Wednesday, August 29, 2012

CFB Preview Week Day 3: The Bold and the Beautiful

Do I look like a guy that would own a car with four doors?
Is it possible to go one day without anOSU fans and scUM fans going at each other?  No.  No it is not possible.  It is something that we intellectual superiors have learned to deal with.  It's time for our panel to get bold.

Damman: 1. The SEC’s stranglehold on the BCS Championship will end this year. The rest of the college football world is fed up with these hillbillies and a non-SEC team will take it down this year.
2. Georgia will win the SEC and play for the national title. This one is for you Dawg! But seriously though, have you see their schedule? No Bama, LSU or Arkansas. Buffalo, Florida Atlantic and Georgia Southern out of conference. The only real roadblocks are at South Carolina, at Auburn and the SEC Championship Game. I know that they are ranked #6 so this doesn’t appear to be that bold, but they are kind of flying under the radar.
3. Wisconsin will not play in the B1G title game. With Ohio State and Penn State not eligible this year, everyone assumes Wisconsin will waltz into the championship game. Not so fast my friend! Illinois, with some competent coaching and a very underrated QB in Scheelhaase, will shock everyone and sneak into the championship game. At Wisconsin and at Michigan back to back will not be easy, but I see them having a dream season like in 2007. Not gonna lie, this is mostly me hoping to see Wisconsin fall flat.

Drew: 1. Alabama does not lose a game until the NCG.
2. Ohio State wins @Wisconsin by more than 14 points.
3. True Freshman DE Noah Spence will have 8 or more sacks this year.


The Wig Master: 1.The Big Ten will only have five teams bowl eligible.
2. The SEC will not play for the National Championship.
3. Notre Dame loses seven games this season.
3B. Jerry Sandusky is dead before Christmas…could be hanging by bed sheet, or dirty Mike and the Boys shoving a mop up his anus.


Li'l Strut: 1. Florida Wins the SEC. Florida returns 18 starters, with 10 on a defense that ranked in the top 10 nationally last year. Being in the SEC East gives them the easier road to the title game. Once in Atlanta, a little luck could be all the Gators need.
2. No SEC BCS Champ. Although LSU and Alabama are getting top 5 love, each has to replace a lot of experience. Look for both to have unexpected losses. We also know UGA will be UGA and the rest of the teams will eliminate the others. There will be no 12-0 or 11-1 teams in the SEC this year and the title run will end.
3. Michigan State to the BCS Title Game. The defense will be tough as nails with 6 preseason All B1G starters. The offense will rely on bruising RB Le’veon Bell and a great OL, which could be enough to squeak out an undefeated record in the same fashion as OSU in 2002 and go to the title game.

GSaul: 1. Jim Tressel and Terry Bowden are both currently employed by the University of Akron. Their football team will be on probation before the end of the season.
2. DUKE will…continue to suck. However, I do think this is finally the year that Clemson takes the ACC with wins over FSU and Va Tech.
3. Jerry Sandusky is acquitted and gets a job as Lil’ Red, the inflatable-costumed boy mascot of the University of Nebraska–Lincoln. [good pics online]

Dut: 1. Penn State loses their first game to Ohio (that's the Bobcats for you retards that get confused)
2. BGSU wins the MAC
3. Non-SEC team wins the national championship


G$: 1. Purdue wins their Big Ten division.  They have a 25% chance already since Ohio is dirty and Penn State is rapey.  Wisconsin is a big cunt and I like the cut of Danny Hope's gibe so I'll buy into his weird bravado.
2. USC will not play for the BCS Title.  USC loses at least one slam dunk easy game per year regardless of their superior talent.  In order to play for the title, they are going to have to beat Oregon twice.  They are not going to beat Oregon twice.
3. Neither will Landry Jones because he will be benched in favor of Brandon Bell.  I think that his name is Brandon at least.  The Belldozer is an ELITE nickname and Landry Jones is a turd and Oklahoma always underachieves so it seems like a good fit.

OK, so tomorrow we are giving out The Heisman but that is obviously going to be a really short post so I will likely preview/predict the Boise/Sparty and UM/Bama game as well.  Friday will just be for champions and the only game that matters to me. 

