Friday, August 31, 2012

CFB Preview Week Day #5: The Champion

Hey, Rupe, thanks for providing the poses this week.  Before you go, what do you think of Mr. Ace?
Wow.  What a great week this turned out to be.  Before we each crown our champions today and I preview the only game that matters to me this weekend, I would first like to thank all of our contributors toward this epic project.  Even you commenters, too.  While the constant barrage of anOSU/UM insults can be tedious, it's that kind of garbage that keeps you all coming back.  I guess that that makes it a necessity.  Shit.

So for the final time this week, fellas, who do you have standing tall in mid-May or whenever bowl season ends?

Damman: USC over Georgia. The PAC 12 is garbage outside of Oregon, and USC gets them at home this year. Georgia will be there for reasons stated above. USC breaks the SEC stranglehold and we all want to kill ourselves over Collin T. Cowherd’s massaging of Barkley’s and Kiffin’s balls after this happens. Can you imagine how horrible this is going to be?

Drew: Alabama vs. USC. Both teams will enter the game undefeated and USC will win. Prediction: USC 31, Bama 20

The Wig Master: Oklahoma over Wisconsin. I think that it would be easy to say that USC and Bama play for the title this year, so I won’t. Instead, some eight days or so after Full Beer Day (you remember!), the Sooners of Oklahoma will beat the Wisconsin Badgers for the BCS Championship. Until next year bitches, I’m the TRUFE like A I.

Li'l Strut: USC over Florida State. Both teams will benefit from relatively weak schedules and end up as the only 12-1 or 13-0 BCS Conference teams at the end of the year. In the end, USC will flex its offensive muscles, as it had all season long, and take the title back to So Cal.

GSaul: #1 Oklahoma 24 v. #2 Oregon 17. The SEC’s consecutive national championships streak ends at six. After having nothing to play for last year, USC already has a target on their back and the Trojans always lose a game every year that they should have won, so I see Oregon coming out of the Pac 12. One of these years, I will get my Oklahoma prediction correct…BOOMER SOONER!

Dut: USC over Florida State.  (Dut offered no explanation so I will write one for him)  USC has way hotter guys.  Have you seen FSU QB EJ Manuel?  Probably has a nice dong, but he's TOTES and UGGO.  Matt Barkley just oozes machismo and really makes my groomed stubble stand up.

G$: LSU over Florida State.  I pick an SEC team to win every year because it is fucking easy and the smart thing to do.  Phil Steele loves Florida State and Kiper says that (even without the OVERRATED Honey Badger) LSU has the most talent in the country.  Until Les Miles stops being lucky as fuck, I'll bet on the guy that drinks from the toilet.

OK, I'm sure that you all can't wait to see how delusional I am.

Miami University +23 @ Ohio State.  I'm not an idiot.  I swear!  There is a reason why NO ONE outside of this site is talking about this game and that is because the outcome is not in doubt.  But what kind of asshole would I be if I had no hope?  I MUST BELIEVE!  I've got some bullet-points that I'm going to throw out and my goal is to be completely unbiased while I talk about my least favorite college football team and my favorite college football team.

*There are three things that I know that give me hope.  Our QB (Dysert) is better than yours.  DEAL WITH IT...just ask any NFL scout.  Our WR (Harwell) might be the best receiver that you see all year.  We have a legit lock-down CB (Nunley) who should NOT be challenged.  You don't know or care about these guys so I will stop soon.  Dysert and Harwell are both projected to possibly go on Day 2 of the Draft next year.  They'll need to put up a monster tomorrow just to compete.  They are more than capable of doing that.  Seriously, though, watch Harwell because he is SICK.
*However, the 5 worst players on the field tomorrow just so happen to be our starting OL.  These guys are fucking terrible and our center was carted off the practice field on Tuesday so it should be even worse.  Hankins was a high first round pick already but we'll get him in the top 5.  I expect a dink and dunk passing game out of the Red and White because...
*We can't fucking run the ball and it doesn't matter who we're playing.  Last in the nation in 2011 with a whopping 73 yards per game!  And it sounds like a true freshman is going to start in the backfield.  If we break 75 yards, we're going to win.  Don't worry, we won't hit that number.
*As talented as your DL is though, they don't really have a good track record of getting to the QB.  I actually don't see that changing tomorrow unless our offense is a bunch of 7 stop drops.  Our OC BETTER NOT DO ANY OF THOSE.
*If you're going to play Ohio State, this is probably the best time to do so.  They are only going to get better so it behooves Miami to face them while they are still tinkering with things.
*I think it's also important to watch OSU's poise and demeanor in the first half.  I could TOTES see a lot of the young guys (especially on offense where there isn't a ton of veteran experience) forcing things and trying to make the big play which would lead to mental mistakes.  I could at least see this happening in the first half (don't lie, you do, too).  These buttfuckers are going to try to do whatever it takes to impress King Buttfucker.
*That being said, I don't expect Tom Herman to go too far away from Jim Bollman's old game plans.  I think it will be a fairly boring and vanilla offense that will show some flare (but not Ric Flair), but this isn't the statement game.  They will just be biding their time until that trip to East Lansing to show who they are.

