Friday, July 27, 2012

Poaching Season

                           "This is approximately how wide my vagina is."




Greetings from Knoxville, Tennessee.  At least that's where I was physically when I wrote this.  Mentally I was in a special kind of hell with the reality of seven more hours left in a van with my family setting in like a sledge hammy to the tender sack.  Seven more hours of eating my brother's nuclear fucking beer farts.  Seven more hours of my mom trying to hop into fantasy football discussions in order to give her ELITE observation of Aaron Rodgers being "good".  Not sure if you all knew that but there's some classified info for you.  Seven more hours of dying slowly.  But more importantly, Knoxville is where I realized it'll be 3am when I get home and there was no fucking way I was writing anything useful at that time on the heals of a 16 hour van ride.

First... Family vacations suck hairy hillbilly tit.  Don't get me wrong, the P's picking up the tab on almost everything is marvelous but the sanity that you must sacrifice in order for this to happen almost makes it not worth the hassle.  From my mom casually bringing up how attractive all of my ex GFs were in front of my current GF to the 50 piss stops on the ride home since everyone is on a different bladder schedule...let's just say it's good to be home.  Now, onto the post.

I logged onto ESPN this evening and read that Bret Bielema doesn't plan on recruiting current Penn St players that are eligible for transfer. What. A. Pussy.  I was really bothered by this when I read it and I'm trying to figure out why.  So I'll just keep typing and hope I can figure it out along the way.

Recruiting is dirty.  Always has been and will continue to be until the end of time.  It's a smear campaign against all other schools in order to convince a player to pick you over anyone else.  They say shit like..."Urban Meyer fucks himself with whole dill pickles while he masturbates.  You don't want to play for a guy like that, do you?".  "Kirk Ferentz still watches his mother change into her bathing suit through a glory hole he made when he was 9.  Is that someone you can trust your next four years of football to?".  "Mark Dantonio sobbed uncontrollably into his wife's old saggy tits during the majority of Marley and Me. What a bitch, right?".  At least that's what I envision goes on.  No one holds back when it comes to recruiting and there is no honor among thieves.  Eat or be eaten, right?  Pick whatever cliche you like but the fact is if you want to win you do anything you can, within the rules, to get the people that help you do that.  If you don't, you're looking for a new job.

So what am I trying to say here?  I guess the reason I'm so pissed about Bielema (among others) taking the "high road" is because Penn State didn't do that when they recruited these kids. In fact, they flat out lied to everyone in order to wrongly gain their trust and commitment.  They didn't honor some "code" Bielema was gushing about when ESPN inteviewed him.  The reality is they hid a child sex scandal for years to give the illusion they were a place you could safely and respectfully get a good education while playing football.  In my opinion, Penn State doesn't deserve the luxury Bielema is allowing them.  So why in the fuck would you, as a coach, give PSU the respect they never gave you in the beginning when the recruiting was going on?  Why would you cite a "Big Ten coaching brotherhood" when one really doesn't exist?  Or at least one Penn State never adhered to. Personally, I would go after every kid at PSU that I wanted to play for me.  Because these are most likely players I wanted but chose Penn State over me because of lies.  Not only lies...but known lies that were being wrongfully covered up.  You fuck with me, I'll fuck with you right back.  And if that means I hit you at your lowest point then so be it.  Like I stated before, recruiting is dirty...and It didn't seem to bother you when you were straight lying to the players and their families in order to gain their trust.  So it doesn't bother me to serve a hot plate of fucking justice by taking back what should have never been yours to begin with.  So my call is poach and poach often in this situation.  You reap what you sow, motherfuckers.

Well, that's all I've got, queers.  It ain't much...but it's something.  Vacation tapped me the fuck out and writing on an IPad can blow me.  So...does that make sense to anyone but me?  What would you do?  Feeding frenzy or wash pussies with Bielema?

40 comments:

Silas Redd said...

The sunsets in LA are spectacular.

GMoney said...

Good morning, Silas, you should keep going west though and spend the weekend with Prime.

I actually like what Bielema is implying through the bullshit. What I take from his holier than thou poop is that "no one on Penn State can play for me so I'm not going to bother". Urban is basically saying the same thing.