63 comments:

Grumpy said...

Drew got stupid overnight.

Will this week ever end?

Who picked Illinois? They'll lose to W. Michigan this week.

Anonymous said...

Shut your trap Grumpy. College Football week is tremendous.

Thought I'd share that I went to trivia last night and brought the fucking house down with my team name. Trivia Dude liked it so much he said he was going to put it on the trivia facebook page. Team name....."Can Honey Boo Boo just get JonBenet'd already?". ELITE.

So, it appears a few commentators made their bold prediction basically be "USC will win the national championship". Cray.

I can't wait to watch the Bucks pummel fat ass Bielema in Madison.

--Drew

MUDawgfan said...

Damman:
"The SEC will not win the BCS Championship"
"Georgia will play for the BCS Championship-This one's for you Dawg!"


Thanks man - rip my heart out with a spork why don't ya?


OH SO BOLD PREDICTIONS:

1. Michigan State will lose to Oregon in the Rose Bowl but hopes will be sky high in 2013 as Andrew Maxwell impresses alot of people with some very good quarterbackery this season.

2. West Virginia will win the Big XII. They have a Heisman candidate at QB and their bat shit crazy coach knows most of the teams in that conference already. They get Oklahoma, Kansas State and TCU and Baylor at home - toughest road test are at Texas and at Okie State (who lost most of their offense).

3. Either Lattimore or Knile Davis will reinjure themselves after a rushed recovery and it will be the end of their career (sadly).

4. My dear alma mater looses in Columbus to open the season, but the game is tight in the 3rd quarter and Buckeye fans leave the game impressed by MU QB Zac Dysert. He will however, make a backbreaking turnover and Miami will miss at least one field goal.

Anonymous said...

Im not sure how predicting that Bama will lose their first game in the national title game is "bold", but ok.

Seal

The Iceman said...

If that team name wasn't so long, I would be staring down the barrel of a new fantasy football team name. Well done, Drew.

Picking only 5 teams to be bowl eligible in the Big 10 wasn't very bold. Two that make bowl games every year are ineligible to go.

I think MSU has so much hype around them this year they're destined to fail. The defense is going to take a pretty big hit after Gholston gets suspended for punching out the bitch that forgot to add the extra cup of hot sauce to his KFC order.

Colon Cowfucker does NOT appreciate the suggestion Matt Barkley won't boner love his way into a National Title.

Wisconsin isn't going to be anything special this year either. Not recruting QBs and relying on grad school transfer loopholes will catch up with them this year. Rusty Wilsons just don't fall out of trees, you know. They're birthed from forcing the strongest male and female slave to mate. I think Ide told me that once.

Anonymous said...

Nice start last night by overratedlander last night against the ROYALS.

sEAL

Anonymous said...

LOLZ @ Seal! OMGZ Verlander had his worst start since 2009?!?!?!? Guess what faggot...going into yesterday Verlander was still the AL Cy Young choice for Sports Illustrated and others. Once King Felix gets let up in a start or two, he'll be back to that spot. Even your REIGNING AL MVP is allowed to have one absolutely dreadful start.

Also, we should LOLZ at the Indians and them being scoreless for 22 straight innings....and I believe 42 of their last 45. Also, got the dead last ranking by ESPN in their MLB Organizational Future rankings last week. You guys have A LOT to look forward to!

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Whatever makes you feel better about Verlander not winning the Cy Young this year and the Tigers being the most underachieving team in the AL.

Seal

Anonymous said...

The Tigers are 10 games over .500 and only 2 games out of first you moron.

The Angels after signing Pujols, Wilson and having the best rookie ever...are only 5 games over .500 and in 3rd place...10 games out of first. Are you that fucking dumb?

Yes, yes you are.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

Not enough Cal football predictions in this post.

Anonymous said...

If the season ended today would you be in the playoffs? No. With your payroll and roster you should easily be winning the division - or at the worst be ahaed of the fucking Orioles and A's for christ sake in the wild card. Most underachieving team in the American League. Youre in a shit division and are losing games down the stretch to the fucking Royals with your Ace on the mound.

