Tuesday, July 10, 2012
I was going to do a live blog of the Home Run Derby tonight, but about 20 minutes into it I was so bored and angry I wanted to blindly destroy my personal possessions. What I learned in the first 20 minutes is that Chris Berman is still a complete fucking dildo, interviews with guys who speak broken/no English are always uncomfortable and hilarious, white dudes can't even excel in an event made for white dudes and Ide almost definitely loves the Zac Brown Band. I can just see him up in NY blowin on a moonshine bottle while slapping his overall'ed knees to this crap. Seems like some shit that Train's biggest fan would enjoy.
Anyway...Brady continues to piss me off by well...being himself. So what better way to get back at him then another basketball entry? It's been a busy off season of free agency so let's award some winners and losers so far.
Brooklyn - Not because they inhaled Joe Johnson's nutty turd flavored contract and not because they could still potentially get Smiles McElbows in a billion team sign and trade deal that would put Kris Kardashian in Cleveland. But because they were able to keep Deron Williams. I'll say it...when this guy is healthy I think he's the best PG in the league. He can be a bit of a snatch sometimes as far as health and attitude goes, but now he's got money and players around him. Expect a huge year for Williams and the Nets.
Atlanta - OBVZ because of successfully moving the unmovable contract. And for being lucky enough to get Danny Ferry on a good day when all this shit went down.
Boston - Ray Allen has gone to the dark side to play tummy sticks with Lebron but Boston was able to land Jason Terry to replace him. As much as I fucking despise Terry, dude still has probably 2 solid years left in him and has always been a great shooter. It's also possible Boston could land Courtney Lee which doesn't blow my tits off but is still a pretty solid move considering how much they need guard help.
Me - See first loser below...
Colon Cowturd - Not even 6 fucking months have passed since Cowfucker dedicated almost an entire segment to publicly fellating Ramon Sessions after becoming an LA Laker. I swear to fucking God he sat there and rattled off a hoard of meaningless stats trying to convince America that LA had their PG of the future. Now the Lakers sign Steve Nash and all of a sudden Cowturd talks about Sessions like he's Sabastian Telfair. Or Rafer Alston. God Dammit! Zero credibility. Anyone who actually enjoys listening to this ignorant baboon spew poop all day has a serious mental deficiency and needs to be fucking medicated. Tell us again how Durant is overrated and how OKC won't make it back to the NBA finals. FUCK YOURSELF!
Minnesota - The worst president of basketball operations in the league is about to lose the best player on his team if he doesn't stop trying to find out how far he can jam his own finger up his ass before he starts having blood in his stool consistently. Kevin Love is pissed and has basically said if Minny doesn't make the playoffs this year, he's out. I can't say I blame him either. The Wolves have average roughly 20 wins in each of Love's first 4 seasons with the team. They showed signs of life this year, but injuries ended that dream. I would say that if picking consistently in the top 5 every year doesn't get you enough impact players to be a contender then it's time to move on. It's not a Kevin Love problem anymore...it's a David Kahn problem.
LA Lakers - I'm sorry, I just don't buy Steve Nash making LA an instant contender again. Yes. Nash killed it last year but realistically how much does he really have left at 39 and 40? I think it's a lot less than people may want to believe. What everyone thinks is that getting Nash means LA is a lock for the Western Conference Finals. What will most likely happen is LA gets bounced first or second round and Mike Brown gets fired giving him plenty of time to make his neck look like a package of hot dogs.
Dallas - As much as I loved watching Mark Cuban spoon feed Skip Bayless large tufts of his pubic hair on national television, I have to wonder what the fuck Cuban is doing in this off season with his team. They lost everybody and every deal they were looking to make has been destroyed. It's been really ugly and I can't see Dallas in the playoffs as a direct result of how disastrous this off season has been.
Go ahead and add your own winners and losers. Or talk about the home run derby. Maybe chime in about a how it only took a guy 10 swings on his defenseless GF before you thought about stepping in and saving her tender ass from white trash punishment. If nothing else this post means today Brady will be out of the comment section and that makes us all winners. It'll give me a rest from his Ohio filth. Now if I can only find a way to eliminate Seal. Let's start with a porn post. It seems like talking about naked women would scare him away.