|I'll take Otto Graham please.|
Anyway, she got a text from Berger’s wife the other night about joining an all women’s fantasy league. I could not have been more supportive and encouraging. I’m tired of her acting like what we do is easy and that it is stupid to get mad when the always terrible Nate Washington catches two garbage touchdown passes when your dumbass opponent starts him. It’s time for them to band together and realize how much game time decisions and bye weeks and inclement weather suck to deal with. They need to learn this if only so that they will know how hard it is and that WE ARE ATH-A-LETES! She didn’t ask for it anyway but I was quick to tell her that I would not help at all. That is her team; not mine. I’ll let you know when there are Thursday night games (which there are a ton of this year) but that is it. And if you even think about starting a guy on a bye week, you’re sleeping in the garage. Respect the game, woman, for we play to win titles in this house! Oh, who am I kidding, she’s going to take Donald Driver in the first round, isn’t she?
But I think that this is the only acceptable way for women to break the barrier of fantasy football…by doing it themselves. Don’t suck on the teat of your man and hope that he can convince people to give you a shot in his league. Seek your own glory amongst yourselves and make me a fucking sandwich already. Check that, we’re coming into football season, make me some sort of nacho dip. Now, onto the OVERRATEDs:
QB – Cameron “Mr. Ace Boogie” Newton. No one wants to admit this, but Cam’s rookie season was a tale of two halves. He was insanely ELITE and wildly entertaining in the first 8 games, but extremely average the rest of the way. His rushing prowess covered up some fairly awful QB play. Now I don’t necessarily believe that he isn’t still a sick QB, but I would lessen expectations if I were you. He still doesn’t have very good receiving options (at least not ones that are in their prime). They didn’t sign Mike Tolbert just to sit him either (to go along with DeAngelo Bates and J-Stew). If you think that Cam is going to be carrying the ball on the goal line again this year then you are an idiot. They don’t want to get this guy killed. He’s a top ten QB for sure, but he isn’t a top 5 guy like most are projecting. Proceed with caution and know that 2012 Cam is not going to be what first half of 2011 Cam was. I’m looking at you, Dut.
RB – DeMarco Murray. This needs to stop right now. Listen to me when I scream this at you: THIS GUY IS NOT GOOD. He ran over the assRams for 200 yards last year and then broke his cunt. Why are people acting like he is the second coming of Emmitt Smiff? I can tell you what’s going to happen for this guy. He’s going to get 12 carries a game because the Cowboys don’t run the ball ever and he will end up getting hurt again. Congratulations, you just spent a second round pick/$40 on Felix Jones, Jr. For ten bucks and an 8th rounder, you could have had the original Felix Jones! Seriously, Dallas only passes the ball except for two games a year when the media starts bitching about them passing all the time. This happens EVERY year. Don’t be the guy in your league that reaches for this stiff. His 2011 season was about as phony as Bobby Petrino's apology yesterday.
WR – Andre Johnson. Iceman covered this guy (who I’m going to start calling Half Season) on Tuesday. He costs #1 receiver dollars/positioning but never is worth it. When are people going to learn that having sick skills is great but not when you’re constantly in street clothes. Obviously, there is a time and a place for all of these guys where it makes sense for you to take them, but Half Season isn’t going to make it past the second round and you should be happy that you weren’t the one to reach for him.
TE – Antonio Gates. My least favorite college basketball player of all time (no one else is even close) has had quite a productive NFL career. He isn’t going into the Hall of Fame, but still a very solid tenure in the league. That being said, it’s over. Yeah, you’ll still see some glimpses but you know that his horrible toes and feet will fuck with him and you for at least 10 games causing you to wonder why you spent a 4th round pick on the 10th best tight end. Don’t do it. Don’t pay the price for past successes. I could say the same thing about #18 in Denver. Let someone else have him. You will be better off.
K/DEF – Uh, don’t draft the Browns defense and Graham Gano sucks. You’re welcome.
I’m furious that the NFL Network had preseason football on last night and shafted the world out of seeing RG3 invade Buffalo! Weak! No one wants to watch the Packers and Chargers. Give us the Super Bowl 26 rematch or the rematch from last year when John Beck got sacked NINE fucking times up in Toronto. Don’t worry though; NFL Network is replaying it at 4 pm today. I DVR’ed it because I am ELITE and preseason football is my bag, baby. I hope that you learned something today. Late!