Seal

Mr. Ace said...

SUCK SEAL'S DICK WITH YOUR MOUTH, DREW! BASEBALL!!!

GMoney said...

Boston, Anaheim, and Detroit are all tied for being pathetic. It's not that easy just to keep adding payroll, is it? It is easy to trot out any LHP and watch him shutout the Tribe though.

Verlander still sucks. Still can't get anyone out in KC OBVZ.

Grump, this week ends with Urban Meyer's death.

USC WILL NOT WIN IT ALL. Stop slurping up Cowherd Juice.

Anonymous said...

I dont cheerlead much but Seal just owned Detroit.

Icwman, that is 100% accurate.

Ide

Jeff said...

I know it's baseball talk, but "If the season ended today..." Probably the dumbest argument out there. I'm not a Tigers fan, but come on. If the football season ended early would the giants have made the playoffs and won the superbowl? Child please

Anonymous said...

LOLZ @ Seal...he still can't say why Anaheim has not underachieved more than the Tigers.

The Angels have a MUCH higher payroll tahn the Tigers. They were the most popular preseason pick to win the World Series by the media. The Angels had the best odds to win the World Series. The Tigers have pwned the Angels this year. The Tigers have a better record. But, the Angels have lived up to expectations more.

Fucking Retarded Seal Logic right there.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Jeff...don't try to reason with it. Just accept it. He's a bit slow.

--Drew

Jeff said...

Bold predictions:

1)Denard will get hurt on Saturday night.

2)In turn, Arizona will have more wins than Meeshigan

3)All hail RichRod!

GMoney said...

It really makes no sense as to why or how the Angels are so average. They have everything that you need to win.

Anyway, I hope that RichRod does well because his wife is hideous so he deserves it and Michigan fans that hate him because apparently they didn't know who he was can get fucked.

If the Heisman Trophy was given to the player with the most personal foul penalties this year then William Gholston would have it wrapped up on Friday night. That guy WILL serve at least ten years behind bars but probably life.

The Iceman said...

" I know it's baseball talk, but "If the season ended today..." Probably the dumbest argument out there. I'm not a Tigers fan, but come on. If the football season ended early would the giants have made the playoffs and won the superbowl? Child please"

If the season ended today...Jeff just won this argument.

My predictions:
1. Nick Saban's rock hard polo shirt nipples will steal the show Saturday.

2. Denard will throw 3 picks and by the 3rd one I'll start chugging hard liqour straight from the bottle like a vagrant panhandler.

3. Damman will find Braxton Miller after the game and request a creamy facial. Dut will record it and put it on gayfacials.com within the hour.



Anonymous said...

Iceman....will Dut be pleasuring himself while he watches Braxton glaze Damman's face?

--Drew

Prime99 said...

The action of Braxton creaming Damman will be called a "Krispy Kreme" because Damman will leave it on his face, allow it to harden like a glazed donut, before Dut eats it.

Brady said...

Is baseball still going on? The Indians fall from grace this year is astounding. We are currently working on another double digit losing streak. It could be the third one in less than two months (fingers crossed). The only joy I can take in this season is watching the Tigers scuffle their way to a final week meltdown.

I REALLY hate Michigan but am hoping they take out Bama this weekend. I'm so fucking tired of the SEC and their oversigning ways. The Big Ten needs a shot in the arm and unfortunately big brother is playing the Roethlisberger's this weekend. Somebody needs to shut ESPN the fuck up.

GMoney said...

There is a good chance that the weather blows on Saturday. Rain is the great equalizer. It's gonna happen...SHOCK THE WORLD!!!

GMoney said...

Prime, that visual is just awful.

Brady, congrats, you are pathetic. YOU ARE NOT A FAN.

Anonymous said...

You can't "REALLY hate Michigan" and root for them to beat Alabama. Come on son.

I'd watch the Braxton, Damman, Dut Krispy Kreme movie. All of you would as well.

