Tuesday, August 14, 2012

I Love America! And the NBA!

                                     It's what draws Colin Cowherd in.




A lot has happened in the NBA since we last talked basketball so despite the ire of some readers here, we'll tackle some NBA topics today.  You know...because I don't really give a fisting fuck if you don't like the NBA.  Just like you guys don't give a shit that baseball is for faggots.  I just hope you can concentrate on the content over the sound of Brady's blown out, gushing baby barfer.  While G$ finishes up that Hammer and Sickle tramp stamp tattoo he's been dreaming of getting ever since he decided he hates America, let's discuss some recent NBA news.

-I'm sorry, asshole media.  LA is not the favorite to win the championship this year because of all the average moves they've made.  And shut the fuck up...they are average moves.  Clutch your pacemakers, gang because you'll never guess who's leading the "LA will win the title this year" crusade.  The west coast's favorite dick licker son, Colon Cowfucker!  Give him a solid punch in the balls, everyone!  All right!  Seriously...what did LA really do?  They traded Bynum for Howard and got a hell of lot older with the rest of the pieces they brought in.  People keep tugging on Steve Nash's bag and don't get me wrong, he's great.  But the guy is 38 years old.  I really don't see him putting up career numbers at that age.

Here's where I'm at on this "name collecting" thing that LA is in the process of doing.  A starting lineup that goes, 38, 33, 32, 26 and 36 looks like a roster that's the favorite to win a shuffle board tournament at a retirement home...not an NBA title.  What big name free agent will they target next?  Dennis Rodman?  Well you're in luck because I think he's just about out of drug money and isn't famous enough where prostitutes will fuck his bumpy pole for the "superstar" price anymore.  Shit be gettin expensive, N-Word!  Will LA make the playoffs?  Sure.  Will they win a series or two.  Perhaps.  But youth owns this league and these geriatric fucks don't stand a chance to bring home another title.

-Speaking of assholes.  I find it very interesting now that Howard finally cunted his way out of Orlando, he's not getting nearly the backlash that Lebron did.  Unless I'm TOTES missing it.  Isn't what Howard did to worm his way out of Orlando way worse than anything Lebron ever did to Cleveland?  I know it's gonna be hard for the Cavs followers here to put their burning torches away and focus the hate towards another player, but I would love to hear what you guys think.  Who is the bigger heartless dick bag here?

-Jermaine O'Neal signed a free agent deal with the Phoenix Suns.  No real news here.  Just wanted to ease the minds of the 7 Jermaine O'Neal fans out there that thought he may have died.  As this news suggests...he is indeed alive.  Barely.  And Phoenix is using him to get rid themselves of the few thousand people that still give a rat fart that city still has a professional basketball team.  This doesn't even deserve a LOLZ.  It's more depressing than anything else.

-One thing I've learned is that if I have any crack pot, nutty as fucking shit idea for any silly ass invention I may have dreamed up while masturbating in the shower, the only person I plan on targeting to invest in my sure to fail product is Michael Jordan.  Jordan is about to lose $1.5 million on an investment for a gym that is about to be foreclosed on.  Normally this isn't big news but I must report any time Michael Jordan looks like a retarded asshole.  Why?  Because he's an arrogant, cock sucking, dickless poop head that needs to be humbled.  You may be good at basketball, Michael, but you suck at everything else up to and including: marriage, being a dad, raising decent society contributing men, hall of fame speeches, owning a basketball team, evaluating talent, etc.  That list could go on for days.  Basically what I'm saying is that I hope Michael Jordan gets AIDS so he can fail at being alive, too.

That's all I've got for today.  I'm pretty eager to hear what the Cleveland fans here think of Dwight Howard and how you compare it to Lebron dumping your sorry asses.  I was also going to talk more about how G$ has posters of Chinese gymnasts on his wall instead of American heroes but I don't want word spreading too much and the guy getting deported.  I don't have the energy to post 5 days a week here.

29 comments:

Grumpy said...

Howard also got Ron Jeremy fired and fucked with the team and fans for months. Way worse than LeBron.

Call Homeland Security and drop a dime on G$.

Grumpy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mudawgfan said...

I loved the trade more than G$ loves "The Killing" !!!!!!111


Howard is going to hate LA.
He's going to a place that has an outrageous basketball following and leaving a place thats chill about sports and has placed little pressure on him. Kobe is going to treat him like a child (he is) and he isn't going to be able to understand what Pau Gasol is saying because Howard doesn't speak faggot.

This sets him up to leave as a free agent and come home to the Atlanta Hawks!

GMoney said...

