|Dut never stops amazing me.|
The day started off bright and early with a lovely morning 10 holes of perfection at Minerva Lake Golf Club. Behind Damman's unreal front 9 40 and my tendency to hit clutch putting bombs, we defeated the evil duo of Dut and Jeff. They had a chance to win on the final hole but after I sunk an extremely lucky 40 foot putt (my second of the day), Jeff deep-throated the shit out of his putter and missed a 3 footer by a million feet. We each won a dollar from those two losers but it wasn't about the money. It was about reminding those two that they suck and are women. Plus, drinking beer at 8:30 in the morning is ELITE. I can't wait to do it over the next two weekends.
OK, so the draft itself went fairly smooth. For as awful as ESPN is at everything, their online auction is done about as well as you could imagine. I honestly have zero complaints about it. It's just unfortunate that it had to be that way. I'm not trying to be a dick here or anything (but I am going to be a dick) but this league needs to go back to the live in-person draft that takes forever but is ridiculously enjoyable. Yeah, Ide and Daniel chatting about race relations was great, but imagine how much better it would have been were they in the same room. As the Rules Committee, I want to bring this motion to vote--live or nothing. OBVZ it's going to be nearly impossible to get everyone in the same room since we have two owners in NYC, one in Texas, and one in Arizona. I get that. But I have one advantage for still living in Ohio...I can make all of my drafts. That's it. We shouldn't be catering the league toward the people that can't make it. If we can't get a Skype thing, replacement drafters, or something going then it might be worth exploring finding new owners. Or go down to 12 teams like a normal league. Don't give everyone an easy out. Lange, all of the Saul boys, Boz, and Larry/Drew; they all could have been there probably. So let's make a solid effort to get everyone in the same room next year. While this is the World's Worst League, I still think that we are better than what we showed yesterday. You're never going to make everyone happy. Don't worry about the outliers, concern yourself with the majority, homo.
It didn't help that our Commish was seemingly trying to get us to leave 5 minutes after the draft started! I'm just kidding (not really, quit fucking with the draft shot clock) but I must commend Dut for installing a Glory Hole in his bathroom. I should have taken a picture of it. Sure, it may just be where the mirror is supposed to go once he is done remodeling, but for the time being, I like to think that that is how Dut gets his fill of extremely girth-y black dong. As I mentioned in the chat, 2011 was the year of the Fleshlight (which made an appearance on Draft Day because why wouldn't it), but 2012 is the year of the Glory Hole.
Anyway, 10 of the 14 members of the league are known readers and contributors here. Let's break down their teams and let the world know who is the favorite. Now, I'm not going to waste your time listing every player on all 10 teams, but I'll go Survivor Series mode instead. I am going to anonymously list the 5 best players (according to me) on each team and you can judge who did the best and worst. FYI, I really like Damman's team (because a lot of them were on my team last year) but he hasn't had a ton of success in auctions past so take that with a grain of salt. Here we go:
Team 1 - Arian Foster, DeMarco Murray, Jimmy Graham, CAR Steve Smith, and RG3/Luck (both $5)...good luck to this guy figuring out which QB to start every week
Team 2 - Drew Brees, Doug Martin, Stevie Johnson, Roy Helu, and Gronkowski
Team 3 - Fred Jackson, Sproles, Roddy White, Victor Cruz, and Greg Jennings (WOW)
Team 4 - Matt Schaub, Ray Rice, Adrian Peterson, Aaron Hernandez, and Julio Jones
Team 5 - Philip Rivers, LeSean McCoy, Trent Richardson, Colston, and Miles Austin
Team 6 - Vick, Lynch, McGahee, AJ Green, and Maclin
Team 7 - Cam Newton, Green-Ellis, Harvin, Brandon Lloyd, and Antonio Gates (OUCH)
Team 8 - Aaron Rodgers, Welker, Dwayne Bowe, and uh, there is no 4th and 5th best player. This team actually drafted Tim Tebow. Frank Gore SUCKS.
Team 9 - Matt Ryan, McFadden, Jordy Nelson, Mike Wallace, and Pierre Garcon
Team 10 - EliTE Manning, Ahmad Bradshaw, Jamaal Charles, Larry Fitzgerald, and Hakeem Nicks
I really like Team 3 and Team 10. I hate Team 7 and Team 7 and Team 7 once more. Team 6 could be pretty bad as well. In case you couldn't figure it out, I am Team 2. Gronk cost me 2 bucks last year but 40 this year. Oh well, as long as Brees and Gronk are 75-80% of what they were last year, I'm going to make the playoffs easily. I like my depth, too (which you can't see). What I lack in LEMPH, I make up for in STREMPH.
So with that, another DFL Draft is in the books and fantasy football season has officially begun. Glory Hole!