Tuesday, July 10, 2012

NBA is Brady Repellent

                         "This is gonna look so super hot on Facebook..."



I was going to do a live blog of the Home Run Derby tonight, but about 20 minutes into it I was so bored and angry I wanted to blindly destroy my personal possessions.  What I learned in the first 20 minutes is that Chris Berman is still a complete fucking dildo, interviews with guys who speak broken/no English are always uncomfortable and hilarious, white dudes can't even excel in an event made for white dudes and Ide almost definitely loves the Zac Brown Band.  I can just see him up in NY blowin on a moonshine bottle while slapping his overall'ed knees to this crap.  Seems like some shit that Train's biggest fan would enjoy.

Anyway...Brady continues to piss me off by well...being himself.  So what better way to get back at him then another basketball entry?  It's been a busy off season of free agency so let's award some winners and losers so far.

Winners:

Brooklyn - Not because they inhaled Joe Johnson's nutty turd flavored contract and not because they could still potentially get Smiles McElbows in a billion team sign and trade deal that would put Kris Kardashian in Cleveland.  But because they were able to keep Deron Williams.  I'll say it...when this guy is healthy I think he's the best PG in the league.  He can be a bit of a snatch sometimes as far as health and attitude goes, but now he's got money and players around him.  Expect a huge year for Williams and the Nets.

Atlanta - OBVZ because of successfully moving the unmovable contract.  And for being lucky enough to get Danny Ferry on a good day when all this shit went down.

Boston - Ray Allen has gone to the dark side to play tummy sticks with Lebron but Boston was able to land Jason Terry to replace him.  As much as I fucking despise Terry, dude still has probably 2 solid years left in him and has always been a great shooter.  It's also possible Boston could land Courtney Lee which doesn't blow my tits off but is still a pretty solid move considering how much they need guard help.

Me - See first loser below...

Losers:

Colon Cowturd - Not even 6 fucking months have passed since Cowfucker dedicated almost an entire segment to publicly fellating Ramon Sessions after becoming an LA Laker.  I swear to fucking God he sat there and rattled off a hoard of meaningless stats trying to convince America that LA had their PG of the future.  Now the Lakers sign Steve Nash and all of a sudden Cowturd talks about Sessions like he's Sabastian Telfair.  Or Rafer Alston.  God Dammit!  Zero credibility.  Anyone who actually enjoys listening to this ignorant baboon spew poop all day has a serious mental deficiency and needs to be fucking medicated.  Tell us again how Durant is overrated and how OKC won't make it back to the NBA finals.  FUCK YOURSELF!

Minnesota - The worst president of basketball operations in the league is about to lose the best player on his team if he doesn't stop trying to find out how far he can jam his own finger up his ass before he starts having blood in his stool consistently.  Kevin Love is pissed and has basically said if Minny doesn't make the playoffs this year, he's out.  I can't say I blame him either.  The Wolves have average roughly 20 wins in each of Love's first 4 seasons with the team.  They showed signs of life this year, but injuries ended that dream.  I would say that if picking consistently in the top 5 every year doesn't get you enough impact players to be a contender then it's time to move on.  It's not a Kevin Love problem anymore...it's a David Kahn problem.

LA Lakers - I'm sorry, I just don't buy Steve Nash making LA an instant contender again.  Yes.  Nash killed it last year but realistically how much does he really have left at 39 and 40?  I think it's a lot less than people may want to believe.  What everyone thinks is that getting Nash means LA is a lock for the Western Conference Finals.  What will most likely happen is LA gets bounced first or second round and Mike Brown gets fired giving him plenty of time to make his neck look like a package of hot dogs.

Dallas - As much as I loved watching Mark Cuban spoon feed Skip Bayless large tufts of his pubic hair on national television, I have to wonder what the fuck Cuban is doing in this off season with his team.  They lost everybody and every deal they were looking to make has been destroyed.  It's been really ugly and I can't see Dallas in the playoffs as a direct result of how disastrous this off season has been.