Tim Beckman, on the otherhand, is publicly making it known that every kid on Penn State is better than what Zook left him so he's going to camp out in Paterno-ville and take everything that will fit in his rape van.

There are many horrible conversations that I would never want to take part in but your mother discussing fantasy football is right near the top.

Another turd-filled performance by The Monster Truck Rally last night (that would be Verlander). Velocity was way down so hopefully that means that he's about to blow his arm out.

Grumpy said...

Urban's approach is that it's probably borderline unethical, but if everybody else is going to do it he has no problem compromising his ethics. Wait, Urban and ethics is an oxymoron.

Anonymous said...

Grumpy...what the fuck are you talking about? Urban said he's not recruiting any of them and doesn't like it. He also said that none of his players left when a bowl ban got levied, so he doesn't feel it's right to go after others in the sasme situation. Go back into the corner and hang your uninformed head in shame.

It's amazing how jelly G$ is of the inevitable back to back AL Cy Young Winner. Laughable really.

I'd rather sit in a room watching Seal and MUDawg butt-fuck each other while screaming "SEC! SEC!" than sit in a van for 16 hours with the Iceman Family.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

It's a good thing Verlander doesn't have to face the booming bats of the Tribe every start. He'd end up in Toledo.

I was actually thinking kind of the same thing. Penn St hasn't been that good lately, who exactly on their roster is worth the trouble of going after. Matt Mcgloin says he's staying...damn it! I'm sure teams were lining up for his services.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

Sorry Drew - Weaver is taking the Cy Young this year. I dont care about innings pitched and K's, Weaver only has one loss compared to Verlanders 5 and a 2.1 ERA compared to a 2.6.

Verlander just gave up another home run.

Seal

MuDawgfan said...

Random insensitive thoughts for the day:

1. My fiance and I have very different tastes when it comes to TV. About the only thing we both enjoy is "Breaking Bad" and "The Killing" - but tonight might be a good night to earn some husband/fiance/boyfriend points. The opening ceremonies of the Olympics are usually fairly entertaining and women eat that shit up.

2. I don't really know how I feel about the attitudes of some of the PSU players who have decided to stay. On one hand, I respect the fact that they want to finish what they started. On the other hand, they are going to be hating life in two years when Northwestern beats them by 30 points.

3. How bout that crazy bastard Les Miles? Offering 8th graders like an absolute boss. Kid looks older than Greg Oden. You just know his mom has absolutely no idea who the father is.

4. Anybody ever been to a game at UC? I'm trying to plan a tailgate party for the MU/UC victory bell clash and have absolutely no idea where to park and where you can drink. I tried to get on their message board to browse some topics but unfortunately, I don't speak dumbshit. Any help?

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure Verlander has 6 losses now. Either way, he is overrated.

-Damman

Grumpy said...

Ohio State coach Urban Meyer said he had a "problem" with recruiting at Penn State, but didn't rule it out.

"I don't know enough about the rules," he said as the Big Ten's football media days began. "If a player reaches out, says, 'I want to leave here, I'm out of here, I'm gone,' and reaches out to someone, the player has a right to choose, especially by the rules, to go where he wants. To actively go get a player on a team, I'm not sure. ... I don't really understand the rule, I'm going to look into it."

He has a "problem" with it but won't rule it out. He's going to "look into it". So he's leaving the door open to take Penn St. players, even though he has a problem with it. Take a stand you pussy. Absolutely not, like Bielema, or all out like Beckman. That's what the fuck I'm talking about Drew, right from Urban's mouth. Let's see if any Penn St. players end up in Columbus.

GMoney said...

He also said that none of his players left when a bowl ban got levied, so he doesn't feel it's right to go after others in the sasme situation.

Kind of a different circumstance, don't you think? It is not the SASME at all. Did you have an aneurysm this morning because you sound like an idiot.

Verlander is not going to win the Cy Young this year. It's going to go to either Weaver or Sale (like I said a few weeks ago). Thank God we won't have to embarrass the game by giving him another unearned MVP.

Dawg, The Killing is the worst show of all time. Les Miles drinks from the toilet so nothing that he does surprises me. It's been a very long time since I've been to UC but I imagine that there are so many bums hanging around Nippert with barrels on fire that you can grill up some meat anywhere.