His introductory press conference with the Lakers just proved how big of a dork he is. His Kobe impression and the made-up story about that the crazy lady constantly screaming at him to come to LA were not funny. AT ALL.

I am obviously biased but at least LeBron didn't lead me on for a year. He ripped the band-aid off fast and clean. It still hurt like Hell but at least it was quick.

I will never apologize for supporting Coach K like you all do constantly. GO DOOK, right? Eat shit. You're all going to Hell because you rooted for Satan's son.

Anonymous said...

The LeBron backlash was due to "The Decision" combined with the fact that it was his hometown area. That being said, Dwight Howard is a way bigger cocksucker.

The Lakers most definitely "stand a chance" to win the NBA title. All anybody had to do was look at what Pau did against America's undersized front-line in the 2nd half on Sunday...then think that he will have Dwight Howard next to him....and their two biggest competitors have weak front-lines (Thunder/Heat). I'll believe age affects Nash when I see it...he's still a huge upgrade from Ramon Masterbating Sessions. I think I'd still put the Heat as a slight favorite over the Lakers, just because of how ridiculous LeBron is right now. But, I've got the Lakers coming out of the West. Don't forget they added Jamison as well.

*Speaking of bad Fathers like LeBron. I saw a homeless man at on ramp this morning begging for change he was wearing a "World's Greatest Dad" t-shirt. LOLZ!

*The college football version of "Hard Knocks" starts up today on ESPN...two straight weeks of Ohio State football behind the scenes! Could be the best television show ever. I may watch each episode five times.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Don't forget they added Jamison as well.--LOLWUT? That guy sucks.

I think that OKC would still beat them in a series just based on matchups.

Perkins seems like the kind of asshole that would get off on the chance to bully Howard. Ibaka can muscle Pau around. Durant and Metta is not close. Kobe and Harden would be a nice battle. And Nash has no chance of slowing down Westbrook.

Either way, when does Mike Brown get fired? Christmas?

Prime99 said...

Iceman hopes Jordan gets AIDS so he can fail at life? Yeah, cause that fucking affected Magic Johnson, so I'm sure Jordan wouldn't have enough Nike money to beat that disease. You should've gone with "fall in an alligator pit" or "get a malignant tumor in his anus," but guess what- Jordan would likely beat those things too!

Dwight Howard is a super douche. Related: Superman is not black.

Drew- LOL at the world's greatest dad/bum!

Anonymous said...

"LOLWUT" --Jamison the last two years...

2010-11 -- 19.7PPG, 7.3RPG
2011-12 -- 18.7PPRG, 6.9RPG

Yeah,he really sucks you moronic traitor. He's going to carve out a very nice niche on the Lake Show.

Perkins better put that weight back on if he wants a chance to "bully Howard".

Prime...good call on the AIDS callout.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Numbers never lie...except when they do like in this case. Antawn is a good guy and a good teammate but he needs a ton of shots to get his and those rebounding numbers for a starting 4 are garbage. His efficiency numbers have to be just awful. And he plays zero defense. Howard might be able to help with that, but I stand by my words that Jamison does not make the Lakers better.

The Iceman said...

Don't forget that for the past 2 years Jamison has been either the first or second scoring option on a shitty team, Drew. Now he's the fifth best player on a playoff team. He's trash and his new numbers this year will reflect that. Oh...and he's 36. And probably wears adult diapers.

Magic beat AIDS because Magic is good at more than just basketball and raw dogging 80s whores. AIDS is unrelated to basketball so that's why Jordan would not beat it. Because he sucks at everything outside of playing basketball. You follow me, Prime?

LA is too old, Drew. I don't see them in the West finals this year. Remember when Ace was brainwashing all you queers into deep throating the Spurs last year? Never forget how stupid you all looked when you bought into that crap. Age and "veteran savvy" doesn't get you a spot in the nba finals. Speed, youth and freak athleticism does.

Brady said...

Preseason football is going on. College football is less than 3 weeks away. Still NBA Ice? For shame. If people don't give a fuck when the season is actually going on, they sure as hell don't care in the middle of August.

Anonymous said...

I'd say LeBron is worse, because you actually didn't know until his huge "decision". He just led the fan base around like a girl teasing a guy for the first shot to blast her from behind, for 3 months. Howard made it at least known he was outtie since last off season. All the and what not were done by Orlando to try to change his mind.

That said, they both can rot in hell.

G$: What hurts worse: Lebron leaving, or the Killing being cancelled?

Ide

Anonymous said...

Iceman...you just agreed with a traitor moronic Cavs fan. You should probably go take a long bath (with bath salts) and re-think your position on this one. Jamison obvz isn't going to L.A. to put up Cavs numbers....he's a very nice piece to have on that team tho.