Isaac's moving very slowly G$....you better root for that fucker to get it's ass in gear.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

Drew. Dut will absolutely be pleasuring himself. Nothing charges his batteries like watching another man get sauced in the face.

You guys all saw it. Brady's a Michigan fan. On second thought...you turds can keep him. I don't think I can handle Brady cheering for the Maize and Blue.

If Michigan happens to beat Bama this weekend I am going to be such an insufferable bastard. A drunk one at that. Well, more so than usual.

Brady said...

I know conference chest pounding is something that happens south of the Mason Dixon but isn't there a part of you that wants to see the Big Ten take out the defending champs, Drew? Just think... Michigan could go undefeated until late Novemeber where the Buckeye's can crush their dreams.

This in no way is an endorsement of Michigan. Just think of it like this. Pretty much all of Michigans quality players and coaching staff are from Ohio anyway. Just pretend it's a faux Ohio State. I know I can drink enough on Saturday to root against the SEC.

Anonymous said...

I will hop on board here and say you can root for UM to beat Alabama. First, fuck the SEC. No one denies this logic. Secondly, UM will lose plenty of games, so I would LOVE to see their collective erection get snapped in the worst way possible. Losing to Purdue after a huge Bama win would be most excellent. Especially the Denard slurpers that post here.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Shit, I can't believe I missed that Isaac reference. I was watching the Weather Channel last night in between Chopped episodes cheering avidly against N'Awlins. Fuck those residents. Replacing Jim Cantore (most ELITE weather man ever) with Al Im Black Roker was retarded though.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Brady's post is so dumb on so many levels. First off, Michigan isn't going undefeated until OSU....so throw that already flawed logic out the window now.

"pretend it's a faux Ohio State"...not even going to respond to that."

No, Brady...no part of me wants to watch Michigan beat teh defending national champs. Michigan has some real nice momentum going on their program right now from last year and the recruiting war between them and OSU is about to reach levels that haven't been seen in a long time. There is ZERO part of me that would like to see that momentum built up even more in a primetime national TV victory over Alabama. That would suck. IT DOES NOT HELP OHIO STATE AT ALL IF MICHIGAN BEATS ALABAMA.

--Drew

Brady said...

I don't know. My hate for the SEC is at an all time high right now. I agree that Michigan won't go undefeated after a potential win in Dallas on Saturday. That was a dumb comment. But taking a pride-bullet to watch all of those southern retards eat some crow would be awesome.

We have URBAN now. I'm not worried about the recruiting wars. He turned a class that was off the radar into a top five class in two months. AND he kept them all (except one I think) even after the prospect of post season play was off the table this season. Hokemania vs. Urbs isn't even a battle in my opinion.

Anonymous said...

Dut will be the one hunting down Braxton postgame. His years of experience of stalking TP will make him more effective than me.

Brady, you are on your own here, pal. The thought of Iceman after a Michigan win should be enough to scare you straight.

The Indians are hilariously awful. Too bad there are not enough games left to catch the Astros for worst record in baseball.

Ide cheering against New Orleans is ELITE.

-Damman

GMoney said...

Thank you, Drew. The Big Ten has a decade plus of being the SEC's bitch under their size 44 belts. One win (which isn't going to happen so stop thinking that it will) WILL CHANGE NOTHING. Conference pride is for faggots who can't do their own dirty work.

Do you really want The Hokester walking into YOUR state and reminding recruits that he bent Nick Saban the fuck over? No you do not. Quit being idiots and remember that you DON'T HAVE TO ROOT FOR ANYONE. Hell, just root for the ambulance to make numerous appearances.

Ohio/Miami is much much less of a rivalry then Ohio/UM and I'm damn sure not rooting for them to beat Penn State on Saturday. WE ARE!

I don't want any rain because I don't like sitting through that but if it comes, it will likely effect your 200 yard+ per game passer (LOL!) more than it will our Clay Maffews lookalike.

GMoney said...

SEC arrogance is at an all-time high? Well, they have earned the right to talk shit, haven't they???

And you don't know any Alabama fans so shut up.