Go ahead and add your own winners and losers.  Or talk about the home run derby.  Maybe chime in about a how it only took a guy 10 swings on his defenseless GF before you thought about stepping in and saving her tender ass from white trash punishment.  If nothing else this post means today Brady will be out of the comment section and that makes us all winners.  It'll give me a rest from his Ohio filth.  Now if I can only find a way to eliminate Seal.  Let's start with a porn post.  It seems like talking about naked women would scare him away.

48 comments:

Anonymous said...

Nothing wrong with moonshine. I used to get a gallon of the peach stuff for $30 during my days at UNC. Some very morally ambiguous things happened on that stuff. I wish I could've tasted some of Mags Bennetts apple pie though. Everclear is for pussies.

I have no idea who the Zac Brown Band is.

Ide

Grumpy said...

Chris Fucking Paul.

I'm for whatever keeps Brady off.

GMoney said...

I'm proud to say that I watched none of the Home Run Derby last night. It seemed like a good idea to give the WWE a shot. That was a poor decision since the announcers wrestled and some midget kicked them all in the shin. It was way more stupid than even that sounds.

HOWEVAH, the Taco Bell Softball Game last night continued to be ELITE even though Simmons was pretty annoying on color commentary. Rollie Fingers is a horrible pitcher. I would name Bill Self the MVP of that game. He overcame the boos to dominate.

The NBA is hilarious. The Cavs are apparently going to turn Luke Walton into Double Double Kardashian, Q-Rich, some other guy, 3 mill, and a first round pick. When you factor in that Humphries will certainly get dealt for another first rounder during the season, Chris Grant is about to turn Walton into 2 first round picks. This league makes no sense.

Count me in as someone who doesn't think that the Nash or Ray Allen signings make either team that much better. They're old as shit!

The Iceman said...

"I have no idea who the Zac Brown Band is." Said the closet Zac Brown Band fan. Moonshine will put hair on your peaches. We used to drink that shit in high school...had some weird nights when drinkin that shit.

I mean you can't go wrong with either, Grump. But I would rather take Williams if given the choice. I thought for sure you were gonna say Bob Cousey.

Grumpy said...

Ray Allen shot a career high 3 pt. pct. this past season. Can be the microwave off the bench. Maybe more consistent than Miller from deep?

Brady said...

Your NBA krytonite will not work today. I will choose to post on things that are actually... interesting.

Driving into work, I heard Mike Hill talking about "popping" at the club and walking out of the club at 5am. Ummm, you are the least gangsta dude I've ever heard speak. Stop trying to so sound hard. I'm pretty sure AP and his gang of thugz would call you an Uncle Tom.

The NBA sucks. Especially in the offseason. GIve it a rest Iceman. My eyes are bleeding from trying to get through that post.

Anonymous said...

I'm back....G$ could you smell my presence when I landed last night?

How is Kevin Love out, when he's got three more guaranteed years left on the four-year extension that he just signed a few months ago? Kevin Love needs to shut his mouth...nobody forced him to sign that extension. If he had so many issues, then he never shoudl have signed his extension. He's stuck in Kahn-Land for three years whether he likes it or not.

I think Nash is gonna be great for the Lakers. He defies his age. I think he's just one of those freaks. They say nobody takes care of their body in the league as well as he does. I think he's on some crazy diet that would make Ape's penis move too.

LOLZ at G$ thinking Karadashian is going to fetch a first rounder. We'll see about that.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

The black Mike and Mike are the fucking worst. Its 3 hours of Def Poetry Jam when those two fags start trying to out ebonics each other. Mike Smiff is a complete loser. Normally I don't give a shit about baseball but I'll chime in on this. Smiff is saying that the Yankees are being too sensitive about this Reggie Jackson shit and they need to man up and get over it. Hey! Asshole! Jackson works for the fucking Yankees! Do you know what would happen if any other person not named Reggie Jackson would have said that about Gay Rod? Intstant termination. It's a pretty well known real world fact that if you're caught trashing any part of the company you work for, you lose your job. Period. Go back to slow jamming to your Arrested Development CD, fuck tard.