Brady...5p.m. tonight....OSU All Access.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Drew, I just don't know what he can do for them that makes them better. They don't need scoring which is the only thing that he adds and he doesn't do that efficiently. Matt Barnes is better. Yeah, I said it.

But I'm with Brady...NBA posts probably aren't going to be very popular in mid-August. Not that we strive for popularity here or anything, but you know, you're gay.

The Killing was the worst show of all time.

Anonymous said...

Slow clap for Brady and G$. NBA talk in August...awful. Jermaine O'Neal talk...really awful. And there has been a heated discussion on Antawn Jamison's effieciency rating. I believe we have hit rock bottom today.

Is the Buckeye thing on ESPNU?

-Damman

The Iceman said...

I'm sorry. Is there or is there not mildly big NBA news happening with Smiles McElbows heading to LA? Is basketball not a sport? I was unaware that this was strictly a football blog now. Heavens!

You Buckeye faggots will have plenty of time to suck Urban's hairy baby dick for the next 4 months. You can endure at least one basketball post in August. In the meantime you can fuck off and go J-Rupe yourselves if you don't like my choice of topic.

J-Rupe suicide watch is officially on, by the way. Two posts from last night suggest that the end may be in sight. Facebook friend request him now while you still can!

Prime99 said...

Only one topic could have saved today's post... Joe Johnson.

Anonymous said...

Ice, don't fall for Rupe's suicide games. If you check his archives, he appears to be at the end of his rope at least once a week only to post another mirror pic the next day.

-Damman

Brady said...

Thanks for the Buckeye news, Drew. I just DVR'd it from my phone. First time I've ever done that. I kind of fealt like an Astronaut Doctor when it worked.

Anonymous said...

Who is this J-Rupe guy and how can I egg this suicide on?

Ide

Brady said...

*felt... don't know where the extra "a" came from.

GMoney said...

Iceman, you are being trolled by J-Rupe. This is nothing. His "if I'm gone will anyone miss me" updates are simply poppycock.

I hope that you guys saw his fight last night with the girl that told him to stop taking pics of himself flipping off the mirror. It was ELITE. He was so mad that someone dare call him out for sharing his middle finger shots with America.

Joe Johnson > Urban Meyer

The Iceman said...

Ide, I'm not sure what the rules are about giving names out on the interwebs since apparently G$ has had threats against him in the past by a bunch of cry baby pussies. But I will gladly share his name if G$ gives the green light. I can't think of anything more elite than Ide and J-Rupe being FB friends.

Anonymous said...

Damman.....

ESPN All-Access: Ohio State Training Days Schedule
Date Time (ET) Show Network
Tue, Aug. 14 5 p.m. ESPN All-Access: Ohio State Training Days ESPNU
Wed, Aug. 15 5 p.m. ESPN All-Access: Ohio State Training Days ESPNU
Thu, Aug. 16 5 p.m. ESPN All-Access: Ohio State Training Days ESPNU
Fri, Aug. 17 5 p.m. ESPN All-Access: Ohio State Training Days ESPNU
Sun, Aug. 19 4:30 or 11 p.m. SportsCenter ESPN
*Mon, Aug. 20 3:30 p.m. College Football Live Presented by Dick’s Sporting Goods ESPNU
*Tue, Aug. 21 3:30 p.m. College Football Live Presented by Dick’s Sporting Goods ESPN
*Wed, Aug. 22 3:30 p.m. College Football Live Presented by Dick’s Sporting Goods ESPN
7 p.m. ESPN All-Access: Ohio State Training Days ESPN
*Thu, Aug. 23 3:30 p.m. College Football Live Presented by Dick’s Sporting Goods ESPN
Fri, Aug. 24 3:30 p.m. College Football Live Presented by Dick’s Sporting Goods ESPN


*SportsCenter will feature additional content on these days

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

...I thought for sure we would be talking about Shark Week today. Fuck.

Also, and more importantly, Grumpy called me his friend on Facebook. Slowly making my way into the money in his will.

GMoney said...

I thought that that was creepy, Ace. Grumpy was over the line with that.

Don't worry, tomorrow I am prepared to "FIRE THAT FUCKING PIGSKIN"!

Prime99 said...

Bears favored by 1.5 and O/U is 37 for Saturday. Whatcha got, G$?

GMoney said...

Pfffft, Rex's homecoming, RG3 continued ELITE-ability, and Kirk Cousin(t)s = Skins by 10+.

Prime99 said...

You are discounting former Skins QB Jason Campbell's greatness. Not to mention Josh McCown.