Ide, you should be praying for NOLA because it is an ELITE place and no one wants Treme 2.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I just don't get it. Brady hasn't listed a single positive effect that would come for the Buckeyes if Michigan wins. None.

I hope Bama slaps the big dick and wins by 50.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Also, let's call a spade a spade (Hi IDE!), what team is getting fluffed by ESPN the most this offseason simply because of their head coach even though they have 6 wins over the last two seasons. Brady (cues up Vince McMahon voice), YOU'RE FIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRED!

If anything, YOU are the ones that are overexposed and being shoved down the throats of 'merica.

Anonymous said...

An OTL Story about the guy from Napoleon who died playing football is on the front page of ESPN.com.

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

Why is Urban Meyer banning reporters from using Twitter during his press conferences? What is the point? This guy is SUCH AN ASSHOLE.

Anonymous said...

Stewart Mandel's bold prediction is that Duke will go to a bowl game this year! GSaul has gone main stream.

G$, the twitter ban was lifted about 20 mins after it was instituted.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

Bitchagain vs. al-Qaeda

Go terrorists!

Bitchigan vs. AIDS

Go ass pirates!

Bitchigan vs. Cancer

Cancer on a last second field goal!

Bitchigan vs. Hurricane Isaac

ROOOOLLL TIIDEEE!!!

A real buckeye fan.

--JRUPE

Brady said...

The SEC has earned MOST of their right to shit talk. Howevah, they have received some gifts just for piggybacking off of previous seasons. There is no way in hell we should've been force fed that national title game last year. Another conference should have been given the right to play the SEC. That was a load of shit. Not to mention the numerous preseason top 10's they are gifted every season just because ESPN sucks them off all summer. Preseason polls are a joke across the board but no conference benefits from them as much as the SEC.

Positive effect #1- Big Ten teams with victories over a high OOC opponent can only strengthen the Buck's schedule difficulty. The BCS is a joke but that weighs heavily into it (normally in the Bucks case).

Positive effect #2- OSU/UM can recruit but showing those fast brotha's in the bible belt that northern teams can and do beat teams in the SEC will strengthen future classes. Now, some of those blue chippers would rather ride the pine in Tuscaloosa for two years rather than have a shot to play early in the Midwest.

Positive effect #3- As Ide said, watching Ice fall off of his soap box after the intevitable week 2 letdown will be GLORIOUS.

Anonymous said...

Its a win/win really. They win the B1G looks great. They lose; fuck em.

NOLA needs a hurricane every now and again to clean the streets of puke, AIDS, and semen. And also to remind them that God hates them.

Ide

the Iceman said...

Brady is gonna be wearing a Denard jersey this weekend. Book it.

Brady said...

Maybe I'll wear some Velcro shoes in his honor.

Apparently ANOTHER levy was breached and this is a pussy hurricane. You would think they would've learned their lesson seven years ago. That's what you get with a black mayor. (I learned it by watching you, Ide).

Grumpy said...

Except the mayor isn't black, dumbass.

Anonymous said...

The anti-OSU sentiment will grow stronger in the coming years. Lets not kid ourselves, Tressel kept a respectable (looking) program. He wouldn't dream of having the kind of exposure that Urban has givin ESPN. OSU All-Access on his watch? El oh el.

Guess what else is gone? Respectable scores. Urban is going to run up he fucking score on everyone and anyone. Take the over and take the spread this week. Listening to G$ or Grump is a terrible idea. Meyer is the guy that firmly believes that winning by 65 is the key to NCGs. If you're tired of us now. Get ready to commit some hate crimes.

Also, three shoutouts today on racial comments. Ive done my job here.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

I will never root for the Fuckeyes. Ever. I can't fucking stand fans that try to make a logical argument for rooting for a rival. I don't want any of you fucks rooting for my team Saturday. And I am sure you feel the same about me. And I respect that. Conference pride is for pussies and the inferior.

Brady said...

"Except the mayor isn't black, dumbass."

Goolge Image lied to me. I guess the LAST mayor was black. Whatever. That wasn't really the point. I just wanted to be racist.