GMoney said...

Mike Hill is absolutely awful. I loved his story this morning about when Cal Ripken blew him off for an interview years ago. Made me LOL.

Ray Allen can't walk.

If we're arbitrarily ranking PGs then D-Will loses a lot of points for his chin strap beard. And Derrick Rose is still way better even on one knee. And don't forget about Will Bynum.

GMoney said...

Drew, if Ramon Sessions can fetch a first rounder, then a walking double-double can to.

And about Love, yeah, fuck him. He just NOW realized that the team he has played for for the last four years was horrible??? He's going nowhere.

I am under the impression that Mike & Mike purposely bring in idiots to replace them so we miss them. I want way less Mike Smiff and way more Urban Mark Schlereth.

The Iceman said...

Drew, if we've learned anything in today's sports stage is that it doesn't matter what your contract says. If you really want out you'll find a way to get out.

That chin strap comment got me. Very LOL. Only because the chin strap beard is as bad as my post beer farts and a dead white trash giveaway.

Rose doesn't have a jumper and isn't TRANSCENDANT according to Cowfucker.

Prime99 said...

I enjoyed the Arrested Development reference. That definitely seems like a band an Oreo black guy would listen to.

Ray Allen and Steve Nash will be slight upgrades for their respective teams. Not game changers.

I also didn't watch the HR derby. I dislike Chris Berman like Brady dislikes the NBA.

Mr. Ace said...

Nash is a huge upgrade, Allen not so much.

This is a convo I had with Dut yesterday:
DUT: Had a dream you died last night...Be careful with yourself. I've been having a lot of deja vu.
ME: I fucking hate you. What was I wearing? I need all the information.
DUT: I wasn't there for the death. Car accident.
ME: Well I had a dream that you got AIDS so we are even.
DUT: I CAN'T CONTROL MY DREAMS!
ME: Now I am all paranoid because of ur fucking dream. What if I cheat death and its like final destination.
DUT: Can I have your wife if that happens.
ME: Only if I can come back and haunt the fuck out of you.

WTF.

Brady said...

I'll admit that I didn't even watch the HR derby. The All Star festivities are reserved for years where the Indians are already out of it... unlike THIS YEAR! I most likely won't check out the AS game either. There are fish to be caught and guns to be shot tonight. Shit, that rhymes doesn't it?

I do dislike the NBA but talking about it this late is fucking overkill. It's going to start back up in what? Like 3 months. Give it a break. We are 1 month away from NFL preseason. LEss than 2 months from the college football kickoff. I know MLB is out of the questions but I'd even take an olympics post rather than talk about 4 team NBA swaps and poindextering around with the trade calculator online.

Brady said...

The two black Mike's just had the most akward sign off in radio history. God they are AWFUL.

GMoney said...

Brady, the next post is only a day away. Relax. Granted, I have no idea what the topic might be, but there will be something.

Ace, I miss you and Dut. I've been working on my heater this Summer, when are we doing another Fastball Challenge??? Please don't die.

"I've been having a lot of deja vu"--What does this even mean???

By the way, I heard that Cano got booed last night because the fans wanted him to take Billy Butler for the Derby. BILLY BUTLER IS FUCKING AWFUL! A grown man should not be named Billy unless he is the broseph of the President and brews his own beer.

Anonymous said...

The only good part of the derby last night was seeing Cano get booed his entire round. It was also ELITE seeing him put up a 0.

Seal

Brady said...

ELITE Billy Beer reference.

Billy Ripken said...

What about me? Am I allowed to be named Billy?

Billy Corgan said...

What about me? I'm dark and brooding. That's like the anti-Billy, Billy.

Prime99 said...

Sorry Corgan- despite all your rage, you're still just a rat in a cage.

Billy Blanks said...

Hey. Remember me? I was in the Last Boyscout. That was pretty awesome, right?

Anonymous said...

Hopefully, that faggot Howard is dealt within the next week so that Iceman can use next Tuesday as sort of a power rankings day to show wehre the Nets moved themselves with their moves. Then the NBA haters can whine again.