How about Bobby Knight killing Neil Reed yesterday? The man knows how to settle a score.

The Iceman said...

And my mom wonders why she's not allowed to play fantasy football.

I'm sure there are a few 3 and 4 star recruits on that team that could start for anyone in the Big 10 right now. So don't say Bielema and Meyer's statements are coming from a "no one on this team is good enough to play for me" place. Penn St is a major division 1 program...they aren't Miami, Ohio. I'm positive there's talent to be had no matter how much they've struggled recently.

Indians fans bashing Verlander is all they have left now. So sad...

The Iceman said...

Les Miles absolutely drinks from the toilet.

Anonymous said...

Grumpy...sounds like right there he's just talking about the rule itself.

Right from his mouf he ain't gonna do it.....

MEYER ASKED IF HE’S OK WITH TEAMS SOLICITING PENN STATE PLAYERS

MEYER: “I have a problem with that. (Pause) I have a problem with that.
Jeff Rapp ‏@RappUp
Meyer had a meeting with his staff discussing his desire to not actively seek PSU players who want to transfer. Brady Hoke had same stance.

Ari Wasserman ‏@AriWassermanBSB
Meyer also said he hasn't been approached by or approached any PSU players.


Ari Wasserman ‏@AriWassermanBSB
Meyer doesn't like the idea that current PSU players are approachable.

Pretty cut and fucking dry Grumps.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Yup Iceman...it is sad.

G$...Sale got THUMPED by the Tigers last Saturday. I saw that shit in person just a few feet away from my boy Leyland. That MVP was earned and you sir have to DEAL WITH IT. Weaver will flame out in the last two months like always and then the MVP will come and grab the Cy Young. You fools realize there are two full months of pitching left right?

Damman and Seal. Your moral victories are cute, but it is obvious that you don't recognize ELITE talent because of the shit you watch night in night out.

Also, Miguel Cabrera is officially the best hitter in baseball now that Pujols is in almost August of mediocrity. Anybody want to debate that one too?

--Drew

GMoney said...

Sure, Mike Trout is better. Andrew McCutchen is up there. So is Brandon Inge. Whew, that was easy and there is no way that you can prove me wrong since it is an arbitrary discussion. I win again.

http://www.muredhawks.com/ViewArticle.dbml?DB_OEM_ID=26100&ATCLID=205533712
The headline just kills me. BEST VALUE EVER!!!

GMoney said...

Ice, sure, there has to be a few guys that could make the two deep at OSU and Wisky. But going after them may cause a chemistry issue with your current players so it's probably for the best if the good programs just leave those kids alone. Plus, indirectly telling the world that Penn State's players are all garbage and we don't want anything to do with them is TOTES something that egomaniacs like Urb and B-Double would do. That's swag!

Anonymous said...

John Cooper already said this week that PSU's players are pretty much garbage.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

But wouldn't a small piece of you want to take the only thing they have left (their good players) as a final fuck you to a team that stole recruits with a handful of lies? Fuck...I would.

And who would want to kidnap Cal Ripkin's 74 year old mother? The only person I know with weird elderly sex fetishes is Shook's Son...

GMoney said...

Shook's Son would have no use with an elderly woman. Cal on the other hand...let's just say that there would be no ransom--lots of pain though.

And John Cooper would know since he is an ELITE scout for the Bengals!

Anonymous said...

Drew, moral victories are when you lose. The Indians don't lose to Verlander.

John Cooper knows talent when he sees it.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

Damman...you're still in 3rd place and you're not going to make the playoffs. You know this. So, winning a regular season game against Verlander and then puffing out the chest is indeed a moral victory.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Sounds like the Cleveland Browns have been sold. That's pretty big news. No longer owned by a guy who cares more about his soccer team.

The Iron Sheik has already given his thoughts...

The Iron Sheik ‏@the_ironsheik
who the fuck buy the cleveland browns? they arent worth the tito santana taco #teamsheikie

--Drew

Brady said...