So what am I thinking?  It seems like every time the little guy goes to the big dog's house, they always gift wrap a defensive TD or a horrible turnover at the wrong time.  If we can avoid this (highly doubtful as I see numerous strip sacks in our future), we can hang.  Like I said, I don't see your offense going bananas which could lead to some groans from the crowd.  Remember when Michigan lost to App State and Toledo in the same season?  LOLZ!  Well, we're due for something like that again, motherfuckers.  My heart says that Miami wins 20-19 as OSU's red zone offense stalls often (we actually have a pretty solid defense).  My wallet says nothing.  My head says that we play three great quarters before the bad guys (and they are the bad guys) pull away with a blocked punt TD (or something similar) early in the 4th quarter.  If I was a betting man, I'd say that Ohio State wins 33-17.  I don't think that you cover.  I do think that we will be able to move the ball.  To quote Jim Tressel, every possession must end in a kick though.

I'll tell you what though just to make it interesting.  Straight up bet--if Ohio State wins, I will show up to the G$FL Draft on Monday in an Ohio State Football t-shirt (I have one because I am a sucker for free t-shirts).  Someone can snap a picture of it and I'll even give a thumbs up.  If Miami wins, you have to live with that shame forever and realize that our friendship will likely end over this football game because I will never stop talking about it.  I will not bet money so don't bother because I'm a fan and I don't take points.

Either way, this is going to be a good weekend.  Especially since Ide isn't coming back.  Enjoy the football, assholes, and we'll see you back here on Tuesday.

64 comments:

MUDawgfan said...

Good coaches win, GREAT coaches cover.

LET'S GO REDHAWKS!

Anonymous said...

1000 words wasted on a blow out. I will give you some charity points, but there is no fucking way we dont cover.

OSU 45-3

I wish I would be there but rubbing this game in your face would get old by my second racial comment thrown at the bums outside the Stube.

I like GSauls moxie. However, no team coached by a Stoops will win anything BCS related.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah, and who keeps taking these JRupe pictures? Someone is continuously being ok with these poses.

Anonymous said...

Good use of the word "behooves"!

LOLZ @ Wisconsin being in the NCG! Is the Wig Master slower than Seal? He just may be.

Ape...remember when the worst OSU team in 100 years still beat Toledo last year! LOLZ!

I'll take that bet.

Also, I sure hope you noticed my threat yesterday about not showing up to the G$FL draft if you don't stop by my tailgate. I'll be sending you the info...it is not far away.

GET READY TO SUCK THAT BUCKEYE DICK GRUMPY!

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Bad offensive line plus awesome osu defensive line is all you need to know for this game. Miami will be lucky to score 1 touchdown. Osu rolls 42-7.

The j-rupe caption is FANTASTIC!

Dut

Brady said...

I think Miami hangs for a half. Their QB is legit. MAC legit but legit nonetheless. The OSU D line is the strength of the team and will eventually fuck their shit up. I'm going with a 35-13 final.

Grumpy said...

G$ did a perfect analysis. Our inability to run will let ohio pin their ears back and blitz Dysert, leading to turnovers.

G$, MuDawg and I have nothing to lose. Our team isn't expected to win. You dickheads have everything to lose. If your team loses you will be forever disgraced.

