Friday, August 10, 2012

FFF: You, Sir, are OVERRATED!

I'll take Otto Graham please.
For this week’s installment of Fantasy Football Friday, we get to dig into one of the staples of this fine site: dudes being OVERRATED. But first, how about we address the topic of women playing fantasy football? Now, I’m an old-fashioned sort when it comes to this fine sport. I don’t like mixing vaginas in with the all powerful football dongs. I firmly believe that a fantasy football league is like a stag party—no broads allowed unless they are strippers/prostitutes (preferably both). Every year about this time, She$ always likes to give me pointers on who she likes for the coming season and who I should be drafting. It’s always hilarious because the only players that she knows seem to be Tony Romo, Tom Brady, and, for whatever reason, Donald Driver. She has told me to draft that old corpse for the Packers for the past three years. When he scores his annual two touchdowns per season, you better believe that I hear about it.

Anyway, she got a text from Berger’s wife the other night about joining an all women’s fantasy league. I could not have been more supportive and encouraging. I’m tired of her acting like what we do is easy and that it is stupid to get mad when the always terrible Nate Washington catches two garbage touchdown passes when your dumbass opponent starts him. It’s time for them to band together and realize how much game time decisions and bye weeks and inclement weather suck to deal with. They need to learn this if only so that they will know how hard it is and that WE ARE ATH-A-LETES! She didn’t ask for it anyway but I was quick to tell her that I would not help at all. That is her team; not mine. I’ll let you know when there are Thursday night games (which there are a ton of this year) but that is it. And if you even think about starting a guy on a bye week, you’re sleeping in the garage. Respect the game, woman, for we play to win titles in this house! Oh, who am I kidding, she’s going to take Donald Driver in the first round, isn’t she?

But I think that this is the only acceptable way for women to break the barrier of fantasy football…by doing it themselves. Don’t suck on the teat of your man and hope that he can convince people to give you a shot in his league. Seek your own glory amongst yourselves and make me a fucking sandwich already. Check that, we’re coming into football season, make me some sort of nacho dip. Now, onto the OVERRATEDs:

QB – Cameron “Mr. Ace Boogie” Newton. No one wants to admit this, but Cam’s rookie season was a tale of two halves. He was insanely ELITE and wildly entertaining in the first 8 games, but extremely average the rest of the way. His rushing prowess covered up some fairly awful QB play. Now I don’t necessarily believe that he isn’t still a sick QB, but I would lessen expectations if I were you. He still doesn’t have very good receiving options (at least not ones that are in their prime). They didn’t sign Mike Tolbert just to sit him either (to go along with DeAngelo Bates and J-Stew). If you think that Cam is going to be carrying the ball on the goal line again this year then you are an idiot. They don’t want to get this guy killed. He’s a top ten QB for sure, but he isn’t a top 5 guy like most are projecting. Proceed with caution and know that 2012 Cam is not going to be what first half of 2011 Cam was. I’m looking at you, Dut.

RB – DeMarco Murray. This needs to stop right now. Listen to me when I scream this at you: THIS GUY IS NOT GOOD. He ran over the assRams for 200 yards last year and then broke his cunt. Why are people acting like he is the second coming of Emmitt Smiff? I can tell you what’s going to happen for this guy. He’s going to get 12 carries a game because the Cowboys don’t run the ball ever and he will end up getting hurt again. Congratulations, you just spent a second round pick/$40 on Felix Jones, Jr. For ten bucks and an 8th rounder, you could have had the original Felix Jones! Seriously, Dallas only passes the ball except for two games a year when the media starts bitching about them passing all the time. This happens EVERY year. Don’t be the guy in your league that reaches for this stiff.  His 2011 season was about as phony as Bobby Petrino's apology yesterday.

WR – Andre Johnson. Iceman covered this guy (who I’m going to start calling Half Season) on Tuesday. He costs #1 receiver dollars/positioning but never is worth it. When are people going to learn that having sick skills is great but not when you’re constantly in street clothes. Obviously, there is a time and a place for all of these guys where it makes sense for you to take them, but Half Season isn’t going to make it past the second round and you should be happy that you weren’t the one to reach for him.

TE – Antonio Gates. My least favorite college basketball player of all time (no one else is even close) has had quite a productive NFL career. He isn’t going into the Hall of Fame, but still a very solid tenure in the league. That being said, it’s over. Yeah, you’ll still see some glimpses but you know that his horrible toes and feet will fuck with him and you for at least 10 games causing you to wonder why you spent a 4th round pick on the 10th best tight end. Don’t do it. Don’t pay the price for past successes. I could say the same thing about #18 in Denver. Let someone else have him. You will be better off.