Fuck it. I say go after whoever you want on that team. I'm not going to get on my soapbox and pretend to be outraged over raping and pillaging another teams' roster. Like Ice said, recruiting is war and everyone on that roster is up for grabs. Is there anybody worth having? That's another question but it is definitely open season in Happy Valley.

That Verlander collapse last night was epic. The tribe knocked that Skoal can right our of his back pocket in the 7th. If you haven't heard the Hamilton call from those two home runs, FIND IT. Fucking awesome.

Prime99 said...

I also think it is ok to go after whoever, but I LOVE the notion that Penn State's players aren't good enough to play elsewhere.

Urban Meyer (and every other CFB coach) will sell their souls to the ghost of Bear Bryant if it gets them the right players. He really must not be interested. Kirk Ferentz has a clit boner for the PSU, though.

Iceman, you are in your 30s. No more Nation Lampoon's Vacations unless you get to be Chevy Chase.

Silas is not allowed to crash my Hawaiian vacation. He's probably too busy with Lane Kiffin's invitation to fuck his wife.

Tonya said...

No worries, Drew. I'm still here... I've just been extremely busy in the kitchen!

Tonya said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Iceman said...

I think Tonya needs an avatar so we know if it's really her or not. This last post reaks of Ide.

I'm more of a Rusty than a Clark, Prime.

GMoney said...

Good point, Prime, family vacations in the station wagon should probably be ending three years ago. This has to be your best commenting week of all time.

I don't think that Drew knows what a moral victory is since his definition makes no sense. Maybe the return of my girl, Tonya, has him off today because he is being OVERRATED with his logic and reason.

Yet I have to compliment you on quoting The Iron Sheik. The Browns are Tito Santana's taco...best analogy ever.

Anonymous said...

Although is blows losing to the Indians in a non play off situation, the over-reaction of beating Verlander I think shows just how proud you are to beat such a stud. See you in the play-offs?

Lets use an analogy, for all the Tribe/OSU hybrids out there, this is comparable to how you would react when Michigan beat OSU this year 1 out of the last what, 10? And your reaction is such, OSU is still better because of the obvious years of dominance(And I am a Michigan fan and have to eat this true stat).

We are still better....

- J Saul

Tonya said...

Is this better Iceman?

GMoney said...

Here's a fact: in 4 starts against the Indians and Yankees this year (which are two of the most well represented fanbases here), Mr. MVP has been average at best with zero wins. It would be nice if he could actually shove it up our asses instead of beating up on the Orioles and Royals to pump up his garbage stats (troll alert). But hey, at least he is BRAHS with Frank Viola Jr.

Anonymous said...

Tonya- A/S/L?

Anonymous said...

Here is another fact...he is Mr. MVP.

Happy to see Tonya back......I think.

So, this supposedly new Browns owner is a die-hard Steelers fan. Only the Browns.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

It is, Tonya. Now we'll all know if it's really you offering up anal and blow jobs and not Drew fulfilling his own internet sexual desires by making you the MoneyShot whore.

A/S/L?? Is this Instant Messenger or Yahoo chat? Get the fuck outta here.

GMoney said...

Drew, the rumored new Browns owner is a Cowboys fan...possibly worse.

The Iceman said...

I just read the article. He used to be a Cowboys fan...then a Colts fan...now a Steelers fan. "1,000 percent!!". Yeah. Sounds like a super credible guy if super credible guys sound like 9 year old kids who switch favorite teams every year based on who is good. Randy Learner is a fucking joke. Sounds like this Haslam dude is as well.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, G$ his profile on some company website he states that he's a "1,000 percent Steelers fan!".

Instead of "Terrible Towels" they are going to be swinging orange "Rowdy Rags" in Cleveland these days.

Good points Iceman. Sounds like a flake.
--Drew

GMoney said...

Jimmy Haslam grew up a knife-weilding, hubcap stealing Mexican then he blossomed into a gravy-stained fat ass then he morphed into a white trash pig fucker and now he's looking to settle down and just become a brainwashed idiot. Rich as fuck though.

There. I just wrote his biography.

Anonymous said...

You're last line is the key. Even with everything else, I'd still be fine if that Jimmy Haslam bio was my own.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

Iceman's comment about the guy being a 9 year old when it comes to picking favorite teams is hilarious and perfect. I don't trust people like that.