|I make bombs in the woods and masturbate constantly.|
But it’s been awhile since I’ve been able to share my expertise on all things NFL so I figured that I would give it a shot, too. Jaws took care of the laser rocket arms. I’m going to rank the top ten running backs and wide receivers today. Now this is not an exact science and there is no real grading system for this; I’m not looking at fantasy production or who I would want to start a team with or anything like that. It just comes down to who I think is better or worse than other players at that position. It is pretty simple and straightforward. Obviously, feel free to disagree with me if you must. Running backs go first because receivers are a bunch of prima donna cocksuckers.
10. Jamaal Charles – I hope his knee is 100% so he can go back to being the most electrifying player in the league
9. Darren McFadden – Quit being a pussy, it is not the Raider way.
8. Marshawn Lynch – I don’t think that last year was a fluke and Skittles are fucking delicious
7. Chris Johnson – I hope that last year was an aberration and not a sign of things to come
6. Adrian Peterson – A torn ACL is still a torn ACL; let’s see how he comes back before putting him back near the top
5. Matt Forte – The most disrespected player in the league?
4. Maurice Jones-Drew – Probably my favorite non-Skin in the NFL; he does everything for a horrible team.
3. LeSean McCoy
2. Ray Rice – Ray Ray and Shady are interchangeable but, you know, fuck Mr. Ace
1. Arian Foster – His greatness trolls Iceman. His veganism trolls Ide. I love this guy.
Intermission Fun Fact! Did you know that the Redskins have had an RGIII all along? Apparently, there are three generations of Rex Grossmans out there crushing pussy from coast to coast! Rex Grossman III!!!! Two RGIII’s = Super Bowl. Time for the receivers…
Also considered – Mike Wallace, Vincent Jackson, Victor Cruz-Saul, Hakeem Nicks, DeSean Jackson, LEONARD HANKERSON
10. AJ Green – About two years away from being a top 3 receiver
9. Reggie Wayne – He’s getting older but I still consider him to be ELITE.
8. Greg Jennings – Too many drops
7. Dwayne Bowe – Most underrated pass catcher in the league?
6. Wes Welker – Definitely a product of the Pats system but the high production is tough to ignore
5. Brandon Marshall – He may be criminally insane but the dude is sick nasty
4. Andre Johnson – Try making it through a full season, pussy
3. Roddy White – Owned by Dut last year; have to hold that against him
2. Calvin Johnson
1. Larry Fitzgerald – 1 and 2 could go either way but I give the nod to Fitz because he has the best hands of all time
Thoughts? Just remember that fantasy production was not taken into account here before you flame me. That being said, I have not forgotten about Fantasy Football Fridays which will be starting up soon. Speaking of Fantasy, I started up the G$FL site the other night and invites have been sent. This is year TEN of that league by the way and that is pretty amazing. Damman and I were talking about possible draft dates and have agreed that Sunday September 2nd is probably the best option. It’s Labor Day weekend and the day after Miami’s win over Ohio State so people should be around (weddings should not be a problem). Let me know if this works for you G$FLers out there.
And Happy Big Brother Day!