K/DEF – Uh, don’t draft the Browns defense and Graham Gano sucks. You’re welcome.

I’m furious that the NFL Network had preseason football on last night and shafted the world out of seeing RG3 invade Buffalo! Weak! No one wants to watch the Packers and Chargers. Give us the Super Bowl 26 rematch or the rematch from last year when John Beck got sacked NINE fucking times up in Toronto. Don’t worry though; NFL Network is replaying it at 4 pm today. I DVR’ed it because I am ELITE and preseason football is my bag, baby. I hope that you learned something today. Late!

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

We should probably just talk about the Dwight Howard blockbuster today.

I will drop a fantasy football note tho....Ryan Matthews is out 4-6 weeks with a broken clavicle.

--Drew

GMoney said...

No surprise there...Mathews is a gash. The Chargers are going to win 6 games this year.

I'm tapped out on feelings about Howard. Whoever the GM for Orlando is might be the worst of all time though.

RG3 to Garcon is about to become Montana to Rice...YA 'EARD ME!!!

Vince Young looked AWFUL last night.

Anonymous said...

The Clydesdale the Lakers have as a coach wont make it through next season. Howard is a joke and the first time they lose back to back games, he will blame Brown equally him being dismissed. I hate Lebron, yes, but I really dont think I can root for Howard when they play the Heat.

The NBA is so terrible.

No arguements on your post today - I cant wait to laugh at the guy who takes Andre in the first round of my league this year.

Seal

GMoney said...

It happens every year, doesn't it, Seal? Someone always assumes that this is the year that Half Season plays a full season. They are always wrong.

I hadn't thought about Mike Brown yet. He is completely unqualified to handle this team (even more than he already was). I'll be shocked if he makes it to the All Star Break. I would guess that Phil would come back but he's too smart to want to deal with Dwight.

Anonymous said...

Didn't the skins highlights show you everything you needed to see? Those were some easy ass throws for rg3. Bills defense must be AWFUL. Before you get too excited, just remember that Tim couch PWNED it in his first preseason game. Couch to Kevin Johnson baby!

Drew- football has started. Why would you even bring up something faggy like the nba?

I'm taking can newton and there's nothing you can do to stop me!

Dut

Anonymous said...

Dut...I like fags and the NBA.

They should name Kobe player/coach. How ELITE would that be to watch? He'd punch a teammate in the face by January.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

Cam Newton will still be the goal line back this year...because Carolina is a poorly run franchise. He's also going to be running more now that the league has figured out he can't throw. Unless you count 5 yard outs that come at WRs at 100 MPH as "throwing".

Let's see if Andrew Bynum can stop being a sour cunt now that he's the center of attention. Fuckin baby. The Lakers get Howard and all of a sudden they're the favorites to win the West? Get fucked. ESPN is so fucking stupid sometimes.

Dut will take Cam Newton...and also take last place along with it.

I'm so tired of Half Season's shit. I'm also sick of everyone blowing Houston. HS is getting hurt and so is Schaub. As sick as Foster is he can't hide how terrible TJ Yates is.

Romo is the only Cowboy I'll draft. Maybe Witten, because they're the only two on that team you can depend on. Notice they're both white...

GMoney said...

I am aware of the vanilla defense and vanilla offense being run by both sides. For 6 passes, I was pleased. He threw it downfield and hit guys in stride. That's better than anything I've seen since 1991. My boy was definitely not overwhelmed in his first NFL action and that was good to see. He played like that was his house.

Shockingly, the Bills sick front 4 didn't put a hand on him and we were missing 3 OL starters. SUPER BOWL!

GMoney said...

TJ Yates? THEY GOT JOHN BECK NOW, N-WORD!!!

Cam is going to be running more because the league knows that he can't throw? That makes no sense. Good luck running against 9 man boxes if what you say is true. And Mike Tolbert is the new TD vulture, lock it up.

The Sixers turned Iguodala into Bynum and J-Rich...GM of the year right there. But then you have to factor in the signing of Kwame Brown and now he should be fired.

Anonymous said...

"ESPN is so fucking stupid sometimes." ....LOLZ at "sometimes".....more like 95% of the time.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

Dwight Howard is a dick. I fully support cheering against him- though, I've seen quite a bit of crybaby bitching on Facebook about how the season is already over and it is unfair. One of these posts was from a Mavericks fan-LOL!

Andre Johnson is definitely overrated, bu if he drops, he could be decent value. Just depends on how much.

I'm fucking pumped for fantasy season, though my live draft in Reno had some people bail and we only have 8 people as of now. We are still doing it, but damn that is ghey.

Anonymous said...

