I hope Michael Jordan gets AIDS so he can fail at being alive, too.
That's all I've got for today. I'm pretty eager to hear what the Cleveland fans here think of Dwight Howard and how you compare it to Lebron dumping your sorry asses. I was also going to talk more about how G$ has posters of Chinese gymnasts on his wall instead of American heroes but I don't want word spreading too much and the guy getting deported. I don't have the energy to post 5 days a week here.