Here's to hearing your lame excuses next week.

GMoney said...

I am behooved that someone acknowledged my ELITE usage of the word behoove.

I still stand by my assertion that "why would you make your statement tomorrow"? I think that you play a dull game because there is no need to pull out all the stops.

Your DL vs. our OL terrifies me to no end simply because Zac getting hurt wouldn't kill our season, but it would be a big problem. We're actually playing for a bowl game this year.

Great coaches cover...ELITE line.

J-Rupe takes his own pics. He has no friends outside of this site.

Drew, probably more likely that I can stop by postgame. Send me the DEETS. APREESH!

For once, Brady is being logical. But the MAC always has good QBs as they have to be since you can't win in that conference if you don't score 60 on the reg.

Urban was on Mike and the horrible Adnan Virk this morning and didn't mention us once. What an ass! He talked about Tenor more! No respect...no mercy tomorrow.

Is John Simon on a steroids cycle currently? That could be a problem. How that guy has "passed" his drug tests is LOL.

HOW ABOUT THE FUCKING MEOW MEOW BEING ON BIG BRO LAST NIGHT!!! AND a Jerry reference!

The Iceman said...

Toledo almost and should have beat Ohio last year. The only real difference from that team to this year's team is Braxton Miller starting instead of Joey Ballgame. As a true Sophormore in the first game of the season, you really think Miller's presence alone is going to represent a 40 point blowout? Delusional. Miami isn't winning, but it certainly won't be a blowout.

Prime99 said...

The RedHawks will cover. Ron Harper says so.

USC will win everything. Bane Kiffin will implode every away field they play at. It still pisses me off that Hines Ward outran that implosion in TDKR.

Nate B. said...

Iceman,

I would bet the majority of Braxton's production tomorrow will be on broken plays, and not what's called in the huddle. Miami doesn't have the horses on defense to prevent that from happening.

I don't think any (serious) OSU fans are expecting Urban's offense to run smoothly right off the bat.

GMoney said...

Ide is not a serious fan nor is Dut. They are mouthbreathing pants shitters.

Broken plays will be an issue. That is a certainty. Also, the white man never has issues with broken plays because of his superior intellect. FACT???

Anonymous said...

Iceman just made two moronic statements....

Statement # 1 -- "Toledo almost and should have beat Ohio last year." -- Is this dumber than Seal's "If the season ended today" gem earlier in teh week? It's possible. First of all, no they shouldn't have. Second of all, THEY LOST THE FUCKING GAME. I don't even know what he's trying to say.

Statement # 2 -- "The only real difference from that team to this year's team is Braxton Miller starting instead of Joey Ballgame". I guess having URBAN MEYER replacing Luke Fickell and Jim Bollman does not count as a "real difference". Or the fact that a half dozen guys were suspended for that Toledo game isn't a "real difference".

Absurd comments from a man who routinely likes to go full retard when the college football season rolls around. We are all dumber for having read those tales of idiocy.

OSU 35
Miami 10

--Drew

Prime99 said...

No one has mentioned UC Davis' ass raping of Asuza Pacific yesterday, so I guess I will. I haven't read a second hand account of a beating like that since buster Douglas knocked out Tyson.

Highlight of the game was that I wasn't there.

Nate B. said...

Anybody else see the highlights of the Kent State game?

One of their gunners on the punt team decided to return the punt 55 yards the wrong way, despite being on defense.

Brady said...

I was expecting an Expendables 2 review today from G$. WTF?

Anonymous said...

I saw that Nate B.

It's a shame that's the level of intelligence that Darrel Hazell has at his coaching disposal.

I hope John Simon rips this Miami QB's head off of his torso tomorrow and then Jonathan Hankins shits down his throat cavity into his chest.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

OSU's offense may only put up 4 TD's and a FG, but something tells me OSU's Defense/Special Teams will have at least 1 TD tomorrow. With that being said, the Redhawk O-Line v. the OSU D-Line is all you need to consider in order to make a prediction.

Buckeyes - 38
Redhawks - 10

-Lil' Strut

The Iceman said...

So what Drew is saying is 2nd year Braxton Miller + Urban Meyer's 1st year = blowout. Sounds right.