I think we have spoke about this before, but I have no problem with women in fantasy leagues, provided that they know what they are doing and there isn't a live draft. The only exception to this rule would be if she is able to drink, swear, and talk shit with all the guys and she actually hosts the draft party with a keg of beer and sick appetizers (this actually happened in one of my leagues).

Cammy Cam is still going to average about .8 rushing touchdowns a game from broken passing plays. Additionally, he will still get a few goalline attempts, although not as many. The main question is whether or not Steve Smiff has another great season. I don't think Smiff will be able to do it two years in a row, which means Cam's numbers will drop. I would still take Cam as the 5th-7th QB off the board, though.

-Lil' Strut

The Iceman said...

"Cam is going to be running more because the league knows that he can't throw?"

It does make sense. Defenses will take away his first two reads because they know that's all he looks at and isn't accurate enough to make a more difficult throw that isn't a 5 and 8 yard hot route. So then he'll tuck and run. I didn't say he was going to be effective...I just said it would happen.

Keep in mind that Cam has the ability to audible on the goal line. You don't think a massive ego like that is calling his number every single time at the 1? You're insane if you think otherwise. Tolbert can have his chunky little ass in the huddle on first and goal at the 1 all he wants. Doesn't mean he's touching leather.

An 8 man league is pointless. Every roster is stacked and so is the waiver wire.

GMoney said...

Ummmm, if what we know about stereotypes are accurate then the Panthers aren't going to let Cam audible ever.

Either a strong safety or the MLB is going to spy Cam on every play now. And if Smiff gets hurt, he'll have two spies on him. His rushing numbers are about to be cut in half.

Anonymous said...

G$,

Where would you take Cam? What round and as what # QB off the board?

Anonymous said...

Last comment by Lil' Strut

Prime99 said...

Then hop on a plane next weekend with Drew and join the goddamn league! It will be part of the charity package that Drew purchased a few weeks ago for $0.00.

The Iceman said...

I would love to...but I'm saving my money for that trip to Vegas I promised you if the Bears win the Super Bowl, Prime.

I'm going to love watching the complete demise of Cam Newton this year. I don't think I've ever wanted a NFL player to fail more than Cam.

GMoney said...

LS, I would pick Brees, Rodgers, and Brady ahead of him (OBVZ). I said last week that I would take Vick over him (despite of his thumb garbage from last night). Put Stafford on that list, too, and probably Eli as well. I'm not the biggest Peyton fan but I would take he and Cam over Big Ben, Rivers, and Romo (at least I think I would). So let's 7th or 8th but easily could fall out of my top ten.

I would spend no more than $25-$30 on him and he'll easily go for $40+ to Dut.

Anonymous said...

The Iron Sheik ‏@the_ironsheik
now i think about it the Dwight howard is a pussy no good piece of shit faggot if i see him i beat the living fuck out him #teamsheikie

The Iron Sheik ‏@the_ironsheik
dwight howard deserve to get raped by dead dog #teamsheikie

The Iron Sheik ‏@the_ironsheik
Kobe the real, but the dwight howard have dick inside his own ass he get fucked worse than oj simpson #teamsheikie

The Iron Sheik ‏@the_ironsheik
dwight howard have the midget dick he cant win without team he worse than ultimate warrior grand mother. #teamsheikie

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Sounds like LSU is possibly about to announce that the Honey Badger has been suspended for the entire season.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

Good. Now we don't have to endure dickhole announcers trying to sound cool by calling him the Honey Badger 50 times a game.

GMoney said...

The Honey Badger is worse than Ultimate Warrior's grandmother. Mathieu isn't as great as all the hype around him anyway. I said it!

The Iron Sheik is the greatest. He will never be raped by a dead dog.

The Iceman said...

I don't think we've talked nearly enough about how much Demarco Murry is going to disappoint this year. This feels like the year after DeAngelo Williams tricked everyone into thinking he was worth more than a vile of camel piss.

Anonymous said...

Cam juice will go for $50 in th DFL. Dut needs him. I'm having a hard time this year with RBs..... Foster, Shady, and Rice but then after that is a drop off with time shares/ questionables. WRs will be big this year.

----Lange

GMoney said...

For what it's worth, Mike Adams was AWFUL last night just like he was for four years in Columbus. He was pretty much a turnstyle for the Eagles DL.

It's starting to feel like that, isn't it, Lange? As if the smart money is on stud receivers and quarterbacks and then you just build a stable of 4-5 decent at best RBs and hope that 2 of them hit.

The Iceman said...

Honey Badger kicked off the team LOLZ! Honey Badger don't give a shit about being a respectable person or following rules. He don't give a shit at all!