Don't get all crazy, Ace. This is more about the SEC than anything. I agree with Ide. They win. It looks good for the Big Ten. They lose. We all laugh and point on Monday. I'm good either way.

Jeff said...

Ace hit the nail on the head.

Way to bring the heat, Grump!

Mr. Ace said...

GROW A FUCKING SPINE YOU STINKY VAGINA!!!

GMoney said...

Hey Ide and Brady, stremph of sched and national titles aren't a possibility this year. Just a reminder for you mental midgets. Grumpy and I haven't told you anything yet anyway. U R TARDS.

CONFERENCE PRIDE IS FAGGERY.

Anonymous said...

Ace, you're dead wrong. Cheering for your conference in big games like that is acceptable and here's why and also why you or G$ don't get it. Until there is a playoff, conference strength is necessary. Look at BSU. Look at that undefeated Auburn team with J-Camp et al. They all went undefeated and got fucked out of the NCG solely based on conference. Nevermind, the fact that BSU would play anyone anywhere and were often succeasful. The WAC and MW held them back. Granted that year in the MW they lost and Auburn would never be left out of the NCG now, but conference reputation has kept both teams out despite going undefeated. FACT.

You guys went to MAC schools. You'd have a terrible chance winning the D2 playoffs. So of course cheering for a rival in a big game is blasphemous. Its not like any team will be playing for anything important anyways. Is a Jan 1 bowl game your zenith? Probably.

So, yeah, Ill root for UM this week. But it will be just as awesome if they lose.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Also true that it doesnt matter at all this year. Or bext if that playoff does happen.

Ide

Jeff said...

An undefeated Ohio State team has never been held out of a NCG. FACT. And never will no matter how terrible the B10 is the nation's eyes, they are way too much of a cash cow (Meesh also) to leave them out of the NCG with an undefeated record. FACT FACT FACT FACT.
ROOOOLLLLLL TIIIIIIDDEEEEE!!!!

Anonymous said...

OSU, USC, Bama are all undefeated and no sanctions are in place. Who goes?

Big 12 had more street cred than the SEC not that long ago. With the Big Tens piss poor showing the past 5 years in BCS games; why wouldn't we be left out?

Ide

Jeff said...

What if games are dumb. Don't waste you time trying to worry about stupid shit like that when it's happened ONCE in the last, um forever (BCS era, no one cares about Utah, Boise, TCU). Worry about that shit when it happens, which it won't. Can't happen this year. Playoffs start in 2014.

If ifs and buts, were whores and sluts, we'd all have a merry fuckin christmas.

Anonymous said...

Team Jeff.

Also, Michigan winning means NOTHING for OSU in terms of your dumb strength of schedule point. It will have ZERO carry-over to next year, so your point remains retarded.

Also, don't give me this "I'll root for them on Saturday, but if they lose I still get to laugh on Monday"....that's fucking horse shit. You rooted for them to win you coward.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Ide: The Big Ten is equals with the Mountain West and WAC and let me explain why! Also, GO BLUE!

You probably don't see how retarded your comments read to us intelligent people.

There is a 50% chance that you won't even be awake for this game and if you are, you won't be able to compute what you're watching anyway. YOU DON'T HAVE TO ROOT FOR ANYONE.

GMoney said...

And one of these fucking days you idiots will realize that you shouldn't care what Mark May and Craig James and the South and every other greater than or equal to moron thinks about your football team/conference.

One of these days you will understand that and this whole argument that you have no chance of winning EVER will be avoided entirely. That will be a great day.

Anonymous said...

True. This argument is void after 2013.

Brady said...

Fuckin' A this thing took off. Fine. I will watch the game as an impartial observer while sitting on my hands while not rooting for anyone. Christ. I don't get the big deal. The SEC is the pinnacle of evil. I can deal with one week of Huntin' Joe from the UP bragging on the internet. OSU has no shot of going anywhere this year. The Michigan game will be our bowl game. I don't see why rooting for that game to be the biggest contest possible is such blasphemy.

GMoney said...

It is. You are embarrassing yourself and your team if you actually yell GO SHOELACE. Just pass out before the game and avoid having to deal with it altogether.