Brady said...

"Toledo almost and should have beat Ohio last year"

Toledo didn't play Ohio last year, Ice.

If you are trying to refer to Ohio St as "Ohio", we already agreed that the jig was up on this gay little game the Hokester tries to play. He already referred to OSU as "Ohio St." in public so it doesn't really count anymore. It's really cute though.

Anonymous said...

Toussaint suspended for Bama. Well done Hoke.

Now, let's get this rout on.

ROLL DAMN TIDE!

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I'll second that, Drew!

ROLL DAMN TIDE!

-Lil' Strut

Mr. Ace said...

I saw that. I was really hoping Fitz would only sit out the first half...but it's the right thing to do.

The Fuckeyes are going to roll. I expect Urban to score often and try to blow the lid off the 'shoe.

Fuckeyes-41
Oxford-6

Toledo was the best team in Ohio last year.

GMoney said...

Hoke takes care of business because it's the right thing to do. King Buttfucker just does token scholarship takeaways with no intent on actually disciplining his thugs because he never has.

Urban dies tomorrow and everyone laughs.

Brady, Expendables 2 was terrific. Van Damme was an ELITE villain. Chuck Norris was also excellent. It was the best 100 minutes I've experienced in awhile. I was also the only person in the theater. Kept my pants on though.

Iceman and I will not let "Ohio" die because you guys hate it and fuck you guys.

Anonymous said...

G$ FACT CHECK: Urban kicked this year's starting nickleback off the team back in the Spring for a DUI.

Ape...I guess OSU "upset" Toledo then, huh? LOLZ! YOU BLEW THE BEST SHOT YOU WILL EVER HAVE!!!!!!

--Drew

Anonymous said...

"Ide is not a serious fan nor is Dut. They are mouthbreathing pants shitters."

I wouldn't dare goad you into betting, but I will bet anything they cover. As Ape said, Urban will come out guns a blazing and give Columbus something to cheer about. Miller and the first team may very well play into the fourth quarter.

Ide

The Iceman said...

If the jig is up, Brady, why do you even bring this up? Is it because it clearly still bothers you? Yep...it sure does. I'll continue.

Week 1

Ohio 31
Miami (OH) 20

Agree on sitting Fitz against Bama. It's gonna hurt, but it is clearly the right thing to do. Good job, Hoke. At least someone out there still has some integrity.

GMoney said...

Taking points for your team is embarrassing. I won't do that. Now go change your diaper before your next black guy molesting.

23+ point underdogs have won before and they will win again. If not this year then, Hell, we open at Michigan next year.

Anonymous said...

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE G$ TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!

--Drew

Brady said...

Why do I bring it up? Because you continue to write "Ohio" and confuse everybody. I don't want to use sentence context when trying to decipher who you are talking about.

I would've played Fitz. It's fucking Bama.

Mr. Ace said...

Drew, there is a 0% chance you see G$ tomorrow. He just doesn't want to hurt you in front of the commentariat.

Anonymous said...

Ape...then there is a 0% chance that G$ has a full draft on Monday. The threat is real.

--Drew

Iceman said...

Do you guys have any idea why the media is acting like the Broncos passing game is going to be better than last year? The only real difference I see is that Peyton Manning is the QB instead of Tim Tebow.

The Iceman said...

You bring it up because it bothers you. PERIOD. It's not confusing to anyone here because all the commenters should know who I'm talking about when I say Ohio. Unless you are all retards. This isn't something new.

Anonymous said...

Not unless he is meeting you with a Gameday Damman, Hellraiser, and a veritable who's who of Megan's Law followers.

Ide

The Iceman said...

That's real cute. Posing as me. I guess imitation is the biggest form of flattery.

I had no idea Braxton Miller and Peyton Manning were the same caliber QB. Interesting.

Anonymous said...

Ide...they can bring the kids that they are currently sexually assaulting. I don't care.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

The difference between bauserman and miller is similar to the difference of manning/tebow

GMoney said...

Sounds like Drew's all-male orgy/tailgate is right behind the VC anyway. I'll see what I can do. Urban gonna die.

GMoney said...

Sounds like the Paternos are going to the game tomorrow. THIS FAMILY GETS IT!

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