Where is that whore Tonya?

--Drew

GMoney said...

Be nice, Drew, this is why we can't have nice vaginas around here.

Brady, what would you say if I told you that an all hardball post is in the works for tomorrow???

OK, Billy's, we get it and you're still a 4 year old boy's name.

Brady said...

"Brady, what would you say if I told you that an all hardball post is in the works for tomorrow???"

I would tell you I have a raging semi going on right now. It will be full on trouser tent if you include the Indians.

Billy Lee said...

I know Kung-Fu.

The Iceman said...

I don't know, Drew. Maybe someone scared her off by diving head first into a request for nude photos.

Anonymous said...

Iceman....I may not have dove head first if she had posted nudes before my request, if ya get my drift.

--Drew

Billy Mays said...

Try some Oxi-Clean. You'll DIE when you see how clean it gets your shit.

The Iceman said...

So this is her fault then. Roger that.

Mr. Ace said...

G$, when is the next time your boy Ted Dibiase is coming to town? That is the next fastball challenge.

The Iceman said...

I see what you did there, Billy Mays. Clever.

GMoney said...

This is a new low for the comment section. As I whined two weeks ago, be smart or be funny. The Billy's are neither.

Unless Billy Means shows up to make Drew and I LOL.

Billy the Kid said...

Guess I'll be hittin' the ol' dusty trail.

Anonymous said...

There was a The Last Boyscout reference, so that was ELITE. This site could use more lines from that gem of a movie.

"Spilled my warm cup of piss."

Ide

Anonymous said...

I need to defend my fastball challenge championship.

Anyone see Arian Foster is going the way of Ace and becoming a Vegan? What a homo.

-Damman

Brady said...

There was a whole article that I read yesterday about Foster going Vegan and if his body could take the punishment without the protein in his diet. I made it through about half before I gave up. He's someone else's keeper anyway.

Prime99 said...

Ace is about to start the bidding on Foster at 70 bucks. Maybe he can field an all vegan team.

Mr. Ace said...

Arain Foster is going to carry me to DFL and MSFL championships on Vegan Power. Can't wait.

Anonymous said...

God, you're gay.

Ide

The Iceman said...

As an NFL running back, going vegan is just asking to get your shit kicked in. Dumb, dumb, move.

I agree with Ide, Billy Blanks was pretty ELITE.

Mr. Ace said...

"God, you're gay."

Not sure what God's sexuality has to do with Arian Foster being ELITE...and did you read Leviticus?

Billy Means said...

Long-time lurker...first time poster. I had to show up on Billy Day. G$...Thom Stevenson just gave me a Golden Name Tag for my 10 yr anniversary at the 2110. Drew...I eat three pieces of butterscotch apple pie in honor of you after every work shift (which is 365 days each year as this is the GOAT job and I would never leave). In other news, I weigh 380lbs now. I'm still the pimp of this place though. Nobody can escape the Billy Means charm.

Billy Cundiff said...

I kick field goals... that's all I got.

GMoney said...

Billy Means...son of Natrone...remember when you used to act like my boss and tell me to do things and I wouldn't? Good times.

Billy Means said...

G$. That was textbook insubordination on your part. I was your boss...and I'm still your boss at your current job. There is a reason that I was an assistant manager at the great 2110 and you were nothing but a lowly waiter. I put the word work into an 80 hour work week....while you may have gotten paid for 30 hours, yet deserved compensation for 3. There are movers and shakers in the world...I moved and shake THE OSU restaurant scene...you moved and shook nothing. My pimp hand is still strong son. Just ask Sarah Evans.

Anonymous said...

If this is a DV joke, then G$ wouldn't ask. He would stand at a safe distance with a look of disapproval, wrestling with his inner demons if he should do the honorable thing and help out. But in the end, he will be the asshole that he is and watch it all, while maintaining a pretty mean erection.

Ide

GMoney said...

My inner demons prefer cardiovascular exercise. We are at peace with